Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by Armee - Today at 02:48:12 PM
Oh NK. Stay safe please I truly hope you can get into a hospital ASAP. Love and gentle hugs.
#2
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Infancy trauma - any other...
Last post by Lakelynn - Today at 12:55:47 PMPapa Coco,
Thank you so much for your kind words and sympathy. Yes, that trifecta was THE moment in my life which set the path/journey forwards. This is the first time I dared to type it all out. The earth didn't shatter, and you responded sweetly-your reply feels like that same hug to the heart. I haven't been on for a week, and today is the perfect day to receive your energy.
Thank you so much for your kind words and sympathy. Yes, that trifecta was THE moment in my life which set the path/journey forwards. This is the first time I dared to type it all out. The earth didn't shatter, and you responded sweetly-your reply feels like that same hug to the heart. I haven't been on for a week, and today is the perfect day to receive your energy.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 12:55:32 PMThanks, all. The boiler/furnace seems to be working ok. Fingers crossed, since we have been here before. The problem is not the boiler, so much as making an old system shape itself up for the demands of its new Kommandant. Tom says he has tweaked everything tweak able and twiddled everything twiddle able and we should be ok.
dollyvee - I would normally agree with you. The signs of infection were showing before starting the drugs, though. And I have combed the internet for side effects of these drugs. Fever, coughing and racing heart simply do not feature anywhere. Anyway, whatever happens I keep taking the Hep C drugs. I absolutely refuse to end up with drug-resistant hepatitis at the end of it.
Antibiotics are doing precisely nothing. Had some blood taken yesterday in case that sheds some light and am waiting on a prescription of different antibiotics. Thing is, we don't even know for sure this is bacterial so I am reluctant to stuff myself with antibiotics for the heck of it. I will have a chest x ray on Monday.
My husband and I are now trying to find a way to get me into the private hospital. Much will depend on the result of the chest x ray. But I am in a bad way. I know I must eat and wash and move around at least a little bit but I am finding it increasingly hard to do any of it. I think I need to be on oxygen and I think I need nursing care. Simple as that. I think we are going to have to accept that we won't be able to go on the cruise.
dollyvee - I would normally agree with you. The signs of infection were showing before starting the drugs, though. And I have combed the internet for side effects of these drugs. Fever, coughing and racing heart simply do not feature anywhere. Anyway, whatever happens I keep taking the Hep C drugs. I absolutely refuse to end up with drug-resistant hepatitis at the end of it.
Antibiotics are doing precisely nothing. Had some blood taken yesterday in case that sheds some light and am waiting on a prescription of different antibiotics. Thing is, we don't even know for sure this is bacterial so I am reluctant to stuff myself with antibiotics for the heck of it. I will have a chest x ray on Monday.
My husband and I are now trying to find a way to get me into the private hospital. Much will depend on the result of the chest x ray. But I am in a bad way. I know I must eat and wash and move around at least a little bit but I am finding it increasingly hard to do any of it. I think I need to be on oxygen and I think I need nursing care. Simple as that. I think we are going to have to accept that we won't be able to go on the cruise.
#4
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New member
Last post by Lakelynn - Today at 12:50:26 PMHello Kcrystal2,
You've been taking good care of yourself and have made it this far. I see progress in your post. All those improvements are going to continue. Everyone here has something valuable to offer. Best wishes for finding what you need here.
You've been taking good care of yourself and have made it this far. I see progress in your post. All those improvements are going to continue. Everyone here has something valuable to offer. Best wishes for finding what you need here.
#5
Checking Out / Re: Signing off
Last post by Lakelynn - Today at 12:44:59 PMCasccade, I'll miss you. Stay well. Like Kizzie said, you can come back at any time. I did.
#6
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Hard free-fall
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 09:04:56 AMHi Woodsgnome,
I'm sorry that things are so challenging right now for you. I read what you wrote recently in the infancy and trauma thread a while ago and I'm sorry too about some of your experiences. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you at times. I also want to say that I had an energy healing experience a soul retrieval though, and while I am skeptical, I also believe like you say in a person's ability to do those things and bring back the details you mentioned.
I tend to isolate myself and think that it is very much a trauma reaction to help us keep reliving that sense of impending doom, so that we feel like we can protect ourselves from something we once couldn't. I'm coming to grips with states of connection and disconnection and the parts that don't feel connection is safe. I feel like I've seen a lot in people that confirms my thinking that it's not safe. I'm also open to the idea that perhaps I've been closed to the people who are "safe" because I feel like I need to protect myself from the "impending doom." I hope you're able to have some space from states of disconnection and connection in a way that feels safe for you.
Sending you support,
dolly
I'm sorry that things are so challenging right now for you. I read what you wrote recently in the infancy and trauma thread a while ago and I'm sorry too about some of your experiences. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you at times. I also want to say that I had an energy healing experience a soul retrieval though, and while I am skeptical, I also believe like you say in a person's ability to do those things and bring back the details you mentioned.
I tend to isolate myself and think that it is very much a trauma reaction to help us keep reliving that sense of impending doom, so that we feel like we can protect ourselves from something we once couldn't. I'm coming to grips with states of connection and disconnection and the parts that don't feel connection is safe. I feel like I've seen a lot in people that confirms my thinking that it's not safe. I'm also open to the idea that perhaps I've been closed to the people who are "safe" because I feel like I need to protect myself from the "impending doom." I hope you're able to have some space from states of disconnection and connection in a way that feels safe for you.
Sending you support,
dolly
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 08:13:53 AMHi NK,
I find people like that very stressful, who try to blag their way through things and people who want to throw me a bunch of bs are triggering I would say. As an adult though, you've done a great job of getting second opinions and being able to deal with the problem when you're feeling down. I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself. It sounds like a lot going on.
Not a doctor here, but it seems too coincidental that you've now developed a chest infection once the medication has been started. Perhaps the two are related, and apologies if you've already looked into this with your doctor. Probablyy just my own medical issues and oversights by doctors coming into play.
I do hope your cruise goes well though. I'm sure you'll have a great time, and whatever you didn't pack you might be able to buy along the way.
dolly
I find people like that very stressful, who try to blag their way through things and people who want to throw me a bunch of bs are triggering I would say. As an adult though, you've done a great job of getting second opinions and being able to deal with the problem when you're feeling down. I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself. It sounds like a lot going on.
Not a doctor here, but it seems too coincidental that you've now developed a chest infection once the medication has been started. Perhaps the two are related, and apologies if you've already looked into this with your doctor. Probablyy just my own medical issues and oversights by doctors coming into play.
I do hope your cruise goes well though. I'm sure you'll have a great time, and whatever you didn't pack you might be able to buy along the way.
dolly
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 07:54:39 AMQuote from: GoSlash27 on April 23, 2024, 12:25:09 AMTruth is, my 'caring, nurturing' tendencies come from a dark place. It's not just that I wanted others to do better. Nothing that neat or altruistic.
Finally, my tendency to be nice (and avoidance of those who are not) is borne out of a subconscious need to avoid or defuse conflict.
I suspect these darker motives are what drive most of us to become this way.
Hi Slashy,
Hmm I'm not so sure about the "darker" aspects of where these things come from. It's hard to blame a child who learned how to do these things to survive an unsafe environment as dark, and intentionally doing coming from a "selfish" place, but I do see where you're coming from. Perhaps it's our shadow selves that we don't want to look at. Or rather, are so contained in shame, so we don't look at them.
About 8 (?) years ago, I slowly started to realize that I was having "reactions" when I would do something for someone and it wouldn't be reciprocated, or I felt kind of taken advantage of (because something wasn't reciproacated etc etc). This is around the time that I started therapy again. I realized that the person I thought I was -giving, loving, whatever - might not be all of those things the way I imagined it in my mind (and this is the important part), and I guess have a "darker" side. I think it's important because as a child we have this idea of who we have to be in order to survive, and when we step outside that, we see ourselves as bad. I think I would file it under child consciousness as Heller descibes it. It doesn't make you a bad person to not be those things all the time, that's just what you had to do to survive. I would guess that shame construes those things in our mind as bad because I believe that I do want good things for people, and to help make their lives easier etc. I guess I am now learning that I don't want to do it at the expense of myself any more, which makes me feel "selfish" at times.
Sending you support,
dolly
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2024
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 07:37:32 AMHi Hope,
Moths are interesting to me. I remember reading about them years ago in the book that's mentioned here in this link. You can take it with a grain of salt, but I do believe this man had an experience that was quite like any other and made a website to find other people because it was so outside of his experience. Maybe it's another aspect (spiritual) to your night terrors, which to me, can also be quite scary in itself to consider these things.
https://cosmicmoth.com/
After my dad died, I would frequently go back to our house in dreams. However, over the years the house would change and eventually, I stopped going. I do think we try to make sense of things, all that subconscious stuff, in our dreams, and once we "get it," we move on or it changes.
Sending you support,
dolly
Moths are interesting to me. I remember reading about them years ago in the book that's mentioned here in this link. You can take it with a grain of salt, but I do believe this man had an experience that was quite like any other and made a website to find other people because it was so outside of his experience. Maybe it's another aspect (spiritual) to your night terrors, which to me, can also be quite scary in itself to consider these things.
https://cosmicmoth.com/
After my dad died, I would frequently go back to our house in dreams. However, over the years the house would change and eventually, I stopped going. I do think we try to make sense of things, all that subconscious stuff, in our dreams, and once we "get it," we move on or it changes.
Sending you support,
dolly
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Forging New Paths
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 07:07:39 AMThank you for your care, san.
I wanted to write a little more on the meaning of those images for me, but words fail me, thoughts fail me. There's nothing there. Or rather brain fog.
I know some FOO stuff was weaving in and out of my dreams last night and after I woke up this morning, I was planning things to say to B1, actually on a different topic. Not that I will say or even write anything of the sort to him, but it's a sign for me.
Actually I have quite a lot to do today, so starting would probably actually help me. Though getting up was a challenge. However, I have taken my first meds and done my meditation. Some days I genuinely look forward to getting up and doing my meditation. Not quite so enthusiastic today, but at least the idea that I would be doing my meditation before everything except first meds at least helped me get up. I got up before 9am too. Before I started doing daily meditation, I often didn't make it out of bed on Saturdays before noon, just so listless and exhausted.
I wanted to write a little more on the meaning of those images for me, but words fail me, thoughts fail me. There's nothing there. Or rather brain fog.
I know some FOO stuff was weaving in and out of my dreams last night and after I woke up this morning, I was planning things to say to B1, actually on a different topic. Not that I will say or even write anything of the sort to him, but it's a sign for me.
Actually I have quite a lot to do today, so starting would probably actually help me. Though getting up was a challenge. However, I have taken my first meds and done my meditation. Some days I genuinely look forward to getting up and doing my meditation. Not quite so enthusiastic today, but at least the idea that I would be doing my meditation before everything except first meds at least helped me get up. I got up before 9am too. Before I started doing daily meditation, I often didn't make it out of bed on Saturdays before noon, just so listless and exhausted.