Learning to heal, Larry's journey

Larry · December 18, 2021, 08:45:45 PM

saturday.. i didn't drin at all yesterday or today. only 4 drinks since last saturday. i did a lot of volunteer work today at the community theater. i really hope i get busy at work soon. it really helps if i stay busy.

rainydiary · December 19, 2021, 04:06:26 AM

Larry, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed volunteering and are feeling good about the drinks. I hope that your weekend is going well.

Larry · December 19, 2021, 01:01:20 PM

thank you rainy, yesterday was nice, and i only had 2 drinks. hoping to get busy at work soon. didn't get much sleep, but that is kind of normal for me.
i did not get a tree yet, maybe today. i am a little worried about this week. i really am trying to stay focused on the present. maybe i can actually enjoy this christmas.

rainydiary · December 19, 2021, 02:39:48 PM

Larry, I can relate to this time of year being so difficult. I have found that getting a tree and decorating and trying to enjoy some seasonal things can be really supportive.

Larry · December 19, 2021, 05:34:46 PM

i haven't had a tree in 15 years, maybe this is the year ! i am going to go to home depot later today, that's the only store we have here, maybe they will have something

Hope67 · December 19, 2021, 06:05:32 PM

Hi Larry,
I hope you are able to find a tree you like - having your first one in 15 years is special.
Hope you find one.
Hope

Armee · December 19, 2021, 07:15:40 PM

:cheer:for Christmas tree 🎄 that might be just the thing to set a different tone for the holidays.

Larry · December 19, 2021, 07:38:52 PM

thank you both ! i need to get over the holiday thing and try to enjoy it. i think my dogs would like a tree !

Larry · December 20, 2021, 02:51:43 AM

things are really hitting me hard today. TW, the last time i saw my F was christmas day, when i was almost 7 years old. i never saw him again, maybe for the best, but i never got over being abused and abandoned, he re married and had 2 more kids, and never looked back. i want to try to like christmas, but all i can do is cry

rainydiary · December 20, 2021, 03:07:52 AM

Larry, I appreciate you sharing that experience and history. I'm sorry that happened and this holiday is such a huge reminder of past hurt. That's a lot to have been carrying since being such a young child. It's ok to not like this holiday, it's ok to cry, it's ok to begin creating new ways to experience this holiday, and it's ok to care for 6-7 year old you in whatever way you can. There is much more that is also ok and I hope you keep finding those things that are ok for you.

Larry · December 20, 2021, 03:13:08 AM

thank you rainy, i am such a mess right now

Armee · December 20, 2021, 09:43:48 AM

I'm sorry. That's so painful and no we order this holiday hurts so bad.

rainydiary · December 20, 2021, 02:43:28 PM

Larry, I hope that you found a bit of rest and it is ok if you did not. It is understandable that a lot of pain and anger is coming up. I am proud that you are facing this and trying to find will help you feel better.

Larry · December 20, 2021, 06:49:29 PM

i am so appreciative to have all the support from everyone here. it really helps

rainydiary · December 21, 2021, 02:14:00 PM

Larry, I've been reading your posts on other threads. I think it is completely understandable how you feel. It is ok to feel all the light and dark feelings yet it can be really overwhelming. I think you've done a lot of helpful work for yourself and I have found the result of that can be the unlocking of long held feelings and thoughts and images and experiences inside of us. Even if it doesn't feel like it now, you are taking important steps that I believe will lead you to a place you want to be.