The healing porch

[Elphanigh]

Thank you Wife2, and San for your loving healing help. I am still really ill, but went to work for the afternoon anyways, at home and regretting that a bit this evening. I will rest on the porch tonight with that tea from Wife2 and soup from San. Love you both dearly


I love your tree house Three Roses!

[Sceal]

I love boardgames! (With a few exceptions.)

Same! Not all are fun, but most are!

[Wife#2]

Count me in for the board games. They are wonderful distractions. I'm a huge backgammon fan. I also enjoy multi-player games of all sorts. Even Scrabble! I stink at it, but I love it all the same.

[alliematt]

Coming here so I can sit on the porch, in the shade, and take a few long drinks of lemonade. 

[Elphanigh]

I would love to play some board games too! They are the best

[Sceal]

Yay! The more the merrier for the board games

[Elphanigh]

Going to come and be on the porch today. I will lay in my favorite hammock, between my flowering tree and watch the stars. Hearing everyone else and the animals lightly in the background to soothe my worn out heart, and remind me that all will be okay.

It is a nice night on the porch, mildly weather with gleaming stars. But I have a magical heavy blanket that I can feel full of comfort and peace, that doesn't make me overly warm. The weight of it is perfect for my inner child thst is reaching out tonight, and for the adult me that is struggling with my own brand of grief and fear.

Hoping to find some peace and comfort here tonight as I try to sleep. My body needs me to find sleep and peace tonight

[Wife#2]

I'm in a place today where I need to give to others. This may sound strange, but my strong mother streak is wanting to give long, rocking, hair-petting hugs. My shoulders are equipped to be covered in tears. Soothing, comforting words are at the ready. Think of those hugs you see on TV of loving mothers comforting their daughters after a crushing breakup or failure to achieve some long-sought-after goal.

I will be here today, IRL in bits and spurts, but all day on this healing porch. Fear not that you will crush me - dainty is not in my adjective pool. I also know how to hold my fist so that you can squeeze without breaking me - squeeze as much pain out and into my fist as you need. I also own a set of fine ear plugs. These are IRL truths, so much more true on the magical healing porch.

It's a day of reaching out and allowing each of you who want this to voice the unfairness, scream if you have to. Cry the bitter, heart-deep and soul-wide pain out. Don't fear that others will be put off - this is the healing porch. Being magical, nobody will be disturbed by your truth here. Even when it's messy and loud.

[Elphanigh]

Wife2, I adore all of what you just said. I could use one of those really great hugs right now. I am not much for being overly loud but I could use a magical hug... and a shoulder to cry on for a while. It has been lonely crying by myself the last few nights.

My system is so overrun by grief and fear right now. Little me is yelling at me too and I don't know why. Would be good to have a person to let all that out to.

[Wife#2]

El, I'm wrapping you in my chunky arms, squeeze as hard as you must, you won't choke or hurt me. Let Little El get in on this hug. I'll hold and rock you until you begin to feel the release of this fear. Little El needs an outlet, I suspect. She may need to shout. That's ok. We have tea standing by for soothing sore throats after yelling and sobbing.

We'll sit over here, where you can look over my shoulder at the garden. Cry, pound my back if that helps. Yell if Little El needs to. You and she are my whole priority right now. You don't need to say a word unless you want to. Feel the warmth, love and concern for you both. Know that I'm enveloping you with this love and caring. It's always there, but today, I'm wrapping you like one of the comfort blankets. You are loved because you are loveable. You are cherished because you are worthy of being cherished. I have hope and encouragement and comfort for Little El as well.

Life has not been fair or kind. Still, it's worth living. My life would be less had you not wandered into it. Because YOU are precious and gentle and kind and full of love as well. You are worthy of being loved and cherished and honored and respected. I am thankful to have the opportunity to let you know this.

Guests of the Healing Porch - this message is for all of you, not just our sweet little sister Elphanigh.

