Eerie Anne's Journal

Started by Eireanne, March 20, 2023, 01:07:58 AM

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Eireanne

#75
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Eireanne

#76
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Eireanne

#77
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Moondance

Hi Eerie Anne  :wave:

I can so relate to your post (s).  I'm certain that my response here is nothing new to you.  Your post however brings these thoughts to me which is helping me further process what is happening to me or has happened to me.      In fact I have often asked myself what am I doing wrong that the same situations keep happening all the time for what seems like an eternity?  Am I doing the same things over and over again expecting different results? I definitely would prefer different results.  As I wrote this my thought is, well yes the same things are happening over and over again because my response remains the same as well.   I have CPTSD (+ more) and I have not YET been able to change my response/reaction, especially when I am triggered.   My body, my mind, my whole being is lost in this quagmire called CPTSD, so yes I respond the same until I learn the "lesson" or my wiring is fixed.  For myself I don't have much hope in being fixed.  For others I have hope though!

Thank you for your post - not sure if my post makes any sense at all  but this is my attempt at sharing the burdens and to say I hear you, I stand with you and for you.

:hug: to you if your okay with it, if not please disregard. 


Armee


Eireanne

@Moondance - thank you so much, your post made perfect sense...I appreciate you *hug*

@Armee thank you for the etiquette tip about messages - I can try to respond to people here...It's still a bit of an adjustment for me navigating this forum, thank you!

I will go back and add more acknowledgement once I get through a backlog of stuff that's been trying to get out lately :)   

Armee

Hi EA, that's only my own personal thing, I don't think it's universal across the forum. I just personally don't do the PMs because of a past experience, and trauma.  :hug:

Eireanne

#82
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Eireanne

#83
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Eireanne

#84
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Eireanne

#85
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Moondance

#86
Thank you Eireanne,

Your sharing brings up the following thoughts and feelings for me.  It may not be helpful to you as far as an answer to your question but hopefully there is a sense of caring can be shared in this exchange.

Yes, well I have been saying it's my choice to isolate  but I choose it because its too painful now to do much of anything else.  I'm too tired to keep trying after all the years of  efforts the abuse, the manipulations, the betrayals, the lies, etc, etc, and like you posted I think I am now very awkward in relationship. And even though I think of myself as a compassionate person I agree that I have felt very selfish and not part of and able to give much of anything to anyone because I feel completely depleted.  Is it because I need to heal some first before making an effort again?   And thinking that through, I still choose to isolate from the world as much as possible.  I am finding this forum helpful, though, by first relating so strongly that I must respond.  So, in a sense, forced to respond, so this is a good thing.  And 2nd, I am feeling supported by like minds.  This forum feels way more safe to me than unsafe; there are unspoken boundaries that are respected, and I really appreciate that because I have a hard time picking up cues that I need to set boundaries and once I figure it out that I need to set a boundary I find it difficult.  Even saying that makes me feel very vulnerable. 

I do understand and acknowledge you want more and I wish that for you so much.  I hope you keep at it, keep on searching for your answers. 

:hug: to you if accepted if not please disregard

Thank you again for sharing.

Eireanne

#87
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Eireanne

#88
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Armee

 :hug:

I wish there was something i could do to ease the pain. It is painful to not have your needs met by your parents. I'm so sorry you went through all of that. And it isn't fair to be expected to reparent our attachment wounds and the other damage done to our development when we were never given the tools. It really sucks. It's possible, it's slow. The only person I've found to have the capacity to do this with me is a good therapist.

You do have a lot of strengths but you are right without the nurturing or healing we get to our breaking points.

Sending support.