Managing Multiplicity

[LaylaDalal]

Hey dear people,

I read that DID / OSDD / PDID have come up here before but the posts are rather old, so I'm hoping for some feedback and relating through creating this anew, I hope, its ok.

I am currently in a deep process of figuring out if I need to go for an official diagnosis of PDID/OSDD or if its better to stay with my "general" feeling of multiplicity.
I personally believe that humans are always multiple and that the gift of complex trauma enables those who had to suffer this horror to be more aware of their own multiplicity (like shamans). There are so many teachings in the world that help me deeply to understand my multiplicity and the diagnosis of DID as a disorder often feels invalidating of peoples inner geniouses. At the same time, its incredibly helpful to learn from and connect with others diagnosed with DID/OSDD (just as with CPTSD) and feel validated and inspired by their worldview.
Also because it shows the immense struggles that come with it.
I relate to those struggles. I have parts who are very distinct, who use names and I have amnesia with them. They do things that I consider dangerous. I also experience coconsciousness in the forms of watching them doing things, that I cant stop. I also experience coconsciousness, more and more so, in the form of being able to have conversations with them in my head, which is an incredibly helpful, new development. Young parts only "talk" in therapy or through drawing, some of them named themselves by now and I feel so grateful. Generally, drawing and dance (and writing to an extent) help me to develop co-consciousness, dramatically.
I feel extreme exaustion from trying to appear normal and functioning in the world (and I can to an extent) but I do it because I feel so afraid of amnesia and what can happen during those times. I got lost before but the worst fear is that I will end up being in dangerous sexual situations again like it happened so many times before and I cant control what this other part is doing.
So, the intense pressure of trying to mask multiplicity, that many people with DID describe, feels very familiar to me.
I would love to hear other peoples experiences and how you see the world through your multiplicity. I am determinded to believe, that our multiplicity is a deep gift, we share, despite the extreme difficulties it can bring.

[LaylaDalal]

Any people who can relate? :-) Im really struggling finding community...

[Kizzie]

Layla, I searched DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites and found this seveal sites. This one in particular sounds like what you are looking for - Multiplied By One Org. There is a small fee but for those that can't afford it, there's a form to be exempted. 

There are also a number of others I found so maybe do a search of DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites.

Hope this is helpful.

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Layöa
I really appreciate how thoughtfully you're holding this. Trauma is not one single thing, and the ways our systems adapt to it can look very different from person to person.

My own history is different from what you're describing, so I can't speak from the same lived place around multiplicity - but I can absolutely resonate with the longing for community.
That feeling of wanting to find others who get it without you having to over-explain... that's real. And the exhaustion of trying to appear "normal" while carrying something complex inside - that, too, feels very understandable.

I also hear how carefully you're thinking about diagnosis - not just as a label, but as something that can both validate and pathologize. That's a nuanced place to stand.
I may not share the same internal structure, but I do share the desire to make meaning of what happened, to stay safe, and to not be alone in it. I'm glad you brought this here. 💛

[Blueberry]

Any people who can relate? :-) Im really struggling finding community...

I didn't respond because my posts are already on those other threads you've seen. I don't always want to have to rewrite. Tho of course I understand wanting to find community and I've found it here as regards cptsd and what is probably osdd.