Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Chart - February 17, 2026, 02:03:54 PM
#82
Recovery Journals / On Trust and forgiveness (404 ...
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 17, 2026, 12:53:23 PMThis part may be highly upsetting, so trigger warning...
At the end, my brother made several attempts to reach out to me to forge a new bond. I rejected all of them. He had been estranged by his own family (DV) and I was the last person left he could possibly have connected with... But no thanks.
He died alone in a dark apartment feeling unloved and unwanted, and he was probably correct.
I feel a little guilty about that but not so guilty that I wouldn't do it again. I'm mainly disappointed that he went to his grave with the answers to many questions I have now.
And he's not the only one I've treated so callously over the years.
Some will say "wow, that's really cold" and I won't dispute it. I say all that to illustrate how deep my sense of self protection runs.
So I'm not negating or minimizing anyone's quest for forgiveness or reconciliation. It's just that I cannot even remotely relate to such concepts. Most people don't get a first chance from me, let alone a second.
And I don't feel the slightest temptation to change that. It's what's kept me safe and un-victimized all these decades. Perhaps I "should" feel less complete because of this, but I don't.
Anyway... I saw others talking about this struggle and wanted to chime in without derailing their threads.
Best,
-Slashy
At the end, my brother made several attempts to reach out to me to forge a new bond. I rejected all of them. He had been estranged by his own family (DV) and I was the last person left he could possibly have connected with... But no thanks.
He died alone in a dark apartment feeling unloved and unwanted, and he was probably correct.
I feel a little guilty about that but not so guilty that I wouldn't do it again. I'm mainly disappointed that he went to his grave with the answers to many questions I have now.
And he's not the only one I've treated so callously over the years.
Some will say "wow, that's really cold" and I won't dispute it. I say all that to illustrate how deep my sense of self protection runs.
So I'm not negating or minimizing anyone's quest for forgiveness or reconciliation. It's just that I cannot even remotely relate to such concepts. Most people don't get a first chance from me, let alone a second.
And I don't feel the slightest temptation to change that. It's what's kept me safe and un-victimized all these decades. Perhaps I "should" feel less complete because of this, but I don't.
Anyway... I saw others talking about this struggle and wanted to chime in without derailing their threads.
Best,
-Slashy
#83
Self-Help & Recovery / Re: Tough Time
Last post by dollyvee - February 17, 2026, 11:56:40 AMHey Mamatus,
I just wanted to say that I read what you wrote and am hearing what you're saying.
It's a difficult journey to embark on the stuff you're doing right now, and over time as you peel back the layers, you will learn different ways of coping with the things that are coming up. Not that it makes it any less easy.
Sending you support,
dolly
I just wanted to say that I read what you wrote and am hearing what you're saying.
It's a difficult journey to embark on the stuff you're doing right now, and over time as you peel back the layers, you will learn different ways of coping with the things that are coming up. Not that it makes it any less easy.
Sending you support,
dolly
#84
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 17, 2026, 11:49:27 AMThis is a huge and hard thing to process. I'm glad you felt able to start doing so with this new T. I don't have children so I have no experience of any of that. But I do have experience of a mother who did not love me, despite what she claimed. And I can tell you categorically that I have never once felt safe with her.
I am sorry you are having to grieve and I wish you strength and as much peace as you can find during this process.
I am sorry you are having to grieve and I wish you strength and as much peace as you can find during this process.
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by HannahOne - February 17, 2026, 11:25:35 AMThe grief is so real. It's ok to feel what you feel and know what you know.
I'm so sorry you are grieving. And, grief can be healing. It just hurts while it's happening.
