Of course it's worth it!

[NarcKiddo]

FOO either lamenting they didn't get to meet my friends

The similarities of things we at OOTS encounter never ceases to amaze me. My M from time to time takes an active interest in my friend situation. I never talk about anything I care about to her. I fling around a few names occasionally because it can be useful to have a ready excuse for not doing something on the basis it is X's birthday or whatever. If she has never heard of X it doesn't work so well. But I've never really got to the bottom of why she shows this interest. Maybe she knows friends can be influential and wants to make sure they are suitable?

It's interesting that you have been remembering these issues with your FOO. Also that you were given that advice by the inpatient trauma place. Did you find it helpful? It strikes me as well-meaning but potentially challenging unless it was accompanied with sensible and potentially actionable suggestions of how you might go about doing that.

I'm glad you are identifying these instances of "should" and thinking them through.

 

[sanmagic7]

dear blueberry, it seems that you are coming to grips w/ a lot of things you're noticing from before.  i know that 'should is never good for me' has been your mantra for ever so long, and i totally agree w/ it, including for myself.  it always has a ring of guilt around it, and too often that's how we were taught to behave - out of guilt rather than out of a personal want.  our own 'person' was overridden by guilt/shame time and again.  hard to get out from under that one, but i think you're doing a really good job on it.  keep up the good work, ok?  love and hugs