Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by Bach - November 02, 2025, 09:07:39 PMThis is what Left Hand says:
I'm scared. Afraid of success, afraid of failure. Freeze isn't fun but it's SAFE. I love you Left Hand.
Left Hand also drew a picture:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/31314134@N06/shares/sQ6Jz574Ya
I'm scared. Afraid of success, afraid of failure. Freeze isn't fun but it's SAFE. I love you Left Hand.
Left Hand also drew a picture:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/31314134@N06/shares/sQ6Jz574Ya
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Insights without action
Last post by Kizzie - November 02, 2025, 08:29:59 PMYour post made my heart ache I must say, for you and your children. Dealing with an N is just so completely consuming and devastating as so may of us here know. There are lots more resources than there used to be, plus family services and the justice system do have some understanding that children need to be protected from an N parent. I don't know if you've been to our sister site Out of the FOG, but it's for anyone dealing with someone who has an PD and they have lots of members and resources so you may want to check there if you haven't done so already.
You're absolutely doing the best thing by reaching out - isolation and loneliness just make the burden so much harder to bear. Here though we do understand and are supportive. It may take a while for you to feel comfortable with self-compassion or compassion from us I know. It makes sense given you've been exposed to negativity and criticism for a very long time. I had a hard time with this when I started here because deep down I was so afraid I would let myself feel it and then it would all go away. Over time though I came to welcome it and to be self-compassionate. I hope the same is true for you.
You're absolutely doing the best thing by reaching out - isolation and loneliness just make the burden so much harder to bear. Here though we do understand and are supportive. It may take a while for you to feel comfortable with self-compassion or compassion from us I know. It makes sense given you've been exposed to negativity and criticism for a very long time. I had a hard time with this when I started here because deep down I was so afraid I would let myself feel it and then it would all go away. Over time though I came to welcome it and to be self-compassionate. I hope the same is true for you.
#3
About Complex PTSD / Re: Information about Trauma, ...
Last post by Kizzie - November 02, 2025, 07:18:58 PMSadly it seems that there is still a fee involved so you can't get it. I had hoped there would be free access at some point. 
Kizzie
Kizzie
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - November 02, 2025, 07:16:29 PMHi Dark.art.girl
Your avatar looks like something from the animation Danny Phantom. That was a decent show.
I savvy that urge to be "informed" about what is going on. I had been attempting to find that line between being informed without being overwhelmed. Then once I went cold turkey on that .. it was uncomfortable because in a weird way I think that becomes something that is addictive.
Perhaps I'm incorrect here but my default setting is that if it's "news" or advertising it's a psyop. It's a manipulative mechanism in an attempt to influence me into taking action that is not for my highest good, it's for someone or some org's benefit. With that in mind, the algo's are intentionally designed to push engagement with feeding us content to push our emotional buttons while our patterns of reactions are gathered, monetized and sold.
I've also looked at all the "new" smart devices that are being pushed and .. well let's just say that the data collection extends to every single device that is connected to the web. The intel about it is out there. In my opinion it's that people get so bombarded all the time with male bovine fecal matter of this notification, that advert, this crisis, that crisis, that thing, this other (cuss word) thing, and, and, and, and, and, the processing bandwidth gets intentionally over ran. Just like having a logic bomb go off and the OS is glitching out because there is no more RAM left.
What happens in us when a notification goes off on the mobile device? It's startling, it breaks concentration, and for a split second throws us into a flee/fight response. How is that good for health? And if, like I used to be, it's not startling then I was always on edge, always splitting my awareness to listen for the notifications. Us humans are analog. We are the same folks that were the hunter gathers however many thousands of years ago. Our nervous system ain't wired for the environment that has been created. As such it's way to easy to hijack it to push behavior that results in negative outcomes for us while benefiting those companies / orgs / etc that are { insert cuss word } up the world.
If the new currency in the digital spaces is attention, who or what is benefiting from that? How they getting paid? Servers, power, storage, ain't free ...
Chase Hughes (his vids are great) explains really well on how propaganda and manipulation works. I see now how the manipulation tactics of the former spouse worked and where my weaknesses were. And that led directly into propaganda and how all that gets done. Holy [ fecal matter ]
Which then led me to wondering about other things that share the same methodology.
Interesting little thing to do, an advert starts, mute the sound and watch the visual. Take notes, what is being put forth? Then next time the same advert plays close your eyes and listen, really listen. What does the languaging put out there? Write down what is noticed. then compare both sets of notes with no media on at all. What buttons are they trying to push? We are awash in manipulation and propaganda and it's been ramping up since the invention of newsprint. Every "new" technology, more psyops. Books, newsprint, radio, tv, internet, all distribution channels A thing to look into is the ad campaign that got women to smoke back in to roaring 20's I believe. That's really enlightening not only in the social narrative aspect, but also from a psyops aspect. It's actually really horrifying.
