Messages

Hope it goes well Butterfly!

That's great that you're seeing progress BadMemories     The yo-yo and Paint sound like fun! 

I was interested to read that your arthritis flares up when you have EFs - I've been noticing mine gets worse some days although I always thought it was more weather related so will track that see if mood/emotions contribute.

Tks Cat, that sentence does make more sense now, and I've added in the other - good point.  We are going to a shorter format as we've discussed but I will be saving these longer versions and once the basic Glossary is in place perhaps the sections can grow into this longer format.

    Really eh?!   


I added in your para Cat.  Even though we'll go for a shorter format to get the Glossary in place, I will be storing the longer versions for use at some point in the future possible.  Tks for the feedback 

I have recurring university dreams too Blue, and other versions of it (wandering around an apartment building or hotel and can't remember where my room is; not having enough bus money or knowing the right bus to take; trying to get somwhere by car and going in circles).  The underlying feeling seems to be one of anxiety about not being prepared for something I should have been prepared for. 

Mine seem to be all the time pretty much so not related to external stress from what I can see BH. Hopefully for all of us the bad dreams will make way for some peaceful nights and better dreams as we recover.    

So, that's really all I want to say to you: Make these holidays about you. Whether you go to the Bahamas or hang around in your pyjamas all day doesn't matter as long as you can enjoy the spirit of the holiday and find peace in your heart. Maybe not as ideal as the romantic Christmas songs suggest - but also a whole lot better than the endless hassle and demands and put downs that holidays with many FOOs actually look and feel like.

Really well said Keep Fighting   

Re the advocacy/raising awareness piece, I deleted the forum "Raising Awareness" in favour of going with a Forum Hub (tks Rain ) . Th Board is a "work-in-progress" in some respects so tks everyone for your patience.

I added a "Raising Awareness" thread in "Community Matters" as I'm not sure as to the best way to go about gathering input (and for whom and what it is we want to get across), and thought we could discuss it there and see what unfolds. 

I like the idea of trying to figure out what it is we want to say to various groups and Rain's notion of a forum hub - info for government, journalists, family and friends, newcomers, would be great. We just have to figure out what we want to get out there and to whom.  So if you have some thoughts on this, please visit the thread and post away       http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=388.0

I just wanted to touch base with new members and see how you're doing and if there's anything you need/want that would help you settle into OOTS, or if you have any questions? 

That's great Survivor - you are moving on out of the storm!

Getting rid of the holidaze - we really have to include this under self-care      

[Definition:]

One of the six main symptoms of Complex PTSD is a change in our ability to regulate our emotions (and even to identify them in some cases).   

Definition: Self-regulation is the ability to modify our emotions and impulses.

Description: Self-regulation skills let us become aware of our emotions and our responses to people and situations, and they let us change those as needed. They enable us to control our impulses long enough so we can consider the possible consequences of our actions or come up with alternative actions that would be more appropriate. We become able to do something (that we don't really want to do) and also to stop doing something (that we'd really like to do). Self-regulation can also apply to cognitive functions, such as remembering to pay attention.

We're able to exert this control no matter who is or isn't watching. Self-regulated children are self-disciplined even if the teacher is looking the other way. For this reason, self-regulation is not at all the same thing as obedience or docility. It is something we do for ourselves. We're in charge, not people around us who try to exert control.

What it feels like:

Being able to self-regulate enhances our well-being and makes us better able to deal with problems. We become able to control our fits or rage or despair, to take action that's honest and in line with our values, and to work well with all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. Our goals, our responses, and our modes of expression begin to match up.

What not to do:

- Don't beat yourself up if you're less able to self-regulate. If you have CPTSD, a lessened ability to self-regulate is a part of your injury. It's not automatically a fault of character or a weakness.
- Don't lose patience with yourself. Learning how to self-regulate takes time.
- Don't drive yourself too hard. When you're learning to become more aware of your emotions, listen to your instincts when they tell you that you'd best ease off for a while

What to do:

- Gradually and gently become more aware of your emotions and inner states, for example by journaling or practicing mindfulness.
- Learn to remain present to your emotions without judging them harshly. (LINK TO TOXIC SHAMING? OR TO SELF-COMPASSION? OR BOTH?)
- Learn how to choose which situations and/or people you engage with, and how to modify situations and people that trigger a strong negative emotional reaction. Ways of modifying situations are taking a time-out, using conversation-stoppers on difficult topics, or practicing Medium Chill (LINK).
- When evaluating an emotional event, learn to take a step back and see things as if you were an independent third-person observer. This might also prove helpful to some people during difficult events.
- Try out some of the methods that commonly help reduce stress and improve self-regulation. Exercize reduces both emotional distress and the physiological effects of negative emotions, and it improves emotional control. Other things you might give a try are mindful deep breathing, purposely relaxing your body, visualizations, or creative ways of self-expression such as painting or journaling.

