the next step

[sanmagic7]

TBB, thank you for all your insight and support.  it means a lot.  when i mentioned being sensitive, i think it came from a place of having neg. experiences w/ too many other T's, including the first one, an NPD T who damaged me badly, so i'm now quite sensitive to what i expect from a T towards me. it's actually trauma trigger stuff.  i also appreciate your validation for my feelings. 

So, i've been thinking about what to write.  my first draft was full of venom, wanting to point out everything i thought she did wrong.  the next draft was toned down quite a bit, but it felt good to get that crapola out of me in the first one. a few more feelings have since been recognized, including feeling unsafe.  that's not a good one to have starting out w/ a T. 

i'm probably going to send the email this morning to her.  it'll be quite short - oooh, another feeling showed itself - disappointment.  very disappointed this didn't work out and that she couldn't let go of her IFS agenda even for one session.  my body is speaking to me like crazy now, feelings of fear, frustration, and something else are all making themselves known.  didn't know i had so much of this going on inside me!  but, it's a step forward to recognize them, know they're there.

TBB, you mentioned something about 'this hurt'.  this is the second time in just a couple of weeks, it seems, where someone brought up the idea of feeling hurt by something that happened or was said.  honestly, both then, and when i read this the other day, the idea of being hurt never came into my picture.  never felt it.  thanks for pointing this out.  it's helpful for me to recognize, even when i don't feel it.

[SenseOrgan]

oooh, another feeling showed itself - disappointment.  very disappointed this didn't work out and that she couldn't let go of her IFS agenda even for one session.  my body is speaking to me like crazy now, feelings of fear, frustration, and something else are all making themselves known.  didn't know i had so much of this going on inside me!  but, it's a step forward to recognize them, know they're there.

Jetzt geht's los! [sorry, this works best in German] 

Life is writing poetry. You've got your money's worth with that one session. Perfectly delivered. And received.