Deep Blue’s searching for balance journal

[Jdog]

 

[sanmagic7]

   sending love and peace.

[Deep Blue]

Thanks San and Jdog,
I took care of myself and felt much better this morning.
——————————————————-
What a day! I'm exhausted!

Yesterday I didn't go to work because I had to take my son to the eye doctor.  He has had eye problems ever since he was a baby.  He's 4.5 now and he wears glasses and had eye surgery about 1.5 years ago.

He was good at the appointment but unfortunately his eyes are not doing so well.  His vision is weaker in both eyes.  He has more drifting of one eye and an additional surgery may need to be done.  Back to patching an eye for 4 hours a day    there's that trigger again.  My son's health isn't within my control.  Ugh.

Today school was rough.  A girl and a boy have some sort of drama going on with them and they seemed to have roped many of the other students into it.  It's a mess and I just heard about much of it today.  I had to send 3 down to the office to tell "their side" of the story.

I went to speak with the principal about what I can do on my end.  He said ignore it.  He said if I rearrange seats or change their schedules or anything it causes their lies about each other to gain power.  Ugh I hate drama! I said ok, but honestly I'd rather just move their schedules.

Good news is, I'm home and am not as charged as when I first had to go talk to the principal. Deep breaths and more self care. 

[Jdog]

Blue-

First, sorry to hear about your little boy and his eyes.  Not fair at all!!  And sorry this is causing you to be triggered.  Your self care sounds spot on.

In regards to the school situation, I am confused as to why changing students' seating is not ok with your principal.  It seems to me that you want to make a more peaceful environment for everyone, not just those directly involved.  Isn't our job to protect the majority and act in the best interests of most of our students, just the same as we also protect the minority against the tyranny of the majority?  But I know that you have to respect the direction given by the administration.   

Take care and yes, tomorrow is surely a new day.

[Wattlebird]

Hi deep blue
Sorry bout your sons eyes, my daughter has had 4 eye surgeries the first was a 3 mths the last at 4, she also had patches etc she wore her glasses to she was 8 and then again from 20 on, it's so hard to see them go thru this, all my best wishes for successful surgery or even a better no-surgery option. They always let me stay right there with her in surgery until she was under and when she awoke which was great, hopefully they let you do that too, reduces the chances of a traumatic experience for the poor kids. Her eyes are so much better now, only minor drifting when she is sick or very tired.
Sounds like your principle can't be bothered about the kids in your class, how annoying.

[Deep Blue]

Jdog,
Yeah my principal is a man and seemed to take the boy's side in the drama.  I know the other people are girls, but I also know I've sent them to the counselor many times.  Principal said they were being annoying AP kids... I disagree but in my experience bad things happen when u disagree with our administrators.  Teachers who complained last year have schedules they hate this year.  So I'm going to keep my head down and just let him pull the strings on this one.

Wattlebird,
Last surgery was for both eyes and they didn't allow me to stay with him.  The hardest part was the amount of double vision he had post surgery.  About 2 weeks of not wanting to eat... ugh, so yeah, thanks for understanding

[Jdog]

Too bad that the characteristic of being a male administrator makes someone blind to the larger picture.  I would hope for better, for all concerned.  But probably good to keep your head down as you say.  I have been crossways with an admin team before, and not because of anything I said or did.  Just happened to fit a disfavored demographic.  I am glad to have that in the past. 

Take care of yourself, friend, and thatbcute little kiddo too!

[Deep Blue]

Jdog,
I wish it wasn't a male female thing but I'll for sure keep my head down on this one.
—————————————————-
Frustrated with my husband this evening.  He's so clueless about mental health.

He read some article today that he was raving about.  It claimed that an all meat diet cures this girl's depression.    I hate that! It's like saying that my depression and anxiety is all in my head!!!!!!!

THIS is why I don't tell my husband about my traumas or my CPTSD.  I feel so alone

[Jdog]

Oh, darlin Deep Blue-  I'm sorry you are dealing with your husband's cluelessness around MH issues.  If he had ever had depression, he would realize that this article is completely bogus.  Humbug. 

People actually do learn, change, and grow and he may do that.  It often takes knowing someone with MH issues for someone to adopt a more enlightened view.  Not meaning knowing about you, particularly.  But learning that a buddy has depression or Cptsd  or another issue may wake him up.  Never can tell.

Meanwhile, hang in there.

[Deep Blue]

Thanks Jdog,
Did I mention his sister was hospitalized for her mental health? Yeah... still he's clueless.  He even said that if she lost weight she would be happier 

[Jdog]

Oh, boy.  Sorry to hear all of that.

Much love.

[Wattlebird]

Hi deep blue, how annoying is this attitude, I've run into it as well, my hubby has had very similar views and has recently actually suggested the all meat diet for me, yeah, he and a couple of friends were discussing another friends poor attitude to her depression, "why doesn't she get off her bum and go to the gym, she would feel so much better" argh. I tryed to explain her side but they had no concept.
One thing though, I've been giving hubby books on bpd, so he can understand my d and myself better, now he agrees that he has no concept of what is going on, just yesterday he mentioned how he thinks simplistic answers should fix it but he really doesn't understand what is going on in our heads and that they don't really help at all.   
So there's hope, but it took time.

[sanmagic7]

dearest db, it sucks that your hub will not, cannot, whatever is holding him back from seeing the mh picture for what it is.  that simplistic stuff used to annoy me no end when my hub would throw 12-step platitudes at me, expecting that they would fix everything. 

so very sorry that you feel so alone even while living with someone.  that sucks, too.  i get it that someone may not understand (i don't understand all my d's anxiety problems) but that doesn't mean they have to dismiss/deny that something is going on that distresses you - or anyone else.  we're distressed - we need to be gathered in, reassured, soothed, and comforted. 

clueless, yeah, but it's too bad he won't look into it (like with the obvious sister thing going on), learn about it so that he can be supportive.  my heart is with you, sweetie.  maybe, as wb says, something will eventually click.  i hope so for your sake.  sending love and a hug filled with strength and compassion.

[Deep Blue]

Wattlebird,
Thanks for the reassurance.  Yes, time.  I have time.  Baby steps I guess.  I like the idea about giving him some books.  Honestly, it's like pulling teeth to get him to read a book but Sceal suggested a couple articles.  I think that's much more doable.  Thanks Sceal  Now to find the right article 🤔

San,
Is it weird that my husband has never even seen me have a panic attack? I get many of them in the middle of the night but he's a heavy sleeper.  Is it also strange that you have gathered me up and soothed me more than my husband ever has? This whole forum has picked me up when my husband has been clueless to my struggle.

[Three Roses]

Oh DB I completely understand this kind of frustration. My husband also thinks everything can be cured with diet. It leaves me feeling frustrated in that I am not able to explain myself adequately, I feel isolated and minimized by his remarks. Standing with you in this, dear DB.