Recent posts
#81
Family / Re: Left out
Last post by Gromit - February 28, 2026, 06:01:10 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on February 28, 2026, 12:44:28 PMMy guess would be that your mother has decided her policy of sending cards has not worked in her favour and is now using silence to see if that makes a difference. Especially since the suggestion from your cousin's wife that you reach out to her - which your mother might have had something to do with, maybe. Or it could be because her brother encouraged her, as you have suggested. I hope her change of behaviour is not too bothersome for you.
That is a good guess. Her change of behaviour does not bother me, but it bothers my husband, who was all for trying to find out if she was ok. I did ask my niece, but my niece has had nothing to do with her since 2021 and, as my sister did not tell me about my uncle I am not asking her. My husband does not understand any of this, but he leaves it up to me now, thankfully.
G
#82
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 28, 2026, 05:41:26 PM I just want to add that a street address is a wonderful tool for rekindling lost memories. Plug it into Google maps, go to street view, and and look at the house from various angles. It will rekindle all sorts of memories.
In my case, it was also useful in reverse. Confirming or refuting speculative addresses of places that were crystal clear in my mind's eye, but I didn't have a precise address for. "The body remembers". It's how I was able to find my foster parents' house (it was RFD when I was there) and my precise unit and apartment in Northview Heights in 1972. Additionally, it sparked recall of places that I had no previous memory of or had forgotten/ confabulated into different locations.
Street view. Look at the house. Wander the neighborhood. If you were there, you will remember. If you weren't there, you will instantly know.
Best,
-Slashy
In my case, it was also useful in reverse. Confirming or refuting speculative addresses of places that were crystal clear in my mind's eye, but I didn't have a precise address for. "The body remembers". It's how I was able to find my foster parents' house (it was RFD when I was there) and my precise unit and apartment in Northview Heights in 1972. Additionally, it sparked recall of places that I had no previous memory of or had forgotten/ confabulated into different locations.
Street view. Look at the house. Wander the neighborhood. If you were there, you will remember. If you weren't there, you will instantly know.
Best,
-Slashy
#83
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 28, 2026, 05:01:58 PMThere were only two traumatic stretches during that 15 month blackout period.
The neglect/ imprisonment phase at the hands of my mother (approx. 5 months) and the physical/verbal abuse phase at the hands of Miss Pat (approx. 7 months). The intervening time was not stressful or abusive in any way.
I now have a clear recollection of the abuse I had suffered. I remember enough to know what it was like. I can deal with it.
I now understand why my time in McIntyre (It was indeed McIntyre) was so traumatic and I have discovered a new trigger; Closed doors.
The neglect/ imprisonment phase at the hands of my mother (approx. 5 months) and the physical/verbal abuse phase at the hands of Miss Pat (approx. 7 months). The intervening time was not stressful or abusive in any way.
I now have a clear recollection of the abuse I had suffered. I remember enough to know what it was like. I can deal with it.
I now understand why my time in McIntyre (It was indeed McIntyre) was so traumatic and I have discovered a new trigger; Closed doors.
#84
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - February 28, 2026, 02:44:59 PMThe dark night of the soul is just that... the descriptive absence of any spark of luminosity doesn't come even close. Just before falling into the pit I called out how once I'd been blind...
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 28, 2026, 02:41:29 PMfeeling pretty ok this morning. i'm just gonna ride this wave and enjoy it. gives me a chance to write, read, play games, sit back and relax. i'll take it.
#86
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 28, 2026, 02:39:58 PMwell, that's 3 soggy humans, hannah1 (thanks for the visual, TBB). i think we do the best we can at any given moment. yeah, age does change some things - physically and emotionally. physically, well, how do i count the ways? emotionally - we've seen so much more now than 20 yrs. ago, we've experienced more, we've tried more, we've fallen more, we've gotten ourselves back up more - for better or worse, we're on the treadmill of life.
as i've heard many times here on the forum, this, too, shall pass. as we go thru it, it often seems like it really won't, but i've discovered it always does. just get thru it as best you can. sending you a warm blanket filled with healing color to help absorb some of the worst of it. the fact that you are still mothering, still being there for your kids says a lot. don't ever count that out, ok? it's huge. and it's doing a lot. love and hugs
as i've heard many times here on the forum, this, too, shall pass. as we go thru it, it often seems like it really won't, but i've discovered it always does. just get thru it as best you can. sending you a warm blanket filled with healing color to help absorb some of the worst of it. the fact that you are still mothering, still being there for your kids says a lot. don't ever count that out, ok? it's huge. and it's doing a lot. love and hugs
#87
Family / Re: Left out
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 28, 2026, 12:44:28 PMMy guess would be that your mother has decided her policy of sending cards has not worked in her favour and is now using silence to see if that makes a difference. Especially since the suggestion from your cousin's wife that you reach out to her - which your mother might have had something to do with, maybe. Or it could be because her brother encouraged her, as you have suggested. I hope her change of behaviour is not too bothersome for you.