Sources:
http://www.toolsofthemind.org/philosophy/self-regulation/
http://www.change-management-coach.com/self-regulation.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_self-regulation

[SELF-CARE]

Here's the section on "Self-care" that Cat wrote (tks Cat  ) which I thought might prompt some discussion on the topic.  Also, if you have any changes to the section, please feel free to add that as well.

SELF-CARE

Definition:

Self-care is anything you do to reduce stress and take care of your physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual health and well-being.

Description:

If you have CPTSD a certain portion of your time and energy is spent dealing with symptoms. This is energy that you then don't have for other things.

Imagine a glass that's already half full with sand. That's the amount of stress CPTSD adds to your life. Next to it, imagine an empty glass. That's life for someone without CPTSD. He can fill his glass right up with stressors. He'll be fine. But if you do the same, your glass will overflow. It's simply too much.

For this reason, self-care matters. It matters especially when something is additionally draining us of energy, such as:

— recovery (confronting our traumatic past or changing our habits of thought takes energy),
— personal crises, illness, stressful times at work or at home,
— after we've had a flashback

However, many of us were never adequately taken care of as kids. What is worse, some may even have been rejected or abused for showing signs of distress. For that reason, it's understandable that we may not have a clear idea of what good self-care looks like. What makes matters worse is that self-care is often seen as basically the same thing as safe-indulgence and selfishness, and that some people think it's only for the weak.

Some reasons to practice healthy self-care are:

— we have more energy left for daily life,
— we're less likely to burn out or get preventable diseases,
— coping with flashbacks is easier if you're not drained of energy,
— we're only able to really care for others if we've learned to care for ourselves.

An additional bonus: the better we get at this, the better we'll be able to ground ourselves, soothe ourselves, and re-energize ourselves after a flashback.

Some areas we might practice self-care include:

•   Physical self-care - caring for your own physical health and well-being (e.g., getting enough rest, eating healthy, exercising regularly, getting regular checkups)
•   Emotional self-care - taking care of your emotional health and well-being (e.g., being assertive when needed, expressing your feelings, being your authentic self
•   Cognitive self-care – defueling your Inner Critic with rational thinking, grounding yourself with reality checks, practicing mindfulness
•   Social self-care - taking care of your social needs and networks (e.g., establishing and maintaining reciprocal relationships, having fun with others)
•   Spiritual self-care - drawing on sources of spiritual help that might comfort and guide you, practising meditation and yoga
•   Financial self-care.

What to Do

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with as much compassion as you'd treat a good friend who's going through a rough patch. If life is particularly stressful and/or you're still reeling from a flashback, don't expect yourself to function at your optimal level. Give yourself a break. Let yourself cut a corner now and then. Do what you can to make your life easier.

Don't do everything at once. Pace yourself. Making one huge change all in one go is now generally thought to be a lot less effective than taking baby steps. Studies have shown that the unemployed spend a lot of energy simply on going without things, energy that they then don't have for other things. This might be worthwhile keeping in mind in case you're tempted to give up smoking, go on a drastic diet, or effect any other massive change that means you have to go without something you're used to, something everyone around you gets to enjoy. If you're stressed out already by your flashbacks and your recovery work, consider postponing it to a later date, or start by gently nudging yourself towards a first tiny baby step.

Avoid becoming Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT). Whenever possible try to get enough sleep, eat a reasonably balanced diet, and exercise some. In particular, avoid being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, since those states are known to decrease one's willpower and inner resilience. Exercising the major muscle groups (by taking brisk walks, boxing, dancing, swimming, etc) helps work off excess adrenaline and is often recommended to people who have PTSD, so it's possible that you might also benefit.

