Thank you, Dolly, I'm sorry that has been your experience too. I can really relate to feeling that hyper-vigilant state of self-monitoring that is foreign to most people. Smiling eyes are the best! How messed up these creatures must be. It's mind boggling that it's difficult to unentangle from them..the need for parental love is so strong it's hard to see it's not there. And then it's hard to see when good people do love us.
I took my post down because I felt like it was too much. People don't like that. I had who I considered a close friend about a year ago pretty much dump me because I couldn't seem to "let things go" about my parents and that seemed so incredibly dysfunctional to her. I guess I'm still sad about that and when these memories come up and I entertain them, I feel like I should keep it to myself. (Even on here). PA is very triggering for me, but I also need to remember that yes these things happened, they are real, and THIS is the monster I am dealing with when my entire family is expecting me to get over myself. It's like that Diddy video that just came out. A snippet of behind closed doors came out and now he's sorry "to god" (just what my mom said), not his victim. That struck me.
I took my post down because I felt like it was too much. People don't like that. I had who I considered a close friend about a year ago pretty much dump me because I couldn't seem to "let things go" about my parents and that seemed so incredibly dysfunctional to her. I guess I'm still sad about that and when these memories come up and I entertain them, I feel like I should keep it to myself. (Even on here). PA is very triggering for me, but I also need to remember that yes these things happened, they are real, and THIS is the monster I am dealing with when my entire family is expecting me to get over myself. It's like that Diddy video that just came out. A snippet of behind closed doors came out and now he's sorry "to god" (just what my mom said), not his victim. That struck me.