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Hi all  ,

For a long time I believed I was a freeze type and it took me coming off cigarettes and nicotine to get serious. Cigarettes actually caused me to go into an EF or at least a hyper-adrenalised state which meant I therefore couldn't see things clearly. I was addicted to this state of being. When I hit a low point I finally realised I'm a partial flight type and addicted to adrenaline. I didn't want to give up my drug of choice so failed to admit it before. I have quite bad adrenal fatigue and am following a new diet to counteract it. I'm very addicted to sugar as it causes a small high and it's proving hard to kick.

I haven't been out of the house since last week and am feeling a huge desire to go out in order to get a release of adrenaline. I was wondering if anyone has any actionable advice on how to beat this? I'm sick of living like this and constantly doing risky things in order to get a buzz. Can anyone relate?

Thanks.

I have this too. I find it hard to stay present generally and sex is something that makes me feel very vulnerable, so I think dissociation is a protection for me.

Hi everyone,

I'd mentioned in another thread that I partake in skype therapy and Kizzie asked me to post about it, so here go's. If anyone wants to put this thread in another section of the forum, by all means do.

I started skype therapy at the end of last year after a I found a therapist who seemed suitable via a google search. We've had twelve sessions so far and I'm finding it worthwhile. I'm a freeze type and also disabled, so my fear is pretty bad. Skype therapy has helped enormously with this; my fear is reduced because I'm not actually in the room with the therapist. I also feel a lot more freedom to speak truthfully as I can just slam the lid of my laptop down if I feel uncomfortable!  I also feel more freedom to argue with things I don't agree with as there's no physical threat.

The relationship with my therapist has not been impeded by the fact we're not in the same room. In some ways I would say it's better because I'm more relaxed.

Before the session I still feel all the usual symptoms of anxiety and go into flight mode and can't sit still, but the good thing is that this isn't as severe as when I attended therapy physically.

I still have trust issues and haven't been able to show much of my authentic self yet, but I'm hopeful I'll be able to eventually. I think I'll be able to do that more quickly than if I actually had to be in the room with someone. When I was physically in the room with a previous therapist I went through * because I was so scared, so this process is definitely less stressful. My T lives a long way from me which also makes me feel safer. As you can tell my main priority is safety and this is where skype therapy has the best advantage.

If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask.

Thank you, Alice97. Flight/freeze is so difficult because it's such opposing forces. Initially I was beating myself up because I llet it go on for a few days, but then I realised I stopped it quicker than I have at other times, which is progress. I'm working through the book Pete Walker recommends for freeze types with a few others over in this section of the site. You should join us.  http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?board=195.0

How is your recovery going in general? Hard question to answer, I know.

Hi everyone,

No need to reply, I was just in a bad EF and let my ICr and OCr go on a rampge. I'm a flight/freeze hybrid and exhibit schizoid tendencies when badly triggered. I was abandoning myself again. I really hate this C-PTSD rubbish.

I was just wondering if anyone can tell me if this has happened to them? I'm pretty sure this is what's happened to me. I've recently quit nicotine and quittting and successfully staying off it has given me the ability to believe that I'm not helpless anymore and will be able to heal.

Since a few hours ago I've been feeling very odd. I found a text message on my mobile from a while ago that scared me. When I read it a darkness seemed to settle over me and then I realised that it wasn't an EF, it was in fact reality.  I read about this a long time ago in the Pete Walker book, but I would never have believed it was what had happened to me. Things make a lot more sense now.

I've been working through the Suzette Boon book on dissociation and it said that to heal a dissociative disorder you have to trust yourself and recently I've started trusting that I can handle this. I think I've made a huge leap in tackling my dissociative disorder.

It could actually be an abandonment of consciousness. Does anyone know the difference and has either happened to anyone?

Thanks.

Yeah, I can totally relate. My father told me that "I must have taken it the wrong way," when my mother told me at 10 years old that my father was going to kill me. I mean, how on earth can a 10 year old critically think about a statement like that!?  It goes without saying that I'm NC with them and the rest of my FOO.

For years my dreams had an incorrect source i.e. the people in my dreams would always have the face or someone else who I knew intimately. These dreams would mostly reflect my insecurity e.g. in my dream my H would be divorcing me, but he had my ex-partners face. I now understand this as me perpetually attributing my problems to the wrong people. I would always make excuses for my parents and take out my fury out on someone else. What I'm saying is these dreams were indicitive of my life: constantly confusing the source of contention.

I relate and sympathise, Crochet Addict. I dream of my FOO alot too, not every night but close enough. When I remember something new or want to tell my FOO about yet another thing that she did that affected me greatly, I'll usually dream about her and argue with her about the point I've been wishing I could make. So I seem to get some resoution in my deams,  if you know what I mean. Do you find your dreaams cathartic at all?

Now that we are working on dissociation in the Book Club I am wondering if for some of us, deeper meditation may be too much because we dissociate and mediating brings the parts into awareness of one another, possibly before we are ready 

I'd been thinking this myself, Kizzie and I'm very glad you said this as I now think I was right to have reservations. When you say deeper meditation may not be the best thing, do you think that five-minute meditations, or something similar, may be better, then?  That way it would be lighter, as you suggested.

Thanks, morningdove. I'm very interested in this myself as I seem to perpetually flit between the two. It's very disconcerting as one minute my muscles will be so tense that my limbs feel taut and next minute I'll nearly collapse as they've become completely loose.

I started meditating over a year ago and when I'd been at it for about four months my memories from childhood started returning. At first I thought the memories came back due to an altered state of consciousness brought on by the meditation, but now I think it was simply the act of sitting still for an extended period a day. Has anyone else found that it alters their conciousness? I was meditating a few nights ago and after about ten minutes I felt a shift from the emotional to rational/critical side of my brain. It was as if the left side of my brain took over for the remainder of the night. It had shifted back when I woke up the next morning.

I can understand the reservations that some have about it. I know that personaly I have a deep fear of the present moment, so when I meditate and am completely grounded I can sometimes feel a wave of anxiety. It depends on the time of day, though. I think it's to do with dissociation.

I too do meta meditation. I begin my practise with five minutes of mindfulness meditation, then switch to metta for five minutes, then back to mindfulness. I count to ten and then repeat so as not to begin dissociating. My metta meditation is completely on myself at the moment as I feel I'm th one who needs it most right now!  Has anyone else had problems generating positive feelings toward themselves? I have to imagine my husband, feel the fondness I have for him, and then try to direct it towards myself.

That's brilliant, Kizzie. Thanks so much for doing that. I'll post both the questions and link ASAP.

Hi No More Fear - My concern with just giving the questions/exercises for each week is that there is no context/explanation unless you have the book itself.  That said, as Dutch mentioned, some of the material is available online.  There are three full chapters and most of a fourth here .

We could give those a whirl and see how it goes. How does that sound?

Hi kizzie,

That's true about context. I have the book, put off getting it for ages because of the price  Much cheaper to get the kindle edition, which I got. Honestly, for anyone who's a freeze type it's sooo worth it.

Yes I'd be happy with doing the first four chapters. I think that'd really help as it'd help people realise they're not alone in thinking these things.

Kissie,

Thanks for your reply. Should we do the thread here, or would it be more suitable elsewhere? I'm happy to post the questions that accompany each chapter, perhaps on a weekly basis, if that suits? And would a new thread be started each week for the new set of questions?

Thanks so much for this, I can't tell you how much it'd help to have people to talk though the questions and answers with.