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Every once in a while we notice one of our guidelines is not being followed and in this case it is swearing.  As per the Member Guidelines, swearing in any form is not permitted. We do have a censor but there are ways of getting around it (f*%$, SOB). 

The reason for editing out any form of swearing is because once it starts, it takes off and then the board becomes replete with it. It's a good way of expressing anger, etc., but because so many of us were subjected to swearing as part of our abuse, we do our best to keep it out of posts because it is triggering for many and we want to keep OOTS as safe as possible.

Thanks,

Kizzie

Every once in awhile I see something concerning on the forum, behaviour that isn't quite enough to warn a member or ban them, but enough that I feel it's important to point out a potential issue. 

From time to time we get people at OOTS who are here for the wrong reasons. They want attention or to troll members by running them in circles trying to help them. I'm seeing a bit of that going on at the moment so I'd just like to suggest to members that you trust your gut and if you sense that someone is not here for quite the right reasons maybe stand clear for a bit and see if you pick up on anything. I know it can be hard to tell, but part of recovery is sussing out people who are a bit off so we protect and care for ourselves.

Kizzie

We're always interested to hear how you came up with your name for the forum so let us know!

Hi Folks:

The book group are at the end of the book and we're looking for some more pieces between 1 and 5 paragraphs on the topic of hope and healing.  We want to end the book on a positive note so if you can help out we'd really appreciate it.  You don't have to be the best writer ever to do this, what we're looking for are authentic reflections about hope and healing. You are welcome to use your forum name, real name or a new pseudonym. (Note: Any proceeds from the book will be going toward the running and maintenance of OOTS.)

Please send your pieces to me at l.herod@yahoo.ca by June 9th if possible.

Many thanks!

Kizzie

A PhD student, Dawn Davis from Glasgow Caledonian University is looking for volunteers to participate in a study about Complex Trauma survivors' experiences with healthcare. "The aim of the study is to explore what those who identify with having Complex PTSD want health professionals to know about their experience."

As you know this is an important topic we talk quite a bit about here at OOTS because CPTSD is still not well known in healthcare yet. The more information we have about what is missing from and what is working in healthcare, the better off we will all be. 

Dawn is hoping to get enough volunteers for 2 Zoom groups of 4 or 5 people. The dates/times planned for the groups are the 12th of June @ 10:30am PST/1:30pm EST and the 13th of June @ 10:30am PST/1:30pm EST so you'll need to get in touch with her ASAP. Her email is ddavis301@caledonian.ac.uk.

Much appreciated!

Kizzie

The term "coercive control" is relatively new but such an important shift in our justice/police understanding of more nuanced forms of relational trauma and emotional abuse.  This is a huge step forward in identifying abusers and holding them accountable.  Coercive control is a form of emotional abuse that seeks to take away a person's freedom and to strip away their sense of self. The person employing this type of emotional abuse creates a world in which the person experiencing coercive control is constantly monitored and criticized; their every move is checked against an unpredictable, ever-changing, unknowable rule book. Typically it is associated with emotional abuse in adulthood.

The following types of behaviour are common examples of coercive control:

•  Isolating the individual from their friends or family
•  Depriving of them of their basic needs
•  Monitoring a person via online communication tools or using spyware
•  Controlling how much money they have and how they spend it
•  Monitoring their everyday activities and movements
•  Repeatedly putting them down, humiliating them, calling them names, or telling them that they are worthless
•  Threatening to harm or kill them or their children or their pets
•  Threatening to publish information about them or to report them to the police or the authorities
•  Damaging their property or household goods
•  Forcing them to take part in criminal activity or child abuse

This above list is not exhaustive. Physical violence may be used alongside these other tactics of isolation, mind-games and the micro-regulation of everyday life or it may never be present other than as a threat or perceived.

• Coercive Control UK
• So What Exactly is Coercive Control? by Laura Richards
• Coercive Control, Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, New York State, USA
• Coercive Control Checklist: 14 Signs Your Partner is Trying to Control You, by Rhalou Allerhand

I like this!

