starting over

[sanmagic7]

DF and NK, thank you for your care.  the smoke is gone for now.  

it's 5:30 a.m., i slept for 1 1/2 hrs. earlier, now i'm sitting here playing games, typing here, keep asking myself 'can i go to sleep yet?' but something doesn't allow it.  i'm fighting with getting the temp in my room comfortable, worrying about the extra money for the a/c, then it's too cold, it's warmer in here than outdoors, why this room is so warm to me, i don't get it.  no air flow at all, my feet are too hot then too cold then back and forth, same w/ legs, pull the covers up, aaah, feels good, then w/in 5 min., i'm too hot, too many covers.  this is driving me freakin' nuts!

docs are on my mind, i told my D today i think she should get a new doc, she's asked for help, to write her a note saying she can't work cuz she's too tired all the time, doc told her she didn't do that kind of thing.

i got so pissed!   and i think part of my not being able to sleep is a hangover from that.  my D did say that she's thought of that, when she goes in next time, she's gonna ask again, and if there's still a 'no, i don't do that', my D is gonna tell her that she will have to find a different doc who will help her w/ this.

my D's brain goes on and on - the amount of thoughts that run thru her mind in ten minutes, she's told me, given me a 10 min. example of all the things she's thought of in that amount of time, and i just went - no wonder you're so exhausted all the time!  your mind gives you no rest whatsoever!

i was exhausted just listening to her.  and now i can't sleep.

[Desert Flower]

That's a tough spot, San, being exhausted and not being able to sleep. I hear you. It's what stress does to us. And it's an awful lot you're dealing with, it would take it's toll on anybody.
I hope you can have a rest at least, take it easy if possible, if sleep won't come. 

[sanmagic7]

DF, thank you.  you said exactly what i needed to hear.  i fight to fall asleep!  that's not conducive to rest, either.  the reminder to rest if nothing else really helped. 

[Desert Flower]

 

[sanmagic7]

yay, DF!  love you cheering in my corner! 

rest, yes, rest.  i'm writing this here to help it get into my brain so it will stay there and i won't forget about it.  so important.

took extra meds last nite and they really helped me get to sleep, sleep deep, which was good.  unfortunately, when i woke up this morning, i mis-read the clock.  thought it was 8:45, and yeah, that meant a good nite's sleep.  after i decided to be 'up' cuz it was late enough, it took a few minutes to realize it had only been 6:45!    what a goose!  so, i'm still tired cuz i could've gone back to bed but didn't - we had grocery shopping to do, and i had to take a shower, do my hair,    all that before we leave, so i thought it was time to get up and get going.  i don't want to make that mistake again!

i was    about it for a while, then decided to just  and call it a day.