My arms are around you, my heart is open to you. Let this out, whatever it is. There is NOTHING you can say or do that will end my love and caring for you. I don't have to like everything you do to keep loving you just as much or more today than I did yesterday. You are a precious person. That pain you feel is real, is recognized. I validate it and ask if you are brave enough to hand it to me for a moment - just so you can rest from it for a bit. If it's too scary to leave it with me, I understand. Sometimes we feel vulnerable without it, it's so much a part of who we are. Still we are not pain. We were never designed to be in pain so long. So, if you are up to it, when you have received my hugs and loving kindness, leave some of that pain behind when you get up. Shed some of that fear, if shedding it will help.

You don't have to type a word. No response is expected. Just know that I am here for you. All of you. Allowing me to be here is your gift to me and it overwhelms me that you allow it. 

[Elphanigh]

Wife2, if I hadn't been sitting in a very public place when I read that I would have legitimately cried. Thank you dear sister for all of that. I have a couple hours between my split shift today.. thankfully because I got beyond nauseous like two or thre hours ago. Need to push through it.

Glad I won't hurt you when I squeeze you in the tight hug. Little Me, and adult me both need that so much right now. I know little El needs and outlet, she is screaming at me inwardly and has been for a few days. I am not sure why. However, I have never been one to physically shout unless in a crowd where thst is the acceptable thing. Little me never learned to be loud.. even when she wanted to be. I was the quiet kid outwardly.

Thank you for reminding me I am lovable and worthy of being cherished. That makes me tear up a little, along with knowing I have added value to your life in some way. You have certainly added to mine, Wife2.

Lots of hugs and maybe some words among the tears. Trying to cleanse my soul some, and maybe figure out why little El is struggling so much under all of the adult worries.

[Wife#2]

However, I have never been one to physically shout unless in a crowd where thst is the acceptable thing. Little me never learned to be loud.. even when she wanted to be. I was the quiet kid outwardly.

This I understand all too well. It's why I enjoyed going to hockey games, or any professional sports arena - shouting is ENCOURAGED there. It was so cathartic to just go and be loud. All I had to do was make sure I didn't say 'Hurray, Opposing Team' and all would be welcomed as enthusiasm.

Thank you for the hugs, bear hugs and tight hugs. I'm a hugger, big time IRL. Being a 'peasant stock' built person means I can withstand quite a bit. A fact my son takes advantage of often.

Little El needs something and I wish I could help you identify it. I have ideas, but I'm no therapist. Just know that you and Little El are in my thoughts and welcome in my hugs. Some days, getting through them an hour at a time is asking a lot - so good on you for making it through yesterday. <big bear hug>

[Elphanigh]

Thank you for understanding. I love sports games and big concerts for things like that as well. It is cathartic to be able to be loud.

I am a big hugger irl as well, although not built to withstand a whole lot. I can do more than I look like though. Tight bear hugs are the best sometimes.

Little El does... and I really wish I could figure it out. Not having my T any more is really difficult. I can go back to her but have to have a way to get there. It isn't a thing I have right now, or will anytime soon. Your ideas are welcome, because I am coming up short. I know you are a therapist, but you understand so ideas are always welcome. Whether or not I take them always depends.

Thanks, I made it through and got some good sleep. I feel better this morning, with just some left over cold symptoms. Maybe I can deal mor with the emotional ones today.

I will be on and off of the forum today until dinner shift, but I will be on the porch all day.

[Elphanigh]

I have spent my morning sitting on the porch coloring. I have this ocean themed coloring book, and a set of 50 different colored pencils. It gives a nice variety.

It is calming adult me, and little me at the same time. I know little El needs something else, but this is helping her some. If nothing else connecting me to her a little more strongly than I was.

[sanmagic7]

will be spending the rest of the day here, and tomorrow as well.  d's surgery is mon. morning, and i'll be going there sun. nite for 3 nites.  it'll be exhausting, and i need to rest up for it.  no better place than here.  love you all.