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[Intergenerational Trauma]

Free live webinar: Mapping Your Intergenerational Trauma Thurs 13 Nov. 2025 12pm EST / 5pm GMT

Join Dr Alex Howard and Dr Diane Poole Heller for a FREE 90-minute live webinar to Understand Parentification, Estrangement, and Your Ancestral Inheritance

From the blurb: "In the 90-minute session, we'll demystify the impacts of intergenerational trauma and how to break the cycle–specifically:

✅ How parentification shapes your entire identity
✅ The hidden dynamics of estrangement and when distance isn't always the answer
✅ How inherited trauma impacts your emotions and decisions
✅ Practical tools to help understand your family trauma patterns and begin to heal"

https://www.rewiringselflimitingbehaviors.com/home-a?a_aid=breathwrk#a_aid=breathwrk

As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0

A few nights ago, I had a very real seeming dream. I was hunched down in a kind of aircraft that was the shape of an elevator tho bigger, and I was alone. I have a general fear of flying, tho I did work thru panic a good few years ago and did manage to fly again, but still I'm frightened when in the air. I quite often have bad dreams like this. So I was cowering in this dusky, dark 'aircraft', feeling shudderings and able to see landscape down below thru cracks etc, while the 'aircraft' rose steadily upwards. Suddenly I had the impulse to lie down flat on the floor of this 'aircraft' instead of cowering. The dream disappeared immediately - the fear went, the shuddering stopped and I was lying completely stretched out. I'm not sure if I really woke up, but I did realise at some point that I was in my own bed.

I remember now how my now-retired trauma T worked with me quite a lot on posture - not to change it so much as to notice it. Notice how it feels when I cower or fall into myself or hunch my shoulders forward or lie in the fetal position. And then notice how it feels to open my body up, with my arms and legs moving out of the fetal position or out of a cowering position.

https://www.rewiringyourbrainworldsummit.com/


As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0

[dollyvee]

This is a long possibly rather disjointed post. It started as a response to dollyvee on the cptsd vs. osdd "Parts" thread, but maybe got a bit off-topic so I'm moving it over here to its own thread.

I'll preface this by saying that my impression is IFS is the go-to method atm in the English-speaking world but parts therapy pre-dates it. So other methods may well exist, just not talked about so much.

blueberry - ... As an aside, I wonder about your response to NARM. Not in a bad way, but I think it's curious as NARM is very much about giving agency, or building a sense of agency within the self. I take it from your comment about helpful how tos, which I also find difficult at times, though am sure I have also been guilty of as well, that agency, and letting your parts do their thing, is important to you. This is actually one of the things that drew me to NARM. Not a sense that the therapist "knows better," but uncovering and encouraging that part(s) of ourselves that do know what is best for us.

I'd be interested to hear more about this:

Tho where I live the ideas behind Parts comes from some other place other than the therapists/psychologists/science behind IFS.

Something I read today reminded me of this thread and our conversation here.

There is Parts work from before IFS and other than Narm. Gestalt therapy is something mentioned a lot where I live, whether for those traumatised or not. It includes exercises like switching chairs to speak from the pov of different people for instance. The first time I did it, it was a dialog between my M and the counsellor. I was speaking as M from her 'chair', of course M wasn't there IRL and whether I was responding true to M or not is irrelevant. It was a tool to help me out of my fear and anxiety of M. (I can even remember laughing a bit when my counsellor asked 'M' if it would be okay for me to react the way she does in anger - throwing things around - and  'M' grumbled through me "So long as she doesn't break my dishes". Counsellor: "so it's OK if Ms. BB brings her own??". Totally took the wind out of 'M' 's sails    I could feel that within myself at the time). I do well with these types of exercises. Not everybody does. I've noticed that before when people have done 'stand-in' for me in feeling parts/Parts. 