I know that at times I can appear to be needing a tinfoil hat. BTW actual foil out of tin hasn't been made since the 1930s if memory serves. It's been aluminum ever since. chuckle. At the same time, all I have been doing is tracing back the threads to the root cause(s) and coming across other information that unfortunately checks out. I wish it was only a theory. The more I dig though, the more conformation comes to light.
I'm not saying that "everything" is manipulation / propaganda. However, when spun up emotionally, us humans lose the ability to discern what is manipulation / propaganda and then make decisions that are based in fear, anger, jealousy which typically ain't good for us long term. The former PD spouse used that aspect of my normal human reaction to her advantage. I don't know if going from single human scales to general population lineally. However, look at the excessive consumerism. I'm not saying that buying stuff is bad. Far from it. I dig getting something that will make my daily easier. At the same time, I'm done with the glitter and smoke. I'll buy but only if the object is of value. As a result, I'm the person that buys once and buys right and it's not on a whim. I'm starting to look harder and harder at clothing made from hemp. More expensive sure, lasts longer, better for the environment, gets softer and softer the more it's worn. : thinking emoji :
At the same time, going hard ethical, is manipulating consumers into purchasing fecal matter that isn't needed honest business? Is manipulating the results from medical studies to "prove" a certain outcome, honest health care? Is putting the amount of protein on a pet food label, that requires soaking in 20x stronger acid than any pet ever had for multiple hours to free up the protein honest labeling? different areas .. same bovine fecal matter being done, to us.
Wishing you all the best.
Your avatar looks like something from the animation Danny Phantom. That was a decent show.
I savvy that urge to be "informed" about what is going on. I had been attempting to find that line between being informed without being overwhelmed. Then once I went cold turkey on that .. it was uncomfortable because in a weird way I think that becomes something that is addictive.
Perhaps I'm incorrect here but my default setting is that if it's "news" or advertising it's a psyop. It's a manipulative mechanism in an attempt to influence me into taking action that is not for my highest good, it's for someone or some org's benefit. With that in mind, the algo's are intentionally designed to push engagement with feeding us content to push our emotional buttons while our patterns of reactions are gathered, monetized and sold.
I've also looked at all the "new" smart devices that are being pushed and .. well let's just say that the data collection extends to every single device that is connected to the web. The intel about it is out there. In my opinion it's that people get so bombarded all the time with male bovine fecal matter of this notification, that advert, this crisis, that crisis, that thing, this other (cuss word) thing, and, and, and, and, and, the processing bandwidth gets intentionally over ran. Just like having a logic bomb go off and the OS is glitching out because there is no more RAM left.
What happens in us when a notification goes off on the mobile device? It's startling, it breaks concentration, and for a split second throws us into a flee/fight response. How is that good for health? And if, like I used to be, it's not startling then I was always on edge, always splitting my awareness to listen for the notifications. Us humans are analog. We are the same folks that were the hunter gathers however many thousands of years ago. Our nervous system ain't wired for the environment that has been created. As such it's way to easy to hijack it to push behavior that results in negative outcomes for us while benefiting those companies / orgs / etc that are { insert cuss word } up the world.
If the new currency in the digital spaces is attention, who or what is benefiting from that? How they getting paid? Servers, power, storage, ain't free ...
Chase Hughes (his vids are great) explains really well on how propaganda and manipulation works. I see now how the manipulation tactics of the former spouse worked and where my weaknesses were. And that led directly into propaganda and how all that gets done. Holy [ fecal matter ]
Which then led me to wondering about other things that share the same methodology. Interesting little thing to do, an advert starts, mute the sound and watch the visual. Take notes, what is being put forth? Then next time the same advert plays close your eyes and listen, really listen. What does the languaging put out there? Write down what is noticed. then compare both sets of notes with no media on at all. What buttons are they trying to push? We are awash in manipulation and propaganda and it's been ramping up since the invention of newsprint. Every "new" technology, more psyops. Books, newsprint, radio, tv, internet, all distribution channels A thing to look into is the ad campaign that got women to smoke back in to roaring 20's I believe. That's really enlightening not only in the social narrative aspect, but also from a psyops aspect. It's actually really horrifying.
I know that at times I can appear to be needing a tinfoil hat. BTW actual foil out of tin hasn't been made since the 1930s if memory serves. It's been aluminum ever since. chuckle. At the same time, all I have been doing is tracing back the threads to the root cause(s) and coming across other information that unfortunately checks out. I wish it was only a theory. The more I dig though, the more conformation comes to light.