It's so sad that you couldn't feel your attachment to them. Yet they were attached to your hip, so it seems they felt attached as it's through the physical care that babies attach. They don't know what the parent feels. They only know what they feel---safe on mom's hip. That doesn't change that you could not feel it, how you wanted to feel. At the time it seems you couldn't feel what you DID feel---fierce love, devotion to carry them as much as possible, and physical attachment. And it makes sense that you couldn't feel that at the time as it would have brought up your childhood wounds, at a time when you needed to be a parent. You did what you had to do, not feel, in order to parent your children. That's what fierce mother love does sometimes.
That you can know it and feel it now is painful, so painful. And also healing. I feel compassion for that younger you as a young mother, carrying for two babies while having been unmothered or poorly mothered herself. What a brave young mother, doing what mothers do for their children, carrying on.
I'm so sorry you are grieving. And, grief can be healing. It just hurts while it's happening.
It's so sad that you couldn't feel your attachment to them. Yet they were attached to your hip, so it seems they felt attached as it's through the physical care that babies attach. They don't know what the parent feels. They only know what they feel---safe on mom's hip. That doesn't change that you could not feel it, how you wanted to feel. At the time it seems you couldn't feel what you DID feel---fierce love, devotion to carry them as much as possible, and physical attachment. And it makes sense that you couldn't feel that at the time as it would have brought up your childhood wounds, at a time when you needed to be a parent. You did what you had to do, not feel, in order to parent your children. That's what fierce mother love does sometimes.
That you can know it and feel it now is painful, so painful. And also healing. I feel compassion for that younger you as a young mother, carrying for two babies while having been unmothered or poorly mothered herself. What a brave young mother, doing what mothers do for their children, carrying on.
#86
Physical Issues / Re: Weight fluctuations, body ...
Last post by dollyvee - February 17, 2026, 10:35:12 AMHey Teddy Bear,
I've had a life long issue with body image and weight despite being, at times, in probably the under weight category. My FOO had a lot of ideas about body image and shamed me a lot as a child for being a normal weight at the time.
Recently, I have been looking into scapegoating in families and found that a lot of scapegoated children can perpetuate the scapegoating dynamic on themselves through body image ie they carry the story the family told them that they are not doing something "right" if their body image doesn't live up to some imaginable standard for example.
I also know what it's like to have a condition and have weight gain as a result of that despite doing all the "right" things. It really, really sucks. I feel like most people look at you as (and this is probably the scapegoat story popping up here again) as it's something that you've done wrong.
So, once I moved countries where there is a high proportion of rental properties that contain black mold, and no recourse for landlords who don't address it, I started gaining weight despite eating relatively the same diet. I have "sensitive genetics" and this can lead to a whole host of issues from weight gain from mycotoxin exposure to MCAS. I spent 10 years trying to figure out what was going on, and came to a point where I was following a strict calorie (1800) and strength training regime and, more crucially, living in a mold free environment, that I lost some weight. Only to have it come back again, with a bunch of other issues, when I moved into an apartment that had mold behind the walls. So, genetics play a big part in how your body decides to do things, which is unique for everyone, including how people metabolize caffeine. What works for her might not work for you, and a gentle reminder may help her digest that (no pun intended).
Like you said, BMI is not an accurate measure of what is going on. Because I do so much strength training, I have to adjust the BMI calculator on my scale. To me, weight is also not an accurate predictor of how healthy you are, and I prefer body fat percentage instead. I think it gives you a more accurate description of a "healthy" build because you can be 120 pounds and still be 28% body fat for example. Weight gives no idea of how much lean muscle mass you have.
With all these factors in mind, it's helped manage some peoples' reactions to me and what I look like, and if they're just talking garbage. It's incredibly sad to me that as I've lost weight, peoples' reactions towards me have changed, but I'm still navigating that one. Like TBB said, having your body treated as a topic of conversation can be activating, and I've found that having more of a framework about what is/may be going on as well as what is actually healthy (and what can also be someone else's projection about their own issues) helps give you some more agency to deal with it.
Sending you support,
dolly
I've had a life long issue with body image and weight despite being, at times, in probably the under weight category. My FOO had a lot of ideas about body image and shamed me a lot as a child for being a normal weight at the time.
