Messages

 

I like this sheet on this web site. I haven't tried it but I like how basic it is.. It might be for children?  I can still see how useful this technique is!

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/TheParrot.pdf

Keep on keeping on!

Your Very Welcome! 

Keep on keeping on.

  all!

Cat You are so right on about this! You wrote:

Same here. ( I think I started feeling odd about 2nd grade.) I started feeling 'odd' when I was a teenager, mostly because I was depressed, hardly able to concentrate (food intolerance + PTSD), highly sensitive, really truly epically bad at sports, an (MBTI) Intuitive in a world full of Sensors, a writer at a time before creative-writing-as-a-hobby was invented, and unable to squee about horses or cute boys. So, if I felt different, it was probably because I was different. Depressive symptoms alone make you different enough. And of course, everyone then makes you feel like it's all just your own fault - after all, you're still a kid, what do kids have to worry about, you should just simply pull yourself together and cheer up. So you end up feeling self-conscious and ashamed. No matter how hard I tried, I never found anyone who'd ever felt the same way. Sure, some felt different, but not all the time, not with everyone.

I had what I would call My first depression when I was in 10th grade. I was so depressed that I went to school came home and slept until school the next day. I must have done this for 6 months.  Mother did worry about me enough to take me to the DR. but THEN  they did not think teens had mental illness! So, No treatment.. When I read What You went through I had to really think about it.. 

Thank You for writing this...I am so sorry Your life was so bad.. I admire You the most for Your growth! You write so many things that resonate with me! You give Me hope!    I appreciate the time You put in Your writings!

Keep on Keeping on!

  

Background info:

July 24:
UnPDSis has been living in my house for 1 year without any rent being paid, I sent her a registered letter asking her to evacuate in 60 days. She is also mad about the Notice to evacuate my house.  A 60 day notice which is quit generous.

Sept.8:

So  went and got the papers to file an eviction notice against MY uNPDSis and nephew.  I have delayed on filling them out! I tried to work it out with them texting both of them saying I am gong to evict you if You don't contact me. I did not hear anything.. I went away on the weekend and said I will be home on monday and if I don't hear from You on Monday I am going to evict You on Tuesday. (tomorrow)

I said on Sept, 25.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=160.msg1149#msg1149

I ask them (uPDSIS and My Nephew) to leave and gave them a 60 day notice to be out by Aug 31,. She has had me on silent treatment since June. I have to file the eviction notice. Very depressing how all this has gone for me. I have been putting stuff in the house to move there when I leave uNPDH. I have everything valuable in there. I am afraid she is stealing. I hate that She has used me like this. I realized that Our relationship all these years was based on ME giving and giving to her. when I started setting various boundaries then she has NO use for me. I think these problems with her has made My CPTSD worse or at least brought out NEW things to deal with...lots of FOO.

Oct, 8th:

I saw nephew out in the yard when I dropped off GC for school bus. I called him toward me and Asked Him how they were coming on finding a place to stay. He said we are trying to save money for it. I said I asked You to be out by August 31, I said I am going to go and file eviction papers tomorrow! He said "Would You really do that to Family?" I said Yes I would! Family I said.. Family does not move into a place and not pay rent. He said "why should I pay rent when the house is/was such a mess." I said I gave you 4 months of rent for the mess and that is $10.00 per hour for 60 hours and that is plenty enough to pay for You to clean it. I said family does not move into someone's  house and not pay rent. You have lived in My house for 15 months for a total of $2250. money! Family does not refuse to borrow someone a $400. loan when they owe them $1200. and are asking for money to pay their taxes and just got a settlement of $5,000. Family does not take advantage of Family. He said I never agreed to cleaning the house, No You did not but uNPDSis  did! Well I helped You some...yeah not $2,000 worth. He said well I work everyday! I said well uNPDSis is home everyday!

Nov12- today.
I goth papers in Niv 12, I will take a few weeks to get it served!  When I went to the courts they seemed to want to get it done in a hurry. The court date was Dec. 3rd. I was so afraid to go but got My self together and went. I was afraid that My Sister would be there and the things that sometimes happen in courts with PD.She did not show... I Did NOT ask for back rent even though it was her fault The plumbing did not get done. So I saved her $2,250.00. A gift. Judge gave Her 5 days to get out.

