Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by Hope67 - December 24, 2025, 03:42:57 PMSending you a hug 
I hope to re-read what you wrote in your summary in the New year when I have maybe more capacity to process things - but for now, I wanted to say that I send you support. 
I hope to re-read what you wrote in your summary in the New year when I have maybe more capacity to process things - but for now, I wanted to say that I send you support. #82
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Hope67 - December 24, 2025, 03:39:48 PMHi Marcine,
I relate so much to things you wrote, and naming the 'family' as 'cult' - wow, I relate to that very much - that is something I have considered as well.
I am so glad that you've 'got free' and also that you're 'more alive than ever' - I am cheering you, if that is ok
Also sending you a hug of support
I relate so much to things you wrote, and naming the 'family' as 'cult' - wow, I relate to that very much - that is something I have considered as well.
I am so glad that you've 'got free' and also that you're 'more alive than ever' - I am cheering you, if that is ok
Also sending you a hug of support
#83
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Hope67 - December 24, 2025, 03:37:10 PMSending you a hug Desert Flower
#84
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2025
Last post by Hope67 - December 24, 2025, 03:34:14 PMHi SanMagic, NarcKiddo, SenseOrgan, Desert Flower, Marcine & Chart
Thank you all very much for the kind words you said
Your comments made my heart feel warm - a lovely feeling. Thank you
Thank you all very much for the kind words you said
Your comments made my heart feel warm - a lovely feeling. Thank you
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by NarcKiddo - December 24, 2025, 02:58:30 PM
#86
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Marcine - December 24, 2025, 02:16:29 PMIt is easy for me to discount my own successes.
To bypass them completely.
Fight the good fight, gain some ground and immediately onto the next righteous battle.
I am a strong warrior.
And I am a weak celebrator of progress made.
I was trained that way. The cult I was born into only rewarded sacrifice of self. Never being enough.
I won't label it a "family".
I call it what it was— a cult that demanded complete annihilation of autonomy in exchange for survival.
"No one out there understands you like we do. If you leave, you'll be coming back on your knees begging. We love you."
I hid my true self in a bunker I made. I had to.
They didn't know me (I didn't know me), how could that be love?
Oh...the contract terms of the cult were:
love was compliance. Love was disdain. Love was bowing down and subjecting myself. Love was denying my truth. Love was never outshining them. Love was appearing small and weak. Love was being dependent on abusers.
Honesty was punished. Questioning was taboo. Rewarded: performing their script convincingly to the outside world.
And they did not stop me. I got free. With wounds and scars. Many scars. I'm not dead yet. More alive than ever.
Now I can pause my battling. I can take stock of the ground gained. And mark the milestones reached. And grieve that constant fight for survival.
Infinitely grateful to be here alive.
To bypass them completely.
Fight the good fight, gain some ground and immediately onto the next righteous battle.
I am a strong warrior.
And I am a weak celebrator of progress made.
I was trained that way. The cult I was born into only rewarded sacrifice of self. Never being enough.
I won't label it a "family".
I call it what it was— a cult that demanded complete annihilation of autonomy in exchange for survival.
"No one out there understands you like we do. If you leave, you'll be coming back on your knees begging. We love you."
I hid my true self in a bunker I made. I had to.
They didn't know me (I didn't know me), how could that be love?
Oh...the contract terms of the cult were:
love was compliance. Love was disdain. Love was bowing down and subjecting myself. Love was denying my truth. Love was never outshining them. Love was appearing small and weak. Love was being dependent on abusers.
Honesty was punished. Questioning was taboo. Rewarded: performing their script convincingly to the outside world.
And they did not stop me. I got free. With wounds and scars. Many scars. I'm not dead yet. More alive than ever.
Now I can pause my battling. I can take stock of the ground gained. And mark the milestones reached. And grieve that constant fight for survival.
Infinitely grateful to be here alive.
#87
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by sanmagic7 - December 24, 2025, 02:00:47 PMthat was indeed beautiful, chart. thank you for that, too. as one who has lived in the desert, i know the intrinsic value and beauty of those flowers, and DF, you are one with them.
i don't know that i can add to that, except to say that i hope you have a lovely time at your cabin w/ your favorite family members. love and hugs
i don't know that i can add to that, except to say that i hope you have a lovely time at your cabin w/ your favorite family members. love and hugs
#88
Sexual Abuse / Re: Self-abandonment since CSA
Last post by dollyvee - December 24, 2025, 12:16:20 PMQuote from: DD on December 24, 2025, 10:07:36 AMI think here's the part where it finally starts to make sense that the person I had to become to survive is not the one that can take me further and I have to grieve her too.
Yes, this is a great insight too. Wishing you all the light for the holidays and sending a hug of support if that's ok too
#89
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - December 24, 2025, 10:45:38 AMQuote from: Chart on December 24, 2025, 08:51:04 AMThe flowers of the desert have to choose very carefully their moment to open and expose themselves to a consistently harsh environment. As such they are deeply, intrinsically wise. They know in their core of what the land, wind, and sun are creating around them. Season after season they learn and modify, testing, sometimes failing, sometimes closing up again to await better conditions. But even in difficulty, they are in union with themselves.
This must be the most beautiful, tender and true piece (peace) of recognition I ever received. I will cherish this. Thank you ever so much, dear Chart. Sending you peace and recognition and everything you need as well.
#90
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Re: Re-traumatization activate...
Last post by DD - December 24, 2025, 10:14:12 AMYou didn't. You said it well.
Intentions matter but do show themselves with how someone reacts to being told of the hurt. If the intentions are good and honest, there will be accountability, respect, and a change of behavior at least to some degree.
And yes, a lot of traumatized people don't hurt others. I've spent a long time and lots of effort to actively heal from the trauma and I've purposefully chosen to think kindly of others and if I find out I've hurt someone, it hurts me deeply and I try to make it right. No one is perfect. But some try actively to be good, and to fix what they broke by mistake. Others don't. And I think this is the clearest signal I will keep an eye out. How does the person react to being told things didn't go exactly perfectly.
Intentions matter but do show themselves with how someone reacts to being told of the hurt. If the intentions are good and honest, there will be accountability, respect, and a change of behavior at least to some degree.
And yes, a lot of traumatized people don't hurt others. I've spent a long time and lots of effort to actively heal from the trauma and I've purposefully chosen to think kindly of others and if I find out I've hurt someone, it hurts me deeply and I try to make it right. No one is perfect. But some try actively to be good, and to fix what they broke by mistake. Others don't. And I think this is the clearest signal I will keep an eye out. How does the person react to being told things didn't go exactly perfectly.