Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

Sigh. I noticed last night that Pumpkin hasn't been herself, and she's been... licking quite a bit. Poor baby has a butt problem, let's just say. The vet was able to get her in this morning for a drop-off appointment, so she's there now, and quite displeased. (I warned them she's vocal) I had a dog years and years ago who had the same problem, I feel for her. It's rather painful. But she should get fixed up okay and they'll call when she's ready to come home.

UPDATE: she's back, she'll be fine. we have antibiotics, but they're liquid, so that'll be easier.  That and just smear on a little Aquaphor if it needs it. Weirdly, she didn't seem to have a microchip. I could have sworn she did. Well, she's definitely got one now, so that's in her record.

[Blueberry]

  Hi Sage,

I know I haven't been on your Journal for a while. Well, I read yesterday but couldn't write for whatever reason. So glad you got an appt for Pumpkin right away and that she will be fine.   

[CactusFlower]

Hey Blueberry!  That's fine, good to see you!  We're glad too. I just gave the first antibiotics dose and she took it like a champ. Helps that it's a liquid. I did not know amoxicillin suspension looks like pepto bismol and smells like bubblegum.  Neither of which she appreciated, LOL.

[CactusFlower]

Pumpkin's doing fine, almost done with her meds and healing well. I, however, have not slept well the past two nights for some reason. The first one, I dreamed I was awake. You know when you're aaaaallllllmost asleep and laying there, but still slightly aware that you're awake? yeah, I dreamed was doing that. I was even vaguely aware I was dreaming it, but couldn't stop. Half the darn night, dreaming I was awake.  Then last night, I dreamed I was assisting an executive assistant prepare a large, catered, big and important meeting off-site, so I was running around getting things in place, preparing, copying, etc.  So I spent most of the night DREAMING I WAS WORKING.  So yeah, not what I would call restful.  Not nightmares, really, but totally not restful. ugh.

[CactusFlower]

Oh man. Been feeling crappy for a day or so now. Wasn't sure why. I thought I was getting a migraine today because of a low-level all-day headache with nausea. Then I thought to look something up, and... Lovely.  What happens if you don't get the refill on your Gabapentin for a few days? Headache, nausea, insomnia... It was Gabapentin withdrawal. This is awful. I know tomorrow is a holiday, but I'll be contacting my doc to find out later how to wean off this stuff. (It's a capsule, not a pill I could split) Highly unpleasant. I skipped my writing and my ACA group yesterday for feeling awful. I do have my gaba now, so I took one and should hopefully be back up to speed by morning, but I want off this crap. Major yuck.

[Papa Coco]

Cactusflower,

Oh gosh, that sounds miserable, having to ween off of gabapentin. My wife takes it daily for her Renaud's syndrome. It also helps her sleep. I know we've all been told gaba isn't addictive, but I think that rumor is being challenged these days by a lot of people.

I've had to ween myself off of plenty of meds (and booze, and cigarettes) over the years, so I feel real compassion for where you are right now.

I hope the gaba addiction isn't a bad one. I hope you are able to gain some relief fairly quickly.

[CactusFlower]

Thank you! Once I looked it all up, it's normal to have to go off slowly, and sudden stopping can even increase a risk of seizures!  I swear, it's like watching a commercial for a drug for something, then they read off the list of possible side effects and you're like "Holy cow! that's worse than why you're taking it!"  And that's exactly what it was, I was perfectly fine after about 20 minutes after taking it.

[CactusFlower]

Have felt a bit listless and... aimless? Depersonalization/Derealization off and on. Went for my annual mammo yesterday. The practice has their own nice, new building now. Regardless of size, the place still felt nice and the care still felt personal and everyone is so kind. So I wasn't there too long. I also have a set date for my disability hearing finally!  Nov 13. It's a remote meeting, but I said that was okay. Honestly, I'm kinda glad as I don't know if I'd have done well in person with a male judge. I looked him up and he has a relatively okay approval rate, so think positively for me, please. On the one hand, it's another level of anxiety, but on the other, I feel some relief to finally have things set in place. I just don't deal well with vagueness and not knowing.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm glad the meds are working for Pumpkin. I know all about butt problems as pugs were prone to it. Mine never had any major issues, thankfully, but they had really stinky glands that could make a horrendous stench. Not sure if cats have similar. It is those glands that could get impacted.

I hope you feel less listless soon. Maybe having the disability hearing date set will help. Fingers crossed for you. I am the same in terms of having difficulty with vagueness. I often say that even if something is going to be grim just tell me already so I can start dealing with the actuality. Being in limbo waiting on things is very stressful.

[Armee]

Im glad to hear that you have a hearing date set and truly hope they can see reason and qualify you for disability benefits.

[CactusFlower]

Thank you, Narc and Armee.  Yeah, having a set date does relieve a lot of worry in a way. And yes, it was that gland, poor Pumpkin. She's about 98% healed now. I only recognized it because I had a greyhound years ago with a similar issue.

Not great sleep last night, alas. It was very high winds and a little chilly. The power actually went out about 5 times for a minute or so each, then out for a couple hours. My electric company is very responsive to those and it was back on before bed. It must have been a substation or something, it was a whole quadrant of the main city. It's fine today, but cloudy and cooler. I think our monsoon season finally hit.

I managed to make a really good dinner yesterday. It's the Lemon-Dijon chicken skillet on bettycrocker.com.  Delicious sauce! It was quite tasty over rice. It didn't really take a lot or a long time to make, so it wasn't overly hard for me. I would add sliced onions next time, but I love cooked onions. I plan on using my crockpot often this fall to have tasty leftovers with little effort. Now I need lunch, lol.

[CactusFlower]

Feeling very down past few days. Physically lethargic and even more exhausted than usual. I don't recall specifically having nightmares, but have woken up crying several times, which isn't restful. I think it's some grief EFs. Not sure what for.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm sorry you're feeling down. Waking up crying can be so draining, especially if you don't have any clear indication why. Take care of yourself.

[CactusFlower]

UGH. Not good. We had another zoombombing in our meeting this morning. It's a meeting for women, trans women and nonbinary people AFAB, so we want to create safe space. They used names to get in that were the same as some people who attend sporadically, so they could be admitted.  We'll be implementing another level of security to verify, but that second it takes to remove the person is so jarring. It's literally a type of assault, just audiovisual. My heart is still trying to slow down and the adrenaline crash is awful. Comfort food has been ordered, but I'm still.... I'm furious and disgusted.  We try so hard to make a safe space, yet WE keep having to do more and more to keep THEM out. it becomes our complex procedure and I'm just so blanking angry that it happens. I am all kinds of messed up now. Might just have a good cry and go to bed early tonight. At least I have video games that are... stress relievers, let's say. I can get rid of some monsters that way, at least.

[Armee]

I'm so sorry. I'd be shaking and angry too. It's so scary. I hope conquering video game monsters and comfort foods help.