Eerie Anne's Journal

[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[sanmagic7]

keep up the good work, EA,  eventually something will click for you, i have no doubt. 

by the by, those 'inspirational' phrases and pep talks never helped me, either.  trauma doesn't work in a straight line.  love and hugs

[Eireanne]

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[sanmagic7]

EA, i think reframing can be a good thing for many things, but i'm not sure it works for all things.  how do you reframe something you haven't experienced?  maybe it's the 'non-experience' that could possibly be reframed.  for ex., if i wasn't allowed to have boundaries as a child, maybe not having boundaries can be reframed as something to be learned.  not having been allowed boundaries gives me a stepping stone to knowing what is and isn't good for me.  just a thought.

you are feeling lost and scared right now, and i get it.  this stuff can be smothering, overwhelming, and frightening.  keep at it, ok?  love and hugs

[Armee]

The same themes do keep coming up with PTSD. We try to master them subconsciously, but honestly that doesn't seem to work that well as we keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. I was doing that at work and didn't see it till I quit my job. I still don't know how to fix it but at least I see it  I kept recreating the scene and trying to get things to be different but I was just setting up everything to be the same and retraumatizing myself on repeat. It is a normal trauma thing though. It's what we survivors do until we see the pattern and can disrupt it.

We also feel broken and different. That's protective. It helps us blame ourselves.

Keep working it through with your therapist. Over time there will be tiny cracks that eventually lead to slow seismic shifts and eventually to connection with yourself and others. You are not wrong. Wrong things happened but you as a person are not wrong or defective. But our systems get all haywire from the trauma and it takes a long time and hard skilled work to rewire in a way that helps us instead of continuing the harm.

[Armee]

Hi EerieAnne,

I'm afraid my last reply to you may have come across as lecture-y or something. But I just wanted to see how are you feeling today?

[Eireanne]

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[sanmagic7]

amen, EA  love and hugs