Healing journal (tw) Angering / strong emotions

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[StartingHealing]

  Thank you

[StartingHealing]

Aug 4 2025

Well sheesh.  Come to the conclusion that I have been operating out of the fear space for such as long long time that I don't remember what it's like to not have that running as a sub-routine.  I feel better now than I did at the beginning of the day.  Finally got through to someone and have an appointment on Wed to see about getting into that clinic.  Yeesh. 

I've tracked my BP this AM and recorded it.  I have stuff to do after work.  Need to pick up my pair of safety glasses.  Perhaps I'll put off till tomorrow going to the bank and getting the $$ I've saved up for a new to me rig.  Around where I'm at it's surprising at how much the used car market has changed.  More 'good' cars at more reasonable pricing.

I still feel that all this "stuff" that I'm working on physically has it's roots in the time period of the former spouse.  The whole stress thing for decades. 

Wishing all here, all the best.

[StartingHealing]

Aug 5 2025

Tuesday.  Took the med again last night.  Mercy the side effects.. I'm rolling with them as best as I'm able.  It's kind of rough and the emotions are running high as well.  I feel that the fear space that I've been operating out of is spot on.  My mentor, exactly on the mark once again.  Have done some EFT this morning over that.  Brad Yates had a video that addresses the fear and how in some manner holding onto the fear is a protection of the self in some way. 

I've also realized that I'm still carrying a huge amount of unresolved emotional mess from the time of the former spouse.  Telling myself that was then, this is now, sometimes helps stop the spin of the thoughts and sometimes it don't.  Last night was another rough night.  Was able to get 4 hours (ish) solid, woke up, decided to pee, then played the bio-feedback game in an attempt to get back to sleep.  Which didn't really work.  Flitted between sleep and wake.. dozed a lil I think. 

Last afternoon, I was feeling pretty good overall.  The allowing that I need to do is kinda hard.  Hot / cold flashes, when hot flash then the sweats.  Brain fog.  I don't know where the "standard" of performance that I carry came from.  Messy.  Oh so messy. 

The numbers were less this morning than yesterday.  I figure in a week or so..

Am at work and judas I would really enjoy a nap. 

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[Hope67]

Hi StartingHealing,
I hope that you're doing ok - as I know you're dealing with the side effects of the bp med.   
Take care,
Hope