Healing journal (tw) Angering / strong emotions

[StartingHealing]

10042025

I wonder if at the end of everything, because you know, everything passes away in this realm, will I be able to look back and honestly say that my life was one well lived?  I know there is a crap ton of things to unpack from that.  Unless the All that there is pulls off some mondo reconfigure, { which there are instances that I can point to as proof that does happen } there isn't any continuation of my particular genetics. Which honestly could be a good thing.  D is adamant in not having any kids and she's about to the age where that point is mute anyway. At the moment I do not know the "why" behind the recent push concerning legacy, any legacy that will carry forward.  Alan Watts had mentioned in one of the recordings that being here, and after the transition to something else, having been here is terribly important. Perhaps it has to do with the change in pattern that can result from one very ordinary human existence.  Then again, how does being someone that breaks the passing along of the sins of the father matter if there isn't someone else to carry forward in a new way of being?  Ironic in a not funny way.


Lots of things happening outside of me that also have a impact.  My mentor had to have emergency surgery on a eye that had already had surgery on it. She's doing well now.

 Middle sister of the adoptive family went into hospital, critical care for a while, she's diabetic type 1, and has a host of other things.  Current Doc said that because her lupus hasn't been managed properly .. [ Lupus is a type of autoimmune thing ]  she's better tho.  Lots of other drama though .. there's a child of the eldest brother ( deceased ) that .. knowing what I know now, she's some sort of PD person. Probably some form of BPD based on her behaviors.  The eldest sister, the thinking meat isn't doing to well and she and the middle sister are in the same state as is the PD person.  Yeah.  And do to things and stuff the being "family" dynamic, where sometimes family or not, toxic people need to be excluded, you know?

Other things are needing my attention.

Wishing all here all the best

[StartingHealing]

I find that putting a load of freshly ground black pepper on hard boiled eggs helps to liven them up in the absence of salt.

Found that thyme is also good on eggs   

[NarcKiddo]

  

[StartingHealing]

10-8-25

Still waiting for the coffee to get done for my first cup.  BP is 129/66. I had known that current medical attitudes aren't towards finding root cause(s) that it's " all about the chemicals baby " and also come to find out that the interactions between the 3 different BP meds is depression, agitation, general pissed off type attitude.  There's more, I figured though I'd stick with the stuff that I've been dealing with.  Not to mention that the blue light that every screen (including TV's) / most lighting LED's put out, also impacts mental health and jacks up circadian rhythm ... Fer F's sake.  And trying to find incandescent blubs for home use?  Yeah, I'm starting to think that I'm going to have to get some through non-official channels.  It's starting to be come apparent to me that "official" narrative is absolutely garbage.  ( to put it nicely ). I'd like to use stronger language however after the scripts get done it would be nothing more than a series of *******.

sigh.

Well, need to get myself put together to go to the day job.  I'm grateful for it while at the same time being totally "over" it.  Even now, with all the experience I've had with things going sideways, and for some reason I'm responsible for it getting straightened out, one would think that those instances wouldn't stick in my craw.  They still do though. 


Wishing all here all the best

[StartingHealing]

10092025

What a kick in the gut.  Older sister, middle of 3, lots of background sh-_, anyway, ended up in hospital, went sideways, will not recover, and today is when she will be going on to her next adventure. 

In addition to all this, the thoughts of how modernity is stacked, and navigating all that crap, plus prior question of a life well lived, which still hasn't been answered, then again perhaps wrong question.  Plus the how / when of the run up and EOL for my own self.

Can't be there either. 

I'd really really really like to be using a lot of different cuss words here. 

awwww dam--t.

wishing all here all the best

[StartingHealing]

Sister has moved on to her next adventure