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Topics - Blueberry

#1
*** Trigger Warning Medical Trauma ***     (not too gruesome, I don't think)




I was bitten by an insect yesterday and had an immediate allergic reaction that got pretty full-on within minutes. Not progress obviously, but the way I dealt with it was:

I was at an outside event where there were ambulances anyway and headed straight to them and tho I was in shock and trembling and feeling sick and itchy/burning all over,  (1) I did manage to tell them I'm allergic to a particular medication that is used to bring an allergic reaction down. (2) I also told them before I was injected with cortisol?/cortisone? that I know they have to inject but I have a cptsd trauma thing with injections and the paramedic was caring about that, in her tone of voice, gestures. When she had to give me a further injection she signalled to her colleague who had a free moment to distract me while she injected, which he did by asking some totally non-related questions. That was helpful in the moment, kept my Adult of Today distracted and I think maybe helped out whichever ICs were so badly affected.

They took me to hospital and I was in overnight on the emergency observation ward. At first I always apologised for using the bell to call nurses, cuz I know how under-staffed and stressed they are, but they were so nice and said not to apologise that (3) I stopped feeling bad about it and rang with abandon, when I needed to.

Sometime in the early morning (4) I started connecting with and communicating with an IC. When I say 'connecting with', I mean I can sense and feel a lot more than if I'm just talking and she can communicate with me. So I explained that I know an injection is scary for her but it's necessary. She knew the latter, didn't need to be told. Instead, she cried about how scary it was. And repeated 'scary' a couple of times. I could sense that what she needed was to be able to name her feeling and have that accepted and especially NOT have it pooh-poohed as my FOO would have and did. I'm not going to write how because this is meant to be about success and progress  (plus - 5 - I can feel that going back into the trauma rn would not be good for my Adult and undoubtedly not for ICs). I (6) acknowledged IC's feelings (that it was scary).

*** End Trigger Warning Medical Trauma ***





(7) This morning I started tapping (EFT) in order to bring my anxiety down somewhat. I can't remember my sentences but things like 'trusting the hospital', which I had good reason to, unlike the times I was traumatised as a small child in medical settings. This time the hospital and paramedics showed me by their behaviour and words that I could trust them! I yawned a lot, which shows me that the EFT is working. I haven't tapped for seemingly ages, today I noticed (8 ) when it's the appropriate method, then it's there, I start doing it and the correct sentences for me to work with just appear and sometimes even change into something different mid-tap. It's all good, that's how it works for me so (9) not just appropriate to have trust in the hospital but also in ME, TRUST in ME and my capabilities.  A bit later after talking to the doc, I couldn't tap anymore, just not the wherewithal so (10) I remembered to place a hand on my stomach and a hand just below my collar-bone, which are calming spots for me.

By all these things I was doing, I (11) knew that I was reducing the chance of the medical trauma already there being compounded, and it was brilliant of me to be acting on it in the actual setting - both place-wise and emotion-wise. Going at it in the moment.

 :cheer:  :cheer:  :cheer:
#2
Therapy / Therapy directly on a core/primal wound
June 12, 2025, 10:53:15 PM
Does anybody have the impression that they were eventually able to head directly to a core or primal traumatic wound with trauma therapy and process this a good distance, so that they don't feel as if they're constantly re-hitting that old thing?

My example is my core belief that I am bad through and through and I shouldn't exist. It comes up again and again. I've done lots of work on reducing its power over me plus lots of work on disproving it to myself, taken lots of concrete steps to show myself I do exist and I'm fine that way, heard tons of positive feedback including in therapeutic settings (where people feel/sense a lot plus don't usually lie for the sake of it), but that old FOO stuff sits pretty deep. I've been mentioning this in various ways in T since, let's see, 2002 or maybe even 2001. Not to moan or anything, but getting sick of coming back again and again to this, despite non-head-on ways of therapy, so as not to be overwhelmed etc. (For those on Mbr Journals, I've written there too but that info must please stay there).

