Recent posts
#71
General Discussion / Re: imagery for CPTSD
Last post by NarcKiddo - April 25, 2024, 10:48:23 AMQuote from: Blueberry on April 24, 2024, 01:00:23 PMQuote from: Blueberry on December 06, 2017, 10:49:32 PMMy T didn't say, and I didn't ask, but I'm sure that I'm over the half-way mark in processing.
Oh to be so optimistic! I think it is unlikely that I was at the half-way mark then. I wouldn't even dare to guess if I'm there now!
Oh dear. Did you tread on it the wrong way and fill the torso with air by mistake so it suddenly sat up?
#72
Recovery Journals / Re: dollyvee's recovery journa...
Last post by Hope67 - April 25, 2024, 10:17:11 AMQuote from: dollyvee on April 21, 2024, 07:46:19 AMIt's also interesting some of the things that have been coming up, and the feelings around relationships which are thinking about all the times I've been treated badly, and how I think I want to suppress that, or maybe how I don't actually feel and recognize that as something that happened growing up.
Hi Dolly,
I really related to what you wrote here, I think I've done the same thing - tending to suppress stuff when others have treated me badly. I also think you saying you wonder whether you didn't actually feel and recognize that' - that is also so relevant. You gave me a 'light bulb' moment with what you said.
Anyway, I also wanted to say that I've watched 'Baby Reindeer' as well - there is so much in that programme that is interesting, and I could relate to some of the things there. Very impactful. Getting stuck in patterns. Very relateable.
Sending you a hug Dollyvee, I've not been around so much lately, and didn't get chance to catch up with your journal till now.
Hope
#73
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2024
Last post by Hope67 - April 25, 2024, 10:11:14 AM25th April 2024
I was surprised last night, because I had quite a bad night terror - my partner told me I screamed very loudly - I do have some memory of it, but when he asked me 'What did you see?' I replied 'I don't know' - I purely felt the terror, the feeling as if I was going to die, that kind of feeling. I didn't know what had preceded that.
My partner said 'You've not had one of those for years!' - I think that's surprising how his concept of time has gone, to think it's been 'years' - it's probably been 'months' or maybe 1 or 2 years - I feel sure I've had some other similar night terrors within that time, but certainly it's nothing like it used to be previously. I am so relieved about that.
What disconcerted me about this time, was that I recognised that the past few weeks have been more stressful for me, as I knew there were some things that would cause me significant stress - but those things are over now, and so I wasn't expecting to feel stressed in my sleep, and certainly not to have a night terror. I have no idea what the triggers for it were. But then, maybe it's not always something I can pinpoint - that is sometimes the case. I did wonder whether part of me had felt so concerned about the previous weeks of stress, that she was still really upset and therefore affecting my sleep in that way - being scared and full of terror. I shall certainly try to calm all my inner parts - and keep being there for them daily - which I've managed to do for quite some time, but maybe it's needed more at the moment.
I've noticed that if I miss a session of EFT and meditation on any specific day, that it definitely impacts on my inner parts. So being reliably there for them daily - and infact I have now got into a routine where I start each day (whilst preparing breakfast) where I do 2 sets of EFT tapping. Then mid morning I will do EFT tapping for about 5 minutes followed by meditation for about 10 to 20 minutes. The same in the afternoon. The same in the evening. So that's quite a lot of routine, but I think it helps significantly.
I am attempting to lose some weight - I started about three days ago, and I'm counting my calories to try to achieve that. I had ended up comfort eating a LOT in the past few weeks, to help me to handle the stressful stuff that had been going on, and therefore I gained quite a bit of weight. I really hope to lose it again. So far so good, some has already come off. I am glad.
I know there are more things I would like to write about here, but I can't remember what they are just now! I need to make a note of them. Hopefully then I can write about them, as I think it would be helpful to do so.
Hope
I was surprised last night, because I had quite a bad night terror - my partner told me I screamed very loudly - I do have some memory of it, but when he asked me 'What did you see?' I replied 'I don't know' - I purely felt the terror, the feeling as if I was going to die, that kind of feeling. I didn't know what had preceded that.
My partner said 'You've not had one of those for years!' - I think that's surprising how his concept of time has gone, to think it's been 'years' - it's probably been 'months' or maybe 1 or 2 years - I feel sure I've had some other similar night terrors within that time, but certainly it's nothing like it used to be previously. I am so relieved about that.
