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Seriously? How stupid can one man be?? I am so sorry you are having to put up with this. What an idiot. This is the last possible thing you need San. Get away from that man, he's no good to you. Get that eye surgery and get out of there asap. You deserve to come home.

Talking to yourself as if you were a parent to a wounded child is possibly the smartest thing I've ever heard in regards to self-comfort. You do have wounds, you were a child, you deserve to be taken care of. Maybe your brain will realize this eventually and begin to recover even further...keep us posted San I so hope this works

I wonder what can be done to best work within this medical system you're stuck in. 125 is a long way to go for an emergency room, or is that just the one she wants you to go to? Either way, you're smart for not just blindly taking those meds. Mixing them without letting your body build a tolerance on smaller doses first sounds risky to me.

Candid is completely right about how drastically self-talk can change your mood. You hear a lot about the burden of a negative self-critic. Maybe if you can convince your mind of something positive your body will follow...

Either way, good luck with the body 'experiment' and take good care of yourself

Hey Blueberry, I can relate to a lot of what you said about feeling the  It might feel like you're cheating yourself of productivity, but you taking time just to sit and recharge sounds almost like self comfort imo. Maybe in small doses this could even be healing, but not if you do it all day, of course. It's heartbreaking to hear that you're feeling so tied down in bed. It can be so hard to find the energy to get out, and thats ok. You're allowed to have days where you can't get up.

I also tend to deny myself food/basic comforts when feeling in a bad way, like you mentioned. It only succeeds in making me feel worse than before. What I do to combat this is by looking at my situation with an objective view, and eventually coming around to the idea that my body will only feel better if and when I take proper care of it. Whether that self-care comes in the simple act of getting out of bed to make a cup of tea, or in the form of self forgiveness, it will make a world of difference.

Enjoy that moment, it sounded like a nice one

It's a relief to hear that you're being taken seriously. September is a while aways but it's definitely something to look forward to. I'm happy to see you on here again, and I hope that means you're feeling better than before I hope your eye treatment goes better than expected!!

Oh gosh...I had no idea it was so hard for the elderly and/or sick to get care in Mexico. And to think we want to make it harder for those people to get papers....Sadly, there's nothing you can do about that situation. Try to focus on the things you can change. Maybe you could look for a better hospital? Look online for what people have to say about the medical staff and try to find a doctor who actually knows what they're doing (so not the one your husband went to). I can't say much else but I'm here with you and I hope you find relief from the stress.

Not all therapists are a perfect match, so don't be too hard on yourself. If your therapist would rather have someone with insurance (which is kind of a rude thing to say to someone without it tbh) then terminate and find someone who will be more accepting of you in the future. Of course, this is easier said than done, and im really sorry youve had to go through such a hard time with your previous therapist...good luck jd

My dad is around your age and had cataracts removed from both eyes. He was frustrated about it for months but ended up with improved eyesight after the surgery. I can tell you're frustrated too, and maybe a little scared. I'm the last person to be giving advise on aging, so I'll keep it short. Let yourself cry and scream. Get those emotions out and then accept that your body is what it is. It's carried you this far and will continue to do so for years to come, San. Be gentle with it, and with yourself

Hey sam. For starters, I personally don't view autism as a disability in the sense that it makes you less able than others. It simply (according to what I know about the subject) is a different way of wiring the brain and processing information. There may be some things you cant handle as well as your "neurotypical" peers, and there may be things you are able to do than nobody else can. If being disabled is a word you don't feel good about, then don't use it! You are perfectly abled.

I understand that isolating feeling of being "different" from your peers. Maybe not in the same way as you, or for the same reasons, but I understand how it hurts. It's good to hear that you are finding creative expressions to keep you occupied, rather than stewing in depression. Your breakdowns do not make you useless, and you are allowed to take as long as you need to overcome them. And to feel guilt after feeling happiness? I can relate. I hope you aren't too hard on yourself in the future. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Find your happiness and keep it.
(P.S. Peridot is my fav SU character...next to Garnet)

San...that sounds exhausting. No wonder you're so worn out. What happened to you when you were only 14 is heartbreaking. Your parents should have comforted you instead of mocked you. I hope you can find that comfort within yourself. Talk to that little girl and let her know that imperfection is something that is expected and allowed. I don't know much about healing yet, but I wish there was something I could do. You talk of fear, which may be a good thing after reading about the effects alexithymia. You are recognizing and feeling that emotion, which sounds like a success to me. As for the inner critic, I am usually able to combat my own with a thought-stopping process. You may not find this helpful, as you said your critic morphed into an excuse maker, but maybe give it a shot? I wish you the best of luck in this. Take care of that little girl

Oh San...I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I wish I could help you in the way you help so many others on this site. You can't be perfect. None of us can, and that's just a fact of humanity. You are safe in your own home, and you're allowed to give it clutter. Allow yourself to just live. I wish I could help...I have no idea how, but try to forgive yourself for those perceived faults. You're only human, and thats a wonderfully imperfect thing to be. Take care of yourself<3

Don't force anything. I think Wife2 and 3Roses are right. If you feel the urge to get up and move your body, do so in a positive and relaxing way. I would always paint or draw. Some people like to dance. Sometimes I just get out in the backyard and pace around while listening to music. Being out in nature always calms me down, and sitting still doesn't do much of anything besides causing me to zone out. Again, listen to what your body is telling you to do and try to do so in a positive and relaxing manner. This is probably so hard to do with bronchitis...here's hoping you have a swift recovery

Oh no! I'm so sorry you're not feeling good San:( Rest easy and take as long as you need. Bronchitis is a real pain...try not to cough too hard or put any strain on yourself. This must be so hard for you but I'm sure you'll get your spirit back

Not gonna lie I had to look up what alexithymia is...it sounds like a lot to deal with. I hope the least they can do for all the effort you're putting into this is give you the scan. It's a shame that the doctors where you are don't listen to their patients. Not the best quality when your job relies on helping others. I hope you find your healer, and not just another inflated ego. Like you said, we'll just have to see.

Ok wow that sounds like the worst possible sequence of events...I got mad for you just reading that lol. There's definitely a place you can direct your anger, and it's towards the crappy hospital staff who just completely blew you off by the looks of it. I'm really sorry that happened. Hopefully next time you can bring your husband or a friend to help translate? Just an idea. I hope you rest enough, and let yourself feel upset for as long as you need to.