Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - December 06, 2025, 03:17:17 PMOne thing I'm doing for health purposes is work with my inner child. What helps me be more healthy is that in kindergarten we had vitamin breaks, where we got to snack on fruit or vedgetables. I'm trying to blend it into my routine, that on specific time I go to the kitchen and cut up some fruit, vedgetables etc and put them on plate and eat it. I don't usually take drink other than water too then.
#82
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - December 06, 2025, 01:11:01 PMthank you, all of you. more later. i'm not in a good place today, had a run-in about therapy, trying to find a T, got lied to, went all frazzled, and i'm completely worn out today. love you all - you're the best.
#83
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On?
Last post by Dark.art.girl - December 06, 2025, 05:02:33 AMDesert Flower, you're so sweet for taking the time to read my journal here to show support. Also, thank you for validating that experience--my dad did in fact collect evidence to have her charged but decided against it. She also fled to another state on the opposite side of the country. But no further update regarding what happened to the case from when I was 12.
You also validated my difficulty speaking about my feelings. Even now, I find myself going completely silent in times where emotions are high--I miss EMDR. I found it so so helpful.
Also big thanks to Papa Coco and Chart for your responses, you're both so kind and supportive. Regarding disassociation, it's becoming more and more of an issue for me. I'm not quite sure how to put a stop to it. The distracting is really intense. I thought taking away my social media would be a way to counteract it but I find other ways to mentally detach. Staring, listening to a show or podcast, etc. Time is moving like a current and I'm getting swept away from shore and into open waters. I'm in limbo. Not feeling as morbid, just stuck under a veil.
Much love to you all, you deserve the most.
#84
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Marcine - December 06, 2025, 04:42:29 AMThanks TheBigBlue and Desert Flower for your support.
I've been exploring what it means to be authentically myself. And finding there's a lot of unhelpful habits that operate in my day to day, way more than I consciously realized...
For instance, I'm aware that I cultivate a competent, chill demeanor, but I didn't realize the depth of perfectionism and control that underpins it. I'm not by nature a controlling person and so I can see the learned aspect of tightly clutching to known security like a castaway to a life ring.
But awareness alone doesn't free me from the tyrannical cycle of: fears-clutching-desperate search for security-self contortion.
This week on my quest to be more authentic, I've made some mistakes and I've felt vulnerable because of it and I've realized the grief of how foreign this all seems, this business of being a human being... and again I wonder what I am doing.
But there's no going back, there never is for me, once awareness dawns and I refuse to pretend.
At heart, I am a bad pretender. I am a not-good faker. I am unskilled at telling lies... oh, except for the lies I was force-fed and have told myself all my life. Those I got very good at telling to convince myself. But I also always oriented to truth.
So, what a quandary. Now no longer willing to lie to myself AND not yet ready to fully emerge as my genuine self.
I wish it felt more like a hermit crab that is vulnerable for a time as it grows and must move to a new, better-suited shell home.
Right now I feel like a turtle whose protective shell is fused to its very body existence and cannot survive without it.
I've been exploring what it means to be authentically myself. And finding there's a lot of unhelpful habits that operate in my day to day, way more than I consciously realized...
For instance, I'm aware that I cultivate a competent, chill demeanor, but I didn't realize the depth of perfectionism and control that underpins it. I'm not by nature a controlling person and so I can see the learned aspect of tightly clutching to known security like a castaway to a life ring.
But awareness alone doesn't free me from the tyrannical cycle of: fears-clutching-desperate search for security-self contortion.
This week on my quest to be more authentic, I've made some mistakes and I've felt vulnerable because of it and I've realized the grief of how foreign this all seems, this business of being a human being... and again I wonder what I am doing.
But there's no going back, there never is for me, once awareness dawns and I refuse to pretend.
At heart, I am a bad pretender. I am a not-good faker. I am unskilled at telling lies... oh, except for the lies I was force-fed and have told myself all my life. Those I got very good at telling to convince myself. But I also always oriented to truth.
So, what a quandary. Now no longer willing to lie to myself AND not yet ready to fully emerge as my genuine self.
I wish it felt more like a hermit crab that is vulnerable for a time as it grows and must move to a new, better-suited shell home.
