Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by Desert Flower - January 28, 2026, 03:20:30 PM
#82
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by Desert Flower - January 28, 2026, 03:17:57 PMI'm right here with you too Chart. Well done for all your hard work and recognising.
#83
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Desert Flower - January 28, 2026, 03:06:40 PMI'm really glad you found a safe and kind therapist, that is great! It's worth a lot imo. 
#84
Emotional Abuse / Re: grief
Last post by Desert Flower - January 28, 2026, 03:03:39 PMNo, it does not sound small at all em87 (apologies for calling you Saluki due to the ladybug), it sounds really bad. And I'm really sorry that happened to you. My heart goes out to you. Sending you lots of warmth and love and all that you need.
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - January 28, 2026, 12:49:15 PMQuote from: SenseOrgan on January 28, 2026, 11:43:52 AMMy position is that it only is when we are on board with it. It only works with an internal "yes" of the client, which may or may not follow that which is brought up. If it's an internal "no", that can be equally valid and worth while to explore. I think it's safe to lead with your intuition.I totally agree, only I would change "internal" to "explicit". For me, the whole idea of therapy is to simply find these limits and bring them into consciousness. The fact that so many of my reactions remain hidden from me indicates that their ultimate purpose is a secondary task to figure out. First I have to identify them, THEN I can work on changing them. There's definitely a place for a therapist to push some boundaries on occasion, in a non-violent fashion and with awareness on their part. Friends do the same thing for friends. It starts with soft and easy hints... then we can move forward depending on the realizations that come about. It doesn't matter tea or water, what matters is that the source for the decision is understood and fully conscious.
#86
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Mostly out of the storm
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 28, 2026, 12:32:34 PMHi PelicanTown, welcome 
What you wrote really resonated with me. That line about how strange it feels to be in a place where people might actually understand you — yes. I felt that too when I found this space.
I'm much earlier in my own journey. I only learned a few months ago that what I've lived with has a name: CPTSD. It's been astonishing (and overwhelming at times) to realize how much there is to learn, and how much of my life suddenly makes sense in a new way.
I noticed how much overlap there is in the things you enjoy, especially animals. Dogs have been a huge part of my life too - long before I understood trauma. As a child, animals were where I felt safest, and later I volunteered for years with the Humane Society, working especially with fearful, undersocialized dogs. Looking back now, I can see how much mutual regulation was happening there. They felt safe with me, and I felt safe with them. It wasn't something I thought about at the time - it was just instinctive, and it helped me survive.
One thing that's really striking to me now is how brilliant and adaptive our nervous systems have been, especially when so much of what we endured was pre-verbal and/or relational. What once looked like "something wrong with me" now looks more like a system doing its best to keep me alive and connected.
I'm really glad you're here. This space has been helping me organize my thoughts and feel less alone - and it sounds like you've already built a lot of insight and care into your life. Welcome to the island of people who get it. 🤍
What you wrote really resonated with me. That line about how strange it feels to be in a place where people might actually understand you — yes. I felt that too when I found this space.
I'm much earlier in my own journey. I only learned a few months ago that what I've lived with has a name: CPTSD. It's been astonishing (and overwhelming at times) to realize how much there is to learn, and how much of my life suddenly makes sense in a new way.
I noticed how much overlap there is in the things you enjoy, especially animals. Dogs have been a huge part of my life too - long before I understood trauma. As a child, animals were where I felt safest, and later I volunteered for years with the Humane Society, working especially with fearful, undersocialized dogs. Looking back now, I can see how much mutual regulation was happening there. They felt safe with me, and I felt safe with them. It wasn't something I thought about at the time - it was just instinctive, and it helped me survive.
One thing that's really striking to me now is how brilliant and adaptive our nervous systems have been, especially when so much of what we endured was pre-verbal and/or relational. What once looked like "something wrong with me" now looks more like a system doing its best to keep me alive and connected.