All My long time tenants and acquaintances are Mad at ME. uNPDSis started hanging around with the people she Hated the most.  She has told so many lies about ME that she has almost turned everyone against me! My Own Son is against me!He thought I should just Let her stay.    I am hurt but at the same time relieved. I really want their Drama out of My life. Really been mourning her since June, when she started to give me the silent treatment. Still Moving forward hurts! 

I am starting to get nervous, scatterbrained, etc.. They Were supposed to be out by 12/9 midnight... well they are still there!  Then One of the tenants that I used to go to church with called me (flying monkey I just realized as I typed this!  ) asking about a picture frame she wants me to give her.  I ask How UNPDS was going with Moving...She said as fast as she can.

Of course I got nervous hearing this... I am going to have to call a Sheriff to get her out! I am trying to breath deep... going through notes on here. This is going to be a major battle...She has always been so stubborn.  She changed the locks So I think I am going to have to call the Sheriff Just to get the Key!

Maybe just wanting a little encouragement or advice! A little fun to cheer me up!

Keep on Keeping on!  Keep on Keeping on!  Keep on Keeping on!   

  

Ok that is good to know! I am getting ready to post about My Sister 

keep on keeping on!

Hi Anne:
You wrote in Blue:
My mother had and has loads of friends, but if I got friends she would take them over from me and make them talk to/ like her more.

That is a common thing with NPD people. It is called triangulation. I can give YOU examples in My life.

My Sister would NEVER let me get close to MY nephew. She'd always hog the conversation even talking over him, ignoring him in the conversation. Lately she'd been Saying "Why does everyone always interrupt me?" When really She just doesn't pause in her conversation!

My uNPDH talks over me, cuts down what I say, tells me what I say is not appropriate, or he does not want to hear it.. I had GF's before we met... and either he did not like them or he really did like them and slept with them.  So, I quit even trying to socailize.... that helped him because he was so jealous anyway. Now he isn't so much anymore...

She stopped me from going to social things at school for fear of me getting into drugs or getting s.a like she had been good intentions for that. Because she kept me at home so much I never got to socialise as a teenager.

My Mother was/is shy... I think she did that because of her shyness. I also think that it was easier for HER to parent when we were under her feet all the time. I do think that is wrong. I think that Children should be taught how to socialize by being with others.

I physically couldn't speak when I was out for some reason. Now in social situations I feel very different, people see me and come up to talk very normally and on good days I can feel they don't find me different.

I do not think that I could socialize very much until I found Myself being a Hairdresser. I think that that takes practice. I either had to learn it OR go broke. (I was paid only on commission!) So, practice does help. If You can think of things that other people Might be interested in that might help You to have something to fall bad on. (to talk about)

I love people and finding out about them etc getting to know them etc but my insecurities sometimes go to the front of my mind and all I can wonder is "do they think I talk odd? Am I sounding socially normal? Is this all normal or a sign of cptsd?

I do think that cPTSD does have a lot to do with it. I can do well when I am feeling good. When I am more depressed and under the weather I have more of a problem. I have had EF's and dissociation problems in public. That does make ME feel afraid sometimes. So, I am better going out when I can control more, have ate good so I am not hungry, I have not read much on these boards so that I am more rattled, when I am working on cPTSD.

If You were bullied and victimized I do think People might notice that. I think that is why we are actually bullied in school and other areas... because we are victims we get victimized, because it is easier to see that we have been victimized.  (hopefully that makes sense!)

Practising makes it easier though. I know that in the city larger than My small one horse town they do have socialising for people with Mental illness. Like game day etc. that gives You some practice. In out patient treatment we used to go through the newspapers and look for things we might like to do to teach Us how to socialize. It helps if it is something that we have as hobbies, then we also have something to talk about.

Hopefully I have answered You question... I am quit new at this also! 

Keep on Keeping on!

I did find some videos on U tube...I have the GD's around and did not listen to them there are several for the husband to listen to... I will give You the main link!

The video that I am sending the link to is for Husbands and is religious, but the facts are good... then on the side there are many more for healing from CSA. Be careful though... don't try and watch  them too fast! 

Trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger Trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LabfE6BQ7dI

       
Keep on keeping on!

 

I only have My experiences to go by but for me I knew about it on a intellectual level, but I had not processed it on a feelings level. When I process it on a feelings level then I seem to get a cathartic release. I think It also helps to reframe it... I mean look at how the inner child felt and sooth the inner child. So many times I see it as the inner child felt it also, but by reframing it as an adult I see how the inner child was not guilty of anything. I think that relieves the inner child.

