Recent posts
#81
Successes, Progress? / Putting the brakes on / listen...
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 05:55:18 PMI was really enjoying working on my duolingo lessons today - full steam ahead and actually pausing to make up little sentences about me and my own life based on textbook examples. When either a bodily function? like breathing or that manifested as a Part began to have more and more trouble, I did eventually put the brakes on.
And have since been simply breathing normally to settle my breathing down again.
This is new-old progress. I have been here before in different contexts, but it's good to remind myself: ALL my Parts and what they are feeling is important, everybody needs and deserves to be heard. When that doesn't happen, some thing /some aspect of me forces me to listen. Putting the brakes on earlier would've been beneficial, but I did put them on eventually and that is PROGRESS.
And have since been simply breathing normally to settle my breathing down again.
This is new-old progress. I have been here before in different contexts, but it's good to remind myself: ALL my Parts and what they are feeling is important, everybody needs and deserves to be heard. When that doesn't happen, some thing /some aspect of me forces me to listen. Putting the brakes on earlier would've been beneficial, but I did put them on eventually and that is PROGRESS.
#82
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 19, 2026, 05:28:21 PM
Doggy is probably TOO activated but in terms of emojis he seemed like the most suitable. Sending you good thoughts as you mull your new strategy. #83
General Discussion / Managing Multiplicity
Last post by LaylaDalal - February 19, 2026, 05:25:38 PMHey dear people,
I read that DID / OSDD / PDID have come up here before but the posts are rather old, so I'm hoping for some feedback and relating through creating this anew, I hope, its ok.
I am currently in a deep process of figuring out if I need to go for an official diagnosis of PDID/OSDD or if its better to stay with my "general" feeling of multiplicity.
I personally believe that humans are always multiple and that the gift of complex trauma enables those who had to suffer this horror to be more aware of their own multiplicity (like shamans). There are so many teachings in the world that help me deeply to understand my multiplicity and the diagnosis of DID as a disorder often feels invalidating of peoples inner geniouses. At the same time, its incredibly helpful to learn from and connect with others diagnosed with DID/OSDD (just as with CPTSD) and feel validated and inspired by their worldview.
Also because it shows the immense struggles that come with it.
I relate to those struggles. I have parts who are very distinct, who use names and I have amnesia with them. They do things that I consider dangerous. I also experience coconsciousness in the forms of watching them doing things, that I cant stop. I also experience coconsciousness, more and more so, in the form of being able to have conversations with them in my head, which is an incredibly helpful, new development. Young parts only "talk" in therapy or through drawing, some of them named themselves by now and I feel so grateful. Generally, drawing and dance (and writing to an extent) help me to develop co-consciousness, dramatically.
I feel extreme exaustion from trying to appear normal and functioning in the world (and I can to an extent) but I do it because I feel so afraid of amnesia and what can happen during those times. I got lost before but the worst fear is that I will end up being in dangerous sexual situations again like it happened so many times before and I cant control what this other part is doing.
So, the intense pressure of trying to mask multiplicity, that many people with DID describe, feels very familiar to me.
I would love to hear other peoples experiences and how you see the world through your multiplicity. I am determinded to believe, that our multiplicity is a deep gift, we share, despite the extreme difficulties it can bring.
I read that DID / OSDD / PDID have come up here before but the posts are rather old, so I'm hoping for some feedback and relating through creating this anew, I hope, its ok.
I am currently in a deep process of figuring out if I need to go for an official diagnosis of PDID/OSDD or if its better to stay with my "general" feeling of multiplicity.
I personally believe that humans are always multiple and that the gift of complex trauma enables those who had to suffer this horror to be more aware of their own multiplicity (like shamans). There are so many teachings in the world that help me deeply to understand my multiplicity and the diagnosis of DID as a disorder often feels invalidating of peoples inner geniouses. At the same time, its incredibly helpful to learn from and connect with others diagnosed with DID/OSDD (just as with CPTSD) and feel validated and inspired by their worldview.