Recently, I have been looking into scapegoating in families and found that a lot of scapegoated children can perpetuate the scapegoating dynamic on themselves through body image ie they carry the story the family told them that they are not doing something "right" if their body image doesn't live up to some imaginable standard for example.
I also know what it's like to have a condition and have weight gain as a result of that despite doing all the "right" things. It really, really sucks. I feel like most people look at you as (and this is probably the scapegoat story popping up here again) as it's something that you've done wrong.
So, once I moved countries where there is a high proportion of rental properties that contain black mold, and no recourse for landlords who don't address it, I started gaining weight despite eating relatively the same diet. I have "sensitive genetics" and this can lead to a whole host of issues from weight gain from mycotoxin exposure to MCAS. I spent 10 years trying to figure out what was going on, and came to a point where I was following a strict calorie (1800) and strength training regime and, more crucially, living in a mold free environment, that I lost some weight. Only to have it come back again, with a bunch of other issues, when I moved into an apartment that had mold behind the walls. So, genetics play a big part in how your body decides to do things, which is unique for everyone, including how people metabolize caffeine. What works for her might not work for you, and a gentle reminder may help her digest that (no pun intended).
Like you said, BMI is not an accurate measure of what is going on. Because I do so much strength training, I have to adjust the BMI calculator on my scale. To me, weight is also not an accurate predictor of how healthy you are, and I prefer body fat percentage instead. I think it gives you a more accurate description of a "healthy" build because you can be 120 pounds and still be 28% body fat for example. Weight gives no idea of how much lean muscle mass you have.
With all these factors in mind, it's helped manage some peoples' reactions to me and what I look like, and if they're just talking garbage. It's incredibly sad to me that as I've lost weight, peoples' reactions towards me have changed, but I'm still navigating that one. Like TBB said, having your body treated as a topic of conversation can be activating, and I've found that having more of a framework about what is/may be going on as well as what is actually healthy (and what can also be someone else's projection about their own issues) helps give you some more agency to deal with it.
Sending you support,
dolly
#87
Conferences/Courses / Interoception & Trauma Summit ...
Last post by dollyvee - February 17, 2026, 10:09:11 AMOoof so not quite sure to put this one, but received this email this morning about the above summit that really sparked my interest as somatic healing is something I want to do more of. Not sure on pricing etc, but seems to be a free sign up if you attend "in person" online and don't request any recordings. I just copied and pasted, so the layout might be a bit wonky.
Today, we have a short article for you from Tracy Jarvis, who was a lead teacher in our last edition of the Integrating Somatic Techniques in Therapy training.
Tracy is a psychotherapist and a trainer of Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and is currently researching interoception and its applications in therapy. Enjoy!
--
When we talk about trauma, we often focus on memory, attachment, and meaning.
But underneath all of it is interoception, the ongoing perception of signals arising from within the body: heart rate, breath, muscle tension, gut sensation, temperature shifts, subtle visceral cues. These signals form much of the raw material from which emotion is constructed.
Emotion is not just a story or a cognition. It is a patterned interpretation of bodily change.
From a trauma-informed and parts-oriented perspective, this becomes especially important:
Some parts amplify internal signals, scanning intensely for cues of danger
Some dampen or mute sensation to prevent overwhelm
Some organize perception around learned expectations, so the body feels what it has historically needed to feel in order to survive
In this way, interoception is not merely "accurate" or "inaccurate." It is adaptive. It reflects learning. The nervous system predicts what sensations mean based on prior experience, particularly relational and traumatic experience, and those predictions shape what is consciously felt.