I am not so much interested in what all else I could try in my spare time like journaling or etc etc (partially because I have done far more than I can list, some of which I don't even know what to call, don't know if it exists in the English-speaking world but was still helpful plus I am writing this on a Therapy board ;)   ), I'm more interested in hearing if any of the more advanced in healing on the forum feel that they've made significant headway in tamping down this kind of pervasive false belief about themselves, that they believe came from traumatisation in childhood (including preverbal) or generational trauma? So that it doesn't keep re-surfacing?  And how they made that headway, with presumably a therapist - I need a therapist anyway. 

Please note: I'm somewhere on the OSDD/partial dissocation spectrum, have Parts, might well make a difference.

Can EMDR help in this kind of case, to 'get at the root' type thing? Some other trauma therapy type I've never heard of? Or does it have to be some form of Parts work, going thru each Part at a time? It probably has to be Parts work... I was just imagining: wouldn't it be nice, if I could work directly on banishing these types of feelings - I shouldn't exist, I'm so bad through and through I don't deserve a spot on this earth, but no, how would that work out when not every Part picks up on it...? :'(  :'(

Still, in case it did work out, maybe for somebody with fewer Parts or no Parts, could you write a bit about it? I'm guessing it wasn't over in one session... tho i wish for us all that it could be. And of course there could be other core beliefs/wounds too, there certainly are in my case.

I hope my question makes sense. If not, do get back to me, I'll try and explain better. Thanks :)
#3
One of the Decode Your... series. This is for people with an Anxiety Disorder, or imho somebody like me with cptsd and a LARGE anxiety pattern. There is also a Decode Your Trauma series; Alex Howard is knowledgeable about (c)ptsd. The freebie series are all 'just' intro but worth watching. It's live on zoom with Q&A and daily worksheets.

The final session is about Alex Howard's ReSet model of healing. It's about resetting your nervous system to a state of safe & social (instead of fight/flight or freeze/fawn/flop), from which state it is apparently much easier to heal. I assume there are other ways of reaching a state of safe & social other than A.H.`s ReSet e.g. meditation, breathing exercises etc. So you don't have to buy his ReSet program!! I did last year, but I'm slow at working on it...

As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0
#4
Just read https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=12762.0
and this time I do have more idea what's going on. Tho I'm still fairly fuzzy and confused.

It's not the non-integrated haywire Part, since she has a different name and different appearance and behaviour and is at least partially integrated or maybe wholly (yeah, she's nodding, she feels fully integrated). It's a different shut-down Part that's hard to describe because my mind has gone blank again. So maybe I could call this Blank-Brain Part? No, she's one of the Blank-Brain Parts. So, there's more than one, with different roles. So Blank-Brain who has difficulty learning new steps for using a machine or gadget. I suppose in a way, this Part also goes slightly haywire, or this Part's brain does until pretty much shut-down / blank-brain in the context of what I was learning - how to open and shut a shop door with an electronic card and how to use the cash register. This isn't for a job, it's to use a shop I'm now a mbr of. This particular Blank-Brain doesn't react in any way or seem to resonate with descriptor difficulty learning new steps for using a machine or gadget, doesn't mean the descriptor is wrong tho

It's hard for me. I know that what I've learnt has to move from my head into my muscle memory or maybe general body memory, like to touch the doorknob before putting my card up to it, whether entering shop or leaving, and then remembering which way to turn the doorknob. Probably all logical, but my brain goes blank. It IS important. The shop has to be locked properly when I leave. I think after my brain goes blank and I keep trying that I then go into PANIC, tho I also know that I can sometimes talk myself back down out of panic. I don't know if that's a different Part or not. If I can talk myself out of it, then it must be at least partially integrated NTS. (The Panic, not the Blank-Brain).
#5
Checking Out / To Mathilde!
March 11, 2025, 12:22:42 PM
Mathilde, if you are checking the forum, please come back, if you want to! Your final post makes it sound as if you still might need us. We are here for you, no matter what's going on :hug:
#6

https://www.alexhoward.com/decodeyournervoussystem/live-hm?kuid=1d86ddba-8070-408d-89cf-3a9e854a6b70-1739470954&lid=1072366&kref=cS56zfRHrbYf

I've done one of his before, found it useful and interesting - it made sense, so much sense to me at the time that I even signed up for an actual paid course. Unfortunately, I didn't keep going with the program but that's one of my problems...  But certainly I can recommend participating in this freebie.

