Activating myself

[Blueberry]

I've decided that for the moment activating myself seems a good step to try for. It could be a fairly low-key activity. Often it would undoubtedly be sensible and useful to try for a physical activity, even though that too can be very low-key. Not exercises, not sport but just e.g. bringing the communal wheelie bins back in and gritting the frozen drive, as I have done this morning.

Other examples will be in my Recovery Journals (beneficial things, concrete things, the easiest activity among beneficial activities etc.) What I have also done this morning is start cleaning up in the kitchen, which is very overdue. But I have started.

[sanmagic7]

and congrats to you, blueberry, for starting.  that's the first step for everything, isn't it?  i like the idea of 'activating'.  it's not a passive word at all, and i think that speaks to a change in mindset somehow.  best to you - one step at a time, ok?  love and hugs

[NarcKiddo]

Good for you.
 

[SenseOrgan]

But I have started.

Small things can be big. I hope that makes sense. 

[Armee]

 

Welcome to a new journal and a promising new approach! I agree that with dissociation activation is so much a huge huge key. I wonder if singing is an activator for you?

[Blueberry]

But I have started.

Small things can be big. I hope that makes sense. 

It does, yes, thank you!

Somehow I didn't even realise that I put this on Recovery Journals! But that's good because I retain more of the "just for now, just for today, just for 24 hours" sorta thing. In my mind, it was more a thing for Lent rather than my doing an act of kindness to myself every day, which I have done in other years.

Now with trying to activate myself in some way daily, it feels like I'm adding something rather than restricting myself. Restricting myself feels triggering and is just not easy to do for a week never mind the whole of Lent.

[Blueberry]

I agree that with dissociation activation is so much a huge huge key.

Thanks for the validation! I hadn't even thought of that, in so many words. (Thank you for giving me words for what's going on within me.)

I wonder if singing is an activator for you?

If I were to sing, even just a line or two or a snatch of something, that would definitely be a form of activation. So would going to choir practice or even church. Singing is not easy atm, not sort of dropping into my lap sort of thing. Yesterday an exercise from voice lessons suddenly dropped into my mind, so that was something I suppose.

I'm not sure what your question means though. Are you wondering if I were to sing, if that would further activate me? I don't know about that, for the moment it would be putting the bar too high and in a way it would be kind of sneaky and likely to set off an inner child/teen making one of them feel coerced. I don't want to wake up anything like that atm.

[HannahOne]

Hooray for activation! 
I've recently joined a gym while doing PT and it is making a big difference. Being grounded in the here and now, the body, while music plays, and with others in the same space. Here's to forty days of active living!

[sanmagic7]

blueberry, i like the thought of adding something to your everyday rather than restricting something.  something positive seems much more productive to me (regardless of the religious meaning behind the act of self-sacrifice) at this stage of recovery.  in my mind, the powers that be, so to speak, would look kindly on someone adding something healthy to their lives, be it physical, mental, emotional.  just my thoughts, and no blasphemy intended.  love and hugs

[Blueberry]

Hooray for activation! 
I've recently joined a gym while doing PT and it is making a big difference. Being grounded in the here and now, the body, while music plays, and with others in the same space. Here's to forty days of active living!

for you HannahOne

For me, activation is a little more low-key...

P.S. Hannah, there's also this thread https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16309.0 which is a follow-on from https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16116.0  It's a big forum and helpful threads quickly get lost if not used regularly / bumped. I have no objection to your chiming in on my thread and maybe you don't even need a communal thread like those I've linked, maybe not an issue for you at all, if so just ignore.
I even find it useful myself to go back to old threads, re-read and discover new aspects to my own recovery, which often happens when I link a thread for others

[Blueberry]

So, remembering ACTIVATION is what finally got me out of bed and doing something this early afternoon. It's a different way of motivating myself, using a different term. And to do something active or even semi-active. To do something more with my body than my mind or my psyche. So not to head to my computer first thing and do my duolingo.

No, instead I lay on the floor and did some stretching type exercises. I let them flow from one to the other too, allowing my body to move as it would. One totally new one in there that is possibly not really healthy even, without lower back support, but something in me (a Part?) was inspired to move my legs that way. Later when I was back on my feet, I thought I should do some arm exercises maybe. (There's that should again.) Arms stuck (emotionally) so did shoulder circles instead. Activation. Better than not doing any body movement. A bit later I remembered to do some hip rotation while waiting for the kettle to boil.

So, activation off and on throughout day.

blueberry, i like the thought of adding something to your everyday rather than restricting something.  something positive seems much more productive to me (regardless of the religious meaning behind the act of self-sacrifice) at this stage of recovery.  in my mind, the powers that be, so to speak, would look kindly on someone adding something healthy to their lives, be it physical, mental, emotional.  just my thoughts, and no blasphemy intended.  love and hugs

I'm certainly not understanding any blasphemy in there, san!
I heard at an ecumenical Ash Wednesday service a few years ago that giving up something for Lent is a way to get closer to God and not a way to lose weight or otherwise improve your physical health etc etc. So I'd say even deciding to say a prayer every day or going back to church once a week could be part of one's personal Lent (if you're Christian-leaning obviously.) For me, activating myself atm is a support for anything religious/spiritual. I won't pray lying in bed, I'll just doze off, so whatever gets me out of bed, even if I'm just remembering ACTIVATION, and gets me doing something as opposed to just thinking/writing/reading (tho that does have a place e.g. on here but not as first priority) may help me on towards something low-key spiritual/religious: watch Youtube church service and join in; sing hymns with my CDs; sing mantras with or without my CDs; go to a church service even, which always does me good in some way.

[Armee]

Such a brilliant strategy! 

Apologies for my question about singing if it stirred anything up!  I remembered it being something mostly joyful for you which is why I asked if it would "count" as something activating. But what you are saying about being coercive to younger parts makes sense!

I'm so impressed with your new strategy. 

[Blueberry]

Apologies for my question about singing if it stirred anything up!

No worries, it didn't! In fact, I think things don't tend to come up anymore just because something is written on the forum (unless maybe something that obviously needs a huge TW for everybody or something CSA...) so that would speak to more stability and less reactivity in me, which is good to state the obvious.

You're right, singing plus mantra chanting can lead to feelings of spontaneous joy in me. Also some Parts react well to 'music from the past' e.g. nursery rhymes or music/songs from one of my home countries.

_______________

So, back to activating myself: I was considering going into town centre maybe in a 'should' kind of way, but it's raining and I don't want to cycle or walk so thinking: What Else Could Activate me physically for a bit? And remembering that being a little strict with myself in just following certain guidelines (activation!) can be kind.

[NarcKiddo]

  Doggy is probably TOO activated but in terms of emojis he seemed like the most suitable. Sending you good thoughts as you mull your new strategy.