Recent posts
#81
Successes, Progress? / Re: Setting boundaries
Last post by Ran - December 01, 2025, 08:28:41 PMQuote from: LadyBoar on November 30, 2025, 05:48:23 PMHello everyone,
The other day my mom asked me, for the millionth time, if I'll go back home to visit. (I live in a different country than my original family).
Usually I lie, I said IDK, maybe, well try or something like that to soften the blow (and the reactions from it).
But this time I could not do it. I could not betray the neglected child I once was. I answered "No." But my mom wanted a answer that would soothe her, so she then asked "But you WANT to come, right?"
Once again the immediate response I was trained to give, to always say yes, always soothe them, always protect their feelings, was not so inevitable now. Now I can say what is truth to myself. And I said it, my answer was "honestly, no."
I feel so free. And I feel so proud of myself for protecting my inner child.
My mom will ask again, eventually, and she'll try to get the answer she wants, she (and my grandma and my sister) might try to make me feel bad, or they might wait until I let my guard down to bombard me with their demands. But I know how possible it is to say what I want to say. And how good it feels to be myself.
Glad to share it with all of you.
That's great. I know how hard it is to say no. I've been practicing it myself and it feels liberating.
#82
Successes, Progress? / Re: Setting boundaries
Last post by Blueberry - December 01, 2025, 06:55:53 PMGood for you, LadyBoar, well done! 
#83
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by Desert Flower - December 01, 2025, 06:39:10 PMYes, that's a wonderful story San! Thank you. 
#84
AV - Avoidance / Re: Fearful avoidance
Last post by Ran - December 01, 2025, 05:30:47 PMQuote from: Chart on December 01, 2025, 04:54:07 PMRan, in my opinion you have made the first and most important step to changing a dynamic that you feel is hurtful to you and others: You have seen it and owned it as relates to your own behavior. Whatever dynamics come from all that, you are CONSCIOUS of something that is not functioning the way you believe is healthy.
I believe consciousness is a HUGE step forward which launches us on a journey of self discovery that is challenging and often painful, but leads to greater acceptance of ourself and others, as well as moving us to a settled and much safer place. Jung calls this transformation "acquired authenticity", coming to know and love who we truly are. Only then do these "faults" start to lose their energy and power over us. As we become closer to ourselves we find ourselves naturally more at ease and secure. That which hurt us in the past no longer has the foundation to continue functioning the same way. The false self naturally falls away, leaving us lighter and freer to be who we truly are.
Yes, I am seeing everything a lot more clearly, even identity and other stuff. I think it all possibly happened for a reason to help me heal and be who I truly am withouth trauma fogging everything. Still a lot of healing to do, but it's a begginning.
#85
AV - Avoidance / Re: Fearful avoidance
Last post by Ran - December 01, 2025, 05:26:57 PMQuote from: Kizzie on December 01, 2025, 04:11:11 PM
Thank you Kizzie so much too. I'm not very good with showing appreciation, but I do value all the advice. #86
Eating Issues / Re: Why “Morbid Obesity” Still...
Last post by Kizzie - December 01, 2025, 05:25:54 PMAwesome BB, thanks for digging up and summarizing all this info. 
It is such a relief to see that the data confirms what I intuitively knew must be the case. I quit smoking in the days before Nicorette (which has been likened to quitting heroin), with far less hardship than I've had dealing with eating issues.
We all have to eat whereas we don't have to smoke/take drugs/gamble, etc., so the constant exposure to food is something we must contend with. Still, that doesn't entirely explain the differences between survivors and non-survivors as the research indicates. There really are differences relating to trauma, psychological yes but also physiological.
This is really important info for medical/mental professionals, nutritionists/dieticians, etc., to know in order to develop more robust/effective treatments than basically "Just eat less and exercise more." That just doesn't address the struggle many of us have with food and makes us feel like failures.
I would love to talk with a professional who gets that I am different and is open to helping in a way I can relate to, that takes into account my trauma. I have seen my fair share of dieticians over the years and not once did I feel comfortable revealing my background. Sure I've had the 'emotional' eating chats many times, but I imagine if I told those I saw just how 'emotional' and stressful and chaotic life was for me they would not have known what to say.
Time for change!
It is such a relief to see that the data confirms what I intuitively knew must be the case. I quit smoking in the days before Nicorette (which has been likened to quitting heroin), with far less hardship than I've had dealing with eating issues. We all have to eat whereas we don't have to smoke/take drugs/gamble, etc., so the constant exposure to food is something we must contend with. Still, that doesn't entirely explain the differences between survivors and non-survivors as the research indicates. There really are differences relating to trauma, psychological yes but also physiological.
This is really important info for medical/mental professionals, nutritionists/dieticians, etc., to know in order to develop more robust/effective treatments than basically "Just eat less and exercise more." That just doesn't address the struggle many of us have with food and makes us feel like failures.
I would love to talk with a professional who gets that I am different and is open to helping in a way I can relate to, that takes into account my trauma. I have seen my fair share of dieticians over the years and not once did I feel comfortable revealing my background. Sure I've had the 'emotional' eating chats many times, but I imagine if I told those I saw just how 'emotional' and stressful and chaotic life was for me they would not have known what to say.
Time for change!
#87
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by Chart - December 01, 2025, 05:14:01 PMAwesome story, San, thank you for sharing that. I really felt your experience. You make me think: Life, no matter how hard, really is worth living isn't it?
