Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 27, 2026, 10:51:30 AMWow, thank you PapaCoco (and Dolly) for mentioning this book, and for explaining this so clearly (it can be overwhelming how much I still need to learn and understand). It was a real light-bulb moment for me. Reading what you shared helped me see my role in my family in a new way, as the one who was able to carry, absorb, and contain what others couldn't. That reframe matters a lot, and it helps loosen some very old self-blame. I really appreciate you putting words to this.
#82
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by Chart - January 27, 2026, 10:18:18 AMGod that's a great feeling, isn't it, SO!
I did something similar yesterday. Called a guy on the phone and explained that I didn't think their behavior was appropriate. The guy tried the lame excuse of being innocent and just doing as he was told. I called BS on that (politely) and then when he accused me of being rude I honestly responded, no, I'm telling you what I think, and stating it calmly and factually. We hung up on totally correct terms, and I know he got the message and I injected a tiny drop of "this could be a better world" if our awareness was a little expanded into a very thick skull somewhere. I was all jittery in my body after the conversation, but boy did I feel a solid sense of satisfaction. I stood up for the client, but I also stood up for myself in the midst of the call itself, not to mention having thought it through and taken the initiative to put myself out there.
Bravo to you SO for doing what you did. Maybe we are actually moving forward. It so helps to know we're together in all this.
I did something similar yesterday. Called a guy on the phone and explained that I didn't think their behavior was appropriate. The guy tried the lame excuse of being innocent and just doing as he was told. I called BS on that (politely) and then when he accused me of being rude I honestly responded, no, I'm telling you what I think, and stating it calmly and factually. We hung up on totally correct terms, and I know he got the message and I injected a tiny drop of "this could be a better world" if our awareness was a little expanded into a very thick skull somewhere. I was all jittery in my body after the conversation, but boy did I feel a solid sense of satisfaction. I stood up for the client, but I also stood up for myself in the midst of the call itself, not to mention having thought it through and taken the initiative to put myself out there.
Bravo to you SO for doing what you did. Maybe we are actually moving forward. It so helps to know we're together in all this.
#83
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Chart - January 27, 2026, 09:38:17 AMPC, your post really got me reflecting. Two things specifically: one is that I wasn't scapegoated, rather it was the reverse. My job was to "save" the family. In that role I had "love privileges". I got all the love I needed from her as in line with my training. Probably, at minimum, I had a sense of relative value as a baby. Although, when I'd failed to produce the intended effect, my "role" took on a whole new dimension. It was subtle, insidious, but it was implicit and everyone knew it, I was the strong one, the adventurer, the popular one... special. But of course the half-truth held an ugly reality just below the surface. Understanding my own family dynamic, I have to say it was definitely easier for me to escape and although guilt-ridden, I've nonetheless managed to move on with my life with minimal residual guilt for abandoning my mother. As toxic systems go, I think mine was the lesser of two evils. (Dolly made reference to this recently and I'm still processing it...)
The other thought that came up was a situation with my ex-wife and eldest daughter years ago. It was a situation where my ex and I both "ganged-up" on our eldest daughter. Our D was maybe 12. Her mom got angry with her (or maybe it was me) and we both got on a wagon of anger and reproach and loud high voices just ripping into our poor daughter. I remember her scared and bewildered face. I also remember how "good" it felt to vent my anger finally. I was also "bonded" with my wife with whom I regularly was in conflict with. Big frickin' messy toxic situation. And so sad for my daughter. Unless I'm gravely mistaken, that was not a regular event. I don't believe we turned anyone into the family scapegoat. But what rings inside me is the recognition of that "feeling" of satisfaction I felt. I think I fully comprehend what your author is talking about and the "function" of the scapegoat in the family.
The more complex and finely tuned the instrument (eg. Brain) the more easily it can go all wonky.
The other thought that came up was a situation with my ex-wife and eldest daughter years ago. It was a situation where my ex and I both "ganged-up" on our eldest daughter. Our D was maybe 12. Her mom got angry with her (or maybe it was me) and we both got on a wagon of anger and reproach and loud high voices just ripping into our poor daughter. I remember her scared and bewildered face. I also remember how "good" it felt to vent my anger finally. I was also "bonded" with my wife with whom I regularly was in conflict with. Big frickin' messy toxic situation. And so sad for my daughter. Unless I'm gravely mistaken, that was not a regular event. I don't believe we turned anyone into the family scapegoat. But what rings inside me is the recognition of that "feeling" of satisfaction I felt. I think I fully comprehend what your author is talking about and the "function" of the scapegoat in the family.
The more complex and finely tuned the instrument (eg. Brain) the more easily it can go all wonky.
#84
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 27, 2026, 09:37:29 AMDitto!
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by SenseOrgan - January 27, 2026, 09:30:37 AMGood for you for knowing what you are and aren't looking for in a therapist! 
#86
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - January 27, 2026, 08:56:17 AMHannahOne, you remind me just how hard this stuff is. Damned if you do-stuff... I don't believe in screaming by orders from higher-up. But the higher-ups aren't always wrong. Annoying that.
#88
Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: FREE Excellent Online Yoga...
Last post by Kizzie - January 27, 2026, 12:06:21 AMWow indeed! Tks for this Armee
#89
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by HannahOne - January 26, 2026, 11:53:22 PMThere's something profound about stepping into what you know and need when what you know and need is adequate compost to grow a garden!
#90
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 26, 2026, 11:47:23 PM 