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#81

Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On?

Last post by Chart - December 06, 2025, 08:04:04 PM

Regarding disassociation, it's becoming more and more of an issue for me. I'm not quite sure how to put a stop to it. The distracting is really intense. I thought taking away my social media would be a way to counteract it but I find other ways to mentally detach. Staring, listening to a show or podcast, etc. Time is moving like a current and I'm getting swept away from shore and into open waters. I'm in limbo. Not feeling as morbid, just stuck under a veil.

Dark.art.girl, One of the best ways to counter dissociation is body-work. Coming back into our bodies can be powerfully grounding. That being said, it can also be triggering, especially when our trauma was physical and/or sexual abuse. So I recommend research and going slow. There're millions of techniques and some seem to fit certain people and circumstances better. Body-work can bring up strong emotions and this is common but can be very difficult depending on where we're at.

I do the technique Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) every morning. I almost always cry during or immediately after, sometimes longer and more intensely. This has been going on for two years now. I'm not of the opinion it is going to change anytime soon. There's a lot of painful emotion stored up in me. All that being said, for me it is helping. Very slow, but I feel it's helping.

Also, dissociation is a protective mechanism. This is why it's so hard to change and move away from. For me it's ingrained and I find myself constantly realizing all the ways I dissociate without being particularly aware of it. It's a constant wonder when I discover once again something I'm doing in order to dissociate. Turning this to consciousness is a weird and sometimes funny experience for me. It's difficult to not be impressed to what lengths my mind will go to avoid the fears that are lurking inside me.

Please be kind to yourself working through these things. Sending support.
 

#82

Friends / Re: I can make friends but I c...

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 06:23:45 PM

Blaithe, I have recently tried to focus on what NarcKiddo suggests. Just meeting new people and continuing to go to that place, even when I don't want to. At the beginning of this year, I had a great group of people I could enjoy being around for a few hours and trust(enough to not quit). It took me a year to build that. Many times, I'd question the smallest behavior or word and wonder if they really didn't want me there. I fought it, stuck around and they closed down. I never got close enough though to keep in touch through the phone and I dont have social media. So, I am starting over and it took me a while to do that. Once I relax and stop caring if people like me, I notice people approach me more. I also observed that others struggle just as much as we do. (Similar to what Blueberry said about the delayed or no reply.) I'm always blown away by that, feeling like the only broken one in the room.
Is there something that interests you? Maybe try going super slow, like NarcKiddo said.
I wish you much healing, Blaithe.

#83

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Definitely still out in th...

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 06:00:55 PM

Welcome, TheBigBlue!

#84

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 05:52:49 PM

Welcome!

#85

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: new here - still in the st...

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 05:50:47 PM

Hello and welcome, beauty4ashes13. Thank you for sharing your story here. Many replies show that we've all had similar experiences. I reached out and wished a childhood friend a happy thanksgiving. Similar to you, we've often gone long periods without contact. She has yet to reply and it really hurt because she usually does. But I do remember from the most recent conversations that her husband is abusive, emotionally that I know of and physically in the past. We both cling to one another because she knew my family and I knew hers and we both went through trauma at their hands and often witnessed it at each other's houses. Perhaps your friend is reaching a point in her own life where she feels she needs to put up that protective wall?
I hope you can find comfort and peace. I am sorry that your friend was so unkind to you.

#86

Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: For those struggling with ...

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 05:16:14 PM

Recovery68, I'm touched that it resonates with you, regardless of time. You aren't alone. Many times, rejection sends me so far back that it can take a while to find my footing. But I have learned that being alone doesn't have to be terrible. I like to think of what I can do that's simple but brings me joy. Perhaps something I was shamed for enjoying in childhood or something I always wanted to do but was too afraid to try in front of past abusers. I'm thankful that you posted here, Recovery68. I hope you find some small glimmer to brighten your time. 

#87

Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey

Last post by Ran - December 06, 2025, 03:17:45 PM

Glad to hear the medication is helping, Ran.
 

Thank you. 

#88

Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey

Last post by Ran - December 06, 2025, 03:17:17 PM

One thing I'm doing for health purposes is work with my inner child. What helps me be more healthy is that in kindergarten we had vitamin breaks, where we got to snack on fruit or vedgetables. I'm trying to blend it into my routine, that on specific time I go to the kitchen and cut up some fruit, vedgetables etc and put them on plate and eat it. I don't usually take drink other than water too then.

#89

Recovery Journals / Re: starting over

Last post by sanmagic7 - December 06, 2025, 01:11:01 PM

thank you, all of you.  more later.  i'm not in a good place today, had a run-in about therapy, trying to find a T, got lied to, went all frazzled, and i'm completely worn out today.  love you all - you're the best.

#90

Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On?

Last post by Dark.art.girl - December 06, 2025, 05:02:33 AM

Desert Flower, you're so sweet for taking the time to read my journal here to show support. Also, thank you for validating that experience--my dad did in fact collect evidence to have her charged but decided against it. She also fled to another state on the opposite side of the country. But no further update regarding what happened to the case from when I was 12.

You also validated my difficulty speaking about my feelings. Even now, I find myself going completely silent in times where emotions are high--I miss EMDR. I found it so so helpful.

Also big thanks to Papa Coco and Chart for your responses, you're both so kind and supportive. Regarding disassociation, it's becoming more and more of an issue for me. I'm not quite sure how to put a stop to it. The distracting is really intense. I thought taking away my social media would be a way to counteract it but I find other ways to mentally detach. Staring, listening to a show or podcast, etc. Time is moving like a current and I'm getting swept away from shore and into open waters. I'm in limbo. Not feeling as morbid, just stuck under a veil.

Much love to you all, you deserve the most.