Recent posts
#81
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by HannahOne - February 02, 2026, 08:42:45 PMThank you TheBibBlue, SanMagic7, NarcKiddo, Chart. 
This is so hard and also I feel so supported.
NarcKiddo, I hate my plans being scuppered!
This made me smile. I was able to do therapy virtually which is good. Came home and slept. Kids home but---each is now making their own snack. I am listening to "tink tink" and "click clack" from the kitchen. A peaceful sound. They know how to cook, there's plenty of food in the house, yummy things I didn't have access to. They know what Tzatziki is. The house is a bit of a mess but it's fine. Frank reclines amidst the recycling to go out tonight. I see he has tasted several of the cracker boxes.
TheBigBlue I had to laugh because you'r right, wolves do better! They keep the young wolf within the pack and share the kill.
Chart, What you wrote "Isolation is indistinguishable from abandonment to a child. And abandonment is death." really hit home for me. I am lying in bed after therapy and my teeth are chattering. I think it's a relaxation of long held tension against speaking. I am speaking in a new way from a new part of me. I am undoing isolation.
I have been listening to a song, maybe it's silly. It's a love song, but I'm singing it to me. Madison Malone singing Aerosmith. I was stunned just now when I looked it up to post. I had never seen the video. She is singing not to a lover but to her child. And that's how I was hearing it. To my younger self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1299NPXPeM
I feel bleary and depleted. But not horrible. Just weakened. I can't tolerate feeling weak---I couldn't tolerate it, I always pushed through. I am tolerating it. Sinking into my flannel sheets. Listening to the kids keeping normal life going, as a child would listen to parents sleepily through the door. I am certain not one recycle box will go out, I am not deluded But they are making their own snack and that's enough, that's fine, they are settling in after school to their routine, they are peaceful, settling into their homework, the couch, resting too. They know how to rest. I am learning.
This is so hard and also I feel so supported. NarcKiddo, I hate my plans being scuppered!
This made me smile. I was able to do therapy virtually which is good. Came home and slept. Kids home but---each is now making their own snack. I am listening to "tink tink" and "click clack" from the kitchen. A peaceful sound. They know how to cook, there's plenty of food in the house, yummy things I didn't have access to. They know what Tzatziki is. The house is a bit of a mess but it's fine. Frank reclines amidst the recycling to go out tonight. I see he has tasted several of the cracker boxes. TheBigBlue I had to laugh because you'r right, wolves do better! They keep the young wolf within the pack and share the kill.
Chart, What you wrote "Isolation is indistinguishable from abandonment to a child. And abandonment is death." really hit home for me. I am lying in bed after therapy and my teeth are chattering. I think it's a relaxation of long held tension against speaking. I am speaking in a new way from a new part of me. I am undoing isolation.
I have been listening to a song, maybe it's silly. It's a love song, but I'm singing it to me. Madison Malone singing Aerosmith. I was stunned just now when I looked it up to post. I had never seen the video. She is singing not to a lover but to her child. And that's how I was hearing it. To my younger self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1299NPXPeM
I feel bleary and depleted. But not horrible. Just weakened. I can't tolerate feeling weak---I couldn't tolerate it, I always pushed through. I am tolerating it. Sinking into my flannel sheets. Listening to the kids keeping normal life going, as a child would listen to parents sleepily through the door. I am certain not one recycle box will go out, I am not deluded
But they are making their own snack and that's enough, that's fine, they are settling in after school to their routine, they are peaceful, settling into their homework, the couch, resting too. They know how to rest. I am learning. #82
Other / Re: Psychosis as a result of t...
Last post by Chart - February 02, 2026, 08:17:26 PMYeah, sorry to hear that. It's hard to be under the care of people who don't really understand... But you sound like you know what is what, also what's good for you and there seems a longer-term plan in the works.
Sending support for the future evolution.
Sending support for the future evolution.
#83
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Chart - February 02, 2026, 07:59:33 PMThanks for looking out for me, San!
#84
Other / Re: Psychosis as a result of t...
Last post by Teddy bear - February 02, 2026, 07:50:32 PMQuote from: Chart on February 02, 2026, 07:36:00 PMTeddy bear,
Psychiatrists...
Sorry about your experience. Sounds like you took it on the shoulder, meaning, you dealt with it with stoic acceptance.
I love Carolyn Spring's quote: "Psychiatrists... I avoid them like the plague."
Absolutely, Chart! 100% agree
Just I have to visit them, as I am under their surveillance (just have to be now unfortunately)...
Still thinking about an exit from their system though
#85
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by Chart - February 02, 2026, 07:40:34 PM #86
Other / Re: Psychosis as a result of t...
Last post by Chart - February 02, 2026, 07:36:00 PMTeddy bear,
Psychiatrists...
