Recent posts
#1
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by Nearlythere - Today at 05:43:38 PM
Hi All,
I Have to say I'm finding this user interface very difficult. I could read your messages and have only just found a way to reply...
Yes I'm in Belgium but am English... I came here to work back in 90's and eventually ended up staying...
Lot of stress here at the moment due to non c-ptsd things that are as always jangling all the c-ptsd triggers... Seems its a lifetimes work putting right what could have been right from the start... mostly takes being brave or at least that'swhat I call it
Cheers
Si
#2
DR - Disturbed Relationships / Talking about jealousy
Last post by cinclearly - Today at 05:43:08 PMHi everyone! First time posting in the forum! 
This forum means so much to me — it truly feels like a real support network. I'm Brazilian, and I haven't found anything like this initiative here, which makes this space even more meaningful.
I think I just want to share what I'm feeling with others, without holding back. I also believe that talking openly about jealousy can make the feeling more relatable and a little less condemnable, maybe?
So, here's my struggle: I've been dealing a lot with jealousy and the fear of being replaced or abandoned. For as long as I can remember, I've carried this inner prophecy that sooner or later, I'll be left behind in favor of someone else. It's like a painful echo of my childhood — growing up with a father who was distant and unpredictable. He would give me silent treatments that could last for months without any apparent reason, pretending I didn't exist, while at the same time showing more affection toward my older sister (I´m the youngest of three). I often felt unseen and disposable.
These feelings resurface in my adult life, especially in relationships and friendships. Recently, something happened that triggered this wound again: a friend of mine, I´ll call her B, stayed at our place, and there were moments of closeness between her and my partner. Later, I even shared with him that deep down, part of me wishes that if there were ever a moment of 'choosing' between me and B, I wouldn't be the one left behind. Saying that out loud made me realize how raw this wound still is. My partner responded that he loves our relationship because it is profound, and that B doesn't seem like 'the kind of person' who could go deep. When I asked what he meant by that, he said B is a beautiful woman, and therefore she would only end up with random, superficial guys — and that the proof of this is that she isn't in a serious relationship.
I couldn't help but wonder — does that mean I'm "deep" only because I'm not beautiful? If B is "the beautiful one," does it mean he actually noticed her looks, maybe even imagined himself with her?
B does attract men easily, and this time it was my former therapist — someone I had actually recommended to her. She began seeing him as a patient, but along the way they started flirting with each other, and it eventually led to them getting involved. When I found out, I felt a wave of anger and sadness, as if my worst fears had come true once again. That was the moment I decided to end therapy with him.
I know these feelings are tied to my complex PTSD — to those old patterns of abandonment and rejection. I believe this is something I need to learn to live with — by holding space for it and practicing self-compassion. But if anyone feels comfortable sharing (it doesn't need to be advice). I think just hearing about similar experiences from fellow survivors could help me feel less alone on this journey, cause I'm honestly tired of trying to force these feelings into the rational framework of cognitive behavioral therapy and feel guilty and powerless for not being able to do it.
Thanks for reading. If this resonates with you, I'd love to know how you're doing — and if any of this speaks to you, please know you're not alone.
This forum means so much to me — it truly feels like a real support network. I'm Brazilian, and I haven't found anything like this initiative here, which makes this space even more meaningful.
I think I just want to share what I'm feeling with others, without holding back. I also believe that talking openly about jealousy can make the feeling more relatable and a little less condemnable, maybe?
So, here's my struggle: I've been dealing a lot with jealousy and the fear of being replaced or abandoned. For as long as I can remember, I've carried this inner prophecy that sooner or later, I'll be left behind in favor of someone else. It's like a painful echo of my childhood — growing up with a father who was distant and unpredictable. He would give me silent treatments that could last for months without any apparent reason, pretending I didn't exist, while at the same time showing more affection toward my older sister (I´m the youngest of three). I often felt unseen and disposable.
These feelings resurface in my adult life, especially in relationships and friendships. Recently, something happened that triggered this wound again: a friend of mine, I´ll call her B, stayed at our place, and there were moments of closeness between her and my partner. Later, I even shared with him that deep down, part of me wishes that if there were ever a moment of 'choosing' between me and B, I wouldn't be the one left behind. Saying that out loud made me realize how raw this wound still is. My partner responded that he loves our relationship because it is profound, and that B doesn't seem like 'the kind of person' who could go deep. When I asked what he meant by that, he said B is a beautiful woman, and therefore she would only end up with random, superficial guys — and that the proof of this is that she isn't in a serious relationship.