I'm not saying that "everything" is manipulation / propaganda. However, when spun up emotionally, us humans lose the ability to discern what is manipulation / propaganda and then make decisions that are based in fear, anger, jealousy which typically ain't good for us long term. The former PD spouse used that aspect of my normal human reaction to her advantage. I don't know if going from single human scales to general population lineally. However, look at the excessive consumerism. I'm not saying that buying stuff is bad. Far from it. I dig getting something that will make my daily easier. At the same time, I'm done with the glitter and smoke. I'll buy but only if the object is of value. As a result, I'm the person that buys once and buys right and it's not on a whim. I'm starting to look harder and harder at clothing made from hemp. More expensive sure, lasts longer, better for the environment, gets softer and softer the more it's worn. : thinking emoji :
At the same time, going hard ethical, is manipulating consumers into purchasing fecal matter that isn't needed honest business? Is manipulating the results from medical studies to "prove" a certain outcome, honest health care? Is putting the amount of protein on a pet food label, that requires soaking in 20x stronger acid than any pet ever had for multiple hours to free up the protein honest labeling? different areas .. same bovine fecal matter being done, to us.
Wishing you all the best.
#5
Therapy / Re: Meeting with a new therapi...
Last post by Kizzie - November 02, 2025, 06:53:02 PM
Glad to hear this Beet, hope it goes well! #6
Therapy / Re: Meeting with a new therapi...
Last post by NarcKiddo - November 02, 2025, 05:29:52 PMI'm glad it is looking positive. Thanks for letting us know.
#7
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Insights without action
Last post by NarcKiddo - November 02, 2025, 05:25:00 PMHello, and welcome. I'm sorry you've had such awful difficulties to contend with. Well done for working on healing for the benefit of you and your boys.
#8
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here
Last post by NarcKiddo - November 02, 2025, 05:20:34 PMWelcome. I'm glad you found us.
#9
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hi, i'm new :)
Last post by NarcKiddo - November 02, 2025, 05:18:49 PMHello, and welcome. I'm in the UK too. I know how tough it can be to get the right professional support over here - although that seems to be the case everywhere. There's not enough training and experience around CPTSD. I hope you find something suitable.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with the end of a relationship that is reopening wounds. I'm glad you found us and hope you will find some help and solace here.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with the end of a relationship that is reopening wounds. I'm glad you found us and hope you will find some help and solace here.
#10
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Hi, i'm new :)
Last post by ZaffaManz - November 02, 2025, 02:28:42 PMHello,
I'm ZaffaManz. I live in the UK. I haven't been officially diagnosed with CPTSD, but I suspect quite strongly that it's a part of my experience. I've done several online tests, and even a test through my therapy that all scored quite high. I am diagnosed with autism, so i'm not sure if it is that, but i do know that there is a lot of overlap. I've even begun to question my autism diagnosis, wondering if, for me, it's just trauma in disguise.
A short background as to why i align with CPTSD: My father was emotionally volatile and inconsistent. He still believed in corporal punishment. The rest of my family, while not as bad, have often left me invalidated about how i feel. My sister was physically abusive and emotionally abusive. I'm unable to trust my perceptions. My brother gaslights me quite frequently, which leaves me doubting myself a lot.
I'm here because I was recently dumped in a way that reopened a lot of wounds, and realised the support I thought i had isn't capable of supporting me. I'm on my own trying to weather the current storm. I also have realise i'm stuck in a cycle that i'm having a hard time escaping.
I am working to get professional support, but it's slow and difficult. So, in the meantime i though I'd search for a community with folk who could maybe sit in the storm with me so i don't have to face it alone. Even if it's virtual. I would prefer physical presence, but i don't have that at the moment. Just me and my cats.
I play video games, warhammer, enjoy doing to the gym, running and generally being physically active. I meditate as well, but a lot is on hold at the moment because of the current storm i'm in.
Thanks for having me
I'm ZaffaManz. I live in the UK. I haven't been officially diagnosed with CPTSD, but I suspect quite strongly that it's a part of my experience. I've done several online tests, and even a test through my therapy that all scored quite high. I am diagnosed with autism, so i'm not sure if it is that, but i do know that there is a lot of overlap. I've even begun to question my autism diagnosis, wondering if, for me, it's just trauma in disguise.
A short background as to why i align with CPTSD: My father was emotionally volatile and inconsistent. He still believed in corporal punishment. The rest of my family, while not as bad, have often left me invalidated about how i feel. My sister was physically abusive and emotionally abusive. I'm unable to trust my perceptions. My brother gaslights me quite frequently, which leaves me doubting myself a lot.
I'm here because I was recently dumped in a way that reopened a lot of wounds, and realised the support I thought i had isn't capable of supporting me. I'm on my own trying to weather the current storm. I also have realise i'm stuck in a cycle that i'm having a hard time escaping.
I am working to get professional support, but it's slow and difficult. So, in the meantime i though I'd search for a community with folk who could maybe sit in the storm with me so i don't have to face it alone. Even if it's virtual. I would prefer physical presence, but i don't have that at the moment. Just me and my cats.
I play video games, warhammer, enjoy doing to the gym, running and generally being physically active. I meditate as well, but a lot is on hold at the moment because of the current storm i'm in.
Thanks for having me