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Helpful or self-harm?

Writing it out could be helpful for others but harmful for you. I've written bits of my story over the years, including for the OOTS book that is coming out sometime. I recall that threw me for a loop and iirc what I wrote was only a tiny bit of what happened.

I don't know that writing it all down will put it to rest. I mean, you're still going to be triggered sometimes aren't you? Especially since traumatic memories aren't linear or all verbal. I've found telling or writing bits where I will experience validation e.g. in therapy or on here is best. Just my experience  might be different for you of course.

Relational therapy is a psychotherapy approach focusing on how relationships, both past and present, deeply influence emotional well-being, aiming to build healthier, more satisfying connections by exploring relational patterns, fostering vulnerability, and using the therapeutic relationship itself as a tool for healing wounds and developing trust, boundaries, and deeper self-understanding. It's helpful for anxiety, insecurity, trauma, or relationship distress, teaching individuals to recognize unhealthy patterns and form more fulfilling bonds with themselves and others.

I would add to that - try and make sure you get a trauma-informed or better yet trauma-trained therapist in relational therapy! I've been in a lot of relational therapy and when therapists were not trauma-trained especially like 20 years ago, they and I would invariably get stuck at some point and some would blame me for "not wanting to get better" or say I was "therapy resistant". Neither were true, it's just that my case was too complex, too difficult for them.

I do a lot of imagination work and inner child work. Basically, my best therapists have tried out various approaches and then mixed-and-matched with me, so don't necessarily stick with one type all the time. Or they can improvise and adapt if necessary. Or sometimes a type of therapy can help for a while and then I need something else. For a long time, EFT (emotional freedom tapping) was very helpful. My trauma T of the time learnt it for me, practised it with me till I could do it on my own.

On the forum, I find these kinds of threads useful https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=49.0  choose any that appeal to you from the sticky-ied topics. If none appeal, ignore.

I've been very much helped by this forum. I write a lot and read a lot, it's a safe space for me. I get a lot of validation here, especially when I'm struggling and not noticing that I'm moving forwards or not noticing I do need a break.

Freeze is one of my big reactions too. If you dissociate a lot, you might be on the OSDD-DID spectrum, i.e. have some form of dissociative disorder, which a number of us on here have. See https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=15563.msg136240#msg136240 or https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16874.msg154836#msg154836 (here Janina Fisher's book about Healing Fragmented Selves is mentioned, a number of people on here have been helped with that and one day I may get round to it too) and https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16374.0 - a general discussion thread of OSDD etc. If I've linked too many threads, and it's overwhelming, just ignore! It's not always the right time for any particular information.

And of course, welcome to the forum noraw

I experienced CSA at the hand of my uncle as a child. My parents knew my sister had the same fate some years before me but they kept taking me there. For that and for all the other traumatic things there is a theme that always a few people knew about it, but no one came to help.

I'm sorry DD, that sounds to me like SUCH a betrayal! Your parents knew of the danger and still didn't prevent it happening to you.

Yes, you are human, you matter, you exist. I want to add that you have rights - to exist and to be treated with respect.

[Abitbroken]

Pete Walker's book "Complex CPTSD: from surviving to thriving"

I agree on this, but just to let you know Abitbroken that you can check Pete Walker's website because some of the book is there. In case you want to read around a bit before buying. You can also search his name here on our website, you'll find discussion.

Here's a thread discussing Pete Walker and emotional flashbacks, also often abbreviated on the forum to EF: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=2589.msg16300#msg16300 PLus other threads on EFs, Sticky-ied at the top: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=57.0

Do thank your daughter for baking enough for us too, Chart!

A warm welcome to the forum, abitbroken! 

Welcome to the forum samereflection1001 

I think you will find that a ton of people on here relate to all sorts. I've noticed that there's always at least one member who writes they resonate with what feels like the most outlandish symptoms or reactions I have. That comes as a relief to me.

Sorry I don't know about DBT because where I am (not a majority country on OOTS) therapy isn't divided up that way - therapists may teach you coping skills or whatever but don't tend to tell you from what particular field they come from, and also mix-and-match from skills from a different set as well. I'm sure others on here will get back to you though.

You're very welcome SenseOrgan! I'm always happy to hear that maybe one person benefitted from me having posted this kind of event.

1) I have my wherewithal back again

2) I washed a huge stack of dishes - chiefly saucepans, kitchen knives and other stuff that can't go in the dishwasher

3) I cooked a warm breakfast this morning - sort of like porridge but with chopped up apple in with the oatflakes. Probably the first time in at least 3 years, tho for years before that this was something I cooked regularly. The last couple of sessions in OT/trauma therapy have obviously had an affect.    

4) Went for a little cycle from A to B and enjoyed that. Mild temperature, no rain     I also felt purposeful, which is a good feeling

     

I relate to a fair chunk of this too.   

Welcome to the forum, Westman 

Wow.

Moving. Also great potential to be triggering. For me, not in the abuse described (tho big potential there too) but feeling/sensing the emotions from those who spoke in the film. I intend to re-watch.

They talk about things we know, they just use other words. They talk how I talk sometimes too - pausing, stopping, too hard to say, but then they do say it.

 

As always: These types of conferences and summits are free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0