Hope's Journal 2026

[Hope67]

Thanks HannahOne - 

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9th August 2026
I feel more energized this morning.  I hope to hold onto this feeling.  I am also feeling like it was good to process some of the grief that came up in recent days - with that dream and then watching that documentary.  The Blitz Kids refers to the club in Covent Garden in the 1980's rather than the actual Blitz - I thought I'd mention that incase anyone had looked up the documentary, as several things seem to come up on u-tube.  It's about Boy George, Marilyn and Steve Strange and others. 

Actually it's interesting that as I think more about this, I note that those people were able to manifest very individual and creative personas/characters etc, and seemed to have some family support. 

I think about how I've really toed the line of fitting in with the things felt to be important to my FOO (cultish kind of existence in my opinion) and tried to be what they wanted me to be - to the detriment of my creativity and expression - and how it's taken me years and years to finally feel freer of their control.  But even now, I feel strings of connection that bring me feelings of shame and other feelings - when what I'd like to feel is truely free.

Part of me shames me as I write this, by saying to me that it sounds so petty when written like this - but whilst I acknowledge that part, I also would like to say that how I feel about things is something I'd like to feel free to do.  Being curious, it helps all parts to stand back a bit and really look at what's behind all the roles of various parts in making up my experience.

For today - a Sunday - I have things I need to do - responsibilities - stuff like that - and I will hope to do them.  I'm really hoping that the more emotional part that cried a lot yesterday will stay safe and contained whilst I can then go out and see the people I need to see and do the things I need to do today - I am thankful that I don't have red eyes today!!!  A bit puffy maybe - but not red.

I feel more energized - I think I've already mentioned that, but I really hope to keep hold of that energy and utilise it in some nice ways.

[NarcKiddo]

I find that sometimes it takes an outside source for me to process my own grief. I am frequently unexpectedly touched by something in a film or a book and have a big emotional reaction that is unexpected. I can't always tell what personal experience is being triggered, especially not in the moment, but I also find it helpful to think about it afterwards. There are clues and I'm glad you are finding AI useful in your detective work. I do, too.

I don't agree with the part that thinks it sounds petty. I think that we have parts very much conditioned by FOO, because toeing the FOO line kept us safe. So those parts are always going to be prone to doing that until they can accept that we are safe from FOO now. The strings of connection feel to me rather like spiders web strings - you can't see them and it is very easy to blunder into them and then feel that horrid strong pull.

I am glad you are being curious and encouraging all parts to be curious too, while acknowledging the presence of all parts and hearing their views.

I'm glad you're feeling energised and I hope you have a productive and enjoyable day.