I couldn't help but wonder — does that mean I'm "deep" only because I'm not beautiful? If B is "the beautiful one," does it mean he actually noticed her looks, maybe even imagined himself with her?
B does attract men easily, and this time it was my former therapist — someone I had actually recommended to her. She began seeing him as a patient, but along the way they started flirting with each other, and it eventually led to them getting involved. When I found out, I felt a wave of anger and sadness, as if my worst fears had come true once again. That was the moment I decided to end therapy with him.
I know these feelings are tied to my complex PTSD — to those old patterns of abandonment and rejection. I believe this is something I need to learn to live with — by holding space for it and practicing self-compassion. But if anyone feels comfortable sharing (it doesn't need to be advice). I think just hearing about similar experiences from fellow survivors could help me feel less alone on this journey, cause I'm honestly tired of trying to force these feelings into the rational framework of cognitive behavioral therapy and feel guilty and powerless for not being able to do it.
Thanks for reading. If this resonates with you, I'd love to know how you're doing — and if any of this speaks to you, please know you're not alone.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:31:34 PMthanks for your thoughts, chart. actually, i have taken steps, like not eating meat (except for the occasional serving of fish), lowering my carb intake, have added greek yogurt regularly to my diet for its probiotics. sugar consumption is mostly down. i do believe most of my energy drain is from stress - that part hasn't really let up too much, altho it is better than it was. w/ my D's health problems, the worry/anxiety just ramped up 100-fold, and that kind of thing has always drained me of energy. plus, my poor sleep. just not enough deep, restful sleep, which, hopefully, will be quelled when i see a doc and can get some meds for my restless legs syndrome on a regular basis. so, thanks again. much appreciated. 
will be putting my hairstyling experience into practice tomorrow w/ my galpal. it'll be nice to make a little extra $$. it'll help make up for this past weekend when my D couldn't do her delivering thing cuz of being so exhausted. speaking of low energy, it now seems that she will be treated for a form of narcolepsy, but she has to have an overnite sleep study done, and then a napping thing the next day. they want to find out all about her sleep disorder is being affected. we're excited for this (which in my case, is also stressful). so, we'll see.
will be putting my hairstyling experience into practice tomorrow w/ my galpal. it'll be nice to make a little extra $$. it'll help make up for this past weekend when my D couldn't do her delivering thing cuz of being so exhausted. speaking of low energy, it now seems that she will be treated for a form of narcolepsy, but she has to have an overnite sleep study done, and then a napping thing the next day. they want to find out all about her sleep disorder is being affected. we're excited for this (which in my case, is also stressful). so, we'll see.
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:20:55 PMhey, NK, i have to admit that when you wrote you didn't know what to do w/ teen NK, i kind of chuckled inside. who DOES know how to deal w/ a teen? i know there are books out there, and they might be very helpful. on the other hand, teen years are all about pushing boundaries, rebelling against themselves and all the changes their bodies are going thru, and fighting authority to figure out where their place is in the world as a future adult. it's a rough time for everyone involved.
i agree, patience and more patience. having survived 2 teen daughters, all i can say is be consistent, for one, and let teen NK know you'll be with her, will back her up, will not let go of her no matter how tough the going is, but also to let her know that you are an adult now and can help her get to adulthood, too, by slow and sure means. not pushing her aside, but standing at her side while she transitions and can see that you are managing your life as an adult. she doesn't have to carry that burden anymore.
just some thoughts. if they're not helpful, please ignore. and keep taking care of you. i have no doubt you'll get thru this. love and hugs
i agree, patience and more patience. having survived 2 teen daughters, all i can say is be consistent, for one, and let teen NK know you'll be with her, will back her up, will not let go of her no matter how tough the going is, but also to let her know that you are an adult now and can help her get to adulthood, too, by slow and sure means. not pushing her aside, but standing at her side while she transitions and can see that you are managing your life as an adult. she doesn't have to carry that burden anymore.
just some thoughts. if they're not helpful, please ignore. and keep taking care of you. i have no doubt you'll get thru this. love and hugs
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Chart - September 14, 2025, 07:48:11 PMA little late but heartfelt too! 
