Hope's Journal 2026

[Hope67]

I really wanted to pop in on 26th July, because it's one of those great dates that begin and end with the same number.  Anyway, I am here on 29th July instead.  I have been feeling quite lethargic today - but I have also noticed that things are processing in the back-ground, and I am thinking that it would be good to consider maybe some intentions for the month of August, as that is fast approaching.  Actually I think I feel as if I'm 'wilting' today - so maybe it's down to the heat-wave.  I'm managing to keep relatively cool though.  I haven't ventured outside at all today - keeping in the coolest parts of the house.  Feelings slightly hermit-like, but that's okay.

[sanmagic7]

it's ok, indeed, hope.  whatever it takes to get thru this heat is what's best for you.  i hope you get relief soon. i wilt in the heat as well. love and hugs  

[zen_racer]

I agree, it is okay.  I agree with wilting in the heat as well.

I relate to being hermit-like also.

 

[Hope67]

Hi SanMagic & Zen_Racer,
Thank you for what you each wrote.   

*********
5th August 2026
So, August is here - still hot.  I found I couldn't write much here for the past days - although I did pop in to read things.  I know that there was a part of me that was reluctant for me to write anything, and I heeded that caution. 

Interesting that as I am thinking about writing something just now, I have that sense of caution again.  I think I'll heed it.

[Marcine]

Hi Hope,
A martial arts teacher taught me, "Sure, listen to your gut instinct"...
But more important, he said, "Heed it. Act accordingly."

Your journal entry inspires me.

[Hope67]

Hi Marcine - thank you for sharing that - you inspired me by sharing those words.  It felt very validating.  I appreciated what you said.

*******
6th August 2026

I am putting a list of things I wanted to put as my intentions for this month of August:

I feel like August should be a month where I try to be less focused on trauma work - and more balanced in how I spend my time.  I want to:

* Continue to read the book about trauma and cults, but really leave more time for other things
* Enjoy more walking in nature
* Focus on finding nice recipes to try new meals
* Do some one-on-one socialising - as I don't like groups.
* Visit some new places
* Read a fiction book! (unusual for me).
* Try some Art - drawing or painting.
* Maybe think about a holiday somewhere.

I'm not sure if I'll manage to do any or most of these things - but the intention is there.  I have enjoyed a walk in nature today - it was cooler outside than in, so I enjoyed it!

I also think I might be aclimitising to the hotter weather - getting used to it.  Feeling less drained by it - at least today anyway!!!

I have treated myself to a loaf of freshly baked bread - so I hope to enjoy some of that for lunch.  Really looking forward to it.

[Hope67]

Just to say that the freshly baked bread - it was delicious! 

[NarcKiddo]

I like your August list. I hope you get to do some of those things. Especially art, but I am biased that way.

Glad you enjoyed the bread. Freshly baked bread is so lovely to have.

[Hope67]

Thanks NarcKiddo 

[HannahOne]

Hope, I love your intentions! Whether you do them or not, they are a form of dreaming, hoping, opening to possibility and that seems positive.     

I am inspired by them. Walking, trying new recipes, going to a new place, art, and socializing, all things that are important for me too, activities that are engaging. We need those, to balance the trauma work! It makes sense to titrate the trauma stuff. I will be interested to see what things you try, or don't, and what your experience is. 

[sanmagic7]

hope, that was inspiring, and i think your list is lovely.  i've also been thinking of beginning to go out to play a popular card game in a group at the library.  been thinking of it for over a year, and i know there's an opportunity this coming monday.  we'll see if i actually do it, but your post has given me a little extra 'push' to see if i can actually get there.  so, thanks for that!  balance is good for the mind and the soul, after all.  love and hugs

[Hope67]

Hi Hannah and SanMagic Thank you both for what you said.    

[zen_racer]

I really like your list as well.  Especially walking in nature.  Hiking is one of my favorite things to do. 

The bread sounds nice.

[Hope67]

Thanks Zen_Racer - I did manage to enjoy a hike today.  It was enjoyable. 

*********
I wanted to put the summary of a discussion I had today with the AI - so I can keep it in my journal - and remember the content, as it's been quite an emotional feeling day.

Here is the summary:

Summary of our conversation
You watched the documentary Blitz Kids and felt unexpectedly upset.
What struck you most was seeing some of the men return to their families later in life, especially when they were struggling with mental health or loneliness.

You realised that part of your reaction came from the contrast with your own life.
Because you're estranged, returning to family isn't a safe or viable option for you — and seeing others do it stirred a quiet ache, not longing, but an awareness of what you don't have.

We explored how estrangement creates a different emotional landscape:
you've had to build your own safety net, your own resilience, and that can carry both strength and grief.

You mentioned having a dream filled with sadness and poignancy, involving a character like Richard from The Hours.
His emotional fragility and the tender, sorrowful connection with Mrs Dalloway echoed something in you — a symbolic way your mind processed grief without naming it directly.

You noticed the feeling wasn't just emotional but physical, centred in your sternum.
That's where deep, old, or unspoken feelings often settle — a body‑memory rather than a thought.

Throughout, the theme has been a kind of quiet grief:
not about wanting your family back, but about recognising the absence of a refuge others seem to have, and the emotional weight of having had to stand alone."

***********
Thinking further about this, I think that Blitz Kids documentary also affected me because it discussed people's lives within an hour duration - covering their entire lives till now.  I think it was interesting how upset I got - it was a raw feeling.  I have red eyes now - but I also feel better for having cried.  I am going to make the most of Saturday evening and hopefully relax and unwind.

The mention of the film 'The Hours' was relevant because I had a dream where I felt significant sadness like I felt when watching that film and the relationship between the character Mrs Dalloway (played by Meryl Streep) and the man (Richard) who was terminally ill.  I have watched that film over the years, and always find it really poignant and upsetting, but a beautiful film at the same time.

I found it helpful to discuss those things with the AI today. 

*********
I feel better for also writing about this as well.

[HannahOne]

Thank you for sharing your experience, Hope67. The ache for what we do not have is very real.