Feeling like avoiding therapy

[Sliceoflife]

I've been going to therapy for six months or so and often times I leave and feel emotional, irritable and overall bad for a few days afterwards.  My relationship with my wife and kids suffers and I sometimes feel like trying to go back to what it was like before I went for therapy, suppressing my feeling and acting like I was fine.  I know I wasn't happy like that, and it wasn't perfect, but it didn't feel as bad as what it feels like now going back over my life with a fine tooth comb and resurrecting memories from a long time gone.

Just wanted to write it out here, see if anyone else ever feels this way and how you keep working.  Sometimes it just seems like it never gets better.

[Dee]

I go to therapy for the hope of what I don't know.  I know I have yet to live, I want to live.  If it means dealing with uncomfortable and hard for a time, I'll do it.  For me there is no before, no where to go back to, only a hope of the unknown, what I think others have.  I don't know what happiness is.  It would be nice to experience that, if even for a short time.  I am willing to work for what may be the rest of my life to feel one day of true happiness.

[sanmagic7]

yeah, i think as we churn up the old stuff in order to resolve what's been hidden there, it can be very uncomfortable for a bit.  changing a way of thinking, perspective, perception, and a core belief system  means a period of adjustment.  been there, done that.  it's gotten easier as i've kept going.  i'm working at having that feeling of happiness, too.  i believe i'll find it someday, and it will all be worth it.  hang tough, sliceoflife.  we're hangin' right beside you!

[Nicole13130]

Sliceoflife I just want to say something before I share my stuff. I think in going to therapy, you are really brave. You've chosen to own this incredibly tough situation rather than let it keep owning you.

I totally understand the "therapy hangover". I've been in therapy for over a year and I still get it. Some sessions are good and some are completely draining and I need time to recover and find my footing again. My frustrations with myself sometimes come out as irritability towards my husband and daughter. I've done my best to explain to my husband that it isn't him and I let him know when I'm crashing and need some extra support or help. I also try to make a conscious effort on good days to put real focus on my relationships and role as a wife and mom by spending time with them, showing affection and telling them how proud of them or appreciative and how much I love them.
The journey to recovery certainly isn't instant and it isn't linear, but it is worth it. My biggest breakthroughs though have come talking through my darkness. In therapy I've discovered a lot about me and what works and what doesn't. At home, I've worked hard on how I speak to me. Instead of focusing on how broken I am, I celebrate the smallest of victories. (ie. going to the store alone, taking my daughter to school, sticking up for myself....basically anything that is tough on the day to day and may be taken for granted to other people). I can honestly say that the hard work is paying off because I have experienced moments of happiness again finally. Allowing yourself to feel the dark also allows in the light and I can tell you from experience that those moments are more profound than any happiness I ever felt before.

So keep working on it. You've admitted a problem, you are going to therapy, you are on a page sharing your experience with a bunch of strangers. You are a testament that you are stronger than you feel.