Messages

Hey Blue Sky, big hug as I know that would definitely stir up a lot of emotions for the reasons NK suggests 

I know one place my mind went to is "Will he abuse her too?" I wonder what if anything he thinks to himself knowing what what he did to you now that he has a child. Maybe he's able to stuff it down but hopefully she will like "a burr under the saddle" for him. We can only hope.
 

SO, I don't speak French but tks for being willing to look up the link. 

It is rather depressing to hear of so much predatory sexual abuse/trafficking in the news at the moment. At the same time, I think (hope) this is a wake up call about what is happening behind a LOT of closed doors.

I see so many resigning/ being fired in the fallout from the Epstein files and it gives me hope that we can hold abusers accountable, even if they are rich and powerful. I must admit I cheered when King Charles stripped his brother Andrew of his titles and royal goodies. It sends a very powerful message worldwide and we need that, to know that powerful people will be outed and punished. I know Trump hasn't been but I think (hope) that it's a matter of when not if.  Fingers crossed!

"Shame must change sides". Absolutely!

Have you read the book yet SO? I remember when her story first came out I was amazed she had chosen to disclose publicly and say "No!" to shame. So courageous because although she did not own the shame (as we do not), I know there were those who questioned how she could not have known even having been drugged.

If you've read the book I'm curious to know if she talks about having CPTSD given she was drugged and unconscious when the abuse occurred. It must have been psychologically shattering to discover the years of abuse no matter what, but it's different in a way than being aware of our abuse even if we dissociate because the memories are there if deep down. Part of us knows whereas for her, there are no memories.   

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Moshi 

Just my thoughts here but it takes a while when building relationships to have the kind of connection and trust to begin to share anything about our trauma. I like your idea of starting here and getting that feeling of connection, understanding and support you want (and deserve). We get it and we're going to be here for you whilst those who are non-survivors may be intimidated, perhaps even a bit overwhelmed to hear about your past unless they have come to know you well first.

It's hard I know but not everyone who is a non-survivor is secure enough in themselves to treat any disclosures from us with the respect and compassion we need. That's why it is so good you found your way here because we are 

Hey Mia - Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm! 

I a so sorry you struggle to convey what happened to you (and I think a lot did happen to you). IMO neglect results in CPTSD because it is a form of abuse, just less visible - abuse by omission if you will.

At least here we do understand and I think (hope) if you can summon up the strength to keep looking, you will be able to find a therapist who does get it.

 

Hey Stussy, so sorry to hear about the nightmares. I know how frightening they can be and why you wouldn't want to talk about them. I have to agree with NarcKiddo that you may find it helps to "defuel" them by talking about them with your H. Stuffing them may feel safer and yet ironically it can give them more power.

All that said, you know you best and if you need to push away from them for now, then that may be the most helpful thing to do until you're ready to bring them out into the light of day for some "sunshine therapy"  and the power of connection (i.e. with your H). 

 

Sorry to hear you've had negative and lasting experiences with medications Roger. I was addicted to benzos about 2-1/2 years back and fortunately my withdrawal was well managed in hospital and I've not ended up with any ill effects thankfully. I also had to titrate off Prozac when it stopped working and I did that with the help of my GP, again no ill effects. It seems like you have not had the support or information you needed. 

Have you talked with your GP about all of this? Good place to start and they can likely refer you to whatever specialist would know best about these symptoms and how to help. (And if your GP is not particularly helpful maybe it's time to look for a new, better informed and helpful GP.)

I'm just spit balling here but I wonder if a pharmacist might have some answers for you? Here in Canada our pharmacists are doing much more than handing out prescriptions these days. It may be they have information about what's going on and can talk with you and your GP. I know mine was quite helpful when I had ovarian cancer and was having difficulty with steroids in my chemo cocktail (explained to me that some people become quite agitated like me and so I was confident pushing for that to be removed from my chemo which the team did), and with nausea (spoke to my cancer team and insurance and got approval to give me the "gold standard" of medication which really did the trick).  It might be worth a conversation with a pharmacist.

I hope you're able to get some answers and better yet, some relief from the symptoms you're dealing with   

Hannah, this is awesome and I am so very glad for you. Stories like yours are the reason I advocate for us to healthcare professionals and institutions. Imagine how things would have been if you'd had a clinician who knew about, understood and had experienced medical trauma way back when.

There is so much more science to each of us than even we know sometimes and as we all explore this terrible fate of CPTSD and what it does to us mentally and physically, hopefully we can shine a light on the impact and losses we experience so we have access to the care we need and deserve.

I hope you are on a good path that will help relieve a lot of what you've been dealing with!!      

    What BB asked.  If they do suffer from CPTSD it may be you can navigate this together.

someday i may have to drag a guy off a barstool and bring him home w/ me - there are things i can't do myself, after all!

You go girl! I say drag a guy off a barstool and drag him on home

There have been some issues with the site recently that should be fixed now. Just in case, however, if you don't want to lose a post you may want to write if offline and then post it, especially long ones.

Please let me know if you encounter any glitches (l.herod@yahoo.ca) and I will get back in touch with SquareSpace right away to get things fixed.

Kizzie

Ah San, I feel you. I wouldn't have said I was deprived before I realized in recovery that while I had a roof over my head, three meals a day, clothing, etc., the "necessities" of life as people common refer to these were not all there was. What I did NOT have was the kind of nurturing, care, warmth, safety, sense of worth, every human being needs to thrive. These things were neglected in my life and as a result like you I know now how deprived I was of the necessities of love, appreciation, worth, belonging... 

I remember telling a T a long time ago I had a memory of standing outside the house where we lived and feeling like I was safer outside than inside. It always stuck with me that feeling and it was only years, decades really that I understood what it was all about. Alongside the anger and tension in my family, there was a coldness, a lack of something profound, deprivation.

There are a lot of lovely things you and I can give ourselves now and I'm down with that. I don't want to wait anymore for it to come to me, I can bring it for myself and I hope you do too. 

Just my thoughts PT, but I think we are (or need to be) in the driver's seat when it comes to therapy. If you feel like you want/need to speak up/look for another therapist then absolutely do so. There are so many different therapeutic approaches for CPTSD that we need to find what works for us.


   

The forum is sorted but one thing I'd recommend is to write and keep a copy of your posts, long ones in particular, offline. We haven't had a ton of technical issues at OOTS but they do happen from time to time unfortunately and it's a real pain to lose them I know.

First of all, congrats on the illustration course, it sounds like it will be fun and may help with the career you are entertaining. 

I'm so sorry to hear about the state of your mental health system Teddy Bear. It's about what I thought sadly.
I know you have limited funds but I am curious if there is private care available which is not so politically fraught and something you could consider down the line if/when you are able to afford it? 

I hope at least being here is of some help. I have found (and as many other members have said) that being with survivors where you can speak freely and everyone gets it and is supportive can make a real difference in recovery.