Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by Dalloway - September 07, 2025, 12:43:02 PMThank you, SenseOrgan, I really appreciate your kindness in these hard times. Yes, I very much agree with you and this is what keeps me going, even if it sometimes seems so meaningless, that through my personal healing and gaining of wisdom I can make changes in the broader world, too. I try not to forget that in my life I need to be in the first place, especially when it comes to healing the traumas, but this is what motivates me the most, the power of wisdom and healing that I can share with those who need it. Everything I do pretty much points into one direction: to make this world (inner and outer) a better place. My personal journey may be about me in the first place, but I like to think that it also benefits other people because, as you put it, we are not an island. My plan of becoming a social worker, which I wrote about, is also part of this bigger picture.
And it´s already changing me as a person in a positive way. I used to be in my head 24/7 and very much isolated from the outside world. All I cared about was my mental and emotional state, which is of course not a bad thing, only that it cut me off from the context I exist in. But with everything that´s happening, I am changing, too. I would have never thought that I have so much integrity and bravery in me that I´m experiencing nowadays. And you know what? My CPTSD, my personal healing journey and experiences of abuse and oppression (even systemic one, since I´m part of a minority ethnic group in a country where we don´t have equal rights with the dominant group), it all helps when it comes to understanding the issues of the world today. Everything I´ve been and am going through gives me extra understanding and compassion. I used to think about my negative experiences and ACEs as something that shouldn´t have happened (I still do in a sense that it was horrible and would never want it to happen to anyone), but it´s also starting to change and now I can value my experiences as something that helps me be more compassionate and helps me build something better for me and for others.
It can feel hopeless sometimes, especially with all the helplessness I´m experiencing, but it makes me want to integrate the pain into something bigger more.
And it´s already changing me as a person in a positive way. I used to be in my head 24/7 and very much isolated from the outside world. All I cared about was my mental and emotional state, which is of course not a bad thing, only that it cut me off from the context I exist in. But with everything that´s happening, I am changing, too. I would have never thought that I have so much integrity and bravery in me that I´m experiencing nowadays. And you know what? My CPTSD, my personal healing journey and experiences of abuse and oppression (even systemic one, since I´m part of a minority ethnic group in a country where we don´t have equal rights with the dominant group), it all helps when it comes to understanding the issues of the world today. Everything I´ve been and am going through gives me extra understanding and compassion. I used to think about my negative experiences and ACEs as something that shouldn´t have happened (I still do in a sense that it was horrible and would never want it to happen to anyone), but it´s also starting to change and now I can value my experiences as something that helps me be more compassionate and helps me build something better for me and for others.
It can feel hopeless sometimes, especially with all the helplessness I´m experiencing, but it makes me want to integrate the pain into something bigger more.
#82
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by Chart - September 07, 2025, 06:30:21 AMQuote from: StartingHealing on September 06, 2025, 07:11:05 PMI'm screwed blued and tattooed out the gate.You gave me a good Sunday morning laugh on that one SH! Thanks!!!
On a positive note however, at least we see it. I'm intrigued and curious still. Taking things apart is as interesting as building something up. I'm appreciating Jung a lot at the moment. All that crapola DOES define me as to what evolution I made. Such are my investigations at the moment.
(And just out of curiosity, the pulley for your timing belt that you were struggling to get off, was it a reverse threaded bolt? What was the "trick" finally? :-)
#83
Therapy / Re: Therapy directly on a core...
Last post by Blueberry - September 07, 2025, 12:55:44 AMToday I read that the problem is possibly that I'm still so disregulated neurologically. I've been taught a lot of co-regulation and of course practised that over the years but not so much self-regulation, tho all those freebie conferences I post are full of methods of self-regulation, I'd just need to actually do them regularly.
#84
Therapy / Re: Therapy directly on a core...
Last post by Blueberry - September 07, 2025, 12:35:12 AMQuote from: Marcine on August 17, 2025, 12:59:03 AM"maybe it's OK to rage too a bit??"
100%!
My preferred arrangement is to wop a fluffy blanket with my old badminton racquet, which makes a satisfying whistle through the air... arms sore and much relieved afterwards.
I say, let it flow
I'm glad that works for you, but unfortunately it doesn't for me. Without an ally and witness, my energy drops very quickly and I go into an inner child in pain.
#85
General Discussion / The Big Game
Last post by AR - September 06, 2025, 08:03:42 PMI'm surrounded by sporting fans today. Hearing men whoop, yell, laugh and cheer in groups while gathered in front of a TV is very upsetting. There are many events and people from my past swirling around my brain. My body is feeling the effects of this.
What are they so excited about?
If something good happens wooooooooo! If something unexpected happens oooh! Oooh! Oooh!
If something bad happens aaawwwww!
Each event is the same but with varying players. In a loop, over and over, week after week, year after year.
So they have things to talk about at work the next day. So they share a special bond with all the other fans.
What are they so excited about?
If something good happens wooooooooo! If something unexpected happens oooh! Oooh! Oooh!
If something bad happens aaawwwww!
Each event is the same but with varying players. In a loop, over and over, week after week, year after year.
So they have things to talk about at work the next day. So they share a special bond with all the other fans.
