Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: Allie's Archives: a recov...
Last post by Chart - November 28, 2025, 07:30:59 PMHappy to hear you had a nice Thanksgiving.
#82
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - November 28, 2025, 06:38:48 PMQuote from: TheBigBlue on November 27, 2025, 03:38:40 PMHi Ran,
I'm really glad you shared all of this. You're carrying an enormous amount: caregiving, identity stress, financial limits, the pressure from home, and trying to manage your own mental health. No wonder your system feels like it's in constant fight-or-flight. That's exactly what chronic relational trauma does, and nothing about your reactions is "too much" or wrong.
Your graphic design course sounds like a real bright spot. Having something that's yours, something creative, can make a huge difference. I've found something similar myself: I started creating images (using AI) to express feelings when words or analysis felt overwhelming. Focusing on them for hours sometimes helps calm my system. I'm glad you have something like that too.
What you shared about your identity, family expectations, and the lack of acceptance was very powerful. Living in a conservative environment, trying to find yourself while also being needed as a caregiver, that would stretch anyone past their limits.
And the job office situation makes complete sense. Sudden changes, substitutes, strict rules ... those things spike anxiety fast, especially when you're already overloaded. Asking your physician for accommodations is a really reasonable step. You deserve to be treated with respect, not as if you're doing something wrong.
I hope your GP listens when you talk about the depression, anxiety, CPTSD symptoms, and the burnout from caregiving. Having one steady, consistent person in your corner made a big difference for me - for me that's my therapist - and I hope you can get that kind of support too.
You're carrying so much, and you're still reaching out and trying. That says a lot about your strength. You're not alone here.
Thank you.
I'm holding on, somehow. I don't know how. I have always felt how different I am from other people, sometimes I thought of it as my super power, same with the fight or flight hypervigilance what I named Alar. I guess it made me feel a bit less alone in ways. When I noticed it all I had such a hard time trying to calm that hypervigilance down. I get a lot of visual aura (migraines), anxiety, night terrors, dissassociation, derealization and I coped with humor, because the figures were like scary monsters when closing my eyes (I imagined figures as humorous things, like a giant cat). After learning about hypervigilance and naming that I am in hypervigilant state and giving it a name those images have actually mostly dissapeared. Some stuff I haven't figured yet how to cope, but some things help. I've found some dbt tools do help me and inner child work. #83
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 28, 2025, 02:10:56 PMhey, chart, thank you so for your uplifting words. you know how to hit me where i smile, so to speak. 3 tornados in 1? that's a lot of energy being expended, a lot of unleashed power. i think of myself in terms of strength rather than power, so it was interesting you brought that up. i know i'm one of the strongest people i know. i don't know the concept of power for myself. i do know the power of my traumas, tho. interesting.
no anxiety last nite, altho i could feel it wanting to bust thru on the edges. that was good, tho. any night w/o anxiety is a win.
no anxiety last nite, altho i could feel it wanting to bust thru on the edges. that was good, tho. any night w/o anxiety is a win.
#84
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 28, 2025, 02:01:50 PMDF, enjoy your cup of tea, your day of rest, and the idea of being kind to yourself. we all need this so badly, even when we didn't know it or weren't allowed it. it's not our fault, i don't think, that we haven't taken care of ourselves well in the past. we never learned how, we weren't taken care of to show us an example and to give us 'permission' to do so for ourselves. so much of this, to my mind, is what we weren't given, what wasn't done to or for us. so we're now on a learning curve to figure out how best it works for us. we'll get there. love and hugs
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: Allie's Archives: a recov...
Last post by alliematt - November 28, 2025, 01:51:22 PMWe had a woman from church over for Thanksgiving and had a good time with her. She said she had a good time with us. 
#86
Recovery Journals / They Live We Sleep
Last post by Yardley - November 28, 2025, 03:55:49 AMI watched They Live with my kids tonight. It was really depressing. The end really got to me when that old hillbilly in the tuxedo was saying how we just have to go along with it and if they allow us to prosper while alive we're lucky. He's sipping champagne like why fight it? Then uses his magic wrist clock to vanish.
#87
Eating Issues / Re: Why “Morbid Obesity” Still...
Last post by TheBigBlue - November 28, 2025, 01:20:24 AMThank you, Kizzie, your comment really meant a lot. It's encouraging to hear about your son and his classmates pushing back against that kind of shaming in medical training. That's exactly the shift we need. 
And I fully agree with calling us injured rather than disordered - it captures the reality so much more truthfully. Appreciate your perspective.
And I fully agree with calling us injured rather than disordered - it captures the reality so much more truthfully. Appreciate your perspective.
#88
Eating Issues / Re: Why “Morbid Obesity” Still...
Last post by Kizzie - November 27, 2025, 05:58:58 PMSpot on TheBigBlue! 
When my son was in medical school (just graduated in May), he had a class where the doctor speaking was using some derogatory/flippant language about patients who are obese such as "a heart attack waiting to happen" and so on. I'm delighted to say that he and his fellow students texted each other about how this kind of "fat-shaming" was simply not on in a course. They then went to their Dean to complain and happily they were well received and action was taken to remind faculty that this kind of shaming language was not permitted. So, progress is on the horizon!
