Help Tool for Releasing Emotions Related to Trauma

[Dwonderer]

Hello,

I'm new to the forum. I briefly look at existing topic but it doesn't appear that there is a topic for what I'm looking for. If there is one and I somehow missed it, please let me know.

I have CPTSD just recently had a therapist officially diagnose me for PTSD though I have known for awhile that I have CPTSD (just didn't acknowledge the true extend). I was abused by my family since a kid up till I was 19 and I decided to remove myself from the situation. For me, it was the best decision I've ever made. For years I made a lot of progress on my own but I missed the important part to recovery. I've never been able to grieve, feel and express sadness, anger or any kind of emotions related to traumas that had happened. In fact I rarely was able to successfully express any kind of emotions even joy.

Now that I realized how important it is to grieve and being able to feel and express emotions especially for traumas that had happened, I'm at lost on how to accomplish this. I tried to write and purposely bring myself back to the trauma but I can't bring myself to cry or feel anything. Occasionally maybe anger but even that usually comes up when I saw or listened to someone else experience not myself. The only time I can cry seems to come in outburst when someone else (may not even the appropriate person to express the emotion) was around.

I just recently started therapy however with only 1 session a week, I feel there is too long of a gap. I need tool to further help me with recovery. Does anyone have tips for this? A good book/video that list steps to grieve/feel emotions? or maybe personal advice that has helped?

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS DWonderer   

There is actually a workbook that you can use on your own, in a group and/or with your therapist.  A group of us here worked through it together last year.  I found it quite helpful as did several others and it does have specific exercises for remembering and grieving. Let me see if I can find the link and I'll post it.

[Kizzie]

OK, so it's the ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse) workbook and the links to both the ASCA website and a pdf format of the workbook are as follows:

Web site:        http://ascasupport.org/index.php
Workbook:   http://www.ascasupport.org/_downloads/survivor_to_thriver.pdf

As I recall the definitions of abuse are a bit simplistic because the workbook is older so it doesn't really capture emotional abuse and neglect as well as it could. 

[Dwonderer]

Hi Kizzie, 

Thank you for your respond. I'm going to check out the workbook you posted.

[Three Roses]

Welcome!

[Dwonderer]

Hello Three 
Thank you for the welcome

[kaji]

I tried to use that workbook several years ago and I know it would be extremely helpful for me (and all of us here who are C-PTSD!) but the problem with me is that all of the recovery tools I have found over the years end up only being used for a day or two!  I know working on yourself requires a huge commitment and alot of time (which I have) but because the C-PTSD causes so much depression, etc. it is very hard for me to stick with doing the "serious" work that the workbook requires because it makes you relive what you went through and makes me feel even more inferior and putting my symptoms in the fore-front!  I am at a loss as to how to work through the workbook!  Does anybody have any ideas that have worked for them?

[Kizzie]

Actually Kaji, just coming here and posting and seeing a T once a week is a great start.  All the little things do tend to add up over time and you may find you have more energy and focus as you go along.  For now though give yourself a pat on the back for what may feel like baby steps, but are moving you forward nonetheless.  You found a therapist and came here, that's you working on recovering      

Keep on posting and reading and going to therapy!   

[Blueberry]

Kaji, in addition to what Kizzie told you, there's this: we recover at our own pace and we work at our own pace. Even a really good, useful, well-thought out workbook written by professionals might be suggesting or seeming to suggest that you ought to move along faster than you/your soul/your body can. My experience is that I need to listen to my inner self, my soul, my body when something is incapable of keeping to whatever pace. The inability or refusal is there for a reason. I probably need to take a break, which could be several days or even weeks long or to be honest even months, or work on some other issue or do some self-soothing or inner child soothing or any number of other things before I move forward.