I'm afraid of what therapy might be

[Slow River]

I am afraid of what therapy might entail.  If I have to talk about and re-live my traumatic experiences, I don't know if I want to do it.  If I had any kind of guarantee of success, then I could weigh the costs and benefits, but of course, nobody can give me a guarantee.  If, as has happened, my therapist were to dismiss my problems, or tell me that they couldn't have been that bad, or that they didn't happen, than that would be awful.

I spend a lot of time dissociating in order to blunt the pain.  I don't mind that.  I only mind that I don't function well.  I have a lot of emotional flashbacks and other things that keep me from participating in the world.  I'd like to get over that, but I only am willing to peel off the scab if I think that it will do me any good.

Can anybody give me any kind of idea what to expect from different kinds of cPTSD therapy?  Any way of telling who might be a good therapist early in a relationship?  How can I know what type of cPTSD therapy might work best for me?

Also, can I get a hug?

Thanks.

[sanmagic7]

 

more later.  just wanted you to know you've been heard.

[Candid]

Hi Slow River! 

In good therapy there would be no pressure to relive anything you don't want to talk about. It takes a while for us to trust a new therapist; before that time we're testing them.

You're so right in saying no one can give us a guarantee. It sounds like you've had some bad 'therapy' in the past, and this has made you cautious.

I too tend to numb out and shut myself off from the rest of the world, and I've become an expert at not functioning well! I understand the weary feeling of here-we-go-again with each new T... but I do think we have to keep trying.

Someone other than me will tell you about different kinds of cPTSD therapy. I know people here have had good results from EMDR, and sanmagic7 will be able to tell you about that.

As to sorting a good therapist from the chaff, I think we have to go with our gut feelings. Certainly anyone who minimises or dismisses your distress is one to walk out on. On the other hand, I've stuck with very welcoming therapists who made me feel comfortable, but that's as far as it went. A good therapist of any persuasion will challenge you while containing any bad feelings that arise, keeping you safe between appointments.

Also, can I get a hug?

Certainly! And some therapists will give you a hug, too.

[Elphanigh]

Slow River, I totally understand you concern here. First of all big warm 

Second I find that my gut knows about a therapist in about a month. It takes a while to really feel it out and open up enough to get a good sense. What also helps is look for a therapist that says they specialize in Trauma. They will know how to validate feelings, and not cause more pain. It is not a guarantee to as there are always bad seeds but it is a great place to start. If they devote their life to helping people recover from trauma it is likely they will at very least be able to care and not belittle your experience.

I am currently in EMDR with my new therapist, I went that direction because it shows such good results. However, I was told you have to be very ready to do it as it is so intensive. Maybe Sanmagic will have more of an idea though. 

[sanmagic7]

hi, slow river,

first, may i say thanks to candid and elphanigh for their votes of confidence.  very sweet, both of you. 

i am an emdr therapist, have been for over 25 yrs., and i believe in it and its process.  i go along with what the others have said about what to look for in a therapist, how a good therapist will treat you, and to go with your gut.  sometimes it's a matter of pick and choose, sometimes it's just not a good fit.  either way, if the therapy doesn't work out, it is never your fault.  i do hope you would try again.

i think one of the biggest things to remember in therapy is that you are in control of your recovery.  if it's going too fast, if there's a glitch somehow, if you're feeling uncomfortable, whatever problem might arise, you can speak up.  i don't view therapists as 'authority' figures, but rather guides who have extra knowledge about how to help you get to where you want to go.

emdr targets and utilizes the brain to help unfreeze distressing memories and the emotional punch they pack.  we have become stuck in these memories at their moment of impact, and emdr can help free us physically, emotionally, and mentally so those memories don't have the same 'charge' anymore that has been ruling our lives.   it's hard work, and can be exhausting at times, but it won't hurt you.

there is another, newer, trauma therapy that's out there called progressive counting, or PC.  it was created by an emdr therapist, and also has had very good results with resolving trauma.   