Also because it shows the immense struggles that come with it.
I relate to those struggles. I have parts who are very distinct, who use names and I have amnesia with them. They do things that I consider dangerous. I also experience coconsciousness in the forms of watching them doing things, that I cant stop. I also experience coconsciousness, more and more so, in the form of being able to have conversations with them in my head, which is an incredibly helpful, new development. Young parts only "talk" in therapy or through drawing, some of them named themselves by now and I feel so grateful. Generally, drawing and dance (and writing to an extent) help me to develop co-consciousness, dramatically.
I feel extreme exaustion from trying to appear normal and functioning in the world (and I can to an extent) but I do it because I feel so afraid of amnesia and what can happen during those times. I got lost before but the worst fear is that I will end up being in dangerous sexual situations again like it happened so many times before and I cant control what this other part is doing.
So, the intense pressure of trying to mask multiplicity, that many people with DID describe, feels very familiar to me.
I would love to hear other peoples experiences and how you see the world through your multiplicity. I am determinded to believe, that our multiplicity is a deep gift, we share, despite the extreme difficulties it can bring.
#84
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 19, 2026, 05:03:40 PMPerhaps not McIntyre Shelter after all, ca 1974.
I've been digging up what I can about McIntyre Children's Shelter, and the photographs/ experiences of others who were there in that period do not match mine. McIntyre was old, stately architecture. Mine was more institutional. They describe "cottages", I remember dorms. They describe their classrooms as "trailers", mine was as described as above.
So now I don't know *where* I was.
I suppose I'll find out shortly.
Another memory that's occurred to me that I have to attribute to the shelter is what I'll call the spare crib storage room. I and a few other kids got in there and played peek-a-boo, hide and seek, and hid from the adults. What I remember is it being large, brightly lit, and semi-transparent blue... I dunno. Curtains? Visclean? was hanging from the cribs, which were higher than the ones we slept in. It gave the room a blue "forest" vibe.
I played with other kids, but I never befriended any because they were always leaving and being replaced by others. The staff only very rarely mistreated us, but they were also detached and clinical. I suppose for the same reason.
I've been digging up what I can about McIntyre Children's Shelter, and the photographs/ experiences of others who were there in that period do not match mine. McIntyre was old, stately architecture. Mine was more institutional. They describe "cottages", I remember dorms. They describe their classrooms as "trailers", mine was as described as above.
So now I don't know *where* I was.
I suppose I'll find out shortly.Another memory that's occurred to me that I have to attribute to the shelter is what I'll call the spare crib storage room. I and a few other kids got in there and played peek-a-boo, hide and seek, and hid from the adults. What I remember is it being large, brightly lit, and semi-transparent blue... I dunno. Curtains? Visclean? was hanging from the cribs, which were higher than the ones we slept in. It gave the room a blue "forest" vibe.
I played with other kids, but I never befriended any because they were always leaving and being replaced by others. The staff only very rarely mistreated us, but they were also detached and clinical. I suppose for the same reason.
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 19, 2026, 04:16:46 PMI'm glad you have been able to care for yourself by thinking about what can wait. I'm also glad that part of your plans remain going to spend some time with the girls. And I'm glad you've got a smile on your face.
#86
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 19, 2026, 04:14:35 PMSo much food for thought here. Thank you for your post.
#87
Therapy / Re: Craniosacral Therapy (CST)...
Last post by Kizzie - February 19, 2026, 03:58:38 PMVery interesting! I think if we're touch deprived we need that feeling of being held and soothed rather then being "worked on" as you say. I'm glad to hear you went for the CST therapy after your experience with the Korean massage. It's lovely that you were able to feel grief and comfort at the same time.
I had something similar happen when I had cancer some years back. I made the decision to have my hair shaved which was recommended by a woman's cancer group I attended. I was scared and upset understandably, but I came to see why it was a good thing to do. They made the whole thing into a kind of ritual of being cared for and held in my grief. Once my head was shaved, they gently washed my scalp and then gave me a long, soft head massage in a room with soft light and music. It was absolutely wonderful. As you experienced, it somehow balanced the grief, sadness and fear I was feeling. They gave me a lock of hair as I was leaving and suggested I burn it. My H and I did so in our fire pit and it was like sending my cancer out to the universe.