Sorry about your experience. Sounds like you took it on the shoulder, meaning, you dealt with it with stoic acceptance.
I love Carolyn Spring's quote: "Psychiatrists... I avoid them like the plague."
Psychiatrists...
Sorry about your experience. Sounds like you took it on the shoulder, meaning, you dealt with it with stoic acceptance.
I love Carolyn Spring's quote: "Psychiatrists... I avoid them like the plague."
#87
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - February 02, 2026, 06:27:35 PMIsolation is indistinguishable from abandonment to a child. And abandonment is death. The present moment reality may have changed, but our developing minds were utterly lost in the incessant fear. The conscious mind understands all... the body and soul stumble still. Love the body, love the heart. Announce with golden trumpets the news for the soul: we are now utterly loved, and the past did indeed make no sense. Let that sadness now have it's moment. Respect the request for understanding. All other earthly endeavors prioritize the infant self. Be with her and integrate together. Hold on to the child... and never let her go.
Love and hugs and intimate understanding. Thank you for sharing all that profound chaotic wisdom, HannahOne!
Love and hugs and intimate understanding. Thank you for sharing all that profound chaotic wisdom, HannahOne!
#88
Therapy / Issues with CPT
Last post by pelicantown - February 02, 2026, 06:15:48 PMI've been in "regular" psychotherapy (talk therapy, I suppose!) for 6+ years now and have strived to start sex therapy with a different specialist. I've had two sessions with her now and enjoy them, but the cognitive processing therapy that we've been doing just doesn't seem to resonate with me.
I feel like it's more so for people who have persistent thought patterns and "If X then Y type" thought processes, but I'm someone who doesn't really have any thoughts in that manner (
). She gave me an exercise to do on "stuck points" but it took me eons to even try and think of an "If X then Y" statement or an action-consequence statement.
I'm someone who is very physiological where I simply feel emotions but don't have a thought behind them necessarily. Do I talk to her and revert back to talk therapy??? For the record, the "opposite end" of the spectrum, EMDR, also did not work for me when I tried it briefly (about 3-4 sessions). I simply started dissociating and it stopped becoming effective.
I feel like it's more so for people who have persistent thought patterns and "If X then Y type" thought processes, but I'm someone who doesn't really have any thoughts in that manner (
). She gave me an exercise to do on "stuck points" but it took me eons to even try and think of an "If X then Y" statement or an action-consequence statement. I'm someone who is very physiological where I simply feel emotions but don't have a thought behind them necessarily. Do I talk to her and revert back to talk therapy??? For the record, the "opposite end" of the spectrum, EMDR, also did not work for me when I tried it briefly (about 3-4 sessions). I simply started dissociating and it stopped becoming effective.
#89
Employment / Re: "Picking" a career
Last post by Kizzie - February 02, 2026, 06:00:31 PMI'm glad to hear you are recovering Teddy Bear, it sounds like you went through quite a bad period. Are you recovering on your own or do you have a therapist?
I'd personally be interested to hear about the mental health system where you live as Russia still remains a mystery in many ways. It seems odd that there is an acceptance of the ICD-10 but not the ICD-11 which does have CPTSD as a diagnosis. Is this something you could ask for from a therapist/the health system (i.e., that you be evaluated for CPTSD according to the ICD-11)? And may I ask what is "F20"?
Also, there is a guide we developed as part of a project a team of us completed recently which is for healthcare professionals and does cover complex relational trauma and complex PTSD, as well as trauma informed care, etc. It's here - https://www.outofthestorm.website/healthcare-project. It's only in English though so that may be prohibitive. If there is a T who does speak English though, it likely would be quite helpful.
I do hope you are able to carve out a career in the near future, it sounds like you have some ideas about what you'd like to do
I'd personally be interested to hear about the mental health system where you live as Russia still remains a mystery in many ways. It seems odd that there is an acceptance of the ICD-10 but not the ICD-11 which does have CPTSD as a diagnosis. Is this something you could ask for from a therapist/the health system (i.e., that you be evaluated for CPTSD according to the ICD-11)? And may I ask what is "F20"?
Also, there is a guide we developed as part of a project a team of us completed recently which is for healthcare professionals and does cover complex relational trauma and complex PTSD, as well as trauma informed care, etc. It's here - https://www.outofthestorm.website/healthcare-project. It's only in English though so that may be prohibitive. If there is a T who does speak English though, it likely would be quite helpful.
I do hope you are able to carve out a career in the near future, it sounds like you have some ideas about what you'd like to do
#90
Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: FREE Excellent Online Yoga...
Last post by Blueberry - February 02, 2026, 04:32:52 PMQuote from: Armee on January 30, 2026, 08:06:13 PMJust figuring out which arm im supposed to moveOh, you have that problem too? Useful to know that it's a dissociative disconnect.