Salter, M., & Hall, H. (2022). Reducing Shame, Promoting Dignity: A Model for the Primary Prevention of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 23(3), 906–919. https://sci-hub.se/10.1177/1524838020979667

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) refers to the complex psychological and psychosocial sequelae caused by prolonged interpersonal abuse. Contemporary approaches to CPTSD are dominated by individualized psychological interventions that are long term and costly. However, accumulating evidence indicates that CPTSD is a high prevalence mental illness implicated in significant social problems, with a pattern of lateral and intergenerational transmission that impacts on already disadvantaged communities. Consequently, there have been calls for a public health model for the prevention of CPSTD; however, there has been a lack of clarity as to what this should entail.

This article argues that empirical and conceptual shifts framing CPTSD as a shame disorder offers new preventative opportunities. The article presents a series of interconnected literature reviews including a review of available prevalence data on CPTSD, the public health implications of CPTSD, the role of shame and humiliation in CPTSD, and current scholarship on dignity in public policy and professional practice. Drawing on these reviews, this article develops a social ecological model of primary prevention to CPTSD with a focus on the reduction of shame and the promotion of dignity at the relational, community, institutional, and macrolevel. A broad overview of this model is provided with examples of preventative programs and interventions. While the epidemiology of CPTSD is still emerging, this article argues that this model provides the conceptual foundations necessary for the coordination of preventative interventions necessary to reduce to the risk and prevalence of CPSTD.

International Conference on Violence Against Men and Boys - https://sites.google.com/giantslayer.us/conferencevamb/home. 

About time! 

This shot is from a presentation by one of two professors I will be working with on a project this summer to develop a resource for medical and mental health institutions, professionals and students. She is a trauma focused cognitive neuroscientist at the Univ of Victoria in Canada. She talks about us in the presentation which is cool to see. 

Her presentation if you want to watch it is here - https://youtu.be/Mt6DY0ftKuI.

The other thing I want to mention here is that recently we've had a lot more survivors sign up from Europe and so I think there must have been a conference over there and we were mentioned as a good resource.  Yay us!

I have one area of recovery that still rises up for me and causes me to dysregulate. It's having to interact with someone who is an N. If I get caught in a situation with an N I do try and stay online, but if the person starts gaslighting and using circular logic, etc, I will often go offline, into the back brain that says stay as far away from this person as possible. It's particularly bad when I get caught off guard as in when it's a covert N and I don't realize until after a few minutes.

Up from the depths comes a deep, deep anger that knocks me off kilter for days and I know it is because I grew up with N's. In particular my B used to run me around in circles and used gaslighting and manipulation to shut me down.  I hated it then and it appears I still hate it today decades later. It infuriates me.   

I did make some progress with my NM by managing her (and moving to the other side of the country), so I'm happy about having a reasonable relationship before she died, but my NB forget it.  Ten minutes in a room with him and I'm toast.  The same goes for any N's I bump into in the course of my life that I can't immediately get away from. 

I honestly don't know if I will ever "recover" from this entirely. The thing I hate the most about trying to deal with an N is not being heard, of being dismissed, gaslit, manipulated. I am a decent, reasonable, caring person and I try to deal with others honestly and respectfully, and I ask that people treat me the same way. I can't abide those who don't do the same. All you can do really is walk away. 

This is a continuation of the thread "Spanking is Abuse" Part 1.

17th Annual Amygdala, Stress, and PTSD Conference
Brain, Behavior, and Being: Unraveling Stress
April 23, 2024 9:00 AM – 4:30 PM EDT

This virtual event will include pre-recorded presentations and two live, moderated panels with our featured speakers. It is free and open to the public.

The Amygdala Conference series is sponsored by the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress under the direction of Robert J. Ursano, MD, the USU Graduate Neuroscience Program under the direction of Kimberly Byrnes, PhD, the Department of Family Medicine under the direction of COL Dana R. Nguyen, and the USU Brain and Behavior Hub.