bottom line is trust and safety.  it might take some time to build trust with a new therapist, and that's ok.  trust is earned over time.  safety is something you will feel in your gut - if something feels off, you can talk to the therapist about it, see what happens.  if s/he argues or discounts you, you're probably not in the right place with the right person.  honor those gut feelings.

trauma therapy can sometimes seem to be slow going, but, as was said, a good trauma therapist is going to put your needs above everything else, and wants to make sure that you are not re-traumatized.  you can pick and choose what memories, thoughts, or feelings you want to process.  i think starting with something less 'heavy' is a good way to go, and work from there, see how it progresses, allow the process to unfold. 

a good therapist will come from a wellness place, looking for your strengths and reinforcing them.  slow river, you have survived what has happened to you, and that, to my mind, is your biggest strength.  your willingness to go after the beast of c-ptsd shows your courage, determination, and perseverance.  you have a strong spirit that is enabling you to ask for help.  you already have what it takes to continue in recovery.

unfortunately, i can't guarantee anything about a therapist you find, or how the therapy will go.  i am sorry that you've already had some neg. experiences in therapy.  so have i, to the point that my very first therapist was, i believe, npd, who damaged me through manipulation, deceit, and betrayal.  i ended up on anti-dep/anti-anxiety meds, and also reported her to our state board of licensing.   the best thing she taught me is how NOT to be a therapist!   lol!

i hope you will keep posting on your journey and, if you find a therapist, how it's going.  this has been a wonderful place for people to get feedback on  both their therapy and therapist.  i give you so much credit for being brave enough to want to give this another shot, even with some neg. experience behind you.  your experience is valid, and you are valuable. 

by the by, i am one of the therapists who give hugs.  not every t is comfortable with that, but i think pos. touch is an important part of healing.  we usually haven't gotten enough in our lives.   keep taking care of you as best you can.   i hope any of this helps.   hugs to you.

[Slow River]

Thanks, you guys.  I appreciate all the support.  It is really helping.

I saw my therapist again today, and I was more assertive, and it went better.  I still think I will probably switch to a different one eventually.  I'd like to try EMDR or maybe PC.

[Three Roses]

 

[Candid]

there is another, newer, trauma therapy that's out there called progressive counting, or PC.  it was created by an emdr therapist, and also has had very good results with resolving trauma.   

More info, please. Or does this come under the header of don't try this at home?

[sanmagic7]

sorry, candid, i don't have more info.  i've heard of it thru the emdr network of which i'm a member, looked it up online.  there's just a bit of info there that i found, but not enough to know how to do it.  i do know, however, that there is training to be done in order to become proficient, and it's only available to therapists.  just like with emdr.  no, i wouldn't advise anyone to do either on their own.   that would be something to discuss with their therapist.

[Candid]

Yes, I've seen this:

PC involves having the client visualize a series of progressively longer "movies" of the trauma memory while the therapist counts out loud (first to a count of 10, then 20, then 30, etc.).

~ http://www.childtrauma.com/treatment/pc

Candidly, I don't think anyone would have the time to count through my trauma movies. I suppose you start with the worst memory and when that falls into the dust it takes a lot of lesser stuff with it. 

[sanmagic7]

that's what i've seen as well.  i don't know how tuned into c-ptsd this is.  like emdr was first created and utilized on vets with ptsd, so it was more centered on the single trauma.  i'm guessing (only a guess, tho) that pc is focused the same way.  i don't know how it would work for multiple layers of trauma.   sorry i can't be of more help with this.  it's only a few years old, and i've been out of that loop.

[Blueberry]

Candid, pc is new to me. It might interest you though that the type of trauma exposition/processing I'm doing doesn't involve movies, it involves 'stills'. Don't know what my stuff is called in English though.
My T decided against EMDR for me, he said it would bring up too much too fast, could be too triggering and overwhelming. So presumably that's also why he decided on 'still pictures' one per session, maximum.