Practice grounding yourself.  Flashbacks disconnect us from our bodies and take us into a space of "heady" worrying. Grounding exercises might help. Some of us find mindfulness meditation a good tool as well. You could also try consciously calling yourself back to the here and now, telling yourself what year this is, where you are, and that you're safe.

Pay attention to how things affect you and make changes:

Sounds, temperature, light, certain people, the effects of different foods and drinks on you (i.e., coffee and tea, sugar and white flour, milk and milk products, etc). The same goes for people, places, and situations. Find out what drains you of energy and what energizes you. Find things that make you feel good. Hobby, sport, nature, a favourite song, creativity and self-expression, a place you like, a gemstone, taking walks, really good coffee, learning a new skill, calling a good friend, mindfulness meditation, crocheting, qui gong, watching or reading something that makes you laugh. 

The idea is to incorporate things into your life that give you energy. For example, if you're stressed, do you have a need for warmth (hot drink, warm clothing, bath or shower)? Does a certain place feel particularly safe and comforting to you?  What about a particular song, an activity, a movie? Is there a kind of clothing that makes you feel uncomfortable (because it's itchy or restrictive or simply feels weird) that you can change out of and into something more comfortable and comforting (e.g., a soft bathrobe, a favourite pair of sweats)?  Could you picture yourself seeking those things out intentionally after a flashback to help care for yourself?

How often are you in situations that are stressful (having to multitask, being bored, being overworked, having to rush other people, dealing with temper tantrums in kids and grown-ups...)? Could you reduce demands on your time and energy?

Is there anything in your home that, if you simply just catch sight of it, instantly makes you feel bad? For example, an unfinished project that still sits on your shelf and makes you feel guilty whenever you see it, an object that evokes unpleasant memories, a dress that isn't at all what you'd ever wear but your mother gave it to you. What's the worst that could really happen if you just got rid of things that provoke stress or negative feelings?

If you're stressed, do you prefer your place to be perfectly silent, or do you need a steady hum of background noises?

Do you spend your free time doing things that entertain you, or are you just killing time?

Are you the kind of person who gets antsy and drained if they're too alone, or if they're too often among people? If you're an introvert: do you have enough alone time, or enough time spent talking to one or two friends (as opposed to going to parties or interacting with groups)? If you're an extravert, do you think you could do with more social interactions, or with spending time in places where there are people (e.g., libraries, coffeeshops)?

Is there any particular time of day that always feels depressing to you, or any particular day of the week, or any particular holiday? (E.g., always feeling antsy and insecure at early afternoon as that's when parents were the most tired and hence the most prone to sudden rages). Is there anything you could do at that time to make you feel safe, to give you energy, and to remind you that your life is now different?

What NOT to Do 

Don't feel guilty or self-centered for taking care of yourself. Think of it like keeping a car full of gas and in good order: it's simply common sense.

Don't push yourself too hard, particularly if life is stressful. The media are full of messages that tell us we ought to make a big change right now. Ignore them.

Don't dismiss your personal preferences as irrelevant. Don't focus on what ought to feel good. Find out what works for you personally and for you alone. If your family are party animals, but you'd much rather sit indoors reading, then that's what energizes you. If everyone around you goes jogging, but you'd rather just take brisk walks, then do that.

Don't listen to people who claim that pushing themselves to the brink of collapse is a badge of honour, a proof of how strong they are, a sign that they've got willpower. Unless you're a fakir, suffering to prove your worth doesn't make sense.

Resources

•   "Self-Care is Not Selfish" by L. Stahl. Available: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/04/self-care-is-not-selfish-lauren-stahl/
•    "How to Stop Feeling Guilty about Practicing Self-Care" by M. Tartakovsky, M.S. Available: Psych Central
•   Practicing Self-Care during Stressful Times" by M. Tartakovsky, M.S. Available: Psych Central
•   "How Clinicians Practice Self-Care & 9 Tips for Readers" by M. Tartakovsky, M.S. Available: Psych Central
•   "Self-care in a toxic world: Self-care may not be what you think it is" by C. Meineck. Available: Psychology Today
•   "Self-care is not Selfish" by M. Polce-Lynch, Ph.D. Available: http://www.virginiawomenscenter.com/services-psychology-self-care-is-not-selfish.htm

For me this explains so much about  that disorienting feeling of having shot into some other dimension.  I haven't had a big EF for a while but if/when I do I'm going to try some of the advice in the second resource ("What was I Thinking?") about trying to get cognition/thinking reactivated and back in play to balance out the overwhelming emotional responses in an EF.