#86
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - September 06, 2025, 07:11:05 PMQuote from: Chart on September 05, 2025, 06:37:08 PMQuote from: StartingHealing on September 04, 2025, 06:29:52 PM09-04-2025
There are times where I wonder if a lot of the things I struggle with has less to do with me, and more to do with the F'ed up systems that are currently in force in the social sphere.
Totally with you on that one!
Hi Chart.
I'm considering the "what if" of what I am perceiving in regards to the social sphere, may extend to all other spheres of influence that a human interacts with. thinking about how it seems to boil down to object / subject interactions. At what point did I stop being a free range human and become an inanimate object that can be classified, objectified, dissected, or
?? Mandatory state "education" which was what? Was it learning or was it indoctrination with a side order of propaganda? 90-95% of what subjects did I sit through hours of my life for that I do not use. Where did the idea that as a living breathing entity with free will, that someone else, another human or bureaucracy has the { authority } to judge me, to sentence me to whatever the h3-- labels are in vogue at that time? Where is the point where I am enough, where I do not have to engage in a massive action of development all the stinking time because of a belief system that was imposed upon me rather than arising naturally out of my own self?
Where did the message that I'm not enough as I am come from? The dogma that was dressed up as religion I was exposed to, openly stated that unless I submitted to a "higher being" and that being gave me a pass, I'm screwed over for eternity. The thing that really got to me was the concept that if a wee one wasn't baptized and dies, that the wee one would go to Hades forever. The whole "original sin" idea. Being raised in a family of genetic strangers, and the story that my genetic donors were not married, well now.. I'm screwed blued and tattooed out the gate. As if the whole original sin thing wasn't enough of a mind job.
I thought long and hard about the "sins of the father being visited upon his children for 7 generations". Family dynamics in full force. Growing up with a PD parent, or parental substance abuse, which are two of many examples, and to the kid that's the 'normal' and that pattern gets recreated, right? Extrapolated out into every area of human experience ..
Pattern, Pattern, where is the hidden pattern behind all of this? Do all these patterns point to a singular causal point?
So much of this fecal matter gets internalized and we don't know it, we are not aware of how internalized the programming is. We become an unwitting cog in the overall 'system' that exists to maintain it's self and it cares not one whit for the people that it grinds up and spits out alive or otherwise.
To me anyway, this also explains the NPC theory.
Wishing all here all the best.
#87
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: Beating myself up for bein...
Last post by NarcKiddo - September 06, 2025, 05:08:33 PMI agree with Kizzie that having needs and being needy are not at all the same thing. I am sorry that opening up to the director did not go as well as you would have liked. I can totally understand how plucking up the courage to say anything at all may have been at the limit of what your system could handle and then you found yourself in a situation where child you grabbed the opportunity that adult you might really have wanted to oversee a little more. It happens. It seems to me that what is important now is for adult you to reassure child you that she did nothing wrong. Adult you might have preferred she did not spill in that way, but if you notice yourself beating yourself up then it might be good to make sure child you does not feel caught in the crosshairs.
And you could always consider approaching the director at another time and say something like "I'm sorry if I over-shared at the beach outing. But I just want to make sure that I communicated to you how supportive and helpful all my colleagues are and how much I enjoy working here. It's a really strong team and I love being part of it. I hope you do, too." Or some such. That drives home the positive messages you were conveying. You'd need to make sure little you does not see this as an opportunity for some support - the idea is that adult you is stamping out your fear that he might be thinking you are difficult. But it is possible he might have been caught off guard at the beach and wishes he had been a bit more supportive. In which case he has an opportunity to say so and that is a bonus win for little you. Just a thought.
And you could always consider approaching the director at another time and say something like "I'm sorry if I over-shared at the beach outing. But I just want to make sure that I communicated to you how supportive and helpful all my colleagues are and how much I enjoy working here. It's a really strong team and I love being part of it. I hope you do, too." Or some such. That drives home the positive messages you were conveying. You'd need to make sure little you does not see this as an opportunity for some support - the idea is that adult you is stamping out your fear that he might be thinking you are difficult. But it is possible he might have been caught off guard at the beach and wishes he had been a bit more supportive. In which case he has an opportunity to say so and that is a bonus win for little you. Just a thought.
#88
Recovery Journals / Re: TV's Repair Journal
Last post by Chart - September 05, 2025, 06:38:20 PM #89
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by Chart - September 05, 2025, 06:37:08 PMQuote from: StartingHealing on September 04, 2025, 06:29:52 PM09-04-2025
There are times where I wonder if a lot of the things I struggle with has less to do with me, and more to do with the F'ed up systems that are currently in force in the social sphere.
Totally with you on that one!
#90
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by NarcKiddo - September 05, 2025, 05:00:33 PMWelcome. I'm glad you have been having success with therapy. Thank you for sharing parts of your journey. It all resonates. I've recently read a Janina Fisher book and it spoke to me very loudly indeed. I was glad because the more structured approach of pure IFS does not seem to gel with me. At least not where I am now.
I see you are located in Belgium - that is a country I am very fond of. In fact at one stage my husband and I were seriously considering retiring there. We are in the UK.
I see you are located in Belgium - that is a country I am very fond of. In fact at one stage my husband and I were seriously considering retiring there. We are in the UK.