Taking those concrete beneficial steps

[Blueberry]

Little Furries = Fur Babies. 

[Tee]

Oh like cats or dogs?  Ok thanks

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
Wild roses of the hot pink colour or more berries - both of those things sound so great.  It's nice that you are taking back that area of the garden and choosing your way to fill it, and having the Fur Babies around too, that sounds good to me.  I was thinking yesterday how people can relax more with animals to stroke, and I hope you enjoy your time with those Fur Babies.
to you, Blueberry.
Hope 

[Blueberry]

Now that I've slowly come back out of whereever exactly I was psychologically, I have so many impulses! So I'm reminding myself: go slowly, take small steps, stay grounded and do things to stay grounded! And remember to do longish-term things for self and not for others.

Since I got back from the farm, (1) I have agreed to do something for a neighbour on my computer this evening. Yes, ready for Wed. morning but not ready before he leaves on Tues evening! But I stipulated that he cleans the toilet that our businesses share. He agreed to and did so. (2) I listened to this neighbour asking why I am so stressed or why I get stressed about things (like whether the main door gets shut or not or whether 'somebody' cleans the shared toilet) and as a result it's good for me to hear that it's maybe not always clear to others why I seem to be 'making a fuss' so I listened and took on board so to speak but I also (3) felt at least a bit heard when I said "as I have said, I have health problems and all this cleaning it really tires me out! It takes you 2 minutes, it takes me 10 and I'm exhaustedafterwards", so that's when he grabbed cleaning materials and said "no problem, no problem".

(4) A friend mentioned that the one man in this building who always gives utterly ridiculous and factually wrong (!) excuses about why he can't or won't do this and that - close the main door at night, join in communal cleaning - well this friend suggested that it could be that that's his knee-jerk reaction to anything a woman says. He may actually change his behaviour but is unwilling or even deep within his psyche as yet incapable of doing anything other than aggressively lying to 'save face'. It helps me to see that that's what it could be. It doesn't mean I have swallow it all, but it's good for me to observe - does he change his behaviour? Maybe it's somebody else who keeps leaving the door a bit open? Because if I keep harping on about it (my words!), and he doesn't know why because he's changed his behaviour and has no idea of the effect of his words on me, things will head further downhill in this building. Plus a few other realisations in all this that I won't write out.

(5) I spoke to my ex-landlord, who owns the building next door and restores old houses professionally, about my one missing shutter that the painter doesn't want to install because of ex ll's scaffolding (just painter's excuses basically) and ex ll immediately offered to reinstall the missing shutter (with the scaffolding issue) and move the other shutters around that were on the wrong windows. There were a couple of problems, he figured them out then got some oil and oiled the hinges (probably not done for years). Completed in 10 minutes!  It's funny b/c last year after he promised me to decrease my rent a bit, it took him about 3 months to do so and I felt stressed about keeping asking, and now he's done this other thing on the spur of the moment though I'm not his tenant any more and I didn't even ask. Go figure.

The painter's work is not complete - a few things still need to be reinstalled but at least I can close my shutters, a deterrent to break-ins, which my windows aren't! (It's my office, not my apartment, but still...)

So a fair amount of progress for just a couple of hours. 
More progress actually at the farm but I'll write that some other time. 

[Hope67]

So a fair amount of progress for just a couple of hours. 
More progress actually at the farm but I'll write that some other time. 

Blueberry.
Hope 

[Blueberry]

Thanks Hope 
________________________________________
The next concrete beneficial step I'm going to take is to NOT write that thing for the neighbour business tonight.  He did clean the toilet, but he said it's takes 2 minutes and is not a problem. Whereas even opening up a Word document and writing and formatting this window advertising for him takes quite a lot out of me. He didn't want to hear that this afternoon, but it's the case. He heard that cleaning toilets is exhausting and seemed to take that on board but didn't let up on the other thing. Partially I think it might be a cultural thing. People don't change right away just because they move to a different culture. He's the one from a different culture. That's not a reason for me to not set limits 'of course' though I do have difficulty. It's more incomprehensible to him that his 'nice neighbour' doesn't help him. I need to watch myself here. Good realisation. So it would be helpful to do a few rounds of EFT on I accept and love myself although I haven't done this favour for my neighbour yet even though I told him I would do it later this evening. So: "I accept and love myself although I decided to not do this favour for the deadline given by my neighbour" or "I accept and forgive myself although I decided to put myself and my needs first". 

[Blueberry]

I tried to do EFT on those two topics that night but somehow.... I didn't. Maybe I didn't really need to    because since then I've had no difficulty i.e. feelings of guilt or shame when speaking to that neighbour. I do know cognitively that I don't need to feel guilt or shame but up until a few days ago, I would have. So more progress!