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by Chart - September 14, 2025, 07:43:11 PMHey San, how much research have you done on "gut health" and the micro-biome? I ask cause I wonder if your energy struggles might not be related to an unbalanced intestinal condition. I've been kinda haphazardly exploring this "area" since my hernia appeared three years ago. Lately I've come across all sorts of stuff that I've started taking as kindof "rapid" experiments... milk thistle, vitamin c, artichoke leaf, raw garlic, etc etc. I haven't found any clear-cut magical solutions, but the awareness of doing this stuff in combination with near-zero carbs and near-zero sugar has definitely convinced me that my belly and what I'm throwing down there has a Huge impact on my energy and depression, amongst other things. Another thing I've realized is just how hard it is for me to resist "comfort foods" and so I know I'm constantly backsliding. It's just too tough. But I keep trying to reorient, coming back on track after slipping a bit. Slowly, very slowly I'm building better habits and resisting the negative impulses. I say all this just as an observation to your lack of energy. Might it be related? Or similar in your current struggle with energy?
No implications or pressure, just curious and tossing out some thoughts and ideas. I would so love to hear you're feeling more energy and doing more easily the stuff you want to do. But I'm guessing you already have a lot of knowledge and experience with this subject too. Just throwing it out there for what it's worth.
No implications or pressure, just curious and tossing out some thoughts and ideas. I would so love to hear you're feeling more energy and doing more easily the stuff you want to do. But I'm guessing you already have a lot of knowledge and experience with this subject too. Just throwing it out there for what it's worth.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by SenseOrgan - September 14, 2025, 06:04:30 PMI admire you for bringing up anger towards your T in this context. It would be a huge thing for me. My gut tells me to cheer for teenage NK, who set a boundary. Despite the anxiety I imagine this must have created. No more plates! It's legit to want that.
However well meant and therapeutically responsible your T's question was in that moment, it was the opposite of what teenage NK needed, wasn't it? For you, it created pressure to focus on what your T may want to hear, away from your own center. But you chose team you. Over shaping yourself into what could be expected/desired by your T. I think it's brave to seize the opportunity your T's misattunement presented like you did.
From my own experiences with T's and others "adding" plates to spin, I see a pattern of feeling pressured to come up with a solution or accept a suggested one. A part of me experiences that as not being allowed to be with the difficulty, which in your case is not knowing what to do with the teenage NK. Sometimes the rush to find an answer smothers the need to have somebody there with you in not knowing what to do or finding something very difficult or challenging to deal with. That needs space and validation too. Because it's your experience in that moment, and perhaps you've been alone with that for a long time.
Also, when an attachment wound is triggered by a T, the client's experience shifts to it instantly. This dramatically alters the level of interpersonal safety right there and then. This has to be discussed in order for the session not to morph into yet another situation to be survived. Going through ruptures like this and experiencing that the bond can be restored afterwards is therapeutic gold. This is the difficult area where a therapeutic setting can be even too safe at some point. I think you did very well.
However well meant and therapeutically responsible your T's question was in that moment, it was the opposite of what teenage NK needed, wasn't it? For you, it created pressure to focus on what your T may want to hear, away from your own center. But you chose team you. Over shaping yourself into what could be expected/desired by your T. I think it's brave to seize the opportunity your T's misattunement presented like you did.
From my own experiences with T's and others "adding" plates to spin, I see a pattern of feeling pressured to come up with a solution or accept a suggested one. A part of me experiences that as not being allowed to be with the difficulty, which in your case is not knowing what to do with the teenage NK. Sometimes the rush to find an answer smothers the need to have somebody there with you in not knowing what to do or finding something very difficult or challenging to deal with. That needs space and validation too. Because it's your experience in that moment, and perhaps you've been alone with that for a long time.
