Taking those concrete beneficial steps

[Not Alone]

I like that you listened to you instinct and listened to and moved to children's music.  (Clapping for you and clapping to the beat!)

[Blueberry]

I did get the translation in, though I had to deliver it in person rather than by post. On the plus side it was a nice train route and I got to visit a tiny little town I'd never been to before. My EFT on "I don't need to be perfect and nor does my translation" really seems to have moved something along because I don't feel bad about my translation. In retrospect, I realised that maybe I should have written something differently, but I feel more like "live and learn", I'll maybe remember to do it differently if the same issue comes up another time, but otherwise, I don't have to be perfect!" 

Continuing on from delivering my translation, I went to visit friends including my godson for a couple of days and had a good time there. I didn't have any major EFs or anything and I was better at saying what I needed, including to my godson. I did say at one point that I was really tired and needed to lie down for a bit, even though interacting with him hadn't really contributed to the tiredness. During other visits I would have pushed through with doing something with him. But he accepted that I needed a break and it was fine.

I had a good time with his mother too. It was glorious weather. We went for a little cycle to look for some wild seeds and berries to pick. Now at home I've been harvesting some in the garden too, as well as general autumn clean up and also looking at what's still blooming. And preventing slugs from laying any more eggs, I hope 

I feel good today. It's nice to feel that way sometimes. Purposeful, have achieved some things, not triggered. 

[Three Roses]

... but I feel more like "live and learn".... I feel good today.

[Hope67]

   That is great, Blueberry.
Hope 

[Blueberry]

Thanks   

It's good I wrote about it because today I feel very low. It has not been a day of concrete beneficial steps, apart from allowing myself to rest. Monday and Tuesday will be very busy and even this evening I have to get on with a number of things. So I was probably resting in advance.

[Snowdrop]

I'm sorry you're feeling low today. Don't forget that allowing yourself to rest is in itself a concrete beneficial step. 

[Three Roses]

Sorry to hear you're feeling low. 

[Blueberry]

Don't forget that allowing yourself to rest is in itself a concrete beneficial step. 

Thank you, that's a useful reminder.

Today I'm feeling pretty tired but that's no big surprise. I was thinking a few hours ago that I can't wait to get back on the forum where people understand me and now I find I can't write down what was going on. Well, at least I wrote a bit in my paper Journal today.

[Blueberry]

More concrete beneficial step of allowing myself to simply remain in bed, i.e. rest and hide and wrap self in blanket. I'm now up and can see the sunlight even if I'm not forcing myself to go out into it.

There are a number of things I intended to do today. Write a bill for that translation I did last week. Finish an application I need to get in by Hallowe'en but earlier would be better. And no, it's not for a fancy dress party. It's pretty serious. I 'just' have to get some documents together and photocopy some others and then get it all out of the house to some bureaucracy place. I also need to apply for a new passport, which I can't do before completing the other.

I feel very, very low. FOO appeared in some dreams last night. Not so surprising really since I had been missing them and wondering if they really were/are so bad or maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills.

The answer is: their treatment of me has proved very bad for me over the years, including the last time I had contact with any of them. But somehow that information is not getting through to my soul atm.

[Three Roses]

Sorry you're feeling so low, Blueberry.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm making too much out of things that went down - I wonder if I'm being too hard on sibling - I miss my parents (but they're deceased so no undoing that) - but when I examine my feelings more closely it's more like I miss who they ought to have been. I don't miss who they really were. And somehow that helps me let go of the idea of them.

I think you're pretty awesome, I see how much you've recovered. Even tho we may be "just" online friends, you've been a good friend to me, and I learn from you and your posts. Take care, my dear Blueberry. 

[sanmagic7]

o blueberry, how many times i've doubted that things with me were just me being dramatic or something.  those mind games that were played on us are insidious and cunning in that they make us doubt ourselves.  so much more difficult to realize the truth of what was done than if we came away with a broken  arm or something else tangible.  the emotional stuff, well, that's a different ballgame.  it's all in our mind, isn't it!  and i don't mean that dismissively, but honestly and truthfully.  so much harder to sort thru mental and emotional abuse cuz we can't hold it up to the light of the x-ray machine and see it in black and white.

i don't doubt you for one minute.  sending love and a hug filled w/ your truth.   

[Hope67]

Dear Blueberry,
I just wanted to send you a supportive hug    I also wanted to say that I relate to what you wrote when you said "their treatment of me has proved very bad for me over the years, including the last time I had contact with any of them.  But somehow that information is not getting through to my soul atm" - I relate to that because I also find it hard to really feel and acknowledge things, even though part of me knows they are bad.  Maybe it's the protective part of you that stops you feeling that, out of consideration for your well-being.  I don't know.  I try to make sense of it for myself, and I often can't.  I just wanted to wish you the best with all of this, and want you to know that I care, and I agree with Three Roses that you're pretty awesome. 
Hope 

[Blueberry]

I miss my parents (but they're deceased so no undoing that) - but when I examine my feelings more closely it's more like I miss who they ought to have been. I don't miss who they really were.

Good way of putting it. I miss who my parents ought to have been or maybe even who they occasionally were. Which is part of what makes it hard. My parents are still alive actually. But I know there will be no change on their part big enough to make any difference to their treatment of me. There's no going back, it's a waste of my limited energy trying to figure anything out with them.

Hope, it could well be a protective part, not allowing me to feel. I used to have that a lot, so when I've dropped back into an EF, why not? I feel vulnerable emotionally and physically. There's no tangible reason for feeling vulnerable physically atm but it is what makes me want to go back to bed and not go outside at all (despite the lovely sunny weather). I did go out a little and see what flowers of mine are still blooming.

Thank you dear Hope, san and 3Roses for sending love, support and caring words! It really means a lot. This forum is a life-saver Even though we're all 'just' online friends. As I figure out friendships and other relationships irl, OOTS friendships take on a special meaning all their own.

[Blueberry]

Still feel very, very low. I'd like best just to go back to bed. But I will go on a demonstration today, partly because I told various other people I would. It will probably help me a little bit, just seeing people I know and saying 'Hello'.

When the only things that seem worthwhile are eating and sleeping, things are low indeed.

[Snowdrop]

I'm sorry that you're feeling so low, Blueberry. Full credit for going on the demonstration while you're feeling like this.