As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0
#7
The Cafe / LA fires (not triggering)
January 11, 2025, 09:24:10 PM
I hope any forum members from the area of LA are safe!
#8
From the blurb: "This five-day summit, curated with the latest research and strategies, will help you strengthen your primary relationships, friendships, and family dynamics by equipping you with the skills to nurture and maintain positive connections...
We have gathered an exceptional lineup of expert speakers, renowned in the fields of relationship, social fitness, and resilience, to including Annie Lalla, Ken Page, Katherine Woodward Thomas, Arielle Ford, Larry Michel, Sharon Salzberg, Richard Schwartz PhD, Jack Kornfield PhD, Byron Katie, and many more..."

38 speakers in all including some trauma-informed names, who come up again and again in summits, e.g. Stephen Porges + some mentioned above e.g. Richard Schwartz

https://spiritualgrowthevents.com/events/relationship-wisdom-summit/

As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0
#9
Today I was able to notice that I was really tired, especially physically but mentally a bit too I think, and at the same time I could clearly feel emotions like joy and happiness, peace. Usually when I'm really tired, I don't feel things like joy at the same time. I think that I usually don't feel much of anything in fact when I'm tired because it's too exhausting to even feel and differentiate emotions.

So this is good progress :thumbup:
#10
https://www.transformingtraumasummit.com/

Organised by Fleet Maull, Heart Mind Institute

These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!


I've signed up for a lot of these freebie summits and conferences in the past. I can certainly recommend it, tho I may not be joining in this one.

I wrote some how-to notes somewhere, just looking for them: "IME It isn't worth trying to listen to every session in one of these conferences! Once you're signed up you'll get tons of notices of freebies and the material gets pretty much recycled. Also no need to push through if you can't stand somebody's voice or turn of phrase or something. Some other speaker will cover similar topic sometime...

Speakers often seem to have just got a new book published etc. Whatever. Just take the freebie aspect and see if it helps a bit.


 
#12
Symptoms - Other / Tiredness, exhaustion, fatigue
September 08, 2024, 05:12:17 PM
I liked this video on fatigue https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A6hfAWjZ3c

Explained it well, to my mind.

Just towards the end, I kind of wonder at the solution of handing it all to your T. It sounds as if your T does the processing for you, which isn't quite what happens afaik. But I do like the way the fatigue is explained. It's helping me rn remember why it could be a good idea to continue with trauma therapy and not give up because I feel like a hopeless unmotivated case. The previous sentence is not the main intent of the post on this thread, so if anybody desperately wants to respond to that, put it on one of my Journals please.
#13
General Discussion / Triggered by exercise / sports
August 28, 2024, 12:09:16 PM
I've copied this over from the Exercise Support Thread, since I don't want to derail that thread.


Quote from: Chart on June 27, 2024, 03:59:40 AM
Quote from: Blueberry on June 26, 2024, 11:40:56 PMThis is a good idea Chart!

I have a lot of triggering around taking exercise...

Maybe the existence of this thread will help me do a little more and/or a little more often.

Thanks Blueberry! Yeah the idea is really to explore, encourage and support.

...

Maybe it's difficult to talk about but what is triggering about exercise for you? No pressure to discuss but I'd wager you're not alone.

...

I get triggered by doing sports, exercise, especially the "must / have to" part of it, but that's not all.

The word "exercise" or phrases like "take exercise" trigger me. "Movement" is much better for me, non-triggering.

There's other stuff too, I just don't have the wherewithal to write it down rn. But I wanted to start this thread before the current Exercise Support Thread is locked and no.2 started.

This thread is open to anybody who gets triggered by sports and exercise.
#14
Protective Factors / Encouragement
August 12, 2024, 09:26:11 PM
Unfortunately I wasn't given much encouragement as a child or teen, more the opposite in fact. Anybody who reads posts about my past like on my Journals and Recovery Letters can get a little view of what that looked like. But since this thread is on Protective Factors, I'd like to look at encouragement, not the opposite. Anybody else is free to join in with focus on the positives.

I get a lot of encouragement from others posting responses to me on the forum :)  :) pointing progress out that I don't tend to notice from day to day or even month to month. But I also get encouragement from re-reading my own old threads.

