Messages

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Helen     I think you may have meant me when you talked about reading Kinsey's posts.  I just wanted to say that one thing I have found in recovery is that although we need to feel our feelings, we don't need to do so all at once as it can be overwhelming.  We talk a lot about baby steps and going slowly so that we get used to feeling bit by bit and personally I have found that to be most helpful. 

It's great that you have a good T and I hope you find a lot of good info and support here as well.   

If your time is incorrect now that it has changed by an hour you  need to go into your Profile, then Account Settings, then Modify Profile, then Look and Layout and there near the bottom you will see: 

Time Offset: Number of hours to +/- to make displayed time equal to your local time. AutoDetect

If you click on the AutoDetect it will automatically change your time when it shifts during the spring and fall.

Hi and a warm welcome Quietone 

Hi BSSR - I was able to add the link to your post so I'm not sure why you were having trouble in that post.  Sometimes programs get a little glitchy so what has worked for me is to post and then go back in and generally that works.  Let me know though if you do have a problem with this again. 

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS TwinCinema    Odd how those things (scurrying to hide when your F comes home) seem almost normal to us when that's what we lived with for so long.  Glad to hear that you are beginning to see how abnormal it is and how symptoms develop in reaction to having to live with trauma. It's a really big step when you stop telling yourself it's just you being weak or whatever. It helps to take the blame off yourself and puts it where it belongs, on those who traumatized you.

I hope you find the info and support here that you need 

Hi Honeykeeper and a warm welcome to OOTS    It can be difficult to be diagnosed as many of us know, and yet at the same time it can be a relief once we finally know what's going on inside, that it isn't that we are crazy or defective but have a disorder that many others do unfortunately. 

That's really interesting that you M-I-L found this site for you.  Is she someone you can count on for support? 

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Karl     Finding your way here is a big step in recovery so kudos, despite everything you have endured and are enduring now the survivor in you found a community to talk to that really does understand.   

I hope you keep on posting, it can really help 

Another welcome WE!   

I hope you find the information and support you need here 

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Greg     Spotty memories are quite common with CPTSD, when trauma is involved we often learn to go away (dissociate) so it would make sense that there are hazy times and clear memories for you.

The memories are there though and they continue to affect us, just not consciously until we bring them to the surface and work through them as you are beginning to do.  It's not like they go away, but they become better integrated into our psyche and we can then use more of our resources to look at what happened  angrily and sadly, and then compassionately and more objectively as the adults we are now. 

Not an easy journey but tougher still to try and live with the trauma stored deep inside.  It can really help to have therapy, family support, and a community where  members get what you write about.  And we do.   

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Susan! 

OK, I'm going to post the revised guideline - tks to everyone who gave input/feedback!   

Hi and welcome tryingtobesupportive   

I am not a psychologist but I do suffer from Complex PTSD I must say that several things you mentioned about your H's behaviour sound more like a personalty disorder than Complex PTSD. In particular: blaming you for all his problems (most people with Complex PTSD blame themselves); twisting things people say and believing what he says is the truth (very common with a PD); and, threatening to leave or kill himself (volatile relationships such as this are more common in a PD - those with CPTSD tend to isolate from others).  My point is he may have been misdiagnosed, unfortunately it does happen.

Our sister site Out of the FOG is for people dealing with a personality disorder and I would encourage you to have a look through that site and see what you think.  See http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?wwwRedirect.  PDs require different treatment and strategies than CPTSD so it's important to know what you are dealing with as his spouse.

Hi Again Moose     that's great that you have a couple of people IRL to potentially talk to about having CPTSD. 

I don't know if you read this post earlier in this sub-forum, but Judith Herman  (the first to use the term "Complex PTSD"), wrote something quite eloquent  about the healing power that relationship and community with others who have suffered trauma can have:

Traumatic events destroy the sustaining bonds between individual and community. Those who have survived learn that their sense of self, of worth, of humanity, depends upon a feeling of connection with others. The solidarity of a group provides the strongest protection against terror and despair, and the strongest antidote to traumatic experience. Trauma isolates; the group re-creates a sense of belonging. Trauma shames and stigmatizes; the group bears witness and affirms. Trauma degrades the victim; the group exalts her. Trauma dehumanizes the victim; the group restores her humanity.

Repeatedly in the testimony of survivors there comes a moment when a sense of connection is restored by another person's unaffected display of generosity. Something in herself that the victim believes to be irretrievably destroyed---faith, decency, courage---is reawakened by an example of common altruism. Mirrored in the actions of others, the survivor recognizes and reclaims a lost part of herself.

HI Elen and a very warm welcome to OOTS    I'm sure you will get few more posts about that feeling of relief for finally being able to name or label what happened and whats happening, quickly followed by fear and "Now what?"  It's really common and one reason we advise new members to take baby steps and breaks when you begin to feel overwhelmed. 

One good place to start (or in your case try again) is to get into therapy.  As Three Roses suggested, maybe have a look at some of the downloads we have in our resources section. Many of us have had to "educate" our doctors and therapists as to the diagnosis of Complex PTSD versus PTSD because it is not widely known yet.  They are here - http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/ and I would suggest these three:

• Fact Sheet for GPs: Understanding Complex Trauma  - from The Blue Knot foundation


• Fact Sheet for Health Practitioners Working with Complex Trauma - from The Blue Knot foundation


• The Diagnosis of Complex PTSD - from OOTS

There's also a form to record your symptoms and what caused them under "Forms and Checklists" at the top of the page which could be quite helpful if/when you talk to your doc/T again.   

Good luck and remember, baby steps. 

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS White Eagle    Not to worry, most of us came here very anxious and learned fairly quickly to take baby steps and breaks until we more felt comfortable. 

Hope you find the info and support you need