The ramblings of an abused kid (trigger warnings galore)

[GoSlash27]

And *now* I'm worried.
 I have all of my memories intact going all the way back to age 1. These memories of age 3 haven't been erased like they should've been. They're still in there under wraps, waiting to burst forth.
 And now that I know what happened, they will begin to flood out.
 15 months worth.

[GoSlash27]

 Disturbing snippets from the file...

" 7/8/74 (Slashy) has either a hearing problem or is mentally slow. (redacted) is uncertain, but believed he was to be tested for evaluation (redacted) did not know where testing was to be done."
 How awful was my experience that they found me in that state?? I would have to have been catatonic!!

" 8/21/74 According to to Mrs. Homind at Lawnvue Acres, (Slashy) is also doing very well. There has been no bed- wetting with (Slashy), although, as with other children who were out of diapers, he has awakened once or twice in the night and taken to the potty. He seems to be in good health and is toilet trained. (Slashy) speaks a great deal, and he is difficult to understand."
 My clear baritone delivery and deliberate, perfectly clear diction was a hallmark of 2 year old Slashy. My dad used to relate the stories of me doing it and I remember it vividly from my end. "Daddy? I didn't say I was thirsty, I said I was hungry". I was so messed up I had a speech impediment??   

"This case became known to CWS when (mother) abandoned her children and (father) took over their care and placed the children in his home under the care of (Miss Pat), a long time client of CWS whose children had all been placed by CWS, all but one in institutions. This was a very inappropriate placement which occurred in approximately September of 1974."

 I have exactly one evening's memory of Miss Pat, which I have related previously. Yes. "Inappropriate" is putting it mildly.

[GoSlash27]

 And so the new timeline is as follows:
 -Everything correct up until hiding in the motel.
 -Mom ended up imprisoning/ neglecting us in a 2 bedroom apartment.
 -Mom abandoning us with a good caretaker
 -Caretaker can't afford to keep us, gives us to CWS.
 -I arrive in the shelter (McIntyre/ Lawnvue Acres) catatonic, then with a speech impediment.
 -Released to the care of my father and grandmother
 -Grandmother falls ill, left in the care of "Miss Pat". Abuse.
 -Bounced between mother (neglect/ imprisonment) and "Miss Pat" (abuse).
 -Abandoned by mother, left with Miss Pat.
 -CWS called.
 -Subsequent timeline correct, but a year out of date. McIntyre Shelter, Foster home, reunited with mother, brother, and grandmother.

 Everything in orange was edited out, the ends spliced together.

[NarcKiddo]

(Slashy) speaks a great deal, and he is difficult to understand.

There is an alternative interpretation, Slashy, which is that the content was difficult to understand as opposed to the delivery. It is possible that you were referencing things they knew nothing about or did not make sense to them at the time? Or that as you came out of the catatonic state you arrived in your content was jumbled? Just throwing this in there in case it helps as you work through this.

Sending you love and support as you process all of this.

[TheBigBlue]

Reading this, I want to share something from my own history - not to compare or interpret, just to put it alongside.

I was also mislabelled as mentally retarded and speech-impaired as a child, and I was hospitalized for enuresis (bedwetting) at age 8. Those labels were treated as facts, not as questions. No one paused to ask what was happening to me, or whether I was okay.

Today, I'm high-functioning - I'm a professor - and when I finally understood what happened to me, including the harm those labels and interventions caused, I grieved deeply. Not just for the pain itself, but for the absence of curiosity, care, or protection. The failure wasn't in me; it was in a system that explained symptoms instead of listening to a child.

I don't have a neat conclusion. I just wanted to name this here, because what you wrote touched that place very clearly for me.
(if that's okay)

[GoSlash27]

 I tracked down my foster parents' house back in 1975 and was able to see it from street view. 
 That was the first place where I felt safe and loved since "Hingepin Manor". My heart just about burst seeing it again!

 And now I'm off to '80s throwback night. cheesy '80s movie with poutine, then roller disco.

 I'm spending the rest of this day happy in the moment.