Messages

They're really quite helpful Healing Finally, you just have to remember them in the heat of the moment lol

So I had an encounter with an N in full blown N rage at me and wow, not at all the way to start one's day.  Normally this would have triggered me but because it was so over the top I knew it was something called DARVO.  Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. In other words making me the offender and themselves the victim. Definitely not called for and the whole attack was rather appalling. No effort or desire to try and work out the conflict on their part so I am now No Contact with the person. There's absolutely no point in trying, it will just bring more abuse.

 It appears I do have more knowledge and skills around dealing with N's than I thought.  I thank Out of the FOG for that as they have a toolbox of ways to manage N's and the tools do work. There's DARVO but also JADE; don't justify, argue, defend or explain to an N because it just keeps you on the hook and they will keep on in fight mode no matter what.

Anyway, note to self - stay as far away as possible from N's. 

All the best Cascade!  You are welcome back if/when you'd like to return.

On no NK, I am so sorry to hear you have been so unwell!  I can't imagine being ill and having the furnace go and tradespeople traipsing through the house who don't seem to agree on anything.  I know it isn't much but    and I will keep my fingers crossed that you will make your cruise.

Hey Woodsgnome, I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well at the moment. It's so difficult when you have been doing well to then have a setback. You do have friends here that have come to know you over many years like BB and I so I hope you don't feel completely alone.

I hope a group hug is OK 

Hi and a warm welcome Niko.  You are among friends here and we do understand so post away when you feel comfortable doing so.

Hi Kcrystal and a warm welcome to OOTS. I'm sorry you've been through so much and are still dealing with a lot. I hope it helps to talk about all that here. One of the nicest thing about OOTS is that everyone gets it so you feel heard and validated.  Oftentimes members will have some good suggestions to try as well.

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Starbunny. You may not feel like it is but your intro post was very coherent and captured what you went through and are dealing with quite well.

No worries about maybe just reading for a bit, that's fairly common for new members. It helps if you read post by members who have been here for a while and see how safe and supportive members' replies are to other members. 

You may find that once you do choose to start posting you end up posting a lot at first as what you've buried for a long time comes to the surface. 

It's all fine.

International Conference on Violence Against Men and Boys - https://sites.google.com/giantslayer.us/conferencevamb/home. 

About time! 

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Meanwhileup, glad you found us.  As BB posted you don't need an official diagnosis to be here.  If you have the symptoms of CPTSD and went through abuse/neglect you are welcome. And as you read you'll see too that you haven't overshared.  Really the only thing we ask (see the Member Guidelines) is that members don't go into overly graphic detail because we are survivors afterall and it can be triggering.

BB has also said it well about neglect which is right up there with direct abuse because we feel alone in the world with no-one really looking out for us, unsafe and unloved, and that is soul crushing to be sure. 

It sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to - therapy which can validate what's going on inside and help defuel it, and being here where you can say what you need to without anyone judging. 

I hope you find OOTS a safe place to be and that it helps you look at all you endured as a child and carried into adulthood.

Exactly the correct place SigNature.  Tks for adding it!

Honestly, sometimes it seems to me that Ns are everywhere and I cannot relax because of how off kilter/back brain I become if I get caught out by someone I didn't realize was N at first. It's the one thing that can still set me off, often when I least expect it which is frustrating.

I did learn to manage my NM so that's something as she loomed oh so large in my life so I'm almost proud of that as for 100 pound 90 something years she could still pack a punch when she was alive. Like you Edna I no longer would play her games and she knew it so she mostly stopped all the really N stuff with me (my NB not so much). It took a while for her to understand I wasn't having it but eventually she got the message and behaved more or less.

I did try EMDR by the way Healing Finally, when Trump got into power in the US (I'm from Canada) and he was on the news 24/7.  It actually did help as I was able to take a step back. I couldn't watch the news mind you as it was too much.

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS SunSpirit.  You don't need an 'official" diagnosis here given the APA DSM doesn't yet include CPTSD.  It's enough that you recognize it yourself and want to work on recovery alongside all of us.

Glad you found us and I hope the support, info and resources here help you.

I just doublechecked it and it is there.  Maybe just refresh your browser and see if that does it.

This shot is from a presentation by one of two professors I will be working with on a project this summer to develop a resource for medical and mental health institutions, professionals and students. She is a trauma focused cognitive neuroscientist at the Univ of Victoria in Canada. She talks about us in the presentation which is cool to see. 

Her presentation if you want to watch it is here - https://youtu.be/Mt6DY0ftKuI.

The other thing I want to mention here is that recently we've had a lot more survivors sign up from Europe and so I think there must have been a conference over there and we were mentioned as a good resource.  Yay us!