Keep on keeping on!

  marycontrary.

I am so sorry to hear You got hurt! I am glad that You will not have any lasting TRAUMA FROM IT! 

It is almost degrading when Family members do not give You support in a time when You need it. I know that it really hurts!  . There is not much we can do about how other respond to us. We can only control what responses we give to others.

I am glad though that some of You friends and family DID respond. Not that I am right for saying this...but keep them in MIND as true friends! Unfortunately as we have all learned Family does not have to LOVE US 

Take care of Yourself I hope You feel better soon! I am so glad to hear You have NO permanent damage! 

Keep on Keeping on!

Rain: 

I will miss Your thoughtful posts and You positive spirit. Bless You with Your work and may it all go well!

Don't forget Keep On keeping on!   

BeHealthy:

I am going to miss Your posts!  Hope You get time to come and visit us once in a while. 

Be sure and take care of Yourself. Do something each day for Yourself. I hope Your sister gets better!

and don't forget to keep on keeping on!    one last marquee for You! 


       

 @ Annegirl: 

Yes. if possible I think that forgiveness is the right path. I have forgiven My Mother,I think forgiveness is the healing path. I love My mother very much. I talk to her daily. I have seen so many improvements in HER life. She is 79 now. I can look at all the bad things that happened to her as well. In her path she really did improve My life compared to what her life was.  I know that is NO excuse ...Sometimes I think as I move toward healing and discuss it with her it in a side ways manner she also grows. 

I have been studying the Pine ridge Native Americans and I found this poem. I see it is a deep poem that resonates on the healing we are all doing!

IN SEARCH OF THE LOST WARRIOR
I searched for the Warrior as a child, a spirit innocent and free, but broken by people's reaction to me.
Your too small, the last one picked when we played ball.
How come you're always in the way, don't do what I do, just what I say.
Never say how you feel, do anything but be real.
The way of the church you have to learn, or in * your going to burn.
It's too bad your Dad had to die, be a man and don't you cry.
Fit into society they would scream, but in my heart beat a different dream.
Outside voices conditioned me to fail, but a voice inside said "a Warrior spirit will prevail".
I searched for the Warrior as a young man, a spirit filled with pain and frustration, fueled by anger and intoxication.
I finally believed what they said, the dream inside was almost dead.
Society had finally won, I became the prodigal son.
With no dream I lost my sight, all I wanted to do was fight.
Drugs and alcohol became my way of life, it's the only way I could cope with the pain and strife.
In relationships I could not stay, I would always run away.
In my soul I wanted to die, I no longer had the will to try.
Then God gave me a sign, it helped me quit the drugs and wine.
My thoughts had become my jail, but a Warrior's spirit said "you will prevail".
I searched for the Warrior as a man, a spirit scarred but free, made by my reaction to me.
With the pipe I learned to pray, the spirits guiding me along my way.
In the ceremonies I began to heal, I slowly began to see what was real.
To grow I needed all the pain, just like the grass needs the rain.
Now when people try to use their power and control, I just stop and pray for their soul.
When in my life love begins to fade, I just remember that soul mates just don't happen, they are made.
Not believing in myself was my only sin, that's all I had to do to win.
I now live my life by choice, and that is to listen to the Warrior's voice.
I no longer believe in the end of the trail, because if you find your Warrior's spirit, you will prevail.

by Bim Pourier

Reading the card I think that she was in denial! 

Can't PD people really make it about them? Nothing about how YOU are?

keep on keeping on!

 

I have not post much about both the relationship that I have with My husband not about My sister. Sometimes I feel it is wrong to post about the people on here that I am having problems with. I know the OOTF forum is mostly addressing these subjects. I do not post on the OOTF forum too much these days. although I do read OOTF when I am too BAD to come here!) Not because It is Not a great forum. It is! I just have to limit how much time I spend online, and OOTS is a priority for me at this time.

I also feel that to get proper feedback from the posters on here, they need to know what I am going through with People in My life. The people that are causing EF's etc, In less You posters hear about the people in My life YOU are not getting the total picture of me...I feel that You need to get a total picture of me!

So, I just wanted to get this out here for an opinion... do You like, dislike, or don't care about what we all write about our families on this section? I mean it is really NOT CPTSD AND OTHERS... ALTHOUGH IT IS OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS? Feedback please?

Keep on keeping on!