I'm glad the funeral and wake went OK.
I'm glad the funeral and wake went OK.
#88
General Discussion / Re: Taking part in a research
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 28, 2026, 12:36:08 PMI am very grateful to people who are prepared to take part in such studies. Thank you.
I'm glad you have been able to reduce your neuroleptic dosage.
I'm glad you have been able to reduce your neuroleptic dosage.
#89
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 28, 2026, 12:33:36 PM My memories from the locked down period have been releasing over the past couple days. Yes, I definitely had a speech impediment at LawnVue and yes, I can handle the memories.
I will need some DBR and talking it out, but it's not overwhelming.
My first remembered experience at LawnVue was when I was sitting in my crib (low set, kinda cheap Ikea faux ash), trying to explain to my caregiver that I did not need a diaper because I was already potty trained. I genuinely had difficulty speaking properly and much of it came out as "babble".
She was very kind and attentive and put in real effort to understand me.
She showed me where the bathroom was and I demonstrated that I knew how to use it unsupervised.
Later, I was able to communicate that I didn't like having the rails on my crib up and she left it down for me. I could crawl out of my crib at night and go to the potty without assistance, but I needed assistance to get back in my crib. I never wet my bed or fell out.
Thankfully there was no door to my wing. I think they understood that many of the kids coming to them had a negative reaction to closed doors.
I also have a couple of memories of my dad's place in Avalon. I was not transported directly to Marchand St. from foster care, for a couple of months I lived in another place. Enormous double storefront under renovation. We slept upstairs and the main living area was the left storefront. The right was under renovation. Dusty, full of floorboards and nails behind a door with frosted glass windows.
I did not remember my brother when we were reintroduced. He showed me where everything was. He had an enormous area in the left- hand storefront area with toys and a big wheel.
My dad was there and also another woman I called "Miss Robin". I must research her. Mom and Miss Robin were usually in the back of the left storefront. Immense kitchen area.
My mom took me and my brother to Marchand St. to live with my grandmother and that's where my "normal" memory (such as it is) resumed.
I also remember leaving there with my dad one morning. Just the two of us. I don't remember where we were going.
I will need some DBR and talking it out, but it's not overwhelming.
My first remembered experience at LawnVue was when I was sitting in my crib (low set, kinda cheap Ikea faux ash), trying to explain to my caregiver that I did not need a diaper because I was already potty trained. I genuinely had difficulty speaking properly and much of it came out as "babble".
She was very kind and attentive and put in real effort to understand me.
She showed me where the bathroom was and I demonstrated that I knew how to use it unsupervised.
Later, I was able to communicate that I didn't like having the rails on my crib up and she left it down for me. I could crawl out of my crib at night and go to the potty without assistance, but I needed assistance to get back in my crib. I never wet my bed or fell out.
Thankfully there was no door to my wing. I think they understood that many of the kids coming to them had a negative reaction to closed doors.
I also have a couple of memories of my dad's place in Avalon. I was not transported directly to Marchand St. from foster care, for a couple of months I lived in another place. Enormous double storefront under renovation. We slept upstairs and the main living area was the left storefront. The right was under renovation. Dusty, full of floorboards and nails behind a door with frosted glass windows.
I did not remember my brother when we were reintroduced. He showed me where everything was. He had an enormous area in the left- hand storefront area with toys and a big wheel.
My dad was there and also another woman I called "Miss Robin". I must research her. Mom and Miss Robin were usually in the back of the left storefront. Immense kitchen area.
My mom took me and my brother to Marchand St. to live with my grandmother and that's where my "normal" memory (such as it is) resumed.
I also remember leaving there with my dad one morning. Just the two of us. I don't remember where we were going.
#90
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 28, 2026, 11:31:49 AMQuote from: TheBigBlue on February 26, 2026, 01:35:52 PMReading this, I want to share something from my own history - not to compare or interpret, just to put it alongside.I understand. No explanation necessary.
Best,
-Slashy