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Well now that's interesting, I've never heard that. I'm going to be that proverbial pain in the YNW but I am really sensitive to smells and a scent on my sleeve would drive me crazy. I am a super smeller which is strange because my son doesn't have any sense of smell    Also, I have psoriasis so I can't use anything with scent in it (soap, shampoo, laundry detergent, etc) or it makes it worse. 

I'm glad you found something that works though. It takes away your cravings and you smell nice!   

I agree that too many suggestions can be overwhelming BB and I'm certainly not recommending members take suggestion giving over the top. Just listening (or in this case reading) and letting the member know that you feel for them and hope/believe they can work it out is also helpful IMO. It takes our responses into the feeling/empathetic part of ourselves and we can all use a bit more of that I think. That said, it is difficult as you say to watch someone suffer and so we often feel the need to make suggestions that might help them out. It's in the nature of a support forum, but like anything too much of a good thing...    

Hi Dark Art Girl - As you say, you have someone in your life you feel really safe talking about some dark things with and as Armee suggests, that can open a door and cause you to trigger/have EFs. It can definitely be too much all at once. You might want to try and step away from all things trauma for a  bit just to break the feeling of being overwhelmed.

It may also be that your inner voice is trying to remind you that other people are not safe to keep yourself from being hurt/rejected again. That is, "You may have found someone safe but don't get too comfortable." Many of us are quite frightened about being hurt again so we don't let ourselves relax or trust easily. 

Whatever the case, I hope it slows down for you.   

So I am pinging this post to once again remind members to avoid the "should" and "should not" posts in favour of making suggestions and using examples from one's own experiences. We cannot possibly know what is best or not best for another, we can just post about what we think, our opinion in what I call a "soft" way. That is, we don't know what will work best for the person but that we have a thought or suggestion about what might and often follow that up with an example from our own life.

There's a subtle but very important difference and it has to do with respecting the agency of the other person to know/do what's best for them.

Thanks for your cooperation with this, it makes OOTS a safer and more respective place for all of us to be!

Kizzie

I'm sorry you have such an N family to deal with Kia, they can be very tricky to manage to be sure. Two thoughts I had when reading your post. The first is it might help if you saw a lawyer yourself to see what if there is anything you might do to protect yourself, perhaps even countersue for defamation, issue a restraining order or something legal to stop them from the smear campaign against you. It isn't fair or right and they should be held accountable or at least stopped.

The second is do you think your children might benefit from therapy, either family or one-to-one? It could be useful to them and help them and you to live a healthier life.

Hi Solix and a warm welcome to OOTS! 

I am so sorry for all that you went through and are dealing with now. It's hard having CPTSD but your instincts about finding community are certainly a sign of recovery This is a great place to start because we are anonymous and we don't trigger as is often the case in face-to-face groups. You can share with others who get it and will not go silent or look away or ghost you because you have said too much. IMO being here helps relieve some of our very human need to share which often sends non-survivors running.

So post away and once again welcome! 

  Yes, it's an absolute nightmare and it takes me back to when we lived in BC and had a really bad wildfire season. It's why we moved one province over to Alberta.

They just need me to appear normal to others, typical narcissists.

A therapist once told me I took the family picture down from the wall and smashed it, referring to my unwillingness to go along with their brand of reality even before I knew there was a heavy dose of narcissism at play and that I had developed CPTSD. I was messing with the image they wanted to portray to the world like your family and that did not go over well to say the least. Of course it was me not them who had the problem according to them and that was so hard to take. At one point I just couldn't deal with any of that anymore and I went low/no contact.

I hope the holidays weren't too stressful for you.   

Hi Voice     I too have found myself overwhelmed by all the info out there about what to do/try to move forward in recovery and which voices to listen to. One important area that seems to missing from this smorgasbord of advice is looking at how and why we can trust ourselves, what we are good at already, what are our positive attributes ... I guess the point here is at a certain point in recovery maybe we need to spend time identifying the positive parts of ourselves versus what needs to be "fixed".

Trust and belief in self, compassion and pride, our own voice, all those things we've likely never realized we do have skills in, they're important to look at and acknowledge IMO. Maybe that's where you're at right now?   

No worries!

So sorry to hear this DarkHorse, it's hellish living with abusive parents and lacking the love, nurturing, belonging  and safety healthy families provide to their children. I would not doubt it if he was expressing her hatred of herself but directed at you.

It really is not normal for a parent to denigrate their children to others, no loving parent would do so. It's good you recognize that and understand how cruel it was. By not doing that with your sons you're breaking the cycle of abuse so good on you.

I have a quick but important answer Phoebes. If you're on here reflecting on whether you are an N or not, you're not.  N's do not show up on a forum like this because they don't reflect on their behaviours, they've typically lost the capacity to do so. And they don't care like you do about being seen as an N or trying to change, it's just not in the traits of an N to do any of that. With CPTSD, however, we are constantly reflecting, are very concerned that we don't hurt anyone, want to recover, and so on. 

  Good luck!

Refresh your computer and try again Own Side.  I made a small change to your settings so hopefully it worked.

[Cause]

I don't know if this helps but I Googled "What is the difference between autism and CPTSD?" and got this. I thought it was a fairly clear summary of how to distinguish between the two.

Cause - Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that begins early in life, while CPTSD develops in response to trauma.

Social interaction - People with autism have long-standing social challenges, while people with CPTSD may withdraw from social interactions due to fear or distrust.

Emotional sharing - People with CPTSD may avoid sharing their emotions due to shame, guilt, or distrust, while people with autism may have difficulty communicating their emotions.

Other symptoms Both conditions can cause sensory sensitivities, repetitive behaviors, and difficulty regulating emotions.
Children who experience trauma early in life may display autism-like behaviors, which can lead to an autism diagnosis. However, a mental health professional can distinguish between the two conditions.

I know we've talked on here about CPTSD being an "acquired neurodiversity" due to changes in the brain from cumulative traumatic stress- here's one link: https://carescribe.io/blog/acquired-neurodiversity-an-overview/. 

Hope this is helpful.