Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Larry]

i am so dissappointed in myself right now.      no one understandse cptsd.    i try to explaine,  but even when i try....  i am having a hard itme wih people right now.   they really think they know......   they say it is ok.....     it is not ok,    i am so messed up right now.    it might never be ok

[sanmagic7]

 

[Armee]

 

[dollyvee]

Larry, it sounds like you're going through a tough time please try to be gentle with yourself. You don't have to be a certain person in relation to other people, you just have to be you and that's ok warts and all.

dolly

[Larry]

   today was a better day.   i worked all day,  only had 2 drinks on the way home from work. 
i don't know why,  but when i drink too much,  it seems like demons come out.   i don't get mean or loud,   just an emotional mess.   i pull my hair,   and get confused.   i really need to limit or stop drinking.   i don't know how to replace it. 

[rainydiary]

 

[sanmagic7]

hey, larry,

i did attend support groups when i first stopped drinking.  they helped a lot till i could get on my feet.  it's a tough journey, for sure, a very difficult step to take.  i get it.  love and hugs

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

We grew up as children in a probably chaotic household where there wasn't a way to properly regulate our emotions, so we coped in any way we could. As we got older, those ways of coping stopped working. Sending you support to find a new way of emotional regulation.

Dolly

[Larry]

   i love all  of you....    you understand,   i will find a replacement,   it might take time,   hopefully i find it before it is to late.    i still haven't called my T to make an appointment.   i want too.  i should get my schedule for april soon.   i know i need to make some changes

[rainydiary]

It's really challenging to step into the unknown.  Even if we don't like what we are doing right now, we at least feel "comfort" in what we know.  Best wishes figuring out your next steps.

[Larry]

Last few days have been good.   staying busy at work.   Hoping to have a good weekend.

[rainydiary]

 

[Larry]

i really want to drink tonight,    i am trying not too.     it is so hard to deal with things while being sober.     it takes everything i have.   it is just too easy to drink and forget..     i just want to feel normal.   i don't want to feel emotions.   
i still havent called my T.   i don't know my schedule,   it is hard to have a day to go to therapy right now.   i don't have any kind of support,  and i feel like i reallly need it right now.    i am really trying.    i don't want to fail,   or just drink my life away.   

[Armee]

It all starts with wanting something different! Each of these steps that you are going through are so important to recovery. You don't see it but you've made so much progress. Sending you luck managing through the night as long as you can without drinking. Can you watch some comedy or something to make you laugh and keep your mind off the pain? I know sometimes the pain is too much to even laugh.

[Larry]

sunday....  it is going to be a good day.   i had a few drinks yesterday,  but didn't over do it.   really trying to keep the demons away