Thank you
Thank you
#88
AV - Avoidance / Re: Fearful avoidance
Last post by Chart - December 01, 2025, 04:54:07 PMRan, in my opinion you have made the first and most important step to changing a dynamic that you feel is hurtful to you and others: You have seen it and owned it as relates to your own behavior. Whatever dynamics come from all that, you are CONSCIOUS of something that is not functioning the way you believe is healthy.
I believe consciousness is a HUGE step forward which launches us on a journey of self discovery that is challenging and often painful, but leads to greater acceptance of ourself and others, as well as moving us to a settled and much safer place. Jung calls this transformation "acquired authenticity", coming to know and love who we truly are. Only then do these "faults" start to lose their energy and power over us. As we become closer to ourselves we find ourselves naturally more at ease and secure. That which hurt us in the past no longer has the foundation to continue functioning the same way. The false self naturally falls away, leaving us lighter and freer to be who we truly are.
I believe consciousness is a HUGE step forward which launches us on a journey of self discovery that is challenging and often painful, but leads to greater acceptance of ourself and others, as well as moving us to a settled and much safer place. Jung calls this transformation "acquired authenticity", coming to know and love who we truly are. Only then do these "faults" start to lose their energy and power over us. As we become closer to ourselves we find ourselves naturally more at ease and secure. That which hurt us in the past no longer has the foundation to continue functioning the same way. The false self naturally falls away, leaving us lighter and freer to be who we truly are.
#90
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - December 01, 2025, 03:25:14 PMthanks, chart.
anxiety crept in last nite. we'll see if that was a one off, or if i need to do more EMDR. it wasn't as intense, but i was up for 2 hrs. in the middle of the night, so that wasn't fun.
my D's book is uploaded today to amazon, so that's finally finished. yay! some of the stress coming off that roller coaster may be showing its face right now. yesterday i did nothing but play computer games all day, then watched some of the Beatles Anthology.
that was one of the very best times of my life. stayed overnite at the airport when they came here, went to their concert, screamed thru the whole thing, ran thru the streets afterwards, hoarse for 24 hrs. even watching some of thier performances last nite i let out involuntary yells of sheer joy? nostalgia? a mix of everything wonderful? whatever it was, i was instantly flashed back to that concert, that feeling of unbridled freedom ripping all my repressed self to shreds. it was truly life-changing for me. it opened me up to possibilities of what i might do, what i wanted to do, what i didn't want to do anymore.
i was 16 when they came to town, and a few months later the stones came and i went to their concert ($2.50/ticket!), the place they played was so empty we were able to move up to about the 13th row to watch mick strut his stuff - never saw anyone do anything like that before! - and before i knew it, i was standing on my seat (which was unheard of), bouncing up and down, yelling, expelling all the repression i grew up with. the stones put the seal on me having to follow all the rules all the time after that.
as i've told my D, the beatles were more than a band for me, they literally broke the chains that my folks had me wrapped up in all my life. that, by itself, was life-changing. then, the stones sealed the deal, and i couldn't look back. it didn't happen all at once (much like recovery), but each idea leaned on the one before. the next year i went away to college, and that was my first taste of freedom. and i ran with it. eventually it led to me driving across the country to so. calif. w/ my sis and 2 girlfriends, which introduced me to mexico, where i went so often i made friends of several guys who lived there, which set the stage for me having a place to run to when i was going mad.
none of my life might've happened if i hadn't seen the beatles on ed sullivan.
anxiety crept in last nite. we'll see if that was a one off, or if i need to do more EMDR. it wasn't as intense, but i was up for 2 hrs. in the middle of the night, so that wasn't fun.
my D's book is uploaded today to amazon, so that's finally finished. yay! some of the stress coming off that roller coaster may be showing its face right now. yesterday i did nothing but play computer games all day, then watched some of the Beatles Anthology.
that was one of the very best times of my life. stayed overnite at the airport when they came here, went to their concert, screamed thru the whole thing, ran thru the streets afterwards, hoarse for 24 hrs. even watching some of thier performances last nite i let out involuntary yells of sheer joy? nostalgia? a mix of everything wonderful? whatever it was, i was instantly flashed back to that concert, that feeling of unbridled freedom ripping all my repressed self to shreds. it was truly life-changing for me. it opened me up to possibilities of what i might do, what i wanted to do, what i didn't want to do anymore.
i was 16 when they came to town, and a few months later the stones came and i went to their concert ($2.50/ticket!), the place they played was so empty we were able to move up to about the 13th row to watch mick strut his stuff - never saw anyone do anything like that before! - and before i knew it, i was standing on my seat (which was unheard of), bouncing up and down, yelling, expelling all the repression i grew up with. the stones put the seal on me having to follow all the rules all the time after that.
as i've told my D, the beatles were more than a band for me, they literally broke the chains that my folks had me wrapped up in all my life. that, by itself, was life-changing. then, the stones sealed the deal, and i couldn't look back. it didn't happen all at once (much like recovery), but each idea leaned on the one before. the next year i went away to college, and that was my first taste of freedom. and i ran with it. eventually it led to me driving across the country to so. calif. w/ my sis and 2 girlfriends, which introduced me to mexico, where i went so often i made friends of several guys who lived there, which set the stage for me having a place to run to when i was going mad.
none of my life might've happened if i hadn't seen the beatles on ed sullivan.