Healing journal (tw) Angering / strong emotions

[StartingHealing]

Hi StartingHealing,
Sending you support, whatever you decide - you're taking your time to decide what feels right for you, and I hope whatever you decide to do works out ok.   

Thank you Hope.  I appreciate it 

[StartingHealing]

09-19-2025

Rambling post I reckon today. 

Was physically feeling pretty good this AM.  Got 9 hours in total for sleep.  The BP meds having me hit the bathroom on the regular even when I'm asleep.  Let's see last night it was 2 hours, bathroom, then 4 hours bathroom, then 3 hours till I awoke again. 

There are some feelings of frustration at the moment.  Got sleep, had coffee, got my walk in, shared some cool things via images with family, had breakfast and one of the bp meds, got rolling on some minor maintenance on my new to me rig which was changing out a seat belt latch (one bolt and the PVC valve & grommet and hose to intake manifold, started belching like I just slammed a 2 liter bottle of carbonated soft drink, and the level of physical discomfort kept increasing.  Even had a banana with breakfast for the good stuff in it, and brain fuzz came back, flu like symptoms came back .. 

I finished up what I had started on the new to me rig and back in the casa to cool off and sit.  It was only 82 deg F out there and I'm not appreciative of how the bp meds make sunlight on my skin feel.  This was mid morning so sunlight on weaker side.  closest thing I can think of is a mist of hot cooking oil hitting my skin.  Not even 10 min into it, the sweat just started pouring.  Even with a baseball style hat on, sweat was coming so fast that it was running down the bill and dripping off. 

I did start the 2 tablespoon of chia seed soaked in water for at least an hour. ( some say overnight is cool as well )  It's legit.  Chia seed done this way not only helps with lowering BP but also with lowering LDL cholesterol, diabetes, and also improving brain function.   The studies and the meta study on the studies, 15 - 30 gram of chia seed soaked in 16 - 20 oz water for at least an hour with an occasional stir to prevent clumping is the whole thing.  Pretty simple.  I also like the idea of simple and easy = large benefit.   

One thing I have noticed is that the bp meds have disrupted my lower colon's pattern of elimination.  Was common for me, 2x to 3x a day.  Now I'm lucky to get 1x. 

Did see some folks and their doggos on my walk.  Bittersweet.  So bittersweet.  I still miss the physical of every single one that have blessed me with being with me in my time here.  I recognize that also contains a huge amount of loss from other factors.  Loved ones, situations, situations that could have been, situations that never were, and situations that I survived with my sanity and psychological makeup relatively intact.  No I'm not using the current metrics that are being pushed in western society of late.  IMO anything that goes against human flourishing is at best suspect.  And to me, at this time, there is oh so much that is anti-human out there.  True the way it's packaged is nice but when I dug into it .. typical gaslighting so that others can extract from me, reducing freedom, pushing more and more towards me being a replaceable carbon based revenue unit.  They indeed to not have my best interests at heart.  As long as the short term goal of X is achieved .. F it.  Nothing is too cruel or outlandish.  How did I get here?  I'm still not grokking this mess of society, spirituality, governance, that I find myself in. 

I do wish all the brave souls here, all the best

Been well over a 1/4 hour since I've been sitting in the cool and working on my butt calluses and I'm still knackered.