Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by dollyvee - January 26, 2026, 12:52:45 PMChart, I have started reading "Scapegoating in Families: Intergenerational Patterns of Physical and Emotional Abuse," and came across this:
"In some families, children are brought into the world to "bind" the family unit, "to keep the family together." Many couples are in conflict before the child is born, and they hope that children will help the marriage. When the conflicts do not disappear, they stay together for the "sake" of the children. The resentment they have towards each other may be transferred to the children.
Most of the time, if the child has not been scapegoated, he or she is likely to feel a strong need to get away from the family conflict and pathology...The scapegoated child, especially if the scapegoating is a lifelong pattern, will probably feel responsible for all thee family pain and want to stay physically and emotionally in order to make amends."
I'm guessing that you are the former perhaps, but thought it was interesting and worthwhile perhaps if it was the latter. For me, this scapegoating stuff is another very difficult layer of entanglement as well as an obstacle to healing.
"In some families, children are brought into the world to "bind" the family unit, "to keep the family together." Many couples are in conflict before the child is born, and they hope that children will help the marriage. When the conflicts do not disappear, they stay together for the "sake" of the children. The resentment they have towards each other may be transferred to the children.
Most of the time, if the child has not been scapegoated, he or she is likely to feel a strong need to get away from the family conflict and pathology...The scapegoated child, especially if the scapegoating is a lifelong pattern, will probably feel responsible for all thee family pain and want to stay physically and emotionally in order to make amends."
I'm guessing that you are the former perhaps, but thought it was interesting and worthwhile perhaps if it was the latter. For me, this scapegoating stuff is another very difficult layer of entanglement as well as an obstacle to healing.
#82
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by SenseOrgan - January 26, 2026, 09:52:11 AMI'm sorry Chart. I hate to see you suffer. Actually feeling is a big part of healing, in my experience. But "dosing" that, if at all possible, is important too. Ideally, this shouldn't be a tooth gritting thing, I don't think. More like a gradual opening up, where compassion is leading. You're not alone with this. I hope a sense of connection reaches that desperate place. It takes a village to reparent an age regressed adult. Stay in touch. Much love. 
#83
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by dollyvee - January 26, 2026, 09:16:31 AMHey Chart,
I hope Schore's work is able to help you find some space in what you're going through.
Sending you support,
dolly
I hope Schore's work is able to help you find some space in what you're going through.
Sending you support,
dolly
#84
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by Chart - January 26, 2026, 06:50:05 AMThankyou TheBigBlue!
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2026
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 26, 2026, 04:49:41 AMThanks for sharing, Hope.
I'm starting to understand anger and sadness as two sides of the same coin. Sadness often comes from loss or hurt; anger comes from the same place, but it carries the signal that a boundary was crossed. For me, anger has been much harder to find, so it often goes underground and shows up as sadness, collapse, or exhaustion instead. But I am trying to allow anger to exist - even quietly - as it can actually be protective. 💛
I'm starting to understand anger and sadness as two sides of the same coin. Sadness often comes from loss or hurt; anger comes from the same place, but it carries the signal that a boundary was crossed. For me, anger has been much harder to find, so it often goes underground and shows up as sadness, collapse, or exhaustion instead. But I am trying to allow anger to exist - even quietly - as it can actually be protective. 💛
#86
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 26, 2026, 04:32:24 AMI hope the meeting with the new T went okay, or at least felt workable. One step at a time really fits here. I'm thinking of you and hoping Monday brings a bit more clarity too.
#87
Successes, Progress? / Re: Post-Traumatic Joy
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 26, 2026, 04:27:40 AM
Here is 🥂 to "totally normal".
#88
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 26, 2026, 04:20:13 AMPapaCoco, it's so much you are carrying. I'm really glad you let this space hold you while things are unsettled. You matter here, exactly as you are, and you don't have to make sense of everything right now. I know that place, too.
#89
Recovery Journals / Re: TV's Repair Journal
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 26, 2026, 04:04:31 AMI'm really glad you're safe! Sending thoughts and support to the north.
It makes so much sense to turn that need for self-parenting into characters and creativity - that is such a gentle, resourceful way of caring for yourself. I'm sorry the migraines have been rough lately. I hope you get some easing soon. Sending steady, quiet support your way 💛
It makes so much sense to turn that need for self-parenting into characters and creativity - that is such a gentle, resourceful way of caring for yourself. I'm sorry the migraines have been rough lately. I hope you get some easing soon. Sending steady, quiet support your way 💛
#90
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 26, 2026, 03:51:36 AMChart, I hear you. Sitting with pain without dissociating or pushing it away is brutally hard work, even when it doesn't feel like work at all. Feeling empty, fake, or unable to respond doesn't mean you are those things though. It often just means you are right in the middle of it.
Thank you for the Schore video. For me too, understanding what is happening in the nervous system can sometimes create just enough steadiness to stay present.
Even if the duck video failed tonight 🦆💛, you're still here, and we are staying with you; and that counts more than it feels like right now.
Thank you for the Schore video. For me too, understanding what is happening in the nervous system can sometimes create just enough steadiness to stay present.
Even if the duck video failed tonight 🦆💛, you're still here, and we are staying with you; and that counts more than it feels like right now.