the next step

[TheBigBlue]

Hi San,
I think you're handling this with a lot of clarity and calm. The way you're observing your own reactions, listening to what the lessening of the internal struggle is telling you, and still giving your T room to figure things out - that takes a lot of awareness.

Reading your post reminded me of one of my sessions, my T merely mentioned that there are other therapy modalities (like psychodynamic) in case I ever felt I needed something beyond CBT. My system instantly went into a full preverbal freeze - a 5-year-old hiding under the table feeling abandoned. For almost the entire 1 hr session I couldn't come out of it. She must have said a dozen times "I'm not abandoning you. I'm here. We have twenty sessions scheduled." But my nervous system just couldn't hear it (yet).

So reading how thoughtfully you're navigating this with your T really struck me. It sounds like you're both trying to move carefully and not overwhelm the system - which in itself is a good sign.

I'm glad you're paying attention to what actually helps your system settle. That feels like important information.
💛

[NarcKiddo]

 

 

[sanmagic7]

TBB, thanks for your thoughtful post.  it's amazing, isn't it, how easily/quickly we can go to a place we didn't expect, but it can be so difficult to leave it.  as far as clarity and calm, i didn't recognize that, but thank you for doing so and mentioning it.  that kind of thing seems quite automatic to me - get into a tight spot, figure out what needs to be done to get out of it and what's needed not to get into it again.  i think i've had a lot of practice w/ that in my life, so i never recognized it as something to be recognized!  i appreciate you pointing that out.

thank you, as always, for your support, NK.  much appreciated.

seems that for several weeks now that 'shift' that i've felt has taken hold and is doing its thing in a good way.  i seem to have more energy, less exhaustion, and very much less feeling miserable.  don't know exactly why or how this has happened, but it seems like something that hasn't happened before, not since i began feeling sick-y most of the time.  this feels rare but good and i'm trying not to look at it as waiting for the other shoe to drop kind of thing, but just go with it as if it's simply my new now, rather than a tiny break from my old then.

therapy today.  i may talk to my T about this, see if she has any thoughts.  i know she's really scared of pushing me, so doesn't want to do too much.  i also want to talk to her about my yearning to be taken care of. 

[Marcine]

"New now"

Yes!