Also, when an attachment wound is triggered by a T, the client's experience shifts to it instantly. This dramatically alters the level of interpersonal safety right there and then. This has to be discussed in order for the session not to morph into yet another situation to be survived. Going through ruptures like this and experiencing that the bond can be restored afterwards is therapeutic gold. This is the difficult area where a therapeutic setting can be even too safe at some point. I think you did very well.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by dollyvee - September 14, 2025, 09:29:57 AMHi NK,
Underneath all the questioning, it seems like you have made big steps in recognizing what is happening, congrats!
I don't know how to define dissociation for myself, like a veil I've been living under and you don't know is there? I guess there are times when that veil pops up and I kind of go, huh, and then I it pops down again, and I truck along doing the things I need to do. It popped up this week after I recognized with t, or spoke to t about, how dealing with someone's unpredictability (who had been out drinking and then came to play severely hung over, and I felt familiar with that frame of mind that they were in), and how I had been in that position growing up. I felt tense talking about it, but the "feelings" weren't there (and here they are now as I remember what it was like to deal with m when she was in that post-party state). I just knew, or could recognize that I was uncomfortable.
I don't know if it's because t has been giving more space to my internal world and validation through NARM, but I feel/think over the last year, I have been able to give more space to recognizing those feelings as they come up. I don't have to "solve" them, and they are not a problem to go away, it's something that I am now "allowed" to have where before, I was never "allowed" that. I feel like intellectually, I had also heard and "knew" this, but something about the process has changed. For me, perhaps it's like the Jay Reid video where he describes having to remove your awareness of yourself and put in place something else, and these veil lift moments I think are perhaps the Self coming back. Maybe ask teenage NK what she could do whatever she wanted, what would she do? Maybe this bolshy-ness is coming up because that's what you need (IMO and not in a self-destructive way)? When I feel like I'm acting with more life force, standing up to people in tennis etc, t doesn't reprimand my behaviour even though I think I'm doing something bad or wrong (because people are upset with me), but instead, I'm doing something for myself.
Sending you support
dolly
Underneath all the questioning, it seems like you have made big steps in recognizing what is happening, congrats!
I don't know how to define dissociation for myself, like a veil I've been living under and you don't know is there? I guess there are times when that veil pops up and I kind of go, huh, and then I it pops down again, and I truck along doing the things I need to do. It popped up this week after I recognized with t, or spoke to t about, how dealing with someone's unpredictability (who had been out drinking and then came to play severely hung over, and I felt familiar with that frame of mind that they were in), and how I had been in that position growing up. I felt tense talking about it, but the "feelings" weren't there (and here they are now as I remember what it was like to deal with m when she was in that post-party state). I just knew, or could recognize that I was uncomfortable.
I don't know if it's because t has been giving more space to my internal world and validation through NARM, but I feel/think over the last year, I have been able to give more space to recognizing those feelings as they come up. I don't have to "solve" them, and they are not a problem to go away, it's something that I am now "allowed" to have where before, I was never "allowed" that. I feel like intellectually, I had also heard and "knew" this, but something about the process has changed. For me, perhaps it's like the Jay Reid video where he describes having to remove your awareness of yourself and put in place something else, and these veil lift moments I think are perhaps the Self coming back. Maybe ask teenage NK what she could do whatever she wanted, what would she do? Maybe this bolshy-ness is coming up because that's what you need (IMO and not in a self-destructive way)? When I feel like I'm acting with more life force, standing up to people in tennis etc, t doesn't reprimand my behaviour even though I think I'm doing something bad or wrong (because people are upset with me), but instead, I'm doing something for myself.
Sending you support
dolly
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by Desert Flower - September 14, 2025, 07:11:57 AMHi NK, just a little note here to let you know I'm reading this too.
And although it may feel very uncomfortable I think you are actually making great progress. So well done you.
As for communicating with the teen, looking at it from my perspective, I don't know if that's the case for you, but it reminds me of the way my mother dealt with me at that age and that is simply not dealing with anything that was going on, just ignoring the whole situation. The teen was just totally on her own. So to re-connect with this teen would take patience I think. And take it really easy with the teen. Maybe initially only letting her know you're here and waiting. Please ignore if it's not helpful.
And although it may feel very uncomfortable I think you are actually making great progress. So well done you.
