I Am

[Blueberry]

   reading both your journals there's a whole lot going on internally for you atm. Also sounds like big, deep EF. I've been there recently too due to the depth of trauma processing I'm doing. Hang in there, it does get better, there will be little glimmers on the horizon.

I don't think I've managed to write on your journals much recently but I have been reading. I was proud of you for going on the walk and writing about that as I was totally incapable at the time myself.

As someone with Parts and also pains and sensations that communicate what's going on internally, I'm heartened to read about Left Hand.

[NarcKiddo]

 

 

[Chart]

 

[Bach]

I'm in a flashback and I overstimulated myself with physical and somatic exercise because my body is so unbearable to be in right now.  I did those exercises sort of frantically because I had such a strong urge to try to "fix my mistake" (an interpersonal communication that I didn't handle well), which would 100% have made the situation worse.  The exercises did conquer that urge, but the flashback is still happening in my stomach and I have to just tolerate it for now because I must neither overpush the buttons nor automatically turn to a pill.

[Chart]

Bach, my experience is that somatic work can very easily be triggering. And sometimes violently triggering... I've been working with vagus nerve and parasympathetic stimulation for two years now. For me it's working. Here's a good introduction if you're interested:
Pradip Jamnadas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irn3cFHmK-Y

Just a suggestion, ignore it you don't think it's a good idea for you.
 

[NarcKiddo]

 

[Chart]

Bach, I'm just re-watching the video I linked above. I just want to say that it's FULL of information, and often he doesn't go into details or general info about certain subjects he's discussing. I first saw this video about eight months ago (sortof guessing the time-frame) and I'm realizing that with this second viewing of the video, AND the direct experience I've gained over the past couple years doing vagus-nerve work and seeking to stimulate my parasympathetic nervous system, I'm only now truly understanding what is being discussed and talked about. I also have irritated bowel syndrome, an inguinal hernia, and right-arm tendon-muscle pain. I've had all these things for decades (excepting the hernia, which I got the same month I discovered Cptsd , and am only now fully understanding how all these things are inter-related and how the vagus nerve is effected and effecting... Hope that makes sense. I guess what I'm saying is that this is a big complex thing and it's taken me time to "figure" it all out... or some of it out... I'm still learning. But, for the past two years this has been the most impactful treatment of my Cptsd that I've found. For me at least, in terms of energy and time put in, I am getting the best results from just consistent daily stimulation of my para-sympathetic nervous system. I'm definitely better today than two years ago. It's long, but it works. I plan on sticking with it.