Just a few minutes ago I remembered that there have been times in the past when I have been much better at encouraging my Inner Children with whatever task I'm doing e.g. tidying up or cleaning. Praise, basically. When I direct it to one of several Inner Children, it really gets through to me and I can keep going better. Even if that means I manage to sweep a second floor, it's all ENcouragement instead of discouragement. ENCOURAGEMENT - a Tool that certainly used to Work, good for me to try again ;) 
#15
https://www.posttraumaticgrowthsummit.com/


"The first-ever Post-Traumatic Growth Global Summit, a FREE, 6-day, online transformational journey exploring how we can leverage our toughest challenges to create extraordinary life possibilities.

Over six powerful days, June 11-16, we will explore not only how to heal and recover from traumatic experiences, but also how to embrace them as transformational opportunities along our heroine's or hero's journey to awakening, transcendence, thriving, and service.

Post-Traumatic Growth is a powerful, positive transformation that can blossom from the depths of trauma. When we face and reflect on the upheaval caused by our traumatic experiences, our struggles become seeds for profound change.

Trauma doesn't need to be the end of our journey; instead, it can open the door to new beginnings and possibilities. By embracing the potential for growth and renewal, we can transform our pain into a pathway to a stronger, more resilient self. Whether you are working through your own challenges, supporting others on their healing journeys, or both, as many of us are; this extraordinary online journey is designed to support you and your path to thriving.

The Post-Traumatic Growth Global Summit begins Tuesday, June 11th, with 40+ world-class experts who will guide us along this profound path of healing, integration, and genuine transformation at the individual, relational, and collective levels, including...

Peter Levine, Stephen Porges, Thomas Hübl, Arielle Schwartz, Janina Fischer, Alex Howard, Diane Poole Heller, and many many more...

During the Summit, you'll learn all about the cutting-edge science, research, therapeutic interventions, and healing practices that support post-traumatic growth including Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST), Polyvagal Theory, the Theradelic Approach, and much, much more..."

Organised by Fleet Maull, Heart Mind Institute.

 



#16
I bet this link isn't going to work :stars:

https://www.consciouslife.com/conferences/psc?affiliate=123&lid=436615&cookieUUID=bd37d601-d605-4c38-bf72-598ff43e9a95

However you can probably find it and sign up by googling 'conscious-life alex howard psychedelics' + start date.

I'm not actually very interested in psychedelics for myself but I did sign up when I saw there are a few other topics covered. There are also 6 talks you can access right after signing up, w/o waiting till tomorrow (Monday)

#17
Another freebie, free while taking place that is. From May 20th till May 26th 2024.

Resolved: Healing Nervous System and Trauma-Driven Illness

https://nervoussystemillness.byhealthmeans.com/


If you sign up in advance, there are a few freebie talks before May 20th.
#18
I got sent one of these freebies/adverts by one of the Ortner family on tapping to (help) heal from obesity/overeating. The program is for women but I'm sure the information could be useful for any men on OOTS with problems in this area.

With these notes, I'm going to assume the reader knows about tapping / EFT. If you don't, there are undoubtedly tons of free Youtube videos including by the Ortner family. Or if you search EFT here on the forum, you'll find links to free information too. EFT comes up on free Conferences too, which get linked https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=272.0 by various mbrs.

According to Jessica Ortner, when you want to lose weight, people concentrate on nutrition and fitness first. The approach is wrong because it goes way deeper. You need to concentrate first on the underlying problem, which lies in events, beliefs or emotions (or in all those categories).

Events: Think back to when you started to have problems around eating or when you started really gaining weight and couldn't stop. What was happening in your life? Events can be 'simple' fat-shaming, criticism from FOO mbrs in your childhood etc. It doesn't have to be a huge thing.

Beliefs: You might have limiting beliefs about your ability to lose weight, e.g. losing weight equals depriving myself, only weak people diet, no point because I'll never manage anyway, when I diet I get exhausted.

Emotions: You may be avoiding feeling any; What do you feel at the thought of somebody taking away your comfort foods? (I feel enraged at the thought of having to give up sugar). Also what emotions do you have when you think of your body? (I experienced shame, shame, shame and some fear and a vague feeling of CSA though of course that's not an emotion, but having that floating back up in my consciousness, I was thinking no wonder this whole eating topic is so hard.)

