Papa Coco's Recovery Journal

[Hope67]

 

[Papa Coco]

I'm really glad I found these Binaural meditations when I did, because I really need them now, and they are helping me to connect with a more peaceful sense of calm energy.

My family is struggling. My kids are struggling. If I didn't have the OOTS forum, my therapist, and the tools I have been able to connect with, I'd be in pretty bad shape right now.

So, as I'm dealing with the chaos of human life, and of trauma life, I'm also connecting with the peace of the meditations. I do one each morning, another after lunch, and I go to sleep with one each night.

This morning, during my 40 minute meditation I thought of how there are three ways to propel forward. 1) Incremental Propulsion: A bird flaps its wings, both wings at the same time propel it up and forward, but then the wings stop propelling so they can recoil for the next "flap." Why doesn't the bird fall to the ground at the end of each downward flap? Because of the momentum it achieved with the flap. The momentum gives it a chance to recoil and get ready for the next flap. The momentum keeps it moving while it readies for the next propelling flap. 2) Continuous Propulsion: A jet engine needs no recoil. It burns fuel and provides constant propulsion. But, momentum is still a part of it. Most airplanes can fly for a little while if the engine shuts off. A 767 can fly for up to 18 minutes after it runs out of fuel. 3) Alternating Propulsion: The third way I think of how propulsion works is the two legs of a person walking. Each leg does like the wings of the bird. Each leg propels us forward incrementally, then recoils for the next step. The bird flaps both wings at once and then recoils both at once. But the legs of a person take turns propelling. We're like half bird, half jet engine. Momentum isn't as needed when we walk, because one leg or the other is always pushing us forward.

My meditations, for now, are like the flapping of the wings. I go up and forward three times a day. The momentum of what I get from the meditation keeps me moving forward, but, like the bird, if I stop flapping, I'll fall back down to the earth. Momentum between "flaps" only lasts for a little while.

Posting on the forum, or participating in any therapy, are also like the bird's wings. I sometimes wish I could see my therapist every day, but I've learned that the two-week intervals between sessions gives me enough momentum to keep moving forward, while the true healing happens in the two weeks where I practice whatever I learned in the session.

I guess the healing happens during the moments between propelling flaps. Sometimes I think that true peace is found in the space between past and future and in the brief silence between words or the pause between inhales and exhales. The clutter of life is deafening, but between each and every breath is a moment of silence and peace.

My goal for today is to try and anchor myself to the silent moments between the words and the empty space between the flaps of the wings.  Chaos and clutter are happening all around me, but so is the peace between each flap of the wing. Maybe, if I keep focusing on those moments of recoil, I'll connect better with the peace that's happening between each flap.