Right now I feel like a turtle whose protective shell is fused to its very body existence and cannot survive without it.
#85
Conferences/Courses / Re: FREE webinar: Decode Your ...
Last post by Blueberry - December 05, 2025, 10:30:57 PMAs always: These types of conferences and summits are free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!
+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0
+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0
#86
Conferences/Courses / FREE webinar: Decode Your ADHD...
Last post by Blueberry - December 05, 2025, 10:28:53 PMhttps://www.alexhoward.com/decodeyouradhd/live
Although ADHD is NOT part of cptsd, there is overlap - some people have both diagnoses. There has been talk of adhd on the forum and how to recognise it as distinct from or in addition to cptsd. I've also been recommended to look into it by someone on the forum because one of my big symptoms looks like adhd.
So just putting this out there for anybody who might be interested.
Although ADHD is NOT part of cptsd, there is overlap - some people have both diagnoses. There has been talk of adhd on the forum and how to recognise it as distinct from or in addition to cptsd. I've also been recommended to look into it by someone on the forum because one of my big symptoms looks like adhd.
So just putting this out there for anybody who might be interested.
#87
Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Re: Film: If an Owl Calls Your...
Last post by Blueberry - December 05, 2025, 10:17:36 PM #88
Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Film: If an Owl Calls Your Nam...
Last post by Blueberry - December 05, 2025, 10:15:00 PMCopying from an email I got:
When Dr. Patricia June Vickers began working with survivors of residential schools in Canada, she saw something that modern science could not fully name.
Their pain wasn't just in their minds. It lived in their bodies, in their breath, in the way they carried silence.
Neuroscience calls it trauma. Her people call it disconnection from Spirit.
So she began to bridge the two.
Between 1831 and 1996, over 150,000 Indigenous children were forcibly removed from their families and placed in government-run schools designed to erase their culture, language, and identity.
As a trauma therapist and hereditary healer of the Tlingit and Haida lineages, Patricia developed ways of working that bring together neurobiology and ceremony, somatic awareness and ancestral prayer.
She understood something profound: the nervous system, like the land, remembers everything. Healing doesn't come from analysis or effort, but from returning to relationship.
This is the wisdom at the heart of the new film If An Owl Calls Your Name, where Patricia, her brother Roy Henry Vickers, and other Elders and healers from the Esk'etemc, Gitxsan, and Wet'suwet'en territories share what they know:
Healing isn't something we do. It's something we remember.
The land, the language, the drum - these are not metaphors for wellness. They are the original medicine.
When the people reconnect to them, the brain begins to reorganize, the body finds safety again, and Spirit returns to the center.
This is healing. This is ceremony.
Our friends at Science & Non Duality are presenting the global premiere of this profound film, created in collaboration with Indigenous communities who are reclaiming land, language, and spirit.
The Global Premiere: December 9-13
The premiere is a 5-day journey that includes:
🎥 Community screenings of the film
🔥 Daily live sessions with Indigenous Elders, healers, and activists
⏱️ 48-hour access to all talks if you can't attend live
You can join by offering a donation of any amount, including $0. Half of all net proceeds go directly back to the Indigenous communities featured in the film.
Reserve your spot for the premiere.
This film was made with the same care it documents - slowly, respectfully, with every conversation guided by sacred relationships.
What you'll witness is transformation. The profound work of remembering what was never truly lost.
Join the global premiere.
Warmly,
Eric Forbis
Co-Founder, Best Year of Your Life Summit
Blueberry says: TRIGGER WARNING to film - Survivors of community and generational trauma speak in the film, as I've noticed in the 2-min trailer. otoh it could be interesting to hear how a different people with different traditions than the 'first world' countries so many of us are in understand trauma to be and how they view healing.
When Dr. Patricia June Vickers began working with survivors of residential schools in Canada, she saw something that modern science could not fully name.
Their pain wasn't just in their minds. It lived in their bodies, in their breath, in the way they carried silence.
Neuroscience calls it trauma. Her people call it disconnection from Spirit.
So she began to bridge the two.
