no returns

[Blueberry]

Yay for the shift!

[sanmagic7]

thanks rainy and blueberry.  i'm glad, too.

  it's still hanging on, but i had a setback today.  seems i'll have to go back to the derm doc cuz she didn't get everything the first time.  no cancer, but they want to get the residue she left behind.  ugh!  not looking forward to it at all, and i'll have to wait a few weeks, i was told.  my D is going to call and ask why the wait - why can't i get it done and over with!  my anxiety is not going to be pleased if i have to wait that long.  last time i had to wait an extra week to get my cancer taken out and my back seized up.  long story, but it was made more of a mess by seeing a doc and telling him i needed muscle relaxers.

anyway, this whole doc thing is driving me nuts, and i'm afraid it's only going to get worse the more i have to wait.   i hatehatehate this!

[Hope67]

Hi SanMagic,
Sorry to hear that you've got a delay before you can have that further investigation done - I hope that your daughter is able to get some earlier change so you don't have to wait so long.
Just wanted to send you a supportive hug.   
Hope 

[sanmagic7]

thanks, hope.  i appreciate hearing from you, and love that supportive hug.

i've put a call in to find out why i have to wait.  no response yet.  i felt my anxiety spike last nite and was way up there already today.   

[Moondance]

Hi San,

I hope you receive a quick and supportive answer to eleviate the anxiety San.

There is strength in numbers and we are here with you and for you.

[Armee]

I hope they can get you in soon now that they know how difficult it is to stretch it out and prolong the pain and distress. 

[sanmagic7]

moondance, i so appreciate the support.  thank you.

armee, we'll see. thank you as ever for your care and concern. 

i went full monty (so to speak) on the woman i talked to about procedure and waiting and having this wound heal before making it an even bigger wound (which makes no sense to me) and how my anxiety and stress levels are mounting at the anticipation of the next procedure and that isn't going to help w/ any kind of healing.  my voice was breaking, i was near tears, and when she mentioned something about leaving less of a scar if they wait, i went off. 'i don't give a **it about a scar, i'm 75 and not going to be in any beauty pageants anymore, i just need this done with!'

so, supposedly the doc is going to call me tomorrow.  i'm beginning to stiffen up in my neck and shoulder after that call and am completely wrung out,  one step, then another . . . and this is the latest in doc traumas i've gone thru, so i'm even more sensitive, i think.  i wish i could just calm down and be patient and take it in my stride.  looks like i can't.

[Armee]

 

How dare they make you feel like it is you not being able to take this in stride. This is on them. I totally get doctor trauma (have some horrible stuff myself there that I can't even speak about). And yes that does ratchet up the emotions more. But it is not in the slightest bit unreasonable not even a little to want to have this second part done sooner rather than waiting for it to heal and then go digging around again. They are being cavalier about this.

And the fact they changed their story from "soonest we can fit you in" to "oh this is on purpose so it doesn't scar" ugh that duplicitousness has me shaking in anger for you. You deserve the respect of truth and to be able to make your own informed decisions and to not be made to feel like you are the one overreacting. I'm sorry San. It's not ok. I'm sorry you have to face this again.

I'm proud of you though for taking your power back and standing up for what you need and how you feel. That heals.

[Not Alone]

Ugh. So sorry you have more to go through at the dermatologist.

[sanmagic7]

thank you for your anger on my behalf, armee.  you brought tears to my eyes.

you're right, notalone, ugh is correct.  thanks for being here w/ me.

long story short, i was able to get the procedure done today.  lots of meds for me, lots of differences on their part.  they used a topical numbing agent first off (which i had asked for last time but was told they didn't have it), and i had a bit of a run in w/ the doc about pain vs pressure.  i asked if she could try seeing how numb it was w/o a sharp object, and she said, no, this numbing only responds to a sharp.  in my mind i thought this is such BS, but i was on enough xanax this time to stay a bit more together.

i suggested she use a finger, and she pressed on the wound and i said 'it still hurts'. she kept telling me i'd feel pressure, and then i kinda lost it. i told her i know the difference betw. pressure and pain, and what i'd just felt was pain.  she had been trying to convince me that their numbing agent worked almost immediately, and i told her again it takes me time.

  why the frick don't docs listen to me?  so annoying, so threatening to anticipate any next visit for whatever reason.  at any rate, it eventually went well and easily, but dang, i'm so tired of fighting for what i know to be true and real!!!  so, it's over now, thank all the powers that be.  oh, and when she first came in, she asked me how i was, and i said 'not good', and she put on a frowny face and said, 'too soon?' and i said no! i want this over with.

o my dear heavens, is it any wonder i get so worked up over doc visits?  9 times out of 10, this kind of crapola has happened.  lord it over me like they know better than me what's going on w/ me, how i respond.  she told me she wanted to see me in a year for another full body scan, i said, 'we'll see.'  i can't even think about that.

so, i'm alive, mostly well, my leg itches where the stitches are (which i fought against over and over and she wore me down, so i got them).  i didn't have enough strength to fight it anymore.  i'll take them out myself in 2 weeks.  i'm so spent.  i'll feel it more tomorrow, i'm sure.

[Moondance]

Ohhh San I so wished that you would be heard/believed the first time.  It is absolutely unacceptable they not honor your requests; it's your body, you know how you feel, how it feels when they press down.

Gosh I really dislike doctors a lot.  I have not had good experiences either.  I so get it.

I hope your able to sleep, rest up and heal from this now that it is over.  Thank goodness for that.

[Armee]

San, rest well. The interactions with the doctor sound utterly maddening. Tend your wounds, get lots of sleep, and good nutrition. Im here with blankets, tea, fresh bread for a break when you need it.

[Bach]

I'm so glad you're getting to feel that way, san!  It's encouraging!

[Not Alone]

  why the frick don't docs listen to me?  so annoying, so threatening to anticipate any next visit for whatever reason.  at any rate, it eventually went well and easily, but dang, i'm so tired of fighting for what i know to be true and real!!! 

Feeling  for you. You deserve to be listened to and heard!

[rainydiary]

I resonate with feeling unheard by medical providers.  It makes me want to not go.