This has several clinical implications:
Prediction shapes perception. Clients often experience what their system anticipates rather than what is strictly occurring physiologically. A slight increase in heart rate may be experienced as panic, excitement, shame, or threat, depending on context and parts activation
Attention is not the same as attunement. Simply directing attention toward the body does not automatically increase regulation. For trauma survivors, unstructured attention can intensify protective activation. Regulated interoceptive awareness requires pacing, safety, and sufficient Self-leadership
Signal and noise are learned categories. What one part experiences as intolerable noise (e.g., visceral activation), another part may need to access as a meaningful signal. Helping parts differentiate these layers is often more useful than increasing raw sensation.
Embodiment is relational. The capacity to stay with internal sensation develops within safety. Without relational support, internally and externally, turning toward the body can feel exposing rather than regulating
When we understand interoception as a dynamic learning system shaped by trauma, attachment, and protective organization, we move beyond simplistic models of "disconnect" and instead work with how the system has intelligently adapted.
For those who want to explore this more deeply: at the upcoming free Interoception & Trauma Summit (Feb 27–28), we're sharing two bonus interviews with leading researchers on how interoceptive processing develops, how it's measured, and what it means clinically for trauma work. These interviews are available to registered participants, with lifetime access included in the VIP package.
Register for the summit here.
Warmly,
Tracy Jarvis, Co-Founder & The Interoception International Summit Team
Interoception International
Today, we have a short article for you from Tracy Jarvis, who was a lead teacher in our last edition of the Integrating Somatic Techniques in Therapy training.
Tracy is a psychotherapist and a trainer of Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and is currently researching interoception and its applications in therapy. Enjoy!
--
When we talk about trauma, we often focus on memory, attachment, and meaning.
But underneath all of it is interoception, the ongoing perception of signals arising from within the body: heart rate, breath, muscle tension, gut sensation, temperature shifts, subtle visceral cues. These signals form much of the raw material from which emotion is constructed.
Emotion is not just a story or a cognition. It is a patterned interpretation of bodily change.
From a trauma-informed and parts-oriented perspective, this becomes especially important:
Some parts amplify internal signals, scanning intensely for cues of danger
Some dampen or mute sensation to prevent overwhelm
Some organize perception around learned expectations, so the body feels what it has historically needed to feel in order to survive
In this way, interoception is not merely "accurate" or "inaccurate." It is adaptive. It reflects learning. The nervous system predicts what sensations mean based on prior experience, particularly relational and traumatic experience, and those predictions shape what is consciously felt.
This has several clinical implications:
Prediction shapes perception. Clients often experience what their system anticipates rather than what is strictly occurring physiologically. A slight increase in heart rate may be experienced as panic, excitement, shame, or threat, depending on context and parts activation
Attention is not the same as attunement. Simply directing attention toward the body does not automatically increase regulation. For trauma survivors, unstructured attention can intensify protective activation. Regulated interoceptive awareness requires pacing, safety, and sufficient Self-leadership
Signal and noise are learned categories. What one part experiences as intolerable noise (e.g., visceral activation), another part may need to access as a meaningful signal. Helping parts differentiate these layers is often more useful than increasing raw sensation.
Embodiment is relational. The capacity to stay with internal sensation develops within safety. Without relational support, internally and externally, turning toward the body can feel exposing rather than regulating
When we understand interoception as a dynamic learning system shaped by trauma, attachment, and protective organization, we move beyond simplistic models of "disconnect" and instead work with how the system has intelligently adapted.
For those who want to explore this more deeply: at the upcoming free Interoception & Trauma Summit (Feb 27–28), we're sharing two bonus interviews with leading researchers on how interoceptive processing develops, how it's measured, and what it means clinically for trauma work. These interviews are available to registered participants, with lifetime access included in the VIP package.
Register for the summit here.
Warmly,
Tracy Jarvis, Co-Founder & The Interoception International Summit Team
Interoception International
#88
Physical Issues / Re: Weight fluctuations, body ...
Last post by Teddy bear - February 17, 2026, 09:23:21 AMThanks, TheBigBlue 🤝
I looked into the thread, and it's interesting and really makes sense. Trauma does play a role in body weight, and it's not appropriate at all to stigmatise it.
