Thanks for sharing your story, too, narc kiddo. Your name brings to mind how our N step mom calls us "kiddo" when we once per year have a brief interaction with her. She can't wrap her head around her being older not meaning she is the "adult "or "the boss ". I told my dad if he wants a good relationship with me or a relationship at all. He needs to stop talking to me like I'm a child and so does she and they just go right ahead. So I've been very very low contact for quite a while.
Yes, my mom is very enmeshed with myGC sister. That's OK she can have her lol I have a good relationship with my sister or fairly good. I know there's some questionable dynamics there and to her I am at least subconsciously in that scapegoat role. She claims to support me, but really in the end. She somewhat believes my mother's narrative and somewhat believes it herself. Unfortunate.
NM more differentiated between me and my sister. Like making statements like I think this and she thinks that or I would do this and she does that. Yeah, what she thinks I'm thinking was never the case. Of course what my sister does aligns with what my mother thinks and I am the opposite. Gladly. For instance, she said she's closer to her because they have more in common. When my sister eloped for her first marriage and came home and made the announcement, my mother burst into tears, hysterically, crying, and saying that's some thing Phoebe would do, not you! In front of a room full of people. At the time I was just thinking "Yep! And you're the reason why. "But in hindsight that was pretty horrible of her to say. I actually really wanted a good relationship and a good marriage but I was too busy picking narcissistic jerks that felt like home. But anyway, I digress.
I know I have at least done enough healing and had enough distance overtime that when anybody tries to insert themselves in my brain or where they don't belong, telling me what to do or who to have a relationship with it is like extreme nails on the chalkboard and a, whether or not I say something or just back away. I was raised in a very, very high control environment, so I'm sensitive about that in the first place, but at least now I can see it is more their problem. It's easier to intellectualize than to feel though.
Yes, my mom is very enmeshed with myGC sister. That's OK she can have her lol I have a good relationship with my sister or fairly good. I know there's some questionable dynamics there and to her I am at least subconsciously in that scapegoat role. She claims to support me, but really in the end. She somewhat believes my mother's narrative and somewhat believes it herself. Unfortunate.
NM more differentiated between me and my sister. Like making statements like I think this and she thinks that or I would do this and she does that. Yeah, what she thinks I'm thinking was never the case. Of course what my sister does aligns with what my mother thinks and I am the opposite. Gladly. For instance, she said she's closer to her because they have more in common. When my sister eloped for her first marriage and came home and made the announcement, my mother burst into tears, hysterically, crying, and saying that's some thing Phoebe would do, not you! In front of a room full of people. At the time I was just thinking "Yep! And you're the reason why. "But in hindsight that was pretty horrible of her to say. I actually really wanted a good relationship and a good marriage but I was too busy picking narcissistic jerks that felt like home. But anyway, I digress.
I know I have at least done enough healing and had enough distance overtime that when anybody tries to insert themselves in my brain or where they don't belong, telling me what to do or who to have a relationship with it is like extreme nails on the chalkboard and a, whether or not I say something or just back away. I was raised in a very, very high control environment, so I'm sensitive about that in the first place, but at least now I can see it is more their problem. It's easier to intellectualize than to feel though.