Deep Blue’s searching for balance journal

[Deep Blue]

Jdog,
You are right.  A couple years ago, I wouldn't have been able to hold the panic attack back.  Thanks for allowing me to take a step back and appreciate that. 

Hope,
I will never turn down a hug from you.  I think you are correct too.  The reason it took it out of me is because I fought against it so long.

Sceal,
I've been doing lots of baking.  Just trying to stay grounded and in the present.

3roses,
I have seen those pens before. I love the idea of someone I care about designing my tattoo.  If my son wasn't just 4 maybe I'd let him design mine ha ha.  Thanks so much for appreciating the work I do with kids.  I really means a lot to me.  I'd just feel bad when my well is dry and I don't have any reserves to help them. 
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I'm ok. I'd be lying if I said I was any better.  I'm sore from the panic attack yesterday.  I'm thankful the universe spared me another one last night.

I just want to go to bed early but my coworker is wasted and texting me constantly right now.  It's getting really sexual and I just can't deal anymore. 

Love you all. Send me good vibes so I can sleep well tonight.  I'm so so tired

[Jdog]

I'm sending the good vibes and also a frown to the wasted coworker.  Can you just phone off and ignore this rudeness?  Love you, Deep Blue.  You deserve sleep!

[Sceal]

Dear Deep Blue,
I think I might have missed something, is your coworker hitting on you? Sounds like a really difficult position to be in! I'm sending you all the good vibes that I can! <3 Lots of love

[Deep Blue]

Thank you friends from protecting me from nightmares last night.  I got exactly what I needed.   A solid night's sleep can be so rejuvenating   

Jdog,
I told him that I had put my son to bed and that I was going to spend time with my husband, and then I put the phone on silence   

Sceal,
My coworker was so drunk he would have hit on a lamp! He is severely depressed and I worry about his mental health.  Yes he was hitting on me, my friends, and coworkers last night.  All by text. Thanks for the good vibes 

On to today!!! 💪

[Hope67]

I got exactly what I needed.   A solid night's sleep can be so rejuvenating   


On to today!!! 💪

   I hope today has been a rejuvenating day for you - or at the very least relaxing and enjoyable. 
Much love
Hope 

[Deep Blue]

Thanks Hope    it was a great day. I played sports in the morning and then went to a Halloween bash with my son.  We played games and drew pictures and he ate candy . After that we got lunch together and he took a nap.  My husband is gone to a soccer game tonight so it's still mommy son date night.
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I wanted to acknowledge some progress today.  A year ago, if I had had a week like I had this week, I'd be down for the count for quite awhile. 

I think I'm improving here.  Before this forum, I'd suffer in silence.  I'd still have my T but I was in a cycle where I would bottle bottle bottle till I exploded.  When I derailed, it took me weeks to get my feet back under me again.

This forum has changed that.  For the first time in my life, I can share with you all and I don't have to bottle.  This past week has shown me that when I get knocked down, I bounce back quicker now.     thanks for helping me save myself

[Three Roses]

 

You've been helpful and supportive to me and it's made a difference for me. This forum has been good for me too, I finally have a place to express my thoughts and feelings and be understood.

[Jdog]

Hurray for bouncing back and knowing that you can do it!!

[Sceal]

I am so happy to hear that you have had such an important and tremendous progress in the last year, and just as important is that you experience it, and feel it.  It's not only something other people can see.  You've done such a big job, you're working hard every day.

I want to echo what Three Roses is saying too, you've been so helpful, caring and supportive. It has made a huge difference for me. 

[Jdog]

Echoing the others, you make a big difference in my life also!! Thanks for being here and for being our friend, Deep Blue.

[Deep Blue]

3 Roses,
I'm so happy that I've been able to be helpful to you.  A friend told me that in order to heal, we must feel.  I know feeling can be scary but I'm grateful we have this forum in order to sort through the feelings together 

Sceal,
What can I say? I just love you. ❤️

Jdog,
My nerd of a feather    sending you some love friend... hope your wife is feeling a little better today?
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I had a great weekend.  My son and husband and I carved pumpkins at the neighbors' house this weekend.  I love to sculpt pumpkins.  It's when you peel the skin and create a 3D effect with the pumpkin.  Ray Villafane is excellent if you are curious and want to check it out.  I did a goblin/flying monkey thing this year.

Today is Tuesday and even though my week is crazy busy, I feel my feet under me.  That's a huge improvement for me.  Last week was rough, but here I am, on the other side of it.  Now I can remind myself that I can fight this demon.  I've done it before and if I need to, I can do it again 💪

[sanmagic7]

so glad for your pumpkin creativity.  i'm not so much, but i appreciate it in others. 

you know, if you're going to do a pen tattoo, maybe your son could actually design it for you.  it would be so personal, close to your heart, and i bet he'd get a big kick out of seeing his artistic rendition on your skin.  i know that childrens' art is usually relegated to the refrigerator, but i'm a firm believer of showing it off in a more unconventional manner.

when my girls were like 5 and 8, they each drew a picture of a girl, neither one of them was an artist, but those drawings were so dear to me.  i had them framed and put them up in our living room.  i still have them, am planning to put them on the walls of my room soon.  i like the purity of a child's conception of life around them.  just a thought.

am very glad to hear that you are making progress with all this.  this forum is amazing, the people here are amazing - so generous, caring, supportive, and helpful.   i know that immersing myself in this environment has helped me more than i ever imagined.  you've been a big part of that for me, too.

keep taking care of you, sweetie.  sending lots of love and a hug filled with continuing progress.

[Wattlebird]

Hi deep blue, I like sans idea of your son drawing ur tattoo.
Sending hugs

[Hope67]

I feel my feet under me.  That's a huge improvement for me.  Last week was rough, but here I am, on the other side of it.  Now I can remind myself that I can fight this demon.  I've done it before and if I need to, I can do it again 💪

to you Deep Blue
Hope 

[Three Roses]

Now I can remind myself that I can fight this demon.  I've done it before and if I need to, I can do it again 💪