Tee's first journal

[Tee]

Thank you sceal I'll have some tea 

[Blueberry]

Sitting with you Tee 

[sanmagic7]

tee, have you ever visited the healing porch here on the forum?  it's a beautiful, magical place where we often go when we need a break, need to find our footing again, or just want to rest for a bit.  here's the link  https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=11166.0.  you can find it under Community Corner/Creative Expressions/Other.  i've used it many times, and it's always been helpful when i'm feeling   , 

sending you love and a hug filled w/ lots of support and stability and rest,

[Tee]

So my tornado spins on.  Was on a big high earlier, because my information has been passed on to three hiring managers two of which are the mental the health tech positions and one is a secretary.  So what's wrong with me?😖😥

Today also starts my vacation I'm spending the night with my daughter at my aunt's house who is the only family that's been supportive and understanding and taken my side.  I'm sitting on her couch shaking half dreading the "fun day tomorrow" we are going on a boat, after painting pottery. Both are things I like to do but I'm not sure what wrong with me I'm not in a good place. 😥

Then when we get home tomorrow evening I have to pack myself. and then make sure everyone else has everything for our week long vacation. That we are suppose to leave for on Sunday morning.  I really just want to curl into a ball and disappear.

So many things are suppose to be good right now. I don't know how to stop the crap in my head so I can enjoy it.  Right now the shaking is kind of freaking me out. 

[sanmagic7]

 

i hope you're able to enjoy your vacation, and good luck w/ the job.  i don't quite understand what you wrote about the hiring managers and what's wrong with you.  maybe it just matters that you know.  as far as i know, nothing's wrong with you.

keep taking care of you as best you can, tee, ok?  sending love and a gentle hug.

[Tee]

Thank you san
We have a big HR department the your stuff has to get through and the managers of the different departments actually have final say over who they hire of the applicants that HR gives them. So I made it past HR which is good. And I should be the what's wrong with me comment was just that I'm not.  I'm still really struggling even though good things are happening. I feel like
I've been waiting for vacation with my family and I am so low right now I'm not sure how it's going to go.

[sanmagic7]

sweetie, as you probably know, this journey has its ups and downs no matter what might be happening in our lives, pos. or neg.  it sounds like you're going thru a rough spot.  do you think it could be an EF? 

one foot in front of the other, one step, then another.  i'm glad you shared about this here - i don't have any words of wisdom, but i can send you a hug filled with caring and support.  possibly as you actually go on vacation, leave the real world behind, you'll begin to feel better.  the anxiety and anticipation of this job application process is a big one.   maybe this break w/ your family is coming at just the right time.

hang tough, tee.  we're hanging right beside you.  love and 

[Tee]

Thank San
I guess it probably is an EF.  I'm new to understanding and I identifying the EF?

just don't know what do about it.

[Blueberry]

Tee, you could try Pete Walker's EF management: http://pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm  It's perfectly OK if you just manage Step 1 (or even no steps - it might not be the correct method for you).

Or what I try to do sometimes is think of and do the easiest manageable activity that's beneficial for me and then go from there. That could be coming on here to read around and posting; wandering into the garden to see what's growing and to smell some flowers; washing a few dishes (that often turns into more dishes); even going back to bed with a book or a crossword puzzle. You might well have totally different examples.

Or you could just remember to keep breathing and that the EF will probably pass on its own in time. Though I can't tell you how long it might take to pass.

[Hope67]

Hi Tee,
I hope you're managing to cope - it's hard to negotiate the way through EF's, but the information that Blueberry has passed your way - from Pete Walker is helpful - I hope it will help you - and whatever you do to cope, I wish you the best with it.
Hope 

[Tee]

I'm trying it's hard to take care of me right now. I'm just so tired of everything. thanks everyone for your hugs and support.

[Tee]

Well on vacation with my kids and husband.  Going to try to make some good memories.  Still really struggling and having to fake a smile at the moment. 

A the great Wolf Lodge for 3 days with a 11 and almost 7 year old it should be a blast.  Just trying to stay in the present.

Wish me luck that I can let the done of the EF fade so I can enjoy the joy my kids are having.  Off to the pool.

[sanmagic7]

very much good luck be with you so you can enjoy all this.  sometimes we do 'fake it till we make it' kind of thing, but you never know - it might become real after all.  staying in the present sounds great.  enjoy!  love and hugs.

[Deep Blue]

You are not alone,
The EFs have hit me on vacation before too.  Fake it till you make it right? Hopefully you won't have to take that smile much longer.  Hopefully you can enjoy the vacation and make memories as you say.

[MoonBeam]

Sending some peaceful, calming thoughts your way Tee. Hopefully the sun breaks through the clouds and the warmth will spread and the moments will feel good and bring joy.