I also do well with therapists who mix different types of therapy into what they offer and/or allow me to do so. The therapists who first introduced me to cptsd and Child Parts would all have worked with Gestalt therapy before. Then there's PITT imagination therapy, which doesn't really exist in the English-speaking world because never translated, but that can involve Parts too, and these same therapists were all trained in that. I used those methods in group settings in a way where I latched on because it felt right and I could grasp it in a non-intellectual way, absorb it, do it. I do less well when I have the feeling I have to learn some new method, possibly fairly cognitively as well, which is the way I feel about IFS presented in a video or book. Something else to try and understand, sigh. Try and figure out which of my Inner Parts might be fire-fighters, or not. That's all just ways of labelling to try and help us with what's going on in our minds and hearts and bodies anyway. Some of it theories, no matter how well-founded and researched they may seem. What if some of my stuff doesn't seem to fit? I'm wrong? I need to work harder to understand and fit myself into their categories? No thanks. That doesn't mean I think IFS is a bad treatment method or useless or ... It's just: let me stick to what I have, to what I know. Same goes for NARM.('you' is not directed at you personally, dollyvee.) NARM hardly even exists in the country I live in, so why chase it? otoh there are methods here hardly in the English-speaking world which do me good, in fact some of them deemed /used to be deemed 'not appropriate' for cptsd but these therapists (the therapists who first introduced me to cptsd and Child Parts) taught me trauma-informed ways of doing them and I'm fine, e.g. with a particular type of breathwork, which helps integrate what you've been working on and flush out the metaphorical dust bunnies and wood-shavings you no longer need.

Idk if I've added anything substantial I didn't have in the cptsd vs. osdd thread. Oh well.

[not]

I know that somewhere on here there's a thread entitled something like "What I'd like certain people to know about cptsd" and I'd really like to write on it, but can't find it.

I was trying to explain to psych doc today why I really need a prescription for occupational therapy at home. I was reading to him what I'd already written about the topic for other audiences including on here. Most of that's on my Mbr Journal. To recap: I've been in OT for a long time now and have started processing trauma on my own but with my OT holding a safe space for me and helping me with slightly technical and/or practical stuff with my hands if I get stuck, which then gives me the space to work directly with whichever Inner Child on the trauma topic that's coming up. I was giving some examples of what came up during a particular trauma processing session, namely Inner Child's fear of violence.

Then came a question from psych doc: "Why do you go back into all this past stuff?" I was able to say right away that not processing it leads to constant exhaustion and paralyses me in my daily life.

I just can't believe that psych doc (who is generally OK) and who had a fairly high up position in the inpatient place I've been in twice for trauma therapy within the last 5 years would come up with such an inane idea!! How on earth am I meant to ignore this past stuff and/or not try to process and integrate it when it causes SUCH exhaustion in my daily life and makes so many quite normal activities SO exhausting?             Grrr.

Today my psych doctor asked me the dreaded "But why do you do xyz?" I was able to give him the answer right away without going into shutdown and either not being able to answer at all or really struggling to answer.

This is huge    

[*** Trigger Warning Medical Trauma ***]

*** Trigger Warning Medical Trauma ***     (not too gruesome, I don't think)




I was bitten by an insect yesterday and had an immediate allergic reaction that got pretty full-on within minutes. Not progress obviously, but the way I dealt with it was:

I was at an outside event where there were ambulances anyway and headed straight to them and tho I was in shock and trembling and feeling sick and itchy/burning all over,  (1) I did manage to tell them I'm allergic to a particular medication that is used to bring an allergic reaction down. (2) I also told them before I was injected with cortisol?/cortisone? that I know they have to inject but I have a cptsd trauma thing with injections and the paramedic was caring about that, in her tone of voice, gestures. When she had to give me a further injection she signalled to her colleague who had a free moment to distract me while she injected, which he did by asking some totally non-related questions. That was helpful in the moment, kept my Adult of Today distracted and I think maybe helped out whichever ICs were so badly affected.

They took me to hospital and I was in overnight on the emergency observation ward. At first I always apologised for using the bell to call nurses, cuz I know how under-staffed and stressed they are, but they were so nice and said not to apologise that (3) I stopped feeling bad about it and rang with abandon, when I needed to.

Sometime in the early morning (4) I started connecting with and communicating with an IC. When I say 'connecting with', I mean I can sense and feel a lot more than if I'm just talking and she can communicate with me. So I explained that I know an injection is scary for her but it's necessary. She knew the latter, didn't need to be told. Instead, she cried about how scary it was. And repeated 'scary' a couple of times. I could sense that what she needed was to be able to name her feeling and have that accepted and especially NOT have it pooh-poohed as my FOO would have and did. I'm not going to write how because this is meant to be about success and progress  (plus - 5 - I can feel that going back into the trauma rn would not be good for my Adult and undoubtedly not for ICs). I (6) acknowledged IC's feelings (that it was scary).