I'm really glad you're here. This space has been helping me organize my thoughts and feel less alone - and it sounds like you've already built a lot of insight and care into your life. Welcome to the island of people who get it. 🤍
#87
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - January 28, 2026, 12:29:11 PMQuote from: SenseOrgan on January 28, 2026, 11:44:57 AMO, I was logged out when I clicked on the picture that didn't show... Dunno what's going on there. I cant's see it, unfortunatelySO, you did nothing wrong:
"Attachments awaiting approval"
I've a sneaking suspicion that Kizzie's overworked (and very likely underpaid :-)
#88
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2026
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 28, 2026, 11:50:03 AM
#89
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by SenseOrgan - January 28, 2026, 11:44:57 AMO, I was logged out when I clicked on the picture that didn't show... Dunno what's going on there. I cant's see it, unfortunately
#90
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by SenseOrgan - January 28, 2026, 11:43:52 AMI'm very happy to hear you're in zero danger and very motivated to be here and heal! YES to that! YES to life! YES to YOU!
There's so much in what you wrote that I recognize! I've ended up in situations and have done things that shocked me afterwards. Because I lost my agency. It's more obvious this happens with another F response, but with the fawn variety it feels more like I'm still present. Except I'm not. Not really. Not as me. With enough threat detection [neuroceptively speaking], my survival self takes over and I'm also the person who agrees to tea. Disappearing, exactly. I hate it when that happens. It feels awful. There's anger beneath it. That anger can be fuel for emancipation if it isn't directed at myself. There's a connection to what I do want in it. That's valid and powerful. It can be a pathway out of the holding pattern of shame.
Working with therapists has more than once triggered unsafety. By definition there is an agenda for the client. That's the whole point, isn't it? This can get tricky if therapist and client aren't entirely on the same page in the moment. It can get very subtle. But I think people with our sort of history pick up on all of that, consciously or unconsciously. When my preference is met with a value judgement, however subtle, it can trigger a fawn response. Knowing that the therapist has good intentions doesn't prevent the transference from happening. My system responds as if I was left no space to exist authentically. Again. And the way I learned to survive such a situation kicks in just as easily decades later. Because I don't have enough interpersonal experiences that taught me it is in fact, okay and safe to be me. And that it's perfectly fine to want or don't want certain things that others don't agree with. It can be even more difficult with a therapist, because there often is an assumption they know what's best for us. That could be true. My position is that it only is when we are on board with it. It only works with an internal "yes" of the client, which may or may not follow that which is brought up. If it's an internal "no", that can be equally valid and worth while to explore. I think it's safe to lead with your intuition.
There's so much in what you wrote that I recognize! I've ended up in situations and have done things that shocked me afterwards. Because I lost my agency. It's more obvious this happens with another F response, but with the fawn variety it feels more like I'm still present. Except I'm not. Not really. Not as me. With enough threat detection [neuroceptively speaking], my survival self takes over and I'm also the person who agrees to tea. Disappearing, exactly. I hate it when that happens. It feels awful. There's anger beneath it. That anger can be fuel for emancipation if it isn't directed at myself. There's a connection to what I do want in it. That's valid and powerful. It can be a pathway out of the holding pattern of shame.
Working with therapists has more than once triggered unsafety. By definition there is an agenda for the client. That's the whole point, isn't it? This can get tricky if therapist and client aren't entirely on the same page in the moment. It can get very subtle. But I think people with our sort of history pick up on all of that, consciously or unconsciously. When my preference is met with a value judgement, however subtle, it can trigger a fawn response. Knowing that the therapist has good intentions doesn't prevent the transference from happening. My system responds as if I was left no space to exist authentically. Again. And the way I learned to survive such a situation kicks in just as easily decades later. Because I don't have enough interpersonal experiences that taught me it is in fact, okay and safe to be me. And that it's perfectly fine to want or don't want certain things that others don't agree with. It can be even more difficult with a therapist, because there often is an assumption they know what's best for us. That could be true. My position is that it only is when we are on board with it. It only works with an internal "yes" of the client, which may or may not follow that which is brought up. If it's an internal "no", that can be equally valid and worth while to explore. I think it's safe to lead with your intuition.
Quote from: HannahOne on January 27, 2026, 09:49:16 PMfor Frank's sakeYou made my day with that. Boy do I enjoy this kind of playfulness with words. It's a keeper, for sure.