Between 1831 and 1996, over 150,000 Indigenous children were forcibly removed from their families and placed in government-run schools designed to erase their culture, language, and identity.
As a trauma therapist and hereditary healer of the Tlingit and Haida lineages, Patricia developed ways of working that bring together neurobiology and ceremony, somatic awareness and ancestral prayer.
She understood something profound: the nervous system, like the land, remembers everything. Healing doesn't come from analysis or effort, but from returning to relationship.
This is the wisdom at the heart of the new film If An Owl Calls Your Name, where Patricia, her brother Roy Henry Vickers, and other Elders and healers from the Esk'etemc, Gitxsan, and Wet'suwet'en territories share what they know:
Healing isn't something we do. It's something we remember.
The land, the language, the drum - these are not metaphors for wellness. They are the original medicine.
When the people reconnect to them, the brain begins to reorganize, the body finds safety again, and Spirit returns to the center.
This is healing. This is ceremony.
Our friends at Science & Non Duality are presenting the global premiere of this profound film, created in collaboration with Indigenous communities who are reclaiming land, language, and spirit.
The Global Premiere: December 9-13
The premiere is a 5-day journey that includes:
🎥 Community screenings of the film
🔥 Daily live sessions with Indigenous Elders, healers, and activists
⏱️ 48-hour access to all talks if you can't attend live
You can join by offering a donation of any amount, including $0. Half of all net proceeds go directly back to the Indigenous communities featured in the film.
Reserve your spot for the premiere.
This film was made with the same care it documents - slowly, respectfully, with every conversation guided by sacred relationships.
What you'll witness is transformation. The profound work of remembering what was never truly lost.
Join the global premiere.
Warmly,
Eric Forbis
Co-Founder, Best Year of Your Life Summit
Blueberry says: TRIGGER WARNING to film - Survivors of community and generational trauma speak in the film, as I've noticed in the 2-min trailer. otoh it could be interesting to hear how a different people with different traditions than the 'first world' countries so many of us are in understand trauma to be and how they view healing.
#89
General Discussion / Re: progress notes nov 25
Last post by Kizzie - December 05, 2025, 08:04:44 PMQuote from: JamesG3 on December 05, 2025, 01:41:17 PMIt's great to know what's wrong with ME, but blimey... what in the name of all that is reasonable, was wrong with THEM?
Hey James, love this
When we switch to looking at THEM rather than US, we are truly in recovery IMO.Re the book, we have a draft manuscript we're sending out to agents/publishers now. From what we've heard/read it looks to be a long process. The book team are having a meeting this Sunday and I think we're going to talk about a drop dead date. By that I mean if we haven't been picked up by XXXX we will likely move into self-publishing. More to come!
#90
General Discussion / Re: Don't envy the Narcissist ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - December 05, 2025, 06:22:03 PMQuote from: Chart on December 05, 2025, 04:40:22 PM... I seriously ask myself these questions regarding why toxic leaders continue to appeal to the majority. ...
I've wondered the same - a lot. When we look historically, there's almost a playbook that repeats itself in different eras and cultures. It seems to work especially well when people are afraid or struggling:
• Identify an out-group, minority or scapegoat to channel frustration toward.
• Offer simple answers to complex problems ("I alone can fix it", "MAGA" ...).
• Stoke fear, insecurity, and urgency - because fear makes people want strong protectors.
• Undermine institutions that enforce accountability (journalism, courts, science ...).
• Create loyalty by promising safety, prosperity, belonging, identity.
• Frame nuance, doubt, or dissent as threat rather than discussion.
When someone charismatic taps into collective fear, anger, or economic insecurity, the nervous system often prioritizes certainty over truth, strength over empathy, protection over reflection. It's primal - survival-brain stuff.
Social media, polarization, economic stress, and declining trust in institutions can amplify this effect. In that climate, people may cling to leaders who project confidence and dominance, even when those traits are harmful or predatory.
So when you wrote about narcissists in power, that's where I felt the overlap. Not all narcissists rise to leadership, but when narcissistic traits intersect with opportunism, fear-based politics, and systems without accountability, the danger becomes collective, not just relational.
Just some of my thoughts. Off to make tea - also un-narcissistically 😄 (no followers required).