Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

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Hi Alliematt, first, no shame. Second, no shame. :-) I hope it's clear that that's not in any way, shape or form what "this place" is about. We're a group who tries to understand, others and ourselves. "Shame" is one of the things we struggle against and try to reduce. You don't "owe" anybody anything here. There is giving and taking, but giving is always liberating, and taking can really help. What really ends up happening is cyclical (if we really might break it down) and in the end the effects are cumulatively positive. The sum of the parts is more than the whole.

That being said, I think I know how you feel. I always feel guilt and shame when I take a break from the forum. But feeling that and being conscious of it has really helped alleviate it over the years. This forum helps me get better. So everything I "give" I get back tenfold.

I'm so sorry you're struggling. Being dependent on social services and the system not working is more than infuriating. It reduces our humanity and takes away our agency, the power we need to take care of those depending on us.

I'm not in the US for 25 years now. Similar problems occur here in France, but at the moment the US is horrifically inhuman (imo). Those suffering are those who are most vulnerable and needing support.

I have two children dependent on me and have struggled to get the necessary aid to take care of the them. The French system is quite good, but does not move quickly, is full of contradictions, poorly explained, difficult to get assistance, and does make mistakes. So not the social paradise one would dream of.

I now use artificial intelligence to help me navigate the complexities of the system. I don't know if that could be helpful for you.

Anyway, I'm sorry again for your struggles. Sending hugs and support if that's okay.