Eerie Anne's Journal

[Eireanne]

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[Blueberry]

@Blueberry - thank you for that. I do feel bad I'm not in a place that I can read other's journals yet and it's hard for me

Please don't feel bad!    The most important thing on this forum is recovery and looking after yourself. When you manage that self-care by not reading other people's journals when it's too much (or too 'something else') for you then

It's good you've found somebody whose videos or conferences or whatever help - Gabor Maté.

Where you are rn is really really tough and I'm sorry it's so hard. I feel helpless reading the posts of yours I have read. I wouldn't have been able to go back to work in the situation you are in. In fact, I still have disability. I'm very lucky to be in a country where it might be easier to get that than in some countries. idk. I wish I could say 'slow down' to you   But of course there are then 10,000 questions on "how do I survive?", "how do I earn money?", "Where do I get the money to pay for further therapy?" e.g. if insurance won't pay trauma-informed T. I get it. But I don't have an answer other than what I've given or sometimes what other people have suggested. 

You wrote your M came in the room. So that means you have the added difficulty of FOO (family-of-origin) around. If they don't understand, that tends to not help. This is not a criticism of you because there are many reasons why you might still be living with FOO.

To that Easter Egg hunt or similar, I would add "No" in front of the "Thank you." But please know and be assured that none of this is easy. Just because I can do that now doesn't mean you ought to be able to do it now or that I could before (I couldn't and in some situations still can't). Anyway you questioning the wisdom of that person suggesting you say "thank you" means some part of you knows that's not the answer for you. So it sounds to me as if everything is way, way, way too much atm but part of you does know some of the way out of this. That's good. You have an inner wisdom.

To articles or people who say "Feel lucky!", "Feel glad that...."    They don't know. They're not dealing with cptsd. Or if you got that idea on here like from me, then I expressed myself badly. Same thing if somebody contradicts you on a statement like you're self-isolated - but "Wait a minute! You said you talked to a friend yesterday, so you're confused." I've been contradicted like that including by therapists and my reaction was for years. Now not so much, but that's been because of slow bit by bit healing and a whole lot of therapy.

I used to have conversations with other people in my head too. You're not alone with that, if that helps you to know. I also talk to the birds and the squirrels I see around since I no longer have furbabies to talk to.

I hear you're lonely and you're desperate for touch. Maybe you can feel just a bit from 

We are here and we care.

P.S. My posts always take a while so I wrote it while you were writing your latest. Sorry mine might well not be up-to-date.

[Eireanne]

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[sanmagic7]

 

[Armee]

Good luck. I hope the lecture talk went OK. I'm really sorry what happened at work. That sounds clearly like sexual harassment or even assault and you should not have been terminated for reporting that. I apologize if I got some of those details incorrect. But it sounds like an extremely upsetting situation and one that would make anyone feel unsafe.

[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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[Moondance]

  to you Erieanne if okay

[Eireanne]

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[Eireanne]

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