*** End Trigger Warning Medical Trauma ***





(7) This morning I started tapping (EFT) in order to bring my anxiety down somewhat. I can't remember my sentences but things like 'trusting the hospital', which I had good reason to, unlike the times I was traumatised as a small child in medical settings. This time the hospital and paramedics showed me by their behaviour and words that I could trust them! I yawned a lot, which shows me that the EFT is working. I haven't tapped for seemingly ages, today I noticed (8 ) when it's the appropriate method, then it's there, I start doing it and the correct sentences for me to work with just appear and sometimes even change into something different mid-tap. It's all good, that's how it works for me so (9) not just appropriate to have trust in the hospital but also in ME, TRUST in ME and my capabilities.  A bit later after talking to the doc, I couldn't tap anymore, just not the wherewithal so (10) I remembered to place a hand on my stomach and a hand just below my collar-bone, which are calming spots for me.

By all these things I was doing, I (11) knew that I was reducing the chance of the medical trauma already there being compounded, and it was brilliant of me to be acting on it in the actual setting - both place-wise and emotion-wise. Going at it in the moment.

    

Does anybody have the impression that they were eventually able to head directly to a core or primal traumatic wound with trauma therapy and process this a good distance, so that they don't feel as if they're constantly re-hitting that old thing?

My example is my core belief that I am bad through and through and I shouldn't exist. It comes up again and again. I've done lots of work on reducing its power over me plus lots of work on disproving it to myself, taken lots of concrete steps to show myself I do exist and I'm fine that way, heard tons of positive feedback including in therapeutic settings (where people feel/sense a lot plus don't usually lie for the sake of it), but that old FOO stuff sits pretty deep. I've been mentioning this in various ways in T since, let's see, 2002 or maybe even 2001. Not to moan or anything, but getting sick of coming back again and again to this, despite non-head-on ways of therapy, so as not to be overwhelmed etc. (For those on Mbr Journals, I've written there too but that info must please stay there).

I am not so much interested in what all else I could try in my spare time like journaling or etc etc (partially because I have done far more than I can list, some of which I don't even know what to call, don't know if it exists in the English-speaking world but was still helpful plus I am writing this on a Therapy board    ), I'm more interested in hearing if any of the more advanced in healing on the forum feel that they've made significant headway in tamping down this kind of pervasive false belief about themselves, that they believe came from traumatisation in childhood (including preverbal) or generational trauma? So that it doesn't keep re-surfacing?  And how they made that headway, with presumably a therapist - I need a therapist anyway. 

Please note: I'm somewhere on the OSDD/partial dissocation spectrum, have Parts, might well make a difference.

Can EMDR help in this kind of case, to 'get at the root' type thing? Some other trauma therapy type I've never heard of? Or does it have to be some form of Parts work, going thru each Part at a time? It probably has to be Parts work... I was just imagining: wouldn't it be nice, if I could work directly on banishing these types of feelings - I shouldn't exist, I'm so bad through and through I don't deserve a spot on this earth, but no, how would that work out when not every Part picks up on it...?  

Still, in case it did work out, maybe for somebody with fewer Parts or no Parts, could you write a bit about it? I'm guessing it wasn't over in one session... tho i wish for us all that it could be. And of course there could be other core beliefs/wounds too, there certainly are in my case.

I hope my question makes sense. If not, do get back to me, I'll try and explain better. Thanks

One of the Decode Your... series. This is for people with an Anxiety Disorder, or imho somebody like me with cptsd and a LARGE anxiety pattern. There is also a Decode Your Trauma series; Alex Howard is knowledgeable about (c)ptsd. The freebie series are all 'just' intro but worth watching. It's live on zoom with Q&A and daily worksheets.

The final session is about Alex Howard's ReSet model of healing. It's about resetting your nervous system to a state of safe & social (instead of fight/flight or freeze/fawn/flop), from which state it is apparently much easier to heal. I assume there are other ways of reaching a state of safe & social other than A.H.`s ReSet e.g. meditation, breathing exercises etc. So you don't have to buy his ReSet program!! I did last year, but I'm slow at working on it...

As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0

Just read https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=12762.0
and this time I do have more idea what's going on. Tho I'm still fairly fuzzy and confused.

It's not the non-integrated haywire Part, since she has a different name and different appearance and behaviour and is at least partially integrated or maybe wholly (yeah, she's nodding, she feels fully integrated). It's a different shut-down Part that's hard to describe because my mind has gone blank again. So maybe I could call this Blank-Brain Part? No, she's one of the Blank-Brain Parts. So, there's more than one, with different roles. So Blank-Brain who has difficulty learning new steps for using a machine or gadget. I suppose in a way, this Part also goes slightly haywire, or this Part's brain does until pretty much shut-down / blank-brain in the context of what I was learning - how to open and shut a shop door with an electronic card and how to use the cash register. This isn't for a job, it's to use a shop I'm now a mbr of. This particular Blank-Brain doesn't react in any way or seem to resonate with descriptor difficulty learning new steps for using a machine or gadget, doesn't mean the descriptor is wrong tho

It's hard for me. I know that what I've learnt has to move from my head into my muscle memory or maybe general body memory, like to touch the doorknob before putting my card up to it, whether entering shop or leaving, and then remembering which way to turn the doorknob. Probably all logical, but my brain goes blank. It IS important. The shop has to be locked properly when I leave. I think after my brain goes blank and I keep trying that I then go into PANIC, tho I also know that I can sometimes talk myself back down out of panic. I don't know if that's a different Part or not. If I can talk myself out of it, then it must be at least partially integrated NTS. (The Panic, not the Blank-Brain).