In addition to thinking back to or feeling into events, beliefs, emotions on eating, dieting, losing weight, body image etc, it's useful to check events, beliefs, emotions on two more broad topics: exerciseand caring for/about yourself. For instance you may use exercise as a punishment against yourself (I felt a lot of bad childhood emotions and still have bad memories from times with FOO and at school in connection with outdoor activities and sports. I also know I tend to get physical pain when exercising and sometimes I dissociate so that I can't follow instructions like 'put your left arm around your right leg' even though I don't generally have problems distinguishing right/left or arms/legs.) Apparently if you feel 'too busy' to exercise, you might need to de-stress.

People also tend to make jail for themselves when trying to lose weight, like they'll say: "I'll allow myself to be happy when I lose weight."
Why not allow yourself to be happy beforehand? Not allowing yourself to be happy causes stress which doesn't make losing weight any easier! (My own example from my teens was: 'I'll start wearing trousers when I lose weight'. Self-punishment - gotta hide myself in skirts. I wasn't even fat! I just didn't like or accept my body, including its natural shape. [Thanks FOO. Not.] Needless to say, my jail sentence didn't work). If you can find the root of your self-sabotaging behaviour,

It's helpful to know what's going on physically when a stressor turns up. Hormones like adrenaline and cortisol flood out, which (1) slow down your digestion and (2)  restrict blood vessels, which make thinking clearly more difficult. This in turn makes you more likely 'to forget' and/or lose sight of your goals and eat a load of comfort food. This flood of adrenaline and cortisol into your body actually inhibits clever decision-making. Cortisol shuts down the creative, problem-solving part of the brain. Stress also decreases your nutritional absorption, which won't help brain activity

Also good to know: There's an emotional impulse to eat AND there's the physical craving. They are different entities.

Tapping reprograms your brain to not react to stressors to begin with. Stress is cumulative so it gets worse and worse over time with a bigger and bigger impact on you. It also takes over your body, so that's why we don't make the best decisions. Stress also makes gaining weight PHYSIOLOGICALLY easier.

When you're beginning the program, it's good to draw a line between the failed diets/exercise programs of the past and now. So  you can write / think / say: My past diets have failed me and that's OK. Or: My past exercise programs have failed me and that's OK. It wasn't my fault they didn't work. Or something similar. (I can't remember, but I think it was suggested you maybe even tap on the sentence. It would make sense.)


Some notes on what to tap on: Any of the beliefs, emotions, memories of events that you come up with in regards to eating, trying to lose weight, exercising, body image etc. You can tap on a phrase like "All this shame" or a whole sentence like "I'll never stick to a diet anyway". Tapping that kind of thing where there's an emotional charge behind the words will reduce the charge! You can also tap in the here and now on a craving. (I first learned EFT from my trauma T and learnt approx "Even though I have this craving, I accept myself." /"Even though thinking of exercise makes me exhausted,...".)  You can tap to reduce future anxiety like when you think about exercising regularly or restricting food intake. Your tapping can refer to quantity or substance (and presumably similar in regards to exercise). Consider also what thought is leading to physical feeling of anxiety. You can also tap on what you feel emotionally and/or physically after overeating. Or if you can find it, tap on the root cause of self-sabotaging behaviour, like if you put yourself in jail / self-punish. (Although my feeling on this one is: be careful if  self-sabotage is one of your cptsd symptoms!)

According to Jessica Ortner, you should target the most "present"/strong/pervasive emotion/thoughts/beliefs. (I think it's possible if you have cptsd that that might not be a good idea, especially if you're still skirting around topics rather than dealing head on. Certainly go with your inner feelings).

I'm saving this briefly so I don't lose the whole post.



 
#19
https://trustingaftertraumasummit.com/

For survivors of Childhood Narc Abuse.

By Dr. Meg Haworth and others.

I got notification of this, I'm not signing up, but others on here might be interested.
#20
United Kingdom / Scotland - Inverness, Moray...
April 18, 2024, 09:00:40 AM
Free, confidential, out-of-hours help, run by volunteers

https://www.mikeysline.co.uk/

https://www.mikeysline.co.uk/what-we-do/face-to-face-support/

I came across this on BBC news, no personal knowledge of it.