As I mentioned on one of my Employment threads, I changed the usual format for EFT (I accept.... myself even though xyz) into "Congratulations on managing pqr" and yawned like crazy, which means it worked. I have had trouble with being successful for a long, long time - either going into EFs, giving up, resorting to SH or eating etc. I presume it's because of FOO reactions to me being successful in any way. So that gives me another tool for when I achieve something and am getting EF-y.

I've almost finished 1 page of translation and have another 2 1/2 to go. That's a definite improvement. Other times I wouldn't even have started yet. I'd manage to put that off till Mon evening, with a deadline Tues afternoon 

Once again I'm having trouble with a couple of clients (teaching). One I have simply not contacted yet, but the other cancelled once at short notice (not allowed unless health-related), wanted a new lesson date but when I mentioned that it's not OK to cancel at such short notice, she decided to end the contract without giving necessary notice. As I pointed out to her, she signed my contract so she has to follow it. I wrote a letter this afternoon, which I haven't quite completed, but the progress is it was much easier than normal. I felt grounded while writing, also clear thoughts, and no SH. Not even SH impulse. I did intend to send it tonight, but maybe it'll be tomorrow after all. I've just come back from the friend's place where I can use the bath and am feeling a bit sleepy but I'm also feeling less itchy and much cleaner  So good self-care.

I have a bunch of books from the library on gardens and gardening so maybe I'll go and look at some of their nice photos and inspiring descriptions before I go to bed. 

[sanmagic7]

how insightful and creative of you to change your eft tapping to more fully realize your own healing power.  very impressive!

and congrats  on all you've been accomplishing that might have otherwise been a trigger for SH or otherwise unhealthy behaviors.   you are moving ahead, showing strength, courage, and determination.  well done.   

love and hugs   

[Snowdrop]

You're doing so well, Blueberry. 

Thank you for writing about the process you're going through with EFT. I find it very helpful, and I didn't know before that there's a connection between successful EFT and yawning.

[Blueberry]

Thank you san and Snowdrop for reading and then cheering me on

Snowdrop, Idk if there's always a connect between successful EFT and yawning. But when I yawn so much I can hardly stop, it means 'something' is going on. Mostly a lot of tension is being released - whether 'just' physical or a bunch of emotional e.g. because I'm daring to stand up to FOO in my feelings, I'm finally saying something out loud (or even in my head) that I've never dared to. That kind of thing. When emotional tension is released, something is processing and some form of transformation takes place, in my case anyway. I've been yawning like this for years in all forms of therapy that do something for me.

Glad you find my posts on EFT useful.   

san thank you once again for pointing out all I'm accomplishing. It helps me when someone mirrors the info I wrote back to me. And then you even give me the descriptors like strength, determination and so on. I still have a lot of trouble finding these descriptors myself and applying them to me. (One of the reasons why writing job applications is soooo stressful for me. Stressful to the point of being impossible.)

I know you've been working really hard recently too and making progress, including allowing yourself a break (the 'allowing' is work and progress)   

[Blueberry]

I've accomplished a lot today, not all translation, but also a bunch of business emails and stuff, including to the one Cancelling Client.

rn I'm a bit stuck on terminology but reminding myself that I'm translating because I actually enjoy it and I don't need a brilliant hourly rate (I get financial support from FOO) so those factors are continuing to take the pressure off and I don't feel as if I'm about to go a little crazy - with panic I suppose - as is usually the case. 

[sanmagic7]

blueberry, i'm glad you can remind yourself of something positive about your work.  i think that's a major step for anyone, to be able to acknowledge something pos. about what they're doing and why.  well done!   

you're moving forward in so many ways.  kudos to you!     and, yes, those descriptors of strength and determination fit you for that very reason.  it takes both (plus a whole lot more) to continue to make progress.  you're doing amazing things for yourself!  love and hugs, sweetie.   

[Blueberry]

Reading back in here, it's not that long ago that I was in a huge EF-y kind of state, then coming back out but floundering around. So it actually feels good that I'm able to be more productive atm. But I'd now say it was a mistake to take the latest translation on. Live and learn. ICr or whoever the "Should have declined" voice belongs too is very faint, so that's good to know. Something must have healed somewhere, which is obviously good, but I have to knuckle down and finish the work. I have the impulse to listen to some children's music and move quietly around in my office to the music. My shutters are closed but they're at a bit of a weird angle which might mean somebody can see my movements a bit and that's putting me off. But it's probably the only thing to get me working again. So I suppose I'll risk it. Or I'll have to. Got to do something about this blockage. Acting on this kind of impulse (moving to music) is healthy.

[sanmagic7]

i also like doing something physical between doing brain work kind of stuff.  i hope you took the risk and it ended up being pos. for you.  love and hugs, blueberry.

[Blueberry]

I took the risk and near the end of the music I started EFT on "I don't have to be perfect and nor does my translation" and yawned like crazy. Despite the rumour in some therapy circles that the brain doesn't take "not" on board, my brain obviously did because I started realising which bits of terminology I can accept and leave as is and not push myself into doing more research in case they're not 110% perfect.