Recent posts
#81
Therapy / Re: Issues with CPT
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 04, 2026, 09:25:55 AMThis resonates very deeply with me. I've noticed something similar in myself: my cognitive adult part ("apparently normal part=ANP) can engage with CBT/CPT just fine (in fact likes it), but when I drop into a much younger emotional state (emotional part=EP), that same approach doesn't just miss me - it can actually feel harmful.
For most of my life, survival meant self-erasure and being alone with big feelings, with no one there to help me make sense of them. So when my EP finally has a voice, what she needs first isn't correction or reframing, but witnessing. Recently I had a strong emotional flashback around my narcissistic father and the golden-child dynamic with my sister. My inner child said, very simply, "I felt unlovable." When my therapist immediately tried to redirect that thought, I understood the intention cognitively - but emotionally it sent me into days of deep sadness and distress. It took me a while to realize why: the little me didn't feel allowed to tell her lived experience without being corrected.
So this week, I asked my therapist if we could try something different: giving the first part of the session to letting that younger part tell her story, with only listening, reflecting, attunement, meaning witnessing - and then using CPT later in the session if it felt appropriate. That collaboration made a huge difference. I left the session feeling calmer and more settled.
I'm not offering this as advice or suggesting this would be the right approach for you - just sharing what helped me, and to echo what Kizzie said: you're allowed to receive therapy that actually works for you. It's okay to name what you need, and if a therapist can adapt and grow with you, that's wonderful. If not, you still deserve care that fits how your system works.
(If that's ok)
For most of my life, survival meant self-erasure and being alone with big feelings, with no one there to help me make sense of them. So when my EP finally has a voice, what she needs first isn't correction or reframing, but witnessing. Recently I had a strong emotional flashback around my narcissistic father and the golden-child dynamic with my sister. My inner child said, very simply, "I felt unlovable." When my therapist immediately tried to redirect that thought, I understood the intention cognitively - but emotionally it sent me into days of deep sadness and distress. It took me a while to realize why: the little me didn't feel allowed to tell her lived experience without being corrected.
So this week, I asked my therapist if we could try something different: giving the first part of the session to letting that younger part tell her story, with only listening, reflecting, attunement, meaning witnessing - and then using CPT later in the session if it felt appropriate. That collaboration made a huge difference. I left the session feeling calmer and more settled.
I'm not offering this as advice or suggesting this would be the right approach for you - just sharing what helped me, and to echo what Kizzie said: you're allowed to receive therapy that actually works for you. It's okay to name what you need, and if a therapist can adapt and grow with you, that's wonderful. If not, you still deserve care that fits how your system works.
(If that's ok)
#82
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by HannahOne - February 04, 2026, 12:11:45 AMSo glad you could see the new T! 
And get the medication you need.
It's positive that after talking to her you feel calmer. Sounds like she listened, even if she doesn't have answers straightaway. I know for me, just being heard and having someone be curious to learn about the unique me can be healing.
And get the medication you need. It's positive that after talking to her you feel calmer. Sounds like she listened, even if she doesn't have answers straightaway. I know for me, just being heard and having someone be curious to learn about the unique me can be healing.
#83
Symptoms - Other / Re: left–right processing weak...
Last post by lowbudgetTV - February 03, 2026, 11:05:17 PMTotally.
I think of my brain as always on, always thinking about something. Sometimes it's nonsense, sometimes its important. I've been experiencing this a lot at my job recently, where having conversations is awkward because I have to think and concentrate a bit harder.
Directions require not only understanding but then, i don't know, synthesis? You have to listen, understand and then point out the correct direction. Brains know its a direction, but there's only two, so it's easy to switch them up. Meanwhile, ironically, I'm very good at approximating the cardinal directions. North? I have what's essentially a satellite image in my brain of my surroundings, like Google Maps, and can figure it out. But right/left is weird, you have to place yourself. Now that I write it out, maybe it's because I'm a very disassociative person; I don't feel present in my body. Takes longer to figure out positions relative to me!
I think of my brain as always on, always thinking about something. Sometimes it's nonsense, sometimes its important. I've been experiencing this a lot at my job recently, where having conversations is awkward because I have to think and concentrate a bit harder.
Directions require not only understanding but then, i don't know, synthesis? You have to listen, understand and then point out the correct direction. Brains know its a direction, but there's only two, so it's easy to switch them up. Meanwhile, ironically, I'm very good at approximating the cardinal directions. North? I have what's essentially a satellite image in my brain of my surroundings, like Google Maps, and can figure it out. But right/left is weird, you have to place yourself. Now that I write it out, maybe it's because I'm a very disassociative person; I don't feel present in my body. Takes longer to figure out positions relative to me!
#84
Therapy / Re: Issues with CPT
Last post by Kizzie - February 03, 2026, 03:16:17 PMJust my thoughts PT, but I think we are (or need to be) in the driver's seat when it comes to therapy. If you feel like you want/need to speak up/look for another therapist then absolutely do so. There are so many different therapeutic approaches for CPTSD that we need to find what works for us.
#85
Questions/Suggestions/Comments / Re: Forum technical difficulti...