[AMYGDALA HIGHJACKING]

Here's a section for our Glossary that hopefully will prompt some discussion.  And if you have any suggested changes to the draft please add that in as well.


AMYGDALA HIGHJACKING

Definition: The Amygdala is a small region of the brain which plays a key role in emotional regulation, emotional memory and responses to emotional stimuli.  An "amygdala hijacking" is a term first used by Daniel Goleman to describe immediate and intense emotional reactions which are out of proportion to the triggering event, and which take over the cognitive areas of the brain; feelings are ramped up while thinking is slowed.   

Description: The amygdala is the instinctive and reactive part of our brain that produces lightning-fast emotional responses to events which may be positive (i.e., events that cause us to feel a surge of delight, joy or excitement), or negative (i.e., events that cause instant fear, anger or rage).

This ability to react quickly and instinctively to negative events plays a critical function in our survival, but in the case of CPTSD the amgydala becomes over-reactive and hyper sensitive due to ongoing trauma. Thus, when someone with CPTSD perceive danger or threat, their amgydala triggers more quickly and intensely  than other people, especially when faced with the possibility of a trauma inducing situation similar to what occurred in the past (e.g., childhood abuse and neglect). Once the amgydala triggers, it often produces an emotional flashback in which the feelings from past trauma are layered on top of the feelings elicited by the present day situation, and causes a defensive reaction (i.e., fight, flight, freeze or fawn).   

What an Amygdala Hijacking feels like:  "Amygdala hijackings" override our ability to think and reason for certain periods of time depending on the intensity of our reaction, and often strand us in what Pete Walker describes in his book "CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" (2013) as overwhelming feeling states or emotional flashbacks:

"You feel little, fragile and helpless. Everything feels too hard. Life is too scary.  Being seen feels excruciatingly vulnerable. Your battery seems to be dead. In the worst flashbacks an apocalypse feels like it will imminently be upon you.  When you are trapped in a flashback, you are reliving the worst emotional times of your childhood" (p. 145).

Additionally you may feel quite shaky, highly anxious and frightened and have difficulty thinking clearly. You may feel the need to hide or isolate yourself, and to numb or distract yourself.

What NOT to Do

• Don't try and stuff the feelings down, this is likely to increase their intensity
• Don't self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, this only provides short term relief and may lead to addiction
• Don't try and go it alone, isolate or hide from others
• Don't think this will go on forever, it will subside

What TO Do

• Use Pete Walker's  "13 Steps for Managing Emotional Flashbacks" to alleviate your symptoms. See http://www.pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm
• Reach out to others including your physician and/or therapist and let them know what is going on and ways they can help
• Drink fluids and rest; the amygdala kicks out a lot of chemicals such as adrenalin and these stay in your system for a few days
• Try to identify what triggers you and avoid these if possible
• Work through past trauma with a therapist and on your own so that there is less fuel to trigger the amgydala
• Use cognitive behavioural therapy techniques to engage thinking and balance off feelings
  
• Practise healthy self-soothing or calming techniques such as mindfulness, meditation or yoga

Resources:
•    "13 Steps for Managing Emotional Flashbacks" by Pete Walker. Available: http://www.pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm
•   "What Was I Thinking? Handling the Hijack" by Dr. R. Nadler (2009). In particular see the section "The Emotional Audit" pages 5–6. Available: http://www.psychologytoday.com/files/attachments/51483/handling-the-hijack.pdf

So my angering lasted for a very long time.  It then lead to a profound sadness and a lot of grieving, and now is turning into acceptance. 

I don't think it's as linear as all that, and that there was and will contnue to be a back and forth movement through stages but I do have an overall sense of progress forward out of the storm. I am simply not angry as deeply or as often as I used to be and that feels good, it just overshadowed so much of the positives in my life before.

I know some approaches to recovery suggest that it is healthy to "just let it go" but I honestly couldn't have done that, it would be like denying a whole part of me.