Eerie Anne's Journal

[Eireanne]

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[sanmagic7]

EA, i hope you can find some confidence in knowing that you continue to take the risk by returning to such an environment in order to survive and that you have survived it in the past.  i also hope someday you will find a different place that will provide you with what you need, one that is not toxic.  we do what we can  to maintain our integrity, no matter what the risk.  it's been my life, and the lives of many others here.  and we are still here.  sending love and a hug filled w/ support. 

[Eireanne]

Thank you sanmagic 

[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

I'm Nice


You really don't like to hurt anyone's feelings, and will do a lot to avoid doing so.  You may find you inconvenience yourself greatly or neglect your basic needs (food, rest, exercise) to avoid disappointing someone.  You try to avoid conflict at all times.

Your core belief is likely to be that your needs do not count, or your needs are not as important as other people's.

Being nice is wonderful. However when it is a core defining statement with an underlying belief that your needs don't matter, there are significant downsides.  You may frequently feel resentful. You may end in relationships where your consideration for the other person is not returned.

Working on the core belief that your needs do matter, that YOU matter, is really the way your boundaries will improve.

[sanmagic7]

hey, EA,

personally, i don't think asking for help is a sign of co-dependency, so i looked up the term.  merriam-webster defined it as depending on the needs of or control by another.  it's an enabling/addiction type of dynamic where each partner is depending on the other to do to or for them.  in my mind, asking for help is a human issue because we all need help at one time or another.

i agree w/ you, tho, that some psychological platitudes don't jive w/ our experiences and situations of living.  they're not extensive enough in that they brush off our ability to do things like 'make friends', 'go to a social gathering', etc.  we all aren't able to do those things because of triggers, anxiety, and other c-ptsd symptoms.  life isn't as easy for us at times as those simplistic suggestions.

i'm offering support, love, and a virtual hug if it helps. 

[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

hey, EA,

personally, i don't think asking for help is a sign of co-dependency, so i looked up the term.  merriam-webster defined it as depending on the needs of or control by another.  it's an enabling/addiction type of dynamic where each partner is depending on the other to do to or for them.  in my mind, asking for help is a human issue because we all need help at one time or another.

i'm offering support, love, and a virtual hug if it helps. 

Thank you so much - hugs, support, love is ALWAYS helpful.  I agree with you, I don't feel I am co-dependent at all, but every time I watch a video or listen to an "expert" about C-PTSD, they all say that if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you are enabling the relationship by being co-dependent and I just don't see how...so they go on to say it's subconscious - so I always feel like a) people don't see ME and are just making assumptions and b) I am being "difficult" by not understanding that even though it isn't my fault, it sorta is.  My knee jerk reaction with EVERYTHING is to just assume it is somehow my fault and I need to unlearn that.  But all the "experts" harping on the "codependent nature" of the victim is hard.

I appreciate you letting me know I'm not alone in rejecting these thoughts that I am codependent. 

[Eireanne]

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