I personally would like to see complex relational trauma survivors referred to not as disordered, but as injured. This puts the onus, not on us but on our perpetrators and normalizes our symptoms as responses to abuse/neglect rather than some kind of character defect.
When my son was in medical school (just graduated in May), he had a class where the doctor speaking was using some derogatory/flippant language about patients who are obese such as "a heart attack waiting to happen" and so on. I'm delighted to say that he and his fellow students texted each other about how this kind of "fat-shaming" was simply not on in a course. They then went to their Dean to complain and happily they were well received and action was taken to remind faculty that this kind of shaming language was not permitted. So, progress is on the horizon!
I personally would like to see complex relational trauma survivors referred to not as disordered, but as injured. This puts the onus, not on us but on our perpetrators and normalizes our symptoms as responses to abuse/neglect rather than some kind of character defect.
#89
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - November 27, 2025, 05:52:40 PMThank you friends, for caring for me. And for the recognition and validation I need so desperately. I can't tell you how much this means to me. To know I'm not alone in this, that there's you out there who do understand completely and thoroughly.
To reassure myself again: no, I'm not being a wuss, I am working towards healing, maybe work a little less hard. It's as if some part of me wants to keep forgetting there is actually something 'the matter' with me, my system does not work as other peoples' does and I may take care of myself however much I need. I need not compete in the highest rankings (actually, considering what I'm dealing with, I am!), but if I may be balanced that would be 'enough'.
Chart, it's so nice to hear from you, even though it's not so nice you're not feeling well either. You're right, the brain is doing a tremendous amount of work here, and it's supply of energy is finite. It is possible to heal. But we mustn't push too hard and take our rest when needed, which is now. I took a nap late this afternoon. And tomorrow I actually have a day off to myself which is miraculous almost. Aiming for the most wonderful re-incarnation myself!
San, I can just feel your love and care enveloping me, thank for your wonderful words, and for being by my side. You're right too about what happens when we swamp ourselves with stuff to do and not enough time to recover. And now I have to be careful not to be very severe with myself for not taking better care of myself. But be kind and gentle with myself, I'm merely trying to survive and improve.
I had been looking for a new yoga place for some time and now at last I found a trauma sensitive yoga place in my town! I registered for a course starting january, I'm looking forward to it very much. From what she writes on her website, this teacher knows from experience and she knows all the trauma recovery literature of relational trauma, SA, polyvagal theory, IFS etc, so this is very promising.
And now I'll try to take it easy some more, starting with a cup of tea.
To reassure myself again: no, I'm not being a wuss, I am working towards healing, maybe work a little less hard. It's as if some part of me wants to keep forgetting there is actually something 'the matter' with me, my system does not work as other peoples' does and I may take care of myself however much I need. I need not compete in the highest rankings (actually, considering what I'm dealing with, I am!), but if I may be balanced that would be 'enough'.
Chart, it's so nice to hear from you, even though it's not so nice you're not feeling well either. You're right, the brain is doing a tremendous amount of work here, and it's supply of energy is finite. It is possible to heal. But we mustn't push too hard and take our rest when needed, which is now. I took a nap late this afternoon. And tomorrow I actually have a day off to myself which is miraculous almost. Aiming for the most wonderful re-incarnation myself!
San, I can just feel your love and care enveloping me, thank for your wonderful words, and for being by my side. You're right too about what happens when we swamp ourselves with stuff to do and not enough time to recover. And now I have to be careful not to be very severe with myself for not taking better care of myself. But be kind and gentle with myself, I'm merely trying to survive and improve.
I had been looking for a new yoga place for some time and now at last I found a trauma sensitive yoga place in my town! I registered for a course starting january, I'm looking forward to it very much. From what she writes on her website, this teacher knows from experience and she knows all the trauma recovery literature of relational trauma, SA, polyvagal theory, IFS etc, so this is very promising.
And now I'll try to take it easy some more, starting with a cup of tea.
#90
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Chart - November 27, 2025, 04:41:39 PMPC, I just realized it's thanksgiving. My Dad told me when he responded to my text asking how he was doing. I quickly went out and bought a roasted chicken that I'll eat with my daughter tonight. Pure happiness. I'm not only slowly slowly feeling change in me, I'm more and more becoming a friend with my youngest child. She engages me more and more like a growing up young woman. We laugh and joke and our trust deepens. (I actually showed her today where I keep a small stock of feminin hygiene products for the day coming soon that she might need them. The subject came up naturally cause she was talking about a fiend of hers who just got her period. So the whole thing passed smoothly and naturally without any uncomfortableness... phew! It's so hard to find the right approach to these subjects with our kids... I want them to know the door is open, but zero pressure to come to me unless they feel okay about it and need to. But I think I'm managing and I sure as heck trust her and she fills me with immense happiness...) Me too I'm rambling! But apparently you love it, so... :-)
Happy Thanksgiving, to friends and loved-ones wherever on this beautiful globe they might be (and especially Seattle! :-)
Happy Thanksgiving, to friends and loved-ones wherever on this beautiful globe they might be (and especially Seattle! :-)