What disconcerted me about this time, was that I recognised that the past few weeks have been more stressful for me, as I knew there were some things that would cause me significant stress - but those things are over now, and so I wasn't expecting to feel stressed in my sleep, and certainly not to have a night terror. I have no idea what the triggers for it were. But then, maybe it's not always something I can pinpoint - that is sometimes the case. I did wonder whether part of me had felt so concerned about the previous weeks of stress, that she was still really upset and therefore affecting my sleep in that way - being scared and full of terror. I shall certainly try to calm all my inner parts - and keep being there for them daily - which I've managed to do for quite some time, but maybe it's needed more at the moment.
I've noticed that if I miss a session of EFT and meditation on any specific day, that it definitely impacts on my inner parts. So being reliably there for them daily - and infact I have now got into a routine where I start each day (whilst preparing breakfast) where I do 2 sets of EFT tapping. Then mid morning I will do EFT tapping for about 5 minutes followed by meditation for about 10 to 20 minutes. The same in the afternoon. The same in the evening. So that's quite a lot of routine, but I think it helps significantly.
I am attempting to lose some weight - I started about three days ago, and I'm counting my calories to try to achieve that. I had ended up comfort eating a LOT in the past few weeks, to help me to handle the stressful stuff that had been going on, and therefore I gained quite a bit of weight. I really hope to lose it again. So far so good, some has already come off. I am glad.
I know there are more things I would like to write about here, but I can't remember what they are just now! I need to make a note of them. Hopefully then I can write about them, as I think it would be helpful to do so.
Hope
#74
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2024
Last post by Hope67 - April 25, 2024, 09:38:15 AMThanks so much Blueberry, it's good to be back. 
#75
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Infancy trauma - any other...
Last post by Chart - April 25, 2024, 08:28:56 AMIndeed doing still more less seems impossible. But I guess I can try. 
#76
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Infancy trauma - any other...
Last post by Blueberry - April 25, 2024, 08:05:49 AMQuote from: Chart on April 25, 2024, 05:14:20 AMIf I slow down any more I'll start moving backwards...But thanks thanks thanks, support is so helpful.
The feeling of going backwards in healing or moving backwards because so slow is pretty common around here too. 25 years ago I was told I needed to do less. I couldn't believe it because I was already doing way less than other adults my age, I mean I couldn't even clean one room in my apt all in one go, never mind the whole apt the way my age group did back then. Little did I know that for some reasons that I'm still not clear on I was being triggered and my energy disappeared at the mere thought of cleaning. The more I followed the "do less" (for a lot more examples than cleaning my apt), the sicker I seemed to get, my ability/energy/wherewithal to do whatever got less and less... As crazy as it may sound, doing less and less was still the answer in my case. The less-and-less might not be the answer in yours but the slow-and-slower-and-even-more-slowly might be in your case.
As Armee says, there are better days ahead. She's right, it does get better!! Probably not 100%, certainly not in my case, but better. Just as baby steps count in active healing (what I do in and out of therapy), it's good to look for and notice the tiny shifts that come to each of us over time during recovery. If you don't notice these yourself, in time forum mbrs will notice and let you know. We're often perceptive of other mbrs' progress while not noticing our own.
#77
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Infancy trauma - any other...
Last post by Chart - April 25, 2024, 06:33:33 AMHere we have a new pathology topic, no? Prenatal and Infancy Trauma... Often this is followed up with more trauma, if the "caregivers" are still around... but in my case not so much... My mom was (still is) pretty messed up but not so extreme toxicity as my biological father. So sometimes the major trauma comes to an end and "normal" childhood sets back in. Of course I remember my childhood and I was pretty messed up by that point. But at least the severe trauma was "past"... Or rather, no new trauma...
Course the question of this thread remains: How is infancy trauma "different" than later childhood trauma? And what are some ways to approach it to try to heal? Specific to pre-verbal and pre-memory...
Course the question of this thread remains: How is infancy trauma "different" than later childhood trauma? And what are some ways to approach it to try to heal? Specific to pre-verbal and pre-memory...
#78
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Infancy trauma - any other...
Last post by Chart - April 25, 2024, 06:24:09 AMAny suggestions on the two books of Laurence Heller? The Practical Guide versus Healing Dev Trauma? You suggest both? One is better before the other? Thanks in advance.
#79
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Infancy trauma - any other...
Last post by Chart - April 25, 2024, 05:14:20 AMIf I slow down any more I'll start moving backwards...But thanks thanks thanks, support is so helpful.
#80
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Infancy trauma - any other...
Last post by Armee - April 25, 2024, 04:54:01 AMFacing this stuff is difficult and painful and causes a lot of sadness but that's part of moving through it and healing. There's better days ahead. Keep going, slow.