Last post by Kizzie - February 03, 2026, 02:58:02 PMThe forum is sorted but one thing I'd recommend is to write and keep a copy of your posts, long ones in particular, offline. We haven't had a ton of technical issues at OOTS but they do happen from time to time unfortunately and it's a real pain to lose them I know.
#86
Employment / Re: "Picking" a career
Last post by Kizzie - February 03, 2026, 02:44:36 PMFirst of all, congrats on the illustration course, it sounds like it will be fun and may help with the career you are entertaining. 
I'm so sorry to hear about the state of your mental health system Teddy Bear. It's about what I thought sadly.
I know you have limited funds but I am curious if there is private care available which is not so politically fraught and something you could consider down the line if/when you are able to afford it?
I hope at least being here is of some help. I have found (and as many other members have said) that being with survivors where you can speak freely and everyone gets it and is supportive can make a real difference in recovery.
I'm so sorry to hear about the state of your mental health system Teddy Bear. It's about what I thought sadly.
I know you have limited funds but I am curious if there is private care available which is not so politically fraught and something you could consider down the line if/when you are able to afford it?
I hope at least being here is of some help. I have found (and as many other members have said) that being with survivors where you can speak freely and everyone gets it and is supportive can make a real difference in recovery.
#87
Depression / Re: Feeling depressed
Last post by Chart - February 03, 2026, 01:58:11 PMSorry for all the pain, Ran. I think I know how you feel. It varies, and seems to be improving very very slowly for me, but there's still a lot of pain.
Thinking of you and sending support.
Thinking of you and sending support.
#88
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 03, 2026, 01:18:29 PMNK, for me it was like a shot of adrenaline! thank you so for your support. the session w/ my T went very well. we're in the 'getting to know you' stage. i think she's just right for me right now.
chart, of course. anytime, you can picture me there w/ that ol' bazooka. happy to take him on!
the T session was great. didn't really get any answers for what's been driving me crazy, but maybe i don't need them right now. i talked a lot about how my body reacts to having to always hold those emotions inside, like losing my legs, and she was amazed - never heard of anyone having that problem before. she said she looked up alexithymia, so i think she understands it a bit more, but i also explained as best i could about how the brain parts having to do w/ emotions/feelings aren't connected.
i think she's going to be learning a lot.
i just feel calmer, which is a good thing.
also had a bit of a dust-up at the pharmacy - seems the directions for my xanax prescription went wonky, but will now be rectified. i'll be getting more than i knew, which sent a wave of relief through me. i've been toughing it out most of the time w/ my anxiety or some of the physical stuff, and now i can just take some meds and feel better. that's going to be different but wonderful, i think. like i won't have to be gritting my teeth all the time just to get thru the day.
chart, of course. anytime, you can picture me there w/ that ol' bazooka. happy to take him on!
the T session was great. didn't really get any answers for what's been driving me crazy, but maybe i don't need them right now. i talked a lot about how my body reacts to having to always hold those emotions inside, like losing my legs, and she was amazed - never heard of anyone having that problem before. she said she looked up alexithymia, so i think she understands it a bit more, but i also explained as best i could about how the brain parts having to do w/ emotions/feelings aren't connected.
i think she's going to be learning a lot.
i just feel calmer, which is a good thing.
also had a bit of a dust-up at the pharmacy - seems the directions for my xanax prescription went wonky, but will now be rectified. i'll be getting more than i knew, which sent a wave of relief through me. i've been toughing it out most of the time w/ my anxiety or some of the physical stuff, and now i can just take some meds and feel better. that's going to be different but wonderful, i think. like i won't have to be gritting my teeth all the time just to get thru the day.
#89
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 03, 2026, 01:07:52 PMhannah1, congrats to you for allowing yourself to feel weak, for learning how to rest. 2 things so many of us weren't taught, didn't learn, weren't allowed. shame, guilt, humiliation - so much bad was heaped upon us 
for not being strong all the time. those are bricks of expectation to always do, do, do. i'm so glad to hear you were able to sing a love song to your little hannah. it brought the sweetest picture to my mind.
and very glad your family can take care of themselves for this bit - that's the best! keep taking care of you, ok? you deserve it. love and hugs
for not being strong all the time. those are bricks of expectation to always do, do, do. i'm so glad to hear you were able to sing a love song to your little hannah. it brought the sweetest picture to my mind. and very glad your family can take care of themselves for this bit - that's the best! keep taking care of you, ok? you deserve it. love and hugs
#90
Symptoms - Other / left–right processing weakness
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 03, 2026, 06:01:04 AMQuestion for the group: does anyone else mix up left and right, especially under pressure? 🤔
I've noticed that unless I slow down and reason it out, my first instinct is often incorrect. It doesn't feel intuitive for me - it feels like something I have to calculate.
A typical comment from my driving instructor: "Turn right here ... the other right!" 😅
Just wondering how common this is here.
I've noticed that unless I slow down and reason it out, my first instinct is often incorrect. It doesn't feel intuitive for me - it feels like something I have to calculate.
A typical comment from my driving instructor: "Turn right here ... the other right!" 😅
Just wondering how common this is here.