Eerie Anne's Journal

[Eireanne]

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[Armee]

It's such a great feeling to sort of wake up and start enjoying things again. It's hard because it feels so out of our control sometimes, to me at least.

The whole thing about attracting abusers is such a difficult concept to grapple with. It took me a lot of time to develop that ability...I think confidence I guess...to recognize it in other people and then to trust myself enough to put the guard up and keep them out. Because I think that's what differentiates us from people who don't get sucked into these cycles with abusers...is we kind of get that gut feeling but have been trained to not listen to it and to try to be there for the  other person and put their needs first. But people without cptsd and trauma just listen to their gut and think "whatever I'm not going to out up with that *" and don't invite that person into their life, no doubt, no questioning. Just NO.

So I have no doubt that as you recover from the last cycle of abuse you'll get that spidey sense about people that is telling you "no" and you'll catch it and listen to it. Just like you are with the uninclusive book club.

[Eireanne]

@Armee I hope you're right 

[Eireanne]

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[Moondance]

  Eireanne

That makes so much sense to me.  I believe the doubt we have of ourselves, decisions, etc fits in as well.

Thank you for this info Eireanne.

[rainydiary]

I appreciate the reflection that blaming ourself is a part of a trauma response.  I hadn't thought of it like that before.

[Eireanne]

@ Armee - I woke up today feeling full of enjoyment and thought of you 

@ Moondance - I keep having these moments where I think, why didn't someone just explain this to me? and @ rainydiary - exactly.  I hadn't thought of it like that before either.  I'm just like...this makes sense.  Why wasn't it explained LIKE THIS?

Then I just sort of want to sit with it for a while and take it in and reframe my understanding and how everything fits differently.

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Moondance]

Hi Eireanne

I posted a response earlier to your post regarding core wounds - but it didn't post.

So short version  is,

Eireanne I wish that all of your hearts desires come to be for you.  That your heart and your whole being be filled with all that you want and need for yourself.

You so deserve it. 

 

[Eireanne]

@ Moondance - ugh, don't you hate it when our posts don't post??? Thank you so much for your kind words

[NarcKiddo]

You have written a lot of really helpful stuff. Thank you. I particularly relate to your post about core wounds right now because I keep working through this with my therapist. I struggle a lot with my logical brain thinking one thing and my emotional brain feeling something quite different. It truly is astonishing how core wounds can just keep on hurting no matter how often you tell yourself you are an adult and you can take care of little you.
 

[sanmagic7]

yeah, core wounds, like my lack of emotions.  it most definitely is taking time and work to re-wire those neural pathways that had been unformed.  wounds for sure.  thanks, and keep hangin' tough, ok EA?  love and hugs

[Eireanne]

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and haven't been journaling a lot, but I have all these thoughts and I've been processing them in various ways. 

@NarcKiddo - I'm grateful you (and others) are finding it useful...I always wanted that, like if someone else reads something, I always want to know, "what bits stuck out for you and why?" Here's what I learned...Let's discuss, and I...I've had this story my whole life that everyone else already knows and they are all just waiting for me to figure it out...so if I do figure something out, why wouldn't I share it with everyone? 

Teaching was like that for me, all the other teachers telling me they had to learn the hard way, so I should too.  I feel like I've literally had no support my entire life. 

Agree with you San, it most definitely is taking time and work to re-wire those neural pathways

to you both and anyone else who stops by...

[Eireanne]

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