Our stories do make me sad I must say. It highlights just how much we needed caring touch and holding when we were children and I can't help think how much better off life would have been if we had had that. I also can't help thinking about those who were sexually/physically abused and became touch adverse. It would be so much harder to break down those walls and try some healthy physical touch. CPTSD is a beast.
I had something similar happen when I had cancer some years back. I made the decision to have my hair shaved which was recommended by a woman's cancer group I attended. I was scared and upset understandably, but I came to see why it was a good thing to do. They made the whole thing into a kind of ritual of being cared for and held in my grief. Once my head was shaved, they gently washed my scalp and then gave me a long, soft head massage in a room with soft light and music. It was absolutely wonderful. As you experienced, it somehow balanced the grief, sadness and fear I was feeling. They gave me a lock of hair as I was leaving and suggested I burn it. My H and I did so in our fire pit and it was like sending my cancer out to the universe.
Our stories do make me sad I must say. It highlights just how much we needed caring touch and holding when we were children and I can't help think how much better off life would have been if we had had that. I also can't help thinking about those who were sexually/physically abused and became touch adverse. It would be so much harder to break down those walls and try some healthy physical touch. CPTSD is a beast.
#88
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 03:57:04 PMQuote from: Armee on February 19, 2026, 03:18:44 PMApologies for my question about singing if it stirred anything up!
No worries, it didn't! In fact, I think things don't tend to come up anymore just because something is written on the forum (unless maybe something that obviously needs a huge TW for everybody or something CSA...) so that would speak to more stability and less reactivity in me, which is good to state the obvious.
You're right, singing plus mantra chanting can lead to feelings of spontaneous joy in me. Also some Parts react well to 'music from the past' e.g. nursery rhymes or music/songs from one of my home countries.
_______________
So, back to activating myself: I was considering going into town centre maybe in a 'should' kind of way, but it's raining and I don't want to cycle or walk so thinking: What Else Could Activate me physically for a bit? And remembering that being a little strict with myself in just following certain guidelines (activation!) can be kind.
#89
Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / Re: I’m ruining my husbands li...
Last post by Kizzie - February 19, 2026, 03:21:52 PMOh Stussy, I am so sorry to hear this Yes, I've also worried about what my trauma has done and does to my H and S. It is out in the open though and we do talk about it which helps. I try not to let my symptoms spill over onto either of them, but it happens sometimes and then I make sure I apologize. I think letting them know I really care that my trauma affects them has been key to helping us all to deal with it. Sometimes it's just really hard though I know.
Just some thoughts but have you and he ever considered couples therapy with a therapist who understands trauma? Or maybe he needs a therapist of his own, someone he can talk to to help him deal with the stress?
Yes, I've also worried about what my trauma has done and does to my H and S. It is out in the open though and we do talk about it which helps. I try not to let my symptoms spill over onto either of them, but it happens sometimes and then I make sure I apologize. I think letting them know I really care that my trauma affects them has been key to helping us all to deal with it. Sometimes it's just really hard though I know. Just some thoughts but have you and he ever considered couples therapy with a therapist who understands trauma? Or maybe he needs a therapist of his own, someone he can talk to to help him deal with the stress?
#90
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Armee - February 19, 2026, 03:18:44 PMSuch a brilliant strategy! 
Apologies for my question about singing if it stirred anything up! I remembered it being something mostly joyful for you which is why I asked if it would "count" as something activating. But what you are saying about being coercive to younger parts makes sense!
I'm so impressed with your new strategy.
Apologies for my question about singing if it stirred anything up! I remembered it being something mostly joyful for you which is why I asked if it would "count" as something activating. But what you are saying about being coercive to younger parts makes sense!
I'm so impressed with your new strategy.