Quote from: Blueberry on October 23, 2023, 10:34:03 PMThis is all interesting to me today due to progress I've been making regarding my problem feet, lots of realisations made today. It feels like a really big thing. There are so many, um, trauma problems connected to my feet. It feels like the first time that I'm finally realising that, yes, my feet problems developed mostly through emotional trauma including callous indifference to me and my pain. It's also a problem that has followed me most of my life, starting from 8-10 yo. Like cptsd, whose symptoms really got going when I was about 7yo. ...
My inpatient trauma T mentioned that your foot suddenly giving way when you walk can be caused by dissociation, I remember that now. But since the state of my legs and feet improved with physio while I was inpatient I figured that my foot problems were all down to weak muscles, bad shoes (nearly all shoes are bad for me in some way or other, even those that are mostly good and specially for people with problem feet) and my general neglect of my feet plus being physically inactive especially in EF weeks. In other words as FOO would say "it's all your own fault". Today I say "No" to that, which is big progress.
It's interesting for me to re-read this today because when my singing instructor asked me about my lower back and foot pain that is constantly recurring, I explained about general physical weakness, neglected torso muscles, not quite ideal shoes (I can't at present find any better than I have due to foot problems, tho these present shoes are better than many). I had totally forgotten as usual that there is this conversion disorder. It seems constantly forgetting may be part of the trauma?? I mean, I seem to lose my knowledge of it and any realisations I've made unless I re-read them here and manage to keep them in mind for a hour or two but then they're gone again. I particularly notice because of repeating what I've basically always heard in FOO (weak, do too little exercise, own fault ) w/o them knowing if that's even true. Even though this time I'm NOT lambasting myself, which is real progress (!), it's still taking on FOO's assumptions and in a way, FOO's bad opinion of me.