For more information, please visit: https://amygdalaptsdconference.org/

Here's a new series of three training sessions for parents of children from homes in which there has been domestic violence. Lovely to see this kind of early intervention for Developmental Trauma Disorder which leads to Complex PTSD if nothing is done to help children of ongoing complex trauma. 

The Foundation Trust is excited to invite community members to three free online training events on resilience and healing after domestic violence. The meetings will take place on Wednesday, May 1st , Wednesday, May 8th, and Wednesday, May 15th from 7-8pm each evening on zoom. Open to any survivors parenting elementary-aged children who have witnessed domestic violence. Registration is required. Please email info@maav.org to receive a zoom link or call 781-662-2010.

https://www.complextrauma.org/parenting-workshop-event-melrose-alliance-against-violence/

In this video podcast the Monanadnock Region Health Reporting Lab presents the first episode of season 2 which features Sabrina Leaf, a Keene resident living with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, or C-PTSD. In the episode, Sabrina shares the trauma that led to her diagnosis, her struggles to get a diagnosis and how she manages her symptoms.

https://www.sentinelsource.com/invisible-illness-season-2-episode-1-the-complexity-of-childhood-trauma/article_f8340726-bfb9-11ee-9be2-af80fb33c8fa.html

Inequality is still present. Hence, we give you a hand every day, every moment.

African americans across the country can make use of database that lists grants and financial assistance programs in all 50 states and DC. Our website offers details on programs that help blacks with finding help with groceries, utility bills, rent, college, medications, childcare, medical bills, housing, and more.

https://helpforafricanamericans.org/

[NeuroAffective Relational Model for Healing Attachment, Relational & Developmental Trauma]

There's a free Zoom webinar about NARM Fri if you're interested.  I'm signed up because it sounds like what relational trauma survivors need. It's here if you're interested - https://narmtraining.com/. Here's what it's about:

Join us on February 9th from 10:00 – 11:30 am Pacific Time for a free on the NeuroAffective Relational Model for Healing Attachment, Relational & Developmental Trauma.

What you will learn in this Webinar:

An overview of NARM's theoretical and clinical approach to complex trauma

NARM's roots in the fields of somatic psychology, relational psychodynamic psychology, and interpersonal neurobiology

The distinction between shock and developmental trauma

The NARM clinical approach as applied through a clinical demonstration

Further learning and training opportunities

Plus much more

In her recent memoire "The Wrong Calamity" Marsha Jacobson recounts a life of trauma and grief set in motion by childhood abuse. Her story moves through the trauma she suffered in childhood and adulthood to hope and a rebirth of sorts when she takes back control of her life and devotes herself to her writing. Marsha's book portrays a poignant picture of both trauma and recovery that survivors, the public, and professionals alike will benefit from reading.

See Marsha's article here: https://www.outofthestorm.website/guest-bloggers/2024/1/16/me-traumatized-by 

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-it-s-dangerously-cold-outside-1.7080077

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Thanks everyone, we have 20 questionnaires now.  Much appreciated!!  Kizzie 

As you may know, a group of OOTS members (Armee, NarcKiddo, Bermuda, Papa Coco, Cactus Flower, Spring Butterfly & Kizzie), are writing a book about relational trauma and Complex PTSD. The purpose of the questionnaire is to identify common themes among survivors of complex relational trauma and to use excerpts in the book to flesh out the issues we deal with and the stories many of you have written.

We have questionnaires from a number of you but are looking for an additional 2. We would really appreciate if you would help us and all survivors out by completing a questionnaire. Please email me at l.herod@yahoo.ca and I will send the form to you. We would like it returned by Feb 16th if possible. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at the same address.

Thanks!

Kizzie

Canadian Consortium on Child and Youth Trauma - brings together researchers, practitioners, clinicians, and policy makers in Canada to unify and enhance social responses to child and youth trauma. https://www.traumaconsortium.com/en/