Mathilde, if you are checking the forum, please come back, if you want to! Your final post makes it sound as if you still might need us. We are here for you, no matter what's going on

https://www.alexhoward.com/decodeyournervoussystem/live-hm?kuid=1d86ddba-8070-408d-89cf-3a9e854a6b70-1739470954&lid=1072366&kref=cS56zfRHrbYf

I've done one of his before, found it useful and interesting - it made sense, so much sense to me at the time that I even signed up for an actual paid course. Unfortunately, I didn't keep going with the program but that's one of my problems...  But certainly I can recommend participating in this freebie.

As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0

I hope any forum members from the area of LA are safe!

From the blurb: "This five-day summit, curated with the latest research and strategies, will help you strengthen your primary relationships, friendships, and family dynamics by equipping you with the skills to nurture and maintain positive connections...
We have gathered an exceptional lineup of expert speakers, renowned in the fields of relationship, social fitness, and resilience, to including Annie Lalla, Ken Page, Katherine Woodward Thomas, Arielle Ford, Larry Michel, Sharon Salzberg, Richard Schwartz PhD, Jack Kornfield PhD, Byron Katie, and many more..."

38 speakers in all including some trauma-informed names, who come up again and again in summits, e.g. Stephen Porges + some mentioned above e.g. Richard Schwartz

https://spiritualgrowthevents.com/events/relationship-wisdom-summit/

As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0

Today I was able to notice that I was really tired, especially physically but mentally a bit too I think, and at the same time I could clearly feel emotions like joy and happiness, peace. Usually when I'm really tired, I don't feel things like joy at the same time. I think that I usually don't feel much of anything in fact when I'm tired because it's too exhausting to even feel and differentiate emotions.

So this is good progress

https://www.transformingtraumasummit.com/

Organised by Fleet Maull, Heart Mind Institute

These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!


I've signed up for a lot of these freebie summits and conferences in the past. I can certainly recommend it, tho I may not be joining in this one.

I wrote some how-to notes somewhere, just looking for them: "IME It isn't worth trying to listen to every session in one of these conferences! Once you're signed up you'll get tons of notices of freebies and the material gets pretty much recycled. Also no need to push through if you can't stand somebody's voice or turn of phrase or something. Some other speaker will cover similar topic sometime...

Speakers often seem to have just got a new book published etc. Whatever. Just take the freebie aspect and see if it helps a bit.

 

https://www.neuromasterysummit.com/home-a?a_aid=consciouslife#a_aid=consciouslife

I liked this video on fatigue https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A6hfAWjZ3c

Explained it well, to my mind.

Just towards the end, I kind of wonder at the solution of handing it all to your T. It sounds as if your T does the processing for you, which isn't quite what happens afaik. But I do like the way the fatigue is explained. It's helping me rn remember why it could be a good idea to continue with trauma therapy and not give up because I feel like a hopeless unmotivated case. The previous sentence is not the main intent of the post on this thread, so if anybody desperately wants to respond to that, put it on one of my Journals please.

[Maybe it's difficult to talk about but what is triggering about exercise for you? No pressure to discuss but I'd wager you're not alone.]

I've copied this over from the Exercise Support Thread, since I don't want to derail that thread.

This is a good idea Chart!

I have a lot of triggering around taking exercise...

Maybe the existence of this thread will help me do a little more and/or a little more often.

Thanks Blueberry! Yeah the idea is really to explore, encourage and support.

...

Maybe it's difficult to talk about but what is triggering about exercise for you? No pressure to discuss but I'd wager you're not alone.

...

I get triggered by doing sports, exercise, especially the "must / have to" part of it, but that's not all.

The word "exercise" or phrases like "take exercise" trigger me. "Movement" is much better for me, non-triggering.

There's other stuff too, I just don't have the wherewithal to write it down rn. But I wanted to start this thread before the current Exercise Support Thread is locked and no.2 started.

This thread is open to anybody who gets triggered by sports and exercise.