While I used to be an anorexic the most part of my life with a low BMI, now after those meds I'm still in their "norm", but it's just an almost constant feeling of discomfort, that I have some excessive kilos here and there.
Regarding BMI, it's quite obvious, is a label that doesn't show to much imo. Some athletes can be beyond the normal range, and can feel probably good, for instance.
I just got tired of approximately four times getting back in shape. So lately my body seems started to protest.
And the psych meds, they are awful in their metabolic impact: especially, say, quetiapine.
Still, I am going now to create safe, stress-free and excluding retraumatisation conditions, so my body would return to a comfortable shape, that feels good and healthy.
I looked into the thread, and it's interesting and really makes sense. Trauma does play a role in body weight, and it's not appropriate at all to stigmatise it.
While I used to be an anorexic the most part of my life with a low BMI, now after those meds I'm still in their "norm", but it's just an almost constant feeling of discomfort, that I have some excessive kilos here and there.
Regarding BMI, it's quite obvious, is a label that doesn't show to much imo. Some athletes can be beyond the normal range, and can feel probably good, for instance.
I just got tired of approximately four times getting back in shape. So lately my body seems started to protest.
And the psych meds, they are awful in their metabolic impact: especially, say, quetiapine.
Still, I am going now to create safe, stress-free and excluding retraumatisation conditions, so my body would return to a comfortable shape, that feels good and healthy.
#89
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 17, 2026, 05:04:00 AMSAN, I'm really glad you shared this. I hear so much grief here - not coldness, not indifference, but deep mourning for what you wish you could have felt and given. That kind of grief usually only comes from caring as much as you did.
One thing that stands out to me is how much you did show up in your body - holding them, keeping them close, being their safety. Even if joy or warmth wasn't accessible inside you then, presence and protection were. Your D1's memory of feeling safest with you says something real about that.
I'm not an expert, but to me it sounds like back then, you were working with what was available to you - not with what you deserved to have, but with what you had. That doesn't erase the sadness of what was missing, but it does change the meaning from failure to loss.
I hear the paradox you described with the cat, too. If it resonates at all, one gentle possibility is that loving the cat didn't carry the same weight of responsibility or vigilance - it was a moment that didn't ask anything of you. Being with your children, on the other hand, sounds like it happened in a landscape of responsibility and protection. That difference alone can change what feelings are accessible, without saying anything about the depth of your love.
I hear your heavy heart for your children and for yourself at the same time. That's a heavy place to be. I'm glad you let yourself cry tonight, and didn't hold this alone. 💛
One thing that stands out to me is how much you did show up in your body - holding them, keeping them close, being their safety. Even if joy or warmth wasn't accessible inside you then, presence and protection were. Your D1's memory of feeling safest with you says something real about that.
I'm not an expert, but to me it sounds like back then, you were working with what was available to you - not with what you deserved to have, but with what you had. That doesn't erase the sadness of what was missing, but it does change the meaning from failure to loss.
I hear the paradox you described with the cat, too. If it resonates at all, one gentle possibility is that loving the cat didn't carry the same weight of responsibility or vigilance - it was a moment that didn't ask anything of you. Being with your children, on the other hand, sounds like it happened in a landscape of responsibility and protection. That difference alone can change what feelings are accessible, without saying anything about the depth of your love.
I hear your heavy heart for your children and for yourself at the same time. That's a heavy place to be. I'm glad you let yourself cry tonight, and didn't hold this alone. 💛
#90
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Armee - February 17, 2026, 04:42:43 AM San I think it is beautiful that you were able to open up to your new T about such a sensitive, delicate topic. I hope you can keep letting these out in her company. You've been on your own without help for too long.
I have some theories on the question of love but I'll save them for another time. If you are up to it I'll leave for you a gentle hug full of love and care and respect, mom to mom.