As for communicating with the teen, looking at it from my perspective, I don't know if that's the case for you, but it reminds me of the way my mother dealt with me at that age and that is simply not dealing with anything that was going on, just ignoring the whole situation. The teen was just totally on her own. So to re-connect with this teen would take patience I think. And take it really easy with the teen. Maybe initially only letting her know you're here and waiting. Please ignore if it's not helpful.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - September 14, 2025, 01:43:28 AM09-13-2025
Not feeling the bestest today. Don't know if it's the meds or if there is a pathogen my body is dealing with. All I know is feeling better than having a mid level case of the flu would be really nice.
Had a call the other day from .. I'll call him D. D was a child that the former spouse adopted out. I gave my perspective on it being adopted myself and allowed her the to choose. And yet I'm still the bad guy in everything because I didn't fight her on her decision. No I am not the father. Thank goodness. He's in his late twenties if my math is right. He had been through the wringer in the family that adopted him. He's doing alright mostly. Going to be getting married here soon. He seems happy about that. Then the conversation turned and he was dropping remarks concerning the former spouse. I warned him. I told him in no uncertain terms and had him repeat it back to me. I get it. I do. A kid and their mom, you know? Hoping against hope, sucking it up again after the last fecal matter show, and trying again to have a relationship of some sort. From what he described to me was nothing more than the PD + ( I add the + because I really do think there is a mental something or other going on besides the PD. ) typical BS. Always the victim even in situations that she created. Trying to dominate over others .. anyway the last visit was such that D relayed to me that she went off the radar, again. She'll come back around next time she wants something from D. I told him that it may be better for him and his new family to perhaps cut her off and don't allow her around, no communications, no nothing.
In a way I was also talking to that aspect of myself that once held out hope that my genetic mother would have had a relationship with me. In a earlier post I mentioned that I found 35mm film prints and one of them had a wall of photos in the photo and there was one with my genetic mother and sister. My sister in the photo was 4, 5, 6? Something like that. I realize that for my mother ... well, lets just say there wasn't any $$$ coming in for my care. I admit that is total supposition on my part. However it does fit what facts I do have concerning the time, place, society, and personal circumstances. No lie, that hurts. It also hurts that if she could have put the bottle down a little bit more, there would have been a chance for us to meet at least. Maybe she could have started to dig herself out of the alcoholic pattern and even been able to meet her grandchild. 5 years before I met with certain members of the FOO, she died after an adult life of intense turmoil. I do not have any conscious memory of my genetic mother. And yet, and yet, there are still certain voices in certain songs that I tear up at, there are smells that comfort me, I assume that is part of the encoding from when I was still in the womb before I went through what I did as a newborn. Adoption sucks and at the same time was the best shot I had of breaking the patterns that she was carrying from her FOO. I do not yet have a "why". I have understanding of the situation, the society, and at the same time, those "whys" are somehow not enough, they are lacking in power? I don't have the right word ... Perhaps when I have moved on to the next adventure I'll be privy to that why and that then will be sufficient.
D has done nothing that could be considered to be a direct threat vector against me. However, knowing that his is in communication with the former spouse, I thought it best to not reveal all the cards that I currently have. Like being a member of the Native American Nation that I am, or a firm time frame of when the site that I work at is going to go dark. Which is easy because I don't know myself actually. chuckle. Nor did I think it wise for me to mention the where I am seriously considering moving to. I do not think that D would intentionally spill information. Like all of us, there are times that the emotions run high and during those states he reveals more than he realizes. I'm currently undecided if going forward, after I move, that he will be able to contact me in any shape or fashion. With the changes in postal service regulations there cannot be any mail forwarding in a general sense unless I'm willing to go to a state with a huge amount of RV's and have a paid service. Kicker with that is any outgoing mail would have to go there to get the postage cancelled which also indicates where it was mailed from. Yeah.. All I want is to be clear of that whole mess. The alimony, the constant threat of her going back to court for more $$$, the auto loan that I co-signed for J (another one of her offspring) to be clear from all of that. I mean I've already paid enough in time, emotional turmoil, abuse, you know? TBH it would clear up many issues if the former spouse exited this realm. I'm certain that she is cohabiting but unless she gets married again .. everything remains in force. sigh
As the call continued between me and D, with what he was relaying, there has been 0 improvement in the former spouse behavior at all. Sad in a way, and at the same time it to me is proof that it was not me that was the toxic ( insert cussing here ). Vindicated in a small way perhaps.
Well, I need to go get laundry done, and I think a shower would be nice.
Wishing all here all the best.
Not feeling the bestest today. Don't know if it's the meds or if there is a pathogen my body is dealing with. All I know is feeling better than having a mid level case of the flu would be really nice.
Had a call the other day from .. I'll call him D. D was a child that the former spouse adopted out. I gave my perspective on it being adopted myself and allowed her the to choose. And yet I'm still the bad guy in everything because I didn't fight her on her decision. No I am not the father. Thank goodness. He's in his late twenties if my math is right. He had been through the wringer in the family that adopted him. He's doing alright mostly. Going to be getting married here soon. He seems happy about that. Then the conversation turned and he was dropping remarks concerning the former spouse. I warned him. I told him in no uncertain terms and had him repeat it back to me. I get it. I do. A kid and their mom, you know? Hoping against hope, sucking it up again after the last fecal matter show, and trying again to have a relationship of some sort. From what he described to me was nothing more than the PD + ( I add the + because I really do think there is a mental something or other going on besides the PD. ) typical BS. Always the victim even in situations that she created. Trying to dominate over others .. anyway the last visit was such that D relayed to me that she went off the radar, again. She'll come back around next time she wants something from D. I told him that it may be better for him and his new family to perhaps cut her off and don't allow her around, no communications, no nothing.
In a way I was also talking to that aspect of myself that once held out hope that my genetic mother would have had a relationship with me. In a earlier post I mentioned that I found 35mm film prints and one of them had a wall of photos in the photo and there was one with my genetic mother and sister. My sister in the photo was 4, 5, 6? Something like that. I realize that for my mother ... well, lets just say there wasn't any $$$ coming in for my care. I admit that is total supposition on my part. However it does fit what facts I do have concerning the time, place, society, and personal circumstances. No lie, that hurts. It also hurts that if she could have put the bottle down a little bit more, there would have been a chance for us to meet at least. Maybe she could have started to dig herself out of the alcoholic pattern and even been able to meet her grandchild. 5 years before I met with certain members of the FOO, she died after an adult life of intense turmoil. I do not have any conscious memory of my genetic mother. And yet, and yet, there are still certain voices in certain songs that I tear up at, there are smells that comfort me, I assume that is part of the encoding from when I was still in the womb before I went through what I did as a newborn. Adoption sucks and at the same time was the best shot I had of breaking the patterns that she was carrying from her FOO. I do not yet have a "why". I have understanding of the situation, the society, and at the same time, those "whys" are somehow not enough, they are lacking in power? I don't have the right word ... Perhaps when I have moved on to the next adventure I'll be privy to that why and that then will be sufficient.
D has done nothing that could be considered to be a direct threat vector against me. However, knowing that his is in communication with the former spouse, I thought it best to not reveal all the cards that I currently have. Like being a member of the Native American Nation that I am, or a firm time frame of when the site that I work at is going to go dark. Which is easy because I don't know myself actually. chuckle. Nor did I think it wise for me to mention the where I am seriously considering moving to. I do not think that D would intentionally spill information. Like all of us, there are times that the emotions run high and during those states he reveals more than he realizes. I'm currently undecided if going forward, after I move, that he will be able to contact me in any shape or fashion. With the changes in postal service regulations there cannot be any mail forwarding in a general sense unless I'm willing to go to a state with a huge amount of RV's and have a paid service. Kicker with that is any outgoing mail would have to go there to get the postage cancelled which also indicates where it was mailed from. Yeah.. All I want is to be clear of that whole mess. The alimony, the constant threat of her going back to court for more $$$, the auto loan that I co-signed for J (another one of her offspring) to be clear from all of that. I mean I've already paid enough in time, emotional turmoil, abuse, you know? TBH it would clear up many issues if the former spouse exited this realm. I'm certain that she is cohabiting but unless she gets married again .. everything remains in force. sigh
As the call continued between me and D, with what he was relaying, there has been 0 improvement in the former spouse behavior at all. Sad in a way, and at the same time it to me is proof that it was not me that was the toxic ( insert cussing here ). Vindicated in a small way perhaps.
Well, I need to go get laundry done, and I think a shower would be nice.
Wishing all here all the best.