Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Larry]

thank you armee and dolly,  i am a little nervous,  and so tired,  i didn't sleep much at all last night.  i appreciate the support,  i will be thinking of all of you today. 

[dollyvee]

I'm sorry you're nervous but it's totally normal. This is your getting to know your T time and it's a mutual finding out about who each of you are in a way. Trust takes time to build and that's ok.

[Larry]

 

[sanmagic7]

larry, i'm a therapist, i know how all this therapy stuff works, i've been with my T for 2 yrs., trust her completely, and i can still get anxious before a session even when i'm looking forward to having one.  there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling.  therapy can be uplifting, stabilizing, bring you relief, but it can also be draining, painful, and just plain hard.  it does get better as you continue to have a good relationship with your T and you feel safe during a session.  hope it goes well today.  love and hugs

[Larry]

thank you so much sanmagic !  i am trying to stay positive.  i think i am scared most about my emotions.  feeling them like this is a little new to me. 
I have to leave in 30 minutes,  i am just trying to stay busy and not think too much about it until then,  planning on going to the gym after. 

[Papa Coco]

Hey Larry,

My T reminds me that without fear there's no need for courage.  You are showing great courage to get through your fears. That courage is why you're starting to make progress. 

We can't do much to lessen your fear, BUT I hope that our support on this forum is helping bolster your courage.  You can beat this! 

[dollyvee]

this should've said *and* not but

hope it went well 

[Larry]

the session today went ok,,  not as hard and painful as i thought it would be.  My T seems to think i have a problem with alcohol.  we are taking next week off,  then starting emdr.   sometimes i think i can just do this by myself,  just work through things.  i am going to try to stick it out for a while and see what happens

[Papa Coco]

Thank you for the update. I'm glad your therapy went well today. 

My therapist did some EMDR with me several years ago, it was helpful, and, for me it was a positive experience.  It was more of a pain reliever than a pain inducer. It started bringing relief right away. Very positive for me.

[rainydiary]

Larry, thank you for the update.  I hope you find what works best for you. 

[woodsgnome]

Congrats  for enabling some therapy into your recovery journey.t can seem tempting sometimes to just branch off and do this work alone. This can sound fine, but runs the risks of not having another trusted (super important!) voice for and with you when you run into difficulties.

That's how I've always viewed the formal therapy part in all of this. It's always about my recovery, but the T joins and adds an observer sense and expert guidance to what's going on, in or out of the actual office visit. After all, we spend more time away from those in-person visits.

It's exciting to see your efforts in and out of therapy as you continue discovering better ways beyond your pain. Here's to that continuing -- 

[Larry]

i just got home.  i went to happy hour,  had a god time.   i did not over drink.  but the bartneder that was there tonihgt has seen me at my worst.  she is almost afraid to serve me.  i don't like feeling like everyone thinks i am crazy and drunk all the time.   i feel like i have been doing so good.  she is polite with me,  but i get a bad vibe.  i try not to go when she is there.     i am working tomorrow.  just trying to feel normal

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

Glad you made it through the therapy session. Like woodsgnome mentioned, T's can be a good outside opinion to what we normally experience which can help us put things we're feeling into perspective. Sometimes it can also feel like we're bring criticized for doing the best we can with the tools we were given. I used to think my T didn't like me until I voiced that and she assured me it wasn't the case.

A lot of us have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms for dealing with the feelings we didn't know how to deal with when we're younger and T's can help sort through those if it's the right fit. Sending you some support.

dolly

[sanmagic7]

 

[Armee]

I'm glad that it went pretty well, Larry with the T on Friday.

It's pretty hard to heal on our own. I mean if you think about it....and I don't know how old you are...but each of us have been trying that for most of our lives with little luck. I tried for 40 years on my own. Mostly just the "move on everything's fine" approach. It didn't work. Even now...in a lot of ways I know more about trauma treatment and dissociation than my T but I still need him to facilitate recovery. I can